The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

.....known to be fond of kickbacks as regards free air tickets (some long-overdue avref), and to this end, Cappy went out of his way to acquire a number of free business-class seats to well-known holiday destinations, where said judges could frolic with the barely-clad native women, without fear of bringing their office into disrepute. In fact, one judge was so enamoured of the "local talent", he was found with his trousers.............

[turboplanner]

....members of the Judicial Workers Federation, which has always had a low profile, quietly dispensing their justice from the days of Captain Cook.

They were beginning to fell they'd dispensed a little too much justice to Dan when ......

 

 

 

[Captain]

22 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.... members of the Judicial Workers Federation, which has always had a low profile, quietly dispensing their justice from the days of Captain Cook.

They were beginning to feel that they had dispensed a little too much justice to Dan when ......

..... an investigative journalist at The Australian identified that the JWF were just the Waterside Workers Federation & the Seaman's Union with some masking tape over their names and the Judicial Workers Federation (often misspelled) scribbled in with a black Texta .......... while various Judges had changed their names from Pat Clancy, Billy Hughes & Chopper Reid by deed poll.

 

And while the sentences were often meted out immediately by a .38 to the melon around the back of the pub, one advantage of this system was that not much time or money was wasted on appeals ..... plus this all fitted in tickety-boo with normal politics and the way things roll in Mextoria.

 

The JWF also warned off Turbo, hence why he limps and his knee is still swollen, from forming the privatized & new Turbine Law Courts & King's Counsels Inc, because Turbo had ......

Edited November 21 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......inadvertently stepped into the most lucrative rackets in the Country, where the judges would meet in a pub and decide who was going to win this one, and what the suckers were going to pay.

These were the people you'd see down at the airport polishing their half million dollar Sportcruisers.

Turbo designed more or less an electronic gumball maching where you'd touch on wiuth your AMEX Card, and then type in the problem and details of the prick that had crossed your path, and the screen would show a video of Judge Judy, the machine would click a few times, then say "Sorry we lost" and fifty bucks would be charged to the credit card. Same disappointment, but you still had your house.

So Turbo sold the system to Cappy for $3.9 million, and they both ensured Cappy's identity remained secret. The money that flowed in built twin mansions where the old bungalow used to be in the Spratleys, and the parties became legend until Chairman Xi showed up one night and .............

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

So Turbo sold the system to Cappy for $3.9 million, and they both ensured Cappy's identity remained secret. The money that flowed in built twin mansions where the old bungalow used to be in the Spratleys, and the parties became legend until Chairman Xi showed up one night and ........

..... demanded 20% "for the Big Guy".

 

"It not for me" emphasized Xi "It for Joey Biden. I take the other 80% or you'll be reeducated down in Uighur territory".

 

"Fair enough, whatever you want, Xi old mate" replied Cappy, using his best Albanese negotiating technique ..... then added "But what's your missus doing at the moment, mate? As my friend here is a champion at Strip Mahjong".

 

"Ahhh, you pray Stlip Mahjongg so you must be OK guys" replied Xi "I send down my missus and a few concubines and you can take your pick, but be careful as your mate looks a little crook and a couple of those girls might tip him over the edge & finish him off".

 

"Don't you worry about that, as my mate can handle whatever is thrown at him, as we have been up the Khyber together."

 

"Wow, but isn't that a lude explession, yet humourous in a juvenile manner?" asked Xi "With connotations of b........

Edited November 21 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......breakfast in the Uighur Mountains in his youth.

He mentioned this to Cappy and said he had come away with a gin addiction and from that moment nothing was too much trouble for Chairman Xi. They disappeared to the Observation deck Cappy had built for the CIA and Chairman Xi frowned slightly, but then they disappeared for a week and chits were sent down, meals and gin sent up, gin bottles thudded onto the Spratly grass, and they decided what they would get Albo to do.

Not many people know that Albo was a Commando in the British Army during Gulf 1. Of course they weren't up to the standard of the Marines, but Albo was very handy with a knife in the back and ..........

[Captain]

54 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

 ..... gin bottles thudded onto the Spratly grass, and they decided what they would get Albo to do.

Not many people know that Albo was a Commando in the British Army during Gulf 1. Of course they weren't up to the standard of the Marines, but Albo was very handy with a knife in the back and ..........

.... he was great at disguises, being two-faced and all.

 

The pinnacle of Albo's time in the British Army was during Gulf 1, when he went to Mosul, which he thought was a bivalve mollusk ....... and he was hankering for a paella.

 

This set the scene for Albo's future, in that he was then .......

 

The plate of Mosuls that Albo really wanted.

 

Edited Thursday at 08:53 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

....named Mosul, given a Drifter [avref] and had the job of impersonating a Recreational Flyer who had drifted off course, couldn't find his way back because the GPS battery was flat and the spare GPS battery was flat. The enemy would usually have a laugh and let him go. Turbo would then fly the route home dropping gin bottles, and Cappy would show up right on track for the runway every time.

 

Not many people know that Cappy has a photographic memory and is a displayed artist of some not so there was no need to bring a camera and Turbo would just infiltrate among the enemy in the danger zone borrowing cigarettes from them as he moved through clarifying great spots for the artillery to lob ordnance.

 

It was a good system; Turbo would pinch a bike and back to the lines, the artillery would wipe out the enemy and the British Commandos would run in, clap their hands to scare any laggers and claim another victory.

 

One dark night though an enemy soldier caught the whiff or the aftermath of Cappy's evening feed of mosuls and grabbed him by the ..........

[Captain]

On 21/11/2024 at 5:12 PM, turboplanner said:

Turbo would then fly the route home dropping gin bottles, and Cappy would show up right on track for the runway every time.

Thus, the normal VOR navigation system became known as the VGBR and the ILS was renamed the GBLS as height on final could readily be determined by the relative size of the gin bottles ..... and when you could clearly read "Bombay Saphire" on the bottles, it was time to flare. Therefore, the entire navigation and landing procedures became much more simple and GPS's were stripped from every aircraft in order to accommodate a slab of Tonic Water and some ice.

 

On 21/11/2024 at 5:12 PM, turboplanner said:

One dark night though an enemy soldier caught the whiff or the aftermath of Cappy's evening feed of mosuls and grabbed him by the ......

..... little hairy bit that sticks out of most mosuls ....... well ....., it turns out that Cappy had eaten so many mosuls over his considerable lifetime that he had evolved (Darwin's great granddaughter has become physically involved with him while studying Cappy, just like Charlie had studied the evolution of the finches on Galapagos) with an identical but larger hairy bit sticking out of Cappy's .......

 

(Cappy acknowledges that this post may be a trifle erky perky to some of our

more delicate NESers, however science and evolution should never be subverted).

 

THE HAIRY BIT THAT IS THE SUBJECT OF THIS POST.

 

Edited Saturday at 03:16 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....atreum.

Turbo had been a Junior News Spotter at hthe Bombay Journal before he signed up for the Khyber and now he remembered there  was a controversial lawsuit about a Hindi who had used a similar beard to entice ............

[onetrack]

......billy goats into his hut for reasons unknown - but it seemed rather revealing that the Hindi was later seen with a curry food cart in the backstreets of Kabul, selling a very, very spicy dish, with mysterious content and ingredients, that Cappy actually purchased one night, when he was tired and hungry after a long day up the Khyber with Turbo - and this then led to a disastrous and serious inflammation of his...........

[turboplanner]

....left digit; a sure sign that he had been......

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....left digit; a sure sign that he had been......

..... indulging in a crook vindaloo, and that .....

[turboplanner]

.....this could lead to digititis, and issue in computers where there was too much keyboarding, which overloaded the digital system and led to .....

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....this could lead to digititis, and issue in computers where there was too much keyboarding, which overloaded the digital system and led to .....

..... a lack of acceptance of new ideas and a type of digitital blindness to ......

[turboplanner]

........the achievements of Benjamin Franklin, Nigel Farage, Albo Einstein and our own AHlocks on the grounds that none of these were digital people who use AI, or copilot.

 

Ahlocks should be taken out of this equation (see photos of Albo's blackboard), because he still reads social media 14 hours a day, but Mrs AHlocks took his keyboard off him 7 years ago and the great man has been silenced ever since.

 

Turbo had been talking about this to Albo at a Matematics Convention in Las Vegas, and Albo ran his fingers through his ample white hair and said "......................

[Captain]

.... Do you mean digital, like that 1 finger salute that my subjects give me so lovingly, or do you mean numbers and stuff? In addition, if you need funding under a UN program, we can arrange a few $ million each year if you can just use the term "Renewable Energy Superpower" all the time.

 

"No wuckers" replied Turdy, as if there is one thing that gives Turbo an ......

[turboplanner]

....episode of nervous tension, it's when the great Albert Einstein gets confused about his lines. He of course wasn't a King and never wanted to be, but since, at the age of 3 weeks he had told his mother to get off the booze because she was only giving him 13/16 of the milk he needed to grow fast he had always wanted to push the boundaries of mathematics, or as some people say Matematics.

It was in Grade 1 when his teacher said "Now kiddies, we are going to learn today that one and one makes two" and little Al had said "Not always" that people knew he had a gift, or more precisely the teacher rushed into the staff room at morning tea time and slammed the kettle onto the table, yelling "that XXXXXX Einstein kid is correcting me again!"

 

These deep thoughts had been started by a bad batch of vindaloo, and Cappy was thinking it was lucky that Bombay No3 curry hadn't been on the menu, when OT walked in, threw his Chinese 888 jacket on the floor, kicked off his No 8 tennis shoes with the yellow soles, flung his Temu watch into the spittoon, and would have taken off his Pleasant Dreams jocks if Turbo hadn't calmed him down with some genuine New Delhi whiskey. Cappy approached him cautiously and asked "..............

Edited Monday at 05:18 AM by turboplanner

[Captain]

..... Confucius (referring to Kong Qui, and not the other imposter bloke) says that he thinks that you have the irits, Onesie, so what has put a burr under your kimono?"

 

OT ignored the improper reference to Japanese dress and responded "Too right Crappy, it all started when I ......

Edited Monday at 08:01 AM by Captain

[Captain]

8 hours ago, Captain said:

..... Confucius (referring to Kong Qui, and not the other imposter bloke) says that he thinks that you have the irits, Onesie, so what has put a burr under your kimono?"

 

OT ignored the improper reference to Japanese dress and responded "Too right Crappy, it all started when I ......

.... had to move my many years of accumulating invaluable items to a new location. That required such dedication that I almost withdrew from life, and even from the NES, before I woke up to myself, missed my regular contact with close mates like bull & Turdy, and I came back like Lazarus, stronger than ever, even though I am still .....

[turboplanner]

".........very sore after lifting 25 D7s on to the old Bedford, I'm thankfull I'd read that ancient book and learnt how they did it when they built their home from giant rocks."

 

Both Cappy and Turbo knew that this wasn't the day to question OT, and they knew about the wrath of a WA high flier from being there the day Bob Hawke said to Alan Bond, "Im not going to give you $13 million taxpayer funds for a fool's errand like that har,har,ha OW!, you little XXXX!!!!", and the rest is history.

 

This morning, hoping for a new day, new mood Turbo served Cappy with some fresh Corn Flakes and Cappy put a shot of Glenfiddoch in OT's hot milk. The air was electric and wasn't in need of a charging station any time soon [topical reference], and into this delicate situation stomped.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

This morning, hoping for a new day, new mood Turbo served Cappy with some fresh Corn Flakes and Cappy put a shot of Glenfiddoch in OT's hot milk. The air was electric and wasn't in need of a charging station any time soon [topical reference], and into this delicate situation stomped.......

..... a big bloke with what was obviously a bad attitude.

 

"Could this be bull or is it that CT, of might it even be Planey?" Cappy slurped into his cornflakes and spoke to Tubb through the side of his mouth, showering Turdy with milk and shards of cereal, so that he looked like an elf in a snow-globe.

 

"I'm look'n for some bloke (or Blokette if'n it might be a shiela) who is known around these parts as the "Singular Root", because I want to buy 3 rippers for a D7, then a .......

Edited Monday at 08:14 PM by Captain

[CT9000]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

..... a big bloke with what was obviously a bad attitude.

 

"Could this be bull or is it that CT, of might it even be Planey?" Cappy slurped into his cornflakes and spoke to Tubb through the side of his mouth, showering Turdy with milk and shards of cereal, so that he looked like an elf in a snow-globe.

 

"I'm look'n for some bloke (or Blokette if'n it might be a shiela) who is known around these parts as the "Singular Root", because I want to buy 3 rippers for a D7, then a .......

......thought came to mind that a "Singular Root" might also include a square root which is the shape of the rippers for the dozer ......

[turboplanner]

46 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

......thought came to mind that a "Singular Root" might also include a square root which is the shape of the rippers for the dozer ......

......and of course by definition, One Track is the collection of sprockets, rollers and grousers on one side of a bulldozer and from there ......

[CT9000]

55 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......and of course by definition, One Track is the collection of sprockets, rollers and grousers on one side of a bulldozer and from there ......

.....it would become obvious that removing roots with a dozer would require a rooter as distinctly different to a rootee which is more labor intensive ........