M61A1 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 But, just what do you say when comforting a Grammar Nazi? There, their, they’re. Spelling is the difference between knowing your crap and knowing you're crap. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there. What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil. I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on me. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEM Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Solicitor : Sue, Grabbit and Run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M61A1 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Punctuation: The difference between helping your uncle Jack, off his horse and helping your uncle jack off his horse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Let's eat, Grandma. Let's eat Grandma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 What's this thing called , love.?. Nev 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Let's eat, Grandma. Let's eat Grandma. Let's eat grand, Ma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce Tuncks Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Did you know Friar Tuck had a twin they left out of the book? He was called Triar F*** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oksinay Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 When I was in Africa I played cards with the natives Zulus? No, I won mostly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kasper Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 ...Fish and chip shop on the edge of Nottingham Forest, "Fryer Tuck" Or the one in Barnard Castle http://www.fryer-tuck.co.uk/ with the added bonus of the owner being a microlight pilot - wobbly wing division ;-) Very good Fish n Chips attested to by me and my waistline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Or the one in Barnard Castlehttp://www.fryer-tuck.co.uk/ with the added bonus of the owner being a microlight pilot - wobbly wing division ;-) Very good Fish n Chips attested to by me and my waistline Thanks Kasper. . . Yes, it's very sad that there's not enough love to go round. . .OR in this case not enough Puns ! Saw a coffee shop near Stafford some time back, called Perk-U-Later . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdseye Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Real signwriting seen on a van in Welshpool, Wales many moons ago: "John Thomas - Plumber" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pmccarthy Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Thanks, cop you later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaz3g Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Remember the ones "Bill Posters Will Be Prosecuted" Help me out ... Did they ever get him? Nev I seem to recall he was innocent...kaz 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaz3g Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Real signwriting seen on a van in Welshpool, Wales many moons ago: "John Thomas - Plumber" Why were you mooning? Kaz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 D'you know why cows have hooves? Because they lack toes... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdseye Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Why were you mooning?Kaz That event pre-dated the term "mooning" by a number of decades. Anyway it would have been precluded by the uncontrolled hysterics from myself and my mother as we spotted it at the same moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 This isn't a photoshop job BTW. . their website works. . . . . No comment. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 This isn't a photoshop job BTW. . their website works. . . . .[ATTACH=full]42360[/ATTACH] No comment. I liked the sketch Hale & Pace did about the real estate agents. "We are... sole traders Are sole traders for your family... We are... sole traders R. Sole & Sons are we...." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 I sent an email to some people with a list of ten hilarious puns. I waited to hear back which puns made them laugh. . . . . . No pun in ten did. ** I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain. ** I couldn’t for the life of me remember how you throw a boomerang,. . . . but then it came back to me. ** I think my local dry cleaners can repair my trousers,. . . or at least sew its seams. ** I went to the doctors with hearing problems. He said "Can you describe the symptoms ?" I said . . . . . "Homer's a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 They're all good, Phil. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 They're all good, Phil. Thanks Peter,. . . Shame that only TWO of them are puns,. . . . In the same way that this one isn't : An ice cream man was found dead, lying on the floor of his van, his head covered with hundreds and thousands. Police reports suggest he’d probably topped himself . > Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbo Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 Thanks Peter,. . . Shame that only TWO of them are puns,. . . .In the same way that this one isn't : An ice cream man was found dead, lying on the floor of his van, his head covered with hundreds and thousands. Police reports suggest he’d probably topped himself . > He is sucking up to you Phil 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 D'ough! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 One of the kings of the pun is English comedian Milton Jones: 'Recently on a flight to America, all the way across my wife was going "Why don't you get an upgrade, why don't you get an upgrade?" It took a bit of time, but in the end I got a better wife.' ' My wife - it's difficult to say what she does - she sells sea shells on the sea shore.' 'When my daughter was born she had jaundice. There she was - small, round and yellow. So we called her Melanie.' 'People are hiding money offshore and you've got to really know what you're doing with that. 'Cos I fell out of the boat 6 times.' 'My sister's got hay fever, and now she has diabetes. I tried to cheer her up - flowers - chocolates...' 'I worked as a doctor for the World Health Organisation. I didn't mean to, I thought I was auditioning for Doctor Who.' 'My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open. Which is probably why his submarine sank.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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