The lighter side.

[red750]

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f....ing bored!"

 

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

 

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f....ing stupid!"

 

   Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

 

   Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

 

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

 

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

 

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

 

 

[red750]

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747:"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

 

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight." 

 

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:

 

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

 

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

 

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"

 

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):"Because you lost the bloody war!" 

 

 

 

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

 

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

 

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

 

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... We've already notified our caterers." 

 

 

[red750]

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

 

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said:  “What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

 

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:  "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one." 

 

 

[spenaroo]

some of my favourite

 

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking

 

location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following

 

exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206″:

 

Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”

 

Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”

 

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

 

Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”

 

Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”

 

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”

 

Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944 — but I didn’t land.”

 

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running “a bit peaked.” Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. “Ah,” the fighter pilot remarked, “The dreaded seven-engine approach.”

 

A huge C-5 cargo plane was sitting near where a small plane was waiting to take off. The private pilot got a little nervous because the military plane was closer than normal, and asked the tower to find out the intentions of the C-5. Before the tower could reply, a voice came over the radio as the C-5’s nose cargo doors opened, saying, “I’m going to eat you.”