BUTCH THE ROOSTER

[Phil Perry]

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

 

She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

 

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

 

Sarah's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

 

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

 

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

 

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

 

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

 

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

 

Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.

 

>

 

 

[skeptic36]

Sarah goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for her chicken coop. The rooster struts over to old Butch and says, 'OK, old fart, time to retire.'

 

Old Butch replies,' come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

 

The young rooster says, 'Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over.' Old Butch says 'I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

 

The young rooster laughs, 'You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start. 'Old Butch takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

 

He's already about 5 inches behind the Butch and gaining fast. Sarah, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when she sees the roosters running by. She grabs up her shotgun and BOOM!, she blows the young rooster to bits.

 

Sarah sadly shakes her head, 'Damn,...third gay rooster I bought this month.'

 

 

[PA.]

Sarah the chicken farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster and she wants chicks badly. So, she goes down the road to the next farm and asks if they have a rooster that they would sell.

 

The other farmer says, 'Yes, I've got this great rooster, named Old Butch. He'll service every chicken you've got, no problem.' Trouble is, Old Butch the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but Sarah decides he'd be worth it. So, she buys Old Butch.

 

Sarah takes Old Butch home and sets him down in the barnyard, but first she gave the rooster a pep talk. 'I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money.

 

Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,' Sarah said, with a chuckle.

 

Old Butch seems to understand, so she points toward the hen house and Old Butch takes off like a shot. WHAM! Old Butch nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and Sarah is really shocked.

 

After that, Sarah hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Old Butch is in there.

 

Later, she sees Old Butch after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! - All the geese get it.

 

By sunset he sees Old Butch out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. Sarah is distraught and worried that her expensive rooster won't even last the night. Sure enough, Sarah goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Old Butch on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air with Buzzards circling overhead.

 

Sarah, saddened by the loss of such a colourful and expensive animal, shakes her head and says, 'Oh, Old Butch, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.'

 

Old Butch slowly opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky above and says, 'Shut it, you're scarin the fanny away.