Spam emails

[Guest Redair]

OK, I know I hate junk emails and spam, (as I have mantioned more than once) but this one has to be the one to end the lot! Seems I'm not the only one to think this way... read on and see if you agree. (Oh, by the way, please use the arrow keys to move through this message).

 

Redair.

 

Subject: Thanks for the e-mails in 2007

 

Dear All

 

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this

 

past year........

 

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one

 

about rat **** in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a

 

wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

 

Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open

 

for the same reason.

 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a

 

sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the

 

1,387,258th time.

 

I no longer have any money at all, but that will

 

change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL

 

are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

 

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me

 

to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost

 

relative of a customer who died intestate.

 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have

 

363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has

 

granted my every wish.

 

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though

 

I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

 

Thanks to you,

 

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I

 

Forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

 

Minutes.

 

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola

 

Because it can remove toilet stains.

 

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along

 

to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when

 

I'm

 

filling up.

 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will

 

drug me with a aftershave sample and rob me.

 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask

 

me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to

 

Columbia, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

 

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big

 

brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant

 

death when it bites my bum.

 

And thanks to your great advice,

 

I can't even pick up the $50.00 I found dropped in the

 

car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester

 

waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

 

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next

 

70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at

 

5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your

 

back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

 

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of

 

my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's

 

cousin's beauticians relative once removed .

 

By the way....a South American scientist after a

 

lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have

 

infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand

 

on the

 

Mouse.

 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!

 

(Oh come on, I tried to warn you!).

 

 

[PaulN]

Oh no, I'm undone. What to do? I don't know 144,000 people. Please fwd me your name and email, quick ... I hate fleas.:confused: