The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

On 09/11/2024 at 3:21 AM, turboplanner said:

.... saw the Empress Mahjongg coming towards him slowly.........and then he was woken by Turbo whispering "We have to get out of here now! They're going to behead you at dawn".

Cappy has been in this situation a few times in his life, so it is all pretty standard stuff, although waking up to Turdo whispering in your ear is a bit off-putting .... and he seemed to be enjoying it too.

On 09/11/2024 at 3:21 AM, turboplanner said:

Turbo had risked his life by flying a Drifter in under the trees right up to the bottom of the Great Wall. 

That, dear readers, is the type of guy Turbo is. After all of his financial and corporate success he still risks his personal wellbeing for his mates. Quite a guy, I'm sure you will agree.

On 09/11/2024 at 3:21 AM, turboplanner said:

The Drifter made it under the trees and zoomed off into the gloom, but Chinese radar picked them up off the coast. It was now a race between Chinese fighter aircraft and the Turbine Japan Defence Force (TJDF) which had been scrambled from Sendai, but thanks to the Chinese pilots being slow to get out of bed .........

..... after a night playing strip Mahjongg with themselves (Ahhh the tribulations of an all-male remote posting) and they were squinting as they rubbed the sleep out of their eyes.

 

The TJDF, on the other hand, were ........

 

[turboplanner]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

Cappy has been in this situation a few times in his life, so it is all pretty standard stuff, although waking up to Turdo whispering in your ear is a bit off-putting .... and he seemed to be enjoying it too.

That, dear readers, is the type of guy Turbo is. After all of his financial and corporate success he still risks his personal wellbeing for his mates. Quite a guy, I'm sure you will agree.

..... after a night playing strip Mahjongg with themselves (Ahhh the tribulations of an all-male remote posting) and they were squinting as they rubbed the sleep out of their eyes.

 

The TJDF, on the other hand, were ........

 

.....still wounded by the Chinese propaganda vilifying them for actions in Manchuria in 1930 when their grandfathers simply went across to China to take photos with the new Nikons which changed the world and led to those all night slide shows which usually led to Grandpa dropping the slide box or spraying the wall to kill a persistent fly leaving it looking like a forensics scene for years.

 

The scrambled TJDF squadron heard Turbo shouting "TORA!" "TORA!" "TORA" (he'd got that from a movie) and the pilots went berserk; eyes squinting and thoughts only for the Emperor (who was watching a Los Angeles Dodgers ball game). They ripped into .......

[Captain]

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

 

The scrambled TJDF squadron heard Turbo shouting "TORA!" "TORA!" "TORA" (he'd got that from a movie) and the pilots went berserk; eyes squinting and thoughts only for the Emperor (who was watching a Los Angeles Dodgers ball game). They ripped into .......

.... their scrambled eggs, until the Cookie, who was a Japanese Walter Brennan type said "Ohh, gosh darn it, I am so solly, because I thought that the scramble was the breakfast order, so let's not waste all those googies, scoff then down than jump into your .....

[bull]

9 hours ago, Captain said:

.... their scrambled eggs, until the Cookie, who was a Japanese Walter Brennan type said "Ohh, gosh darn it, I am so solly, because I thought that the scramble was the breakfast order, so let's not waste all those googies, scoff then down than jump into your .....

............zeppelins in a fog [bangers and mash] .and make sure to...............

[turboplanner]

.......look that up in the Oxford English Dictionary because most poms come from the Caribbean these days and don't eat .........

[spacesailor]

Zepplins in a fog ! .

" short order cooking " ,

Sounds American . They give everything a nickname .general purpose.  JP . Now Jeep .

spacesailor

[Captain]

4 hours ago, spacesailor said:

Zepplins in a fog ! .

" short order cooking " ,

Sounds American . They give everything a nickname .general purpose.  JP . Now Jeep .

spacesailor

And Spacey has swept into the NES with his usual deep and meaningful content, and like a seagull attacking a bag of chips, he has called bull "short " and indicated that bull may also be a septic.

 

With no exit dots, Spacey gives us nowhere to go, so Cappy, ever the friend of the NES, has continued never the less.

 

...... which (Jeep not Spacey) in the inner suburbs are often known as a Chicko Roll in a ......

Edited November 12 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......basket.

Not many people know that the British Army, fighting in the Khyber Pass bought 500 war service US Army Jeeps because (a) the US hadn't been able to sell them, even at US$50.00 because everyone was buying Toyota Land Cruisers and (b) because the Khybers would sneak through the lines at night and steal any Land Rover starter motors because there were no spare parts.

 

The Jeeps, unlike today's SUVs which don't even have Low Range because no one knows how to use it anyway, could go anywhere.

 

Once on a weekend furlough from the fighting a Gurkha invited Cappy home. The Jeep climbed up into the mountains and through bogs effortlessly. After dropping off the Gurkha at his home they decided to continue up the mountains. There were Bengal tigers drinking from mountain streams unworried by the Jeep's presence, Dak Runners everywhere delivering the mail a letter at a time.

The view kept getting better and better and eventually they reached the top of a mountain. "Someone's been here recently" shouted Cappy. Carved in the summit were the names "Ed Hillary" and "Tensing Norgay". After a quick meal of Energy Chocolate, they started driving back down. Brakes were not the strong point of the Willys Jeep and ............

[Captain]

.... that always gave Crappy the willies, hence the name.

 

It was when they got to Base Camp, after picking up the bodies of 6 earlier failed attempted climbers (which Cappy used to keep the beer cold), who for some reason did not become as famous as Ed and Tensy, that an issue arose ....

 

Just for the record Tensing Norgay was neither Norwegian nor gay ...... NTTIAWWT.

Edited November 12 by Captain

[bull]

13 hours ago, spacesailor said:

Zepplins in a fog ! .

" short order cooking " ,

Sounds American . They give everything a nickname .general purpose.  JP . Now Jeep .

spacesailor

Zeppelins in a Fog, the modern naval name for sausages and mashed potatoes. Zeppelins , Railway Canteen sausages. A supper of sausages and mash, referred to these days as zeppelins in a cloud .

[bull]

54 minutes ago, Captain said:

.... that always gave Crappy the willies, hence the name.

 

It was when they got to Base Camp, after picking up the bodies of 6 earlier failed attempted climbers (which Cappy used to keep the beer cold), who for some reason did not become as famous as Ed and Tensy, that an issue arose ....

 

Just for the record Tensing Norgay was neither Norwegian nor gay ...... NTTIAWWT.

.............as it was then found that the bodies had somehow......................

[turboplanner]

..........changed in appearance, now looking like 16 yos, and two of them were beginning to move as they thawed out, and then ..........

[onetrack]

......one sat bolt upright in the rear of the Jeep, which frightened Cappy so much (and it's reported that as a Khyber Veteran, he's not easily frightened), that he jerked the steering wheel so much, the Jeep did a neat 180° turn, and all the bodies - including the one sitting up - fell out.

 

Cappy stopped (eventually, despite those dreadful Jeep drum brakes) and backed up. He knew this going to make for warm beer very quickly, so he..........

[turboplanner]

......started putting the slabs back in the Jeep, but one had thawed out, lost his stiffness and was become relaxed. "I say old chap, would you have a cup of tea; the name's Mallory, George Mallory." Cappy fainted, the Jeep ............

 

Not many people know that George Mallory went missing with his fellow climber in 1924. They were believed (and still are in England), to have been the first to conquer Everest and were found years later on The North Face by a party of duck hunters.

 

Even less people know that Cappy used the name to found a Company called The North Face which makes mountain climbing clothes based on Cappy's mountain climbing experience which is cleaning the leaves out of his gutters according to his wife Ethel.

 

 

 

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy's mountain climbing experience which is cleaning the leaves out of his gutters according to his wife Ethel.

But like many members of the AUF, not to mention of the NES, Cappy is now banned from using ladders in case he breaks a hip cleaning gutters (Ethel is a stickler for the rules ..... except the one that mentions the word "obey").

 

It is one of the benefits of being an NES keyboard warrior that while one's reputation can take a dive, and the cat can stick its bum into your face and trash a long and hysterical post by lying on the keyboard, the chances of Crappy being injured is low, although he does get hurt by some of the crueler posts by his so-called friends.

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.... started putting the slabs back in the Jeep, but one had thawed out, lost his stiffness and was become relaxed. "I say old chap, would you have a cup of tea; the name's Mallory, George Mallory." Cappy fainted, the Jeep .......

..... had enough rust holes to allow George's juices to get away ("Geez I needed that" said George), and the experience of George on Everest became the basis for the runaway success of the Turbine Cryogenics Corporation (the world renowned TCC) which has now recovered 240 unsuccessful climbers off the mountain and, in addition to keeping the Katmandu Pilsner cool for a while on the way down, has used them to ......

 

Part of the TCC's photo collection that promotes their activities in the foyers of each of their offices around the world (that is Turbo at top left, acting the part of George (Clooney not Mallory) to turn on the girls in the typing pool).

Edited November 13 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......start a long-term resort rental business called Shangrila.

The aim is to secure not the brash types who climbed the mountain on credit using crampons and ropes from chain stores, but the early explorers who may have had 250 pounds in the bank when they died, which has now compounded to six billion AU$. These people can afford the nightly fee for the best views in the resort and everyone's happy. Surprisingly this venture was started by OT who we would have thought wouldn't know a lot about extreme cold or a clean, sand-free climate, and it wouldn't be surprising to find that OT dusts the residents off once a day. The resort has also attracted .........

[Captain]

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......start a long-term resort rental business called Shangrila.

The aim is to secure not the brash types who climbed the mountain on credit using crampons and ropes from chain stores, but the early explorers who may have had 250 pounds in the bank when they died, which has now compounded to six billion AU$. These people can afford the nightly fee for the best views in the resort and everyone's happy. Surprisingly this venture was started by OT who we would have thought wouldn't know a lot about extreme cold or a clean, sand-free climate, and it wouldn't be surprising to find that OT dusts the residents off once a day. The resort has also attracted .........

..... a lot of interest from Jeep car clubs worldwide, the Petrified Explorers Association, The George Mallory (and George Clooney) Appreciation Societies, The Katmandu Pilsner drinkers of the world, and for the Annual Conferences of various Mortuary, Embalming and Freeze Drying corporations, all of which see the Shangri La (note the spelling difference, as Turbo's post mentions the Jane Goodall hotel for gorillas) as providing a better way to ......

Edited November 13 by Captain

[Captain]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

..... the Turbine Cryogenics Corporation (the world renowned TCC) which has now recovered 240 unsuccessful climbers off the mountain .....

Were they used as part of the feeding program at the Cat Farms? We will probably never know for sure, but we all know that Turbo will do anything to save on his Cat Farm's dry food costs.

 

Many of the Cats had developed a taste for Biltong, so my vote is yes.

 

 

Is this biltong for the cats, or is this FC .............................. (failed climber)?

Edited November 13 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....view the more impressive mountain ranges, rather than trying to climb them the hard way. However, Cappy wasn't happy in Shangri La, and it was largely due to the fact that he was constantly coming across George Mallory propped up on a sun bed, taking in the "rays".

 

Cappy initially made the mistake of identifying George as another Shangri La client who had spent far too long in the sun, and who'd developed that mummified skin look.

 

However, when Cappy touched George, and he fell off the sunbed, Cappy realised to his horror, he'd made an awful mistake, and that..........

 

Edited November 14 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

George may have suffered the Pattersons Curse problem where people come back to life and start becoming younger and just where they're getting into it they start fallig over and going to sleep and becoming in the continent and stuff, and the Bros don't like that, so Cappy, a resourcefull fellow set about finding a herb which would clear George's affliction. Almost immediately .........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

so Cappy, a resourcefull fellow set about finding a herb which would clear George's affliction. Almost immediately ........

...... Herb Williams came to mind, because he harvested and sold Patterson's Curse commercially to most of the florists along the east coast, and in addition had found a way to extract the copper from the blossoms and make copper wire.

 

Herb also had a passionate interest in ......

[bull]

29 minutes ago, Captain said:

...... Herb Williams came to mind, because he harvested and sold Patterson's Curse commercially to most of the florists along the east coast, and in addition had found a way to extract the copper from the blossoms and make copper wire.

 

Herb also had a passionate interest in ......

.ultralights and has been a life long member of the AUF and bemones about the "so called" RAA all the time whilst drinking beers with Bull and CT down at the local rissole.Now what this has to do with "Pattersons Curse" i have no idea but i'm sure that Cappy has it all .........

[onetrack]

.....sewn up, as his best mate Turbo had seen a wide business opening in the Patersons Curse harvesting, and had set Cappy straight, on how to organise with farmers, which paddocks would be harvested, and in what order - and of course, he would also arrange payment to Turbine Inc's major subsidiary, T.I. Patersons Curse Harvesting And Removal Services. 

 

Cappy was to told by Turbo to explain to the farmers, that as Patersons Curse was a noxious weed, TIPCHARS was assisting the farmers greatly by harvesting and removal of the nuisance weed, and thereby increasing farm profits and values - so it was only right that TIPCHARS was properly re-imbursed for their efforts.

 

Of course, Turbo had realised, after some study, that the pyrrolizidine alkaloids found in Patersons Curse were in great demand in both traditional medicine treatment, as well as in regular medical cancer treatments. Turbo quickly realised he was onto a winner. He would get paid handsomely for weed removal, and also get paid handsomely for the chemicals extracted from the weed.

 

It was easy money on two fronts, and Turbo had always hankered to get into the Pharmaceuticals side of things, as he was well aware the profits in Pharmaceuticals were only something he could dream about, with his run-of-the-mill, cat farming operations.

 

Turbo and Cappy returned to Shangri-La with cartons and cartons of pyrrolizidine alkaloids. They would not only make massive profits selling the pyrrolizidine alkaloids pills, they would also present themselves as Shamans! 

 

It was to this end, they both went hunting for Eagle feathers to manufacture their Shamanic cloaks, as feather cloaks are a crucial part of being a Shaman. It wasn't long before Cappy found some crow feathers. "Hey look, this'll do us!", he cried.

Turbo was disgusted, but he hid his disgust well, because Cappy was his Khyber Pass mate. He replied, "Mate, we need, eagle feathers, to give us street cred - and besides, if we.......

[turboplanner]

.......go into a pub where people on the land congregate and we're wearing crow feathers, they're more likely to give us a dose of BBs.

 

Ever mindful of the time at the Gumly Gumply pub where he was chased down the road by cockys on 4 wheelers for releasing an expletive about waste grain on the sides of the road which he'd slipped on in the Land Cruiser, Cappy went out and shot four Wedge Tails, skun them, and was soon prancing around looking like Poking Honters.

 

The four wheelers were lined up for a hundred metres, but this time he'd parked his Drifter with the Encabulator around the corner.

 

It didn't take long ...........