Gripe Sheet

[Guest jimbo_xyz]

I'm sure most of you have seen this one before, but it always makes me laugh.

 

To those who haven't seen this before, enjoy!

 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'

 

which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics

 

correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots

 

review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that

 

ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance

 

complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions

 

recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an

 

accident.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

 

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

 

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit

 

S: Something tightened in cockpit

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

 

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

 

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

 

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

 

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

 

S: That's what friction locks are for.

 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

 

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

 

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

 

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

 

S: Aircraft warned to: Straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

 

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

 

S: Cat installed.

 

And the best one for last................

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding

 

on something with a hammer.

 

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

 

[Guest Redair]

Very funny, but I do doubt whether these are genuine, as I have seen the same list with claims to have been from Qantas, BA, ParcelForce and another cargo company (the name of which escapes me at the moment). Me thinks this could be one of those urban myths!!

 

And for those that don't know what a Myth is.... it's a female Moth:laugh:... and that's got to make you wonder what those MythBusters are really up to!!!!!

 

Redair.

 

 

[Yenn]

I am still mythtified.

 

 

[Guest Dukes]

haha makes you wonder many things.

 

 

[Mathew Ker]

Now I',m really confused. I thought a myth was a dead moth! ;)

 

 

[Guest Redair]

No, no, no.... that's a "Mort"

 

Redair.

 

 

[1946]

So, a mortician is a dead moth who had a bad case of the sneezes!

 

 

[Guest Redair]

the force of which can be measured by a Mortgage!

 

Redair.