Let's play "Pun Trivia"

[M61A1]

• But, just what do you say when comforting a Grammar Nazi?
   
   
  

 

 

There, their, they’re.

 

• Spelling is the difference between knowing your crap and knowing you're crap.
   
   
  

 

 

 

 

 

• I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
   
   
  

 

 

 

 

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

 

 

• What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil.
   
   
  

 

 

 

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on me.

 

 

[JEM]

Solicitor : Sue, Grabbit and Run.

 

 

[M61A1]

Punctuation: The difference between helping your uncle Jack, off his horse and helping your uncle jack off his horse.

 

 

[red750]

Let's eat, Grandma. Let's eat Grandma.

 

 

[facthunter]

What's this thing called , love.?. Nev

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Let's eat, Grandma. Let's eat Grandma.

Let's eat grand, Ma.

 

 

[Bruce Tuncks]

Did you know Friar Tuck had a twin they left out of the book? He was called Triar F***

 

 

[Oksinay]

When I was in Africa I played cards with the natives

 

Zulus?

 

No, I won mostly...

 

 

[kasper]

...Fish and chip shop on the edge of Nottingham Forest, "Fryer Tuck"

Or the one in Barnard Castle

 

http://www.fryer-tuck.co.uk/

 

with the added bonus of the owner being a microlight pilot - wobbly wing division ;-)

 

Very good Fish n Chips attested to by me and my waistline

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Or the one in Barnard Castlehttp://www.fryer-tuck.co.uk/

with the added bonus of the owner being a microlight pilot - wobbly wing division ;-)

 

Very good Fish n Chips attested to by me and my waistline

Thanks Kasper. . .

 

Yes, it's very sad that there's not enough love to go round. . .OR in this case not enough Puns !

 

Saw a coffee shop near Stafford some time back, called Perk-U-Later . . .

 

 

[Birdseye]

Real signwriting seen on a van in Welshpool, Wales many moons ago: "John Thomas - Plumber"

 

 

[pmccarthy]

Thanks, cop you later.

 

 

[kaz3g]

Remember the ones "Bill Posters Will Be Prosecuted" Help me out ... Did they ever get him? Nev

I seem to recall he was innocent...kaz

 

 

[kaz3g]

Real signwriting seen on a van in Welshpool, Wales many moons ago: "John Thomas - Plumber"

Why were you mooning?

 

Kaz

 

 

[Marty_d]

D'you know why cows have hooves?

 

Because they lack toes...

 

 

[Birdseye]

Why were you mooning?Kaz

That event pre-dated the term "mooning" by a number of decades. Anyway it would have been precluded by the uncontrolled hysterics from myself and my mother as we spotted it at the same moment.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

This isn't a photoshop job BTW. . their website works. . . . .

 

 

No comment.

 

 

[Marty_d]

This isn't a photoshop job BTW. . their website works. . . . .[ATTACH=full]42360[/ATTACH]

 

No comment.

I liked the sketch Hale & Pace did about the real estate agents.

 

"We are... sole traders

 

Are sole traders for your family...

 

We are... sole traders

 

R. Sole & Sons are we...."

 

 

[Phil Perry]

I sent an email to some people with a list of ten hilarious puns. I waited to hear back which puns made them laugh. . . . . . No pun in ten did.

 

**

 

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

 

**

 

I couldn’t for the life of me remember how you throw a boomerang,. . . . but then it came back to me.

 

**

 

I think my local dry cleaners can repair my trousers,. . . or at least sew its seams.

 

**

 

I went to the doctors with hearing problems. He said "Can you describe the symptoms ?" I said . . . . . "Homer's a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"

 

 

[red750]

They're all good, Phil.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

They're all good, Phil.

Thanks Peter,. . . Shame that only TWO of them are puns,. . . .

 

In the same way that this one isn't :

 

An ice cream man was found dead, lying on the floor of his van, his head covered with hundreds and thousands.

 

Police reports suggest he’d probably topped himself .

 

>

 

 

[Robbo]

Thanks Peter,. . . Shame that only TWO of them are puns,. . . .In the same way that this one isn't :

 

An ice cream man was found dead, lying on the floor of his van, his head covered with hundreds and thousands.

 

Police reports suggest he’d probably topped himself .

 

>

He is sucking up to you Phil

 

 

[red750]

[old man emu]

D'ough!

 

 

[red750]

One of the kings of the pun is English comedian Milton Jones:

 

'Recently on a flight to America, all the way across my wife was going "Why don't you get an upgrade, why don't you get an upgrade?" It took a bit of time, but in the end I got a better wife.'

 

' My wife - it's difficult to say what she does - she sells sea shells on the sea shore.'

 

'When my daughter was born she had jaundice. There she was - small, round and yellow. So we called her Melanie.'

 

'People are hiding money offshore and you've got to really know what you're doing with that. 'Cos I fell out of the boat 6 times.'

 

'My sister's got hay fever, and now she has diabetes. I tried to cheer her up - flowers - chocolates...'

 

'I worked as a doctor for the World Health Organisation. I didn't mean to, I thought I was auditioning for Doctor Who.'

 

'My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open. Which is probably why his submarine sank.'