Oh to be so wise

[TechMan]

If you're not familiar with the work of Boswell D. Rabbitsmith, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said:

 

"I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

 

 

Here are some of his gems:

 

 

 

 

 

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

 

 

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

 

 

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

 

 

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 

 

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

 

 

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

 

 

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

 

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

 

 

9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

 

 

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

 

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

 

 

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

 

 

 

13 - How can you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

 

 

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

 

 

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

 

 

16 - When everything seems to be coming your way, maybe you're in the wrong lane.

 

 

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not being smart enough to be lazy.

 

 

18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

 

 

19 - I intend to live forever... so far, so good.

 

 

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

 

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 

 

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death...twice?

 

 

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

 

 

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

 

 

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

 

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

 

 

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 

 

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

 

 

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

 

 

30 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

 

 

32 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

 

 

33 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?