Old Pilot's Philosophies

[red750]

I think I might have just screwed up!

 

I’m a retired pilot. I was asked to address a local junior high gathering put on by the PTA.

 

I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshot. Since I had plenty of time, I threw it open for questions.

 

The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?"

 

I said, "That's easy. Looking back over my 7 decades, I believe I've spent close to 90% of my earnings on booze and whores. The rest I just wasted."

 

I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by:

 

1) If it flies, floats, or f*cks, it's cheaper to rent it.

 

2) If it's got t!ts or tires, you're gonna have problems with it.

 

I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish.

 

They need to know this stuff!