Aussie politics

[Guest palexxxx]

While on his morning walk, Kevin Rudd falls over, has a heart attack and dies, because the accident and emergency ward at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time

 

So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see Labour people around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

 

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says Kevin.

 

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, You have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."

 

"But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Rudd

 

"I'm sorry ...but we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down all the way to Hell.

 

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is poor old Gough Whitlam and thousands of other Labour and union leaders, who had helped him out over the years --- Jim Cairns Bob Hawke, Bill Collins Bill D'Arcy , Paul Keating Joan Kirner Peter Beattie Keith Wright Gordon Nuttall , Wayne Goss, all good clean living Labour people. All of the Labour Party leaders and Union Officials were there .......everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

 

The Devil himself comes up to Rudd with a frosty drink, "Have a Tequila and relax, Kevin!" "Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Rudd dejectedly. "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!" Rudd takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he Thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes, like himself, and pulls hilarious nasty pranks - kind of like the ones Labour pulled with the "Recession we had to have" " no child will live in poverty" " Wolfdene Dam " "no new taxes and low interest rates below 19% " and promises such as that that were never carried out .They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Rudd steps on the elevator and heads upward.

 

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Rudd is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-**** joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special!

 

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Kim Beazley never prepared me for this!" The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now you must choose where you want to live for eternity."

 

With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Rudd reflects for a minute ...then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this --I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all-but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

 

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.

 

The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren Scorched earth covered with garbage & toxic industrial wasteland, kind of like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags......They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.

 

The Devil comes over to Rudd and puts an arm around his shoulder....."I don't understand," stammers a shocked Kevin, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila.....We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

 

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs,......

 

"Yesterday, Kevin, we were campaigning;... Today you voted for us!"

 

 

[Bigglesworth]

Yep, Peter Garret is the only honest one there, and only at odd times.

 

Labour will hurt the aviation industry; with high intetest rates, no-one can afford a loan for a plane.

 

 

[Guest Chris Rhoades]

Try living in the UK with our bunch of no hopers in charge - that's hell.

 

 

 

[blueshed]

Very good depiction of the situation, so how will it go no the 24th ?

 

Like honest Johnny me self!

 

or will we all get sucked in? it shouldn't have to be the elevator ride, and surely there is a fantastic future for all, speaking for myself one some occasions we are taken to the water, however never manage a drink.

 

Why is it when we know something is good and we realise it can benifit us all we don't always share it? or believe it is possible for us!

 

Something to Ponder!

 

So many who need to fly, want to fly, would just motivate them beyond thier wildest Dreams. However never manage to take the leep.

 

Maybe they just haven't been asked yet!

 

On that note why and how do most people get started?

 

For myself, I lived a few miles from the local aerodrome and drove past it most days on the way to school, then on the way to work, was once taken for a ride in a Glider at the age of 14, then not again till 22. All just because someone actually pesterd me in to going for another ride in a Glider. Just so glad I was pestered. Now aviation has taken me many places in OZ with lots more to go!

 

Have A Great Day, pester someone today, it may just revitalsie thier Zest for Life!

 

Love It

 

Cheers Guy

 

 

[Guest JRMobile]

For balance this was in our local paper yesterday:

 

Howard dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter allows him to elect whether he wants to go to heaven or to hell, so he visits both before making up his mind. In hell he is invited to a black tie dinner where he indulges in champers and caviar with Kerry Packer, Robert Menzies, Christopher Skase and Renee Rivkin. In heaven, there is a barn raising and garden work party, healthy food and Leadbelly playing folk music. Howard elects hell but when he gets back there it’s unbearably hot, the roads are lined with a million rotting Iraqi corpses and the thieves and murderers who walk the streets are regularly pelted with hot, fist-sized pieces of hail. So Howard asks the Devil what has happened; where’s the party gone? “That was just the campaign,†says the Devil. “This is reaity.â€Â

 

 

[cherk]

C'mon guys.....this No "Laughter is the best medicine"....and shouldn't be on this forum or we end up with raising our individual necks red!

 

"The meek will inherit the earth.......If that's OK with you!"

 

 

[Admin]

Ok Ok Ok, as they say, we shouldn't discuss religion, politics and ....now the 3rd one I can't recall but anyway let's keep this thread funny :big_grin:

 

 

[Flyer]

Ok. I'm running for the flying party. Line up for your free Jabas, sportstars, CTs or whatever your poison is. 100 litres of free fuel for everyone and all people are required to have at least 1 RDO per week so they can go flying in good weather...;)

 

Regards

 

Phil

 

 

[Guest Decca]

You've got my vote Phil.

 

 

[Guest High Plains Drifter]

Would you vote for this politician?

 

Sarah Palin, candidate for govenor (Alaska), has a TV ad which shows the family Cub on floats... and her daughter is named 'Piper'..

 

(From a posting on the Super cub forum last year)