Suicide Bombers Go On Strike

[red750]

BBC News - Suicide Bombers Go On Strike

 

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

 

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

 

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

 

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

 

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

 

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.

 

 

[old man emu]

 

"Red Flag" Song Lyrics w/Free MP3 Download

 

OME

 

 

[bexrbetter]

It's 2017 so I have to be offended by this post.

 

 

[nomadpete]

Happy new year, Bex.

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Happy new year, Bex.

Yup, still plenty of crackers going off around the city this weekend.

 

Have to get out tomorrow night and buy some of the cheap leftover stock.

 

 

[nomadpete]

Cool. What part of the airframe will you put them in?

 

This is gonna be real exciting to fly!

 

 

[Phil Perry]

 

I have it on good authority that many union workers used to love this song, apparently not realising that it was an enormous pi$$take of unions. . Ignoring the politics it's a Good bouncy number though. . .

 

 

[facthunter]

There's usually a few cluster bombs that haven't exploded. They are cheap. I don't dig them myself. Nev

 

 

[Phil Perry]

There's usually a few cluster bombs that haven't exploded. They are cheap. I don't dig them myself. Nev

One of my EX Airline pilot friends used to drop those things in Gulf war 1. . .from his rather low flying ( 100 feet ) Tornado thingy for Runway Denial operations on Iraqui airfields. .. . .He said that he ( Personally ) regarded these munitions as ridiculously dangerous, as they never ALL operated as designed. . .and would leave a serious problem to those who had to clean up the mess afterwards. . . You may have heard of him,.. . Squadron Leader 'Pablo' Mason, a decorated flier in the RAF. . .( I have mentioned him in some earlier postings )

 

He was later fired from his airline captain job for allowing a seriously distressed passenger into his cockpit to explain that the plane was not actually going to crash, this, whilst dealing with a systems emergency in an operational system, which was why he didn't leave the 'Office' to deal with the passenger, in the passenger cabin. . .basically, a consumate professional. . wouldn't leave the office due to protecting the safety of the flight. . .

 

But his slimy stinking, jealous First Officer 'Grassed him up' to the management. . . this was all bullcrap, BUT it was then the letter of the LAW. . and the airline used the incident to get rid of him as he was a top line bloke and they really needed to NOT pay him a full pension. . . .He now runs a superb hotel in Warwickshire along with his lovely Wife. . . but it is a pleasure to fly with him in light aircraft. . .I just LOVE sitting next to the odd Skygod occasionally. . . .

 

It's interesting that, as he said later, none of the people on the Airline management panel which eviscerated him had ever flown anything. . . .let alone a passenger jet. . .therefore, to explain himself was in his words, rather like trying to explain the operation of a pair of scissors to a Martian over the phone in Pidgin English. . . .