Forum Trolls

[Admin]

The first rule of forums, chat rooms and bulletin boards is: DON’T FEED THE TROLLS. If you feed them, they grow. If you starve them, they wither up and die.

 

However, sometimes it’s hard to tell you’ve been trolled until you’re in a keyboard lather. Protect your sanity and reputation with this useful guide to 18 kinds of internet trolls.

 

 

1. The Rabid Flamer

 

 

This guy likes to make trouble for his own amusement. If nothing particularly nasty is going on, he’ll whip out his flamethrower and burn everyone in his path, especially denizens of parenting or pets chat rooms.

 

2. The Priggish Grammar Troll

 

 

No matter what the discussion is about, the Priggish Grammar Troll will ignore the argument and pick on the one word you used incorrectly, like “alot” or misuses of “they’re,” “their” and “there.”

 

3. The Crybaby

 

 

If someone says something mean to the Crybaby, she’ll become hysterical and swear she’s never coming back to the board. Of course, you’ll see her three days later when she slinks back for more abuse. The Crybaby often tells on you to the mods and swears she’s going to get you banned.

 

4. The Never-Give-Up, Never-Surrender Troll

 

 

This troll is ALWAYS right and will battle to the death to prove it. There’s no point in trying to fight her. If she can’t back something up with reality, she’ll make something up, just to show you how wrong you are.

 

5. The Retroactive Stalker

 

 

The Retroactive Stalker will go back in time to find every cragislist post you ever made until he finds something embarrassing you said, even if you posted it three years ago. After that, whenever you post anything new, the Retroactive Stalker will link to the old post(s) in an effort to discredit you.

 

6. The Lame Teenager

 

 

The Lame Teenager responds with clever sayings like, “I know you are, but what am I?” and “I’m rubber and you’re glue…” Warning: Sometimes the Lame Teenager is really a 40-year-old guy who can’t think of anything better to say.

 

7. The Self-Feeding Troll

 

 

This guy likes to argue, even when everyone else in the fo tells him he’s wrong. Without support from his nonexistent friends, he changes handles—or makes up new ones—to show the fo how loved he is.

 

8. The Bored Hater

 

 

This guy loves to make problems, usually out of sheer boredom. His posts are vile and hideous for no other reason than riling up total strangers. His arsenal includes racism, sexism, homophobia and religious intolerance.

 

9. Nellie McNeggerson

 

 

Nellie likes to show her displeasure by negging every craigslist post you make, regardless of its content. If you say, “cool!” she’ll neg you. If you say “thanks!” she’ll neg you. She might even create multiple accounts so she can neg you four or five times.

 

10. The Sharing Troll

 

 

Also known as the TOU Violator, this psycho will find out your personal information and post it on message boards when you anger him. For example, when he’s being an ass to someone and you step in to tell him to knock it off, he’ll use your real name or post your address.

 

11. The Profane Screamer

 

 

If someone says something even remotely critical of the Profane Screamer, he’ll TYPE IN ALL CAPS, telling you what a @#$# you are and insulting your mom. The Profane Screamer is often a noob and often turns into The Crybaby.

 

12. The White Knight

 

 

If the White Knight thinks someone hurts someone’s feelings, he’ll put on his shiny armor and joust for honor and goodness … even if the “attacked” person tells him to shut up.

 

13. The Expert

 

 

The Expert knows everything about everything and loves to share his knowledge. He’s a lawyer, a doctor, a senator, a pro-ball player, a historian, an engineer … in reality, of course, he’s an unemployed temp living with his mom.

 

14. The Spoiler

 

 

The Spoiler likes to ruin people’s days. On the film fo, he gives away endings (“He was dead the whole time!”). On sports sites, he posts the final scores.

 

15. The Fraud

 

 

Also known as the Romance Scammer or the Deposed Nigerian Prince, the fraud takes pleasure in robbing people of their cash or self respect. If your friends warn you that something seems hinky, PAY ATTENTION!

 

16. The Flooder

 

 

The Flooder tries to break forums by posting the same lame thing (LOL! ROTFL!) over and over and over and over and over and over…

 

17. The Liar

 

 

The Liar is the most common troll. He loves to lure in brainless high-school girls by pretending he’s a romantic 20-year-old sensitive poet. The Liar is fairly harmless—as long as you don’t set up an IRL meet-up.

 

18. The Stalker

 

 

The Stalker is the only truly dangerous troll. He’ll hack your computer, post your SSN on the Internet and find you IRL. 4Chan is filled with Stalkers, but fortunately they usually only amass when someone hurts a kitten or yells at a little kid.

 

Now that you know all about Internet trolls, remember:

 

 

Do you have a “favorite” Internet troll? Tell us about him

 

 

[red750]

I will admit to occasionally being a grammar troll, although I try to resist as much as possible, and haven't done it for some time. I'm not particularly well educated, in fact, I failed Leaving Certificate (that's old) English, but I do know 'their' from 'there', 'too' from 'to', 'an' from 'and', as well as several others. When I see these mixups, they have the same reaction as seeing every aircraft accident listed as a Cessna. Like fingernails on a blackboard. I try to write it off as a mis-key on a touch screen or similar, as I have done that occasionally myself. But I usually pick it up and if I have posted the reply, I will edit it and correct it.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

RED - NOOOOO NOT YOU ?. . . .

 

Shirley nott. . . .

 

 

[IBob]

I will admit to occasionally being a grammar troll, although I try to resist as much as possible, and haven't done it for some time. I'm not particularly well educated, in fact, I failed Leaving Certificate (that's old) English, but I do know 'their' from 'there', 'too' from 'to', 'an' from 'and', as well as several others. When I see these mixups, they have the same reaction as seeing every aircraft accident listed as a Cessna. Like fingernails on a blackboard. I try to write it off as a mis-key on a touch screen or similar, as I have done that occasionally myself. But I usually pick it up and if I have posted the reply, I will edit it and correct it.

Hmmmm.....I'll need to keep an eye on your langwidge......if there's one thing I can't tolerate, it's intolerance.........

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Hmmmm.....I'll need to keep an eye on your langwidge......if there's one thing I can't tolerate, it's intolerance.........

Being eduficummicacted at a Grammar School . . .and having a Wonderful Mother,. . who was herself an Ex-Grammar school English teacher, ( Beatrice May, wherever you are,. . I still Luv Ya )

 

I learned at a rather early age which way to construct a sentence, and if I ever spelled anything incorrectly,. . .well,. . .that was jankers and tuppence off my weekly pocket money !

 

( She actually said that it was 'Untidy, Lazy and incorrect to use 'And' directly following a comma,. . .and that I should really use a Full Stop to end a sentence . .. but I digress. . . .) I used to get lambasted on Recreational Flying,. . . for my use of a series of dots following a comment,. . . . . .which was intended to allow a breathing space. . . .but I ignored all them bloody Colonials and still do it now. . . .Mum would have slapped me around the back of the head with the boiler stick. )

 

Criticism IS important. . . but forgiveness is divine. . . .when I see a really good rant from the heart, on another blog,. . the last thing I would do would be to comment about the grammar and spelling. . . . .this would be CRASS. . .and would reflect on me . . .more than the commenter I feel. . .

 

Any 'SPELLING errors I might make on here are merely 'Typos' because I touch type at roughly 28.765 WPM. . . . not to put too fine a point upon it . . .thanks to the Flight Service Training School in Melbourne ( I failed the MET exam and was chucked off the course. . .SODDIT ! )

 

 

[nomadpete]

Thanks Phil,... BUT "soddit" is not a real word. I couldn't find reference to it in my old Oxford dictionary. Please use English language that better reflects your heritage......

 

Now,... What were you trying to say?

 

 

[old man emu]

"Boiler stick" ... Now theirs proof positive of ancient history. I wonder how many Gen-X people would even know what a boiler stick was, and what it was used for.

 

What sort of boiler did Beatrice May have? Was it wood or coal fired? My mum was a Thoroughly Modern Millie. Hers was electrically heated, and she used it until the late 1960s when she did my Grandfather's washing. The poor old bloke lived in a convalescent home because he never recovered from the damage an explosion during the Second Battle of Krithia cause to his lungs. In the 1930s the only people with experience in treating chest illnesses were at Tuberculosis Sanitaria, he spent some time in one. This gave rise to the falsehood that he had TB, hence my mother's insistence on boiling his clothes, rather than putting them in the washing machine.

 

On an interesting not, I was listening to a podiatrist speak of microbial infections of the feet and toe-nails. He said that one of the preventative measures is to boil one's sox for an hour to kill fungal spores. Oh for mum's electric copper now!

 

OME

 

Someone might like to troll through my post to see how many types of troll I have been.

 

 

[red750]

I know when you are slaughtering the English language for comedic effect, Phil. A contributor on another forum I participate in does the same ..... and uses the dots. He also BURSTS into capitals for no reason. He claims to be a gaucho from the Pampas of Argentina, with a pseudonym of Palissiano, but occasionally breaks cover to use perfect English if he is serious about something.

 

English is a confusing language though, with many words spelt and pronounced the same way but with many varying meanings, and other words, pronounced the same but with different spellings and meanings. They say it's a living, evolving language. Maybe they should evolve a few new words to reduce the ambiguity.

 

My favourite example of the former is "mine". Meanings include:

 

noun - hole in the ground to retrieve minerals

 

noun - explosive device

 

verb - to dig the hole referred to above

 

possessive pronoun - belongs to me

 

Any wonder immigrants find it hard to understand and learn.

 

 

[old man emu]

Thanks Phil,... BUT "soddit" is not a real word. I couldn't find reference to it in my old Oxford dictionary.

Geez, nomad, your unedjucated, or went to the wrong university. The more modern university provides this definition of "sod" sod Meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary

 

The less than gentile meaning of "sod" arises from its offensive sexual connotation stemming from the carryings on in the biblical city of Sodom. In that context, a sod is one of Nature's bachelors. "Sod's Law" would appear to be the equal of "Murhpy's Law" - if something can fail, it will do so at the most inconvenient moment. "Soddit" appears to be the British dialectic equivalent of the Australian "fvck it".

 

 

[horsefeathers]

and so, in the theme of this thread, and in the spirit of christian forgiveness for all those wrongdoers who don't know any better....................... ......... .......

 

 

 

[facthunter]

I have told you people a million times at least, don't exaggerate!

 

It's very difficult to write unambiguously on a forum . IF someone got out of bed the wrong side, they think you are having a go at THEM. instead of thinking how important you must be to have them bother.. I've found out something.. If you agree with some one you don't die or get covered in sores. By the way there's no DOG.. THAT gets nearly as much attention as writing Free SEX..Nev

 

 

[Old Koreelah]

I know when you are slaughtering the English language for comedic effect, Phil...My favourite example of the former is "mine". Meanings include:

noun - hole in the ground to retrieve minerals

 

noun - explosive device

 

verb - to dig the hole referred to above

 

possessive pronoun - belongs to me...

I can't resist:

 

 

[Old Koreelah]

Geez, nomad, your unedjucated, or went to the wrong university. The more modern university provides this definition of "sod" sod Meaning in the Cambridge English DictionaryThe less than gentile meaning of "sod" arises from its offensive sexual connotation stemming from the carryings on in the biblical city of Sodom. In that context, a sod is one of Nature's bachelors. "Sod's Law" would appear to be the equal of "Murhpy's Law" - if something can fail, it will do so at the most inconvenient moment. "Soddit" appears to be the British dialectic equivalent of the Australian "fvck it".

All that sodding is the reason we are in such a jam:

Moore's triumph has Republicans reeling

 

 

[Methusala]

"To forget is human. To forgive is NOT library policy!"

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Hmmmm.....I'll need to keep an eye on your langwidge......if there's one thing I can't tolerate, it's intolerance.........

It's ok, I got him yesterday just after he wrote that

 

 

[nomadpete]

So I succeeded with at least 2 kinds of trollism, and as a bonus, railroaded the thread!

 

I'm on my way to infamy.........

 

 

[IBob]

So I succeeded with at least 2 kinds of trollism, and as a bonus, railroaded the thread!I'm on my way to infamy.........

no, mad Pete...we the Punctuation Mafia are ignoring you until you get yours sorted out...........

 

 

[bexrbetter]

no .......

Please start a sentence with a high case letter, thanks.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Thanks Phil,... BUT "soddit" is not a real word. I couldn't find reference to it in my old Oxford dictionary. Please use English language that better reflects your heritage......Now,... What were you trying to say?

Innit ? ? ? ? ?

 

 

[Phil Perry]

"Boiler stick" ... Now theirs proof positive of ancient history. I wonder how many Gen-X people would even know what a boiler stick was, and what it was used for.What sort of boiler did Beatrice May have? Was it wood or coal fired? My mum was a Thoroughly Modern Millie. Hers was electrically heated, and she used it until the late 1960s when she did my Grandfather's washing. The poor old bloke lived in a convalescent home because he never recovered from the damage an explosion during the Second Battle of Krithia cause to his lungs. In the 1930s the only people with experience in treating chest illnesses were at Tuberculosis Sanitaria, he spent some time in one. This gave rise to the falsehood that he had TB, hence my mother's insistence on boiling his clothes, rather than putting them in the washing machine.

On an interesting not, I was listening to a podiatrist speak of microbial infections of the feet and toe-nails. He said that one of the preventative measures is to boil one's sox for an hour to kill fungal spores. Oh for mum's electric copper now!

 

OME

 

Someone might like to troll through my post to see how many types of troll I have been.

Our Boiler was origjnally a cylindrical metal drum which was heated by a gas burner, which had to be lit with a taper whilst kneeling on the floor . . .I remember fro my earliest years the cussing and swearing emanating from Grandma and Mother whilst struggling to do this without having it flash back and burn their hair and eyebrows !.

 

In around 1953 though, we went all 'Modern' and had a 'Burco' boiler which was powered by that new fangled elastic trickery. In both cases, there was a well worn 'Stick' for stirring the sheets, it's other purpose was so that Gran could chase young Philip down the back yard waving it angrily. . . I Must add here that she never actually hit me with aforesaid weapon.

 

Dad was starting to do well with his new Engineering ( Press tool making ) business and shortly thereafter we had a Baby Burco 'Washing Machine'. . .the neighbours thought we were rich gits.

 

( We were also the very first family in our street to have a car. An Austin 7 Ruby, reg AFK 698 - it is strange how minor things like that stick in one's mind. . .)

 

I do not recall if the Boiler stick was consigned to the bin, or perhaps donated to a chamber of horrors style museum of mediaeval torture weaponry. .

 

 

[Phil Perry]

So I succeeded with at least 2 kinds of trollism, and as a bonus, railroaded the thread!I'm on my way to infamy.........

Only problem with that is that you're going to end up crying 'Infamy. . .Infamy. . ..everyone's got it. . .Infamy. . . .'

 

 

[Phil Perry]

I know when you are slaughtering the English language for comedic effect, Phil. A contributor on another forum I participate in does the same ..... and uses the dots. He also BURSTS into capitals for no reason. He claims to be a gaucho from the Pampas of Argentina, with a pseudonym of Palissiano, but occasionally breaks cover to use perfect English if he is serious about something.English is a confusing language though, with many words spelt and pronounced the same way but with many varying meanings, and other words, pronounced the same but with different spellings and meanings. They say it's a living, evolving language. Maybe they should evolve a few new words to reduce the ambiguity.

 

My favourite example of the former is "mine". Meanings include:

 

noun - hole in the ground to retrieve minerals

 

noun - explosive device

 

verb - to dig the hole referred to above

 

possessive pronoun - belongs to me

 

Any wonder immigrants find it hard to understand and learn.

And don't forget the Naval verb to Mine an area of navigable water . .

 

 

[red750]

Boiler stick, or copper stick as it was known in our neck of the woods because our boiler was a large copper vat over a wood fire. A cut-off broom handle. We still have one in our laundry (moved up from a wash house). Wifey doesn't want to catch her hand up in the agitator.

 

 

[SDQDI]

:off topic:I think that the biggest trolls on this forum are the ones that keep trying to bring threads back to topic!

 

 

[old man emu]

:off topic:I think that the biggest trolls on this forum are the ones that keep trying to bring threads back to topic!

This post has been reported to a Moderator - trolling