The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

...... and which ends up completely rooted. However, there were questions from OT that CT needed to answer. "Why do you need 3 x D7 rippers?". "Have you got a D7?" What's the serial number and and model?" "Is it turboed or naturally aspirated?" "Air-con cabin or open ROPS?" 

CT was a bit flustered by the barrage of questions. To him, a D7 was a D7 and ever since he got the D7 to sort out the DG rabbits once and for all, he didn't think about things like the questions OT posed.

 

In fact, he'd bought the D7 without realising it didn't even have a ripper - a vital component when it comes to ripping up rabbit warrens - and CT went to sleep at night dreaming about ripping up rabbit warrens, and listening to the squeals of dying rabbits.

So now, he had a conundrum. He found out he needed ripper tynes, but then he realised he didn't have a ripper, to which he needed to fit them.

But after talking again with OT, who knew a bloke who knew a supplier, who knew the whereabouts of a D7 ripper, CT was on track again to sort out those pesky rabbits, and it was only going to be a matter of time, money and organisation, before he could......

[CT9000]

5 minutes ago, onetrack said:

...... and which ends up completely rooted. However, there were questions from OT that CT needed to answer. "Why do you need 3 x D7 rippers?". "Have you got a D7?" What's the serial number and and model?" "Is it turboed or naturally aspirated?" "Air-con cabin or open ROPS?" 

CT was a bit flustered by the barrage of questions. To him, a D7 was a D7 and ever since he got the D7 to sort out the DG rabbits once and for all, he didn't think about things like the questions OT posed.

 

In fact, he'd bought the D7 without realising it didn't even have a ripper - a vital component when it comes to ripping up rabbit warrens - and CT went to sleep at night dreaming about ripping up rabbit warrens, and listening to the squeals of dying rabbits.

So now, he had a conundrum. He found out he needed ripper tynes, but then he realised he didn't have a ripper, to which he needed to fit them.

But after talking again with OT, who knew a bloke who knew a supplier, who knew the whereabouts of a D7 ripper, CT was on track again to sort out those pesky rabbits, and it was only going to be a matter of time, money and organisation, before he could......

......stop using explosives and just drink beer whilst driving the dozer ripping burrows .....

[Captain]

1 hour ago, CT9000 said:

......stop using explosives and just drink beer whilst driving the dozer ripping burrows .....

..... but then the truth came out, because in the height of passion, CT had whispered to his girlfriend #3 (CT is a bit of a goer, as well as a complete CT) that his real aim was to use the D7 and the WA sourced rippers to secretly enlarge the Arrivals & Departure holes at DG International.

 

"I thought that he was referring to mine" she said to the DG office of the ABC, before CT .....

Edited November 26 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....managed to get her into the Mustang and give her some chewing gum.

It was about 1 pm the next day that CT noticed the black smoke from the D7 had died away and the ripper was siting up higher (A trained D7 Operator like Turbo would have picked that up during the morning)

This was a sure sign that the tynes had word out.

CT raised the ripper and started scratching the dirt off with a shovel; the tines has completely worn out in 5 hours of operation.

Since OT had given him 5 years warranty on the tynes Ct started unbolting them ready to take photos.

His eye fell on the brand; in place of CAT, it read "888 Gold and Treasure Co, Xuen."

CT picked up the shotgun, got into the Mustang, and five km out of DG was pulled over by the Highway Patrol.

"Good afternoon" said the Officer "Do you have any reason for exceeding the speed limit by 55 km/hr?"

CT started to cry and told him what OT had done to the CAT. "On your way then Sir" the Officer said "and give him an extra charge from me" and they talked Ford for the next half hour.

When CT finally arrived in Onesville, WA he held the ripper tyne up and attempted to ram it down OT's throat, but it snapped in half and they both started to laugh.........

[onetrack]

.....as OT pointed out the ripper tyne was made of PLASTIC! "Those XXXX'ing Chinese are at it again!!", he exclaimed. "I've had enough of this Chinese trickery!" - and he reached for his phone and dialled up a number in his phone contacts.

 

"Herro!" said a Chinese voice, and OT replied, "Hello, Xi, you tricky old bxxxxxd!! What are you up to now, besides ripping off Westerners with your cheap imitation manufactured products!!

I mean to say, it's bad enough packaging your ripper tynes as genuine Cat parts, and even painting them the exact correct colour, and even using the same part numbers! - but to make them out of PLASTIC, is just straining our friendship waay too much!!"

 

"Lissen, OT, you old bxxxxxd!! (Note to NES readers - OT and Xi were mates from way back, ever since they did a big mining JV, based in Hong Kong, and extracting rare earth minerals out of Mongolia), you better stop spouting lubbish on that Leck Flying forum, telling everyone about our chleap and nasty Chinese products! This is not good for our countries relationships, you might cause a diplomatic rift! - and maybe you could even spend some time inside one of our fine le-education camps, until you see the Chinese point of view!!"

 

OT swallowed hard. XI wasn't to be trifled with, OT remembered what happened to the people who opposed the mining operations, they were all rounded up at the protest, by some tough-looking Chinese all dressed in black, and the protestors weren't seen again. 

 

"It's O.K.", said OT, trying to smooth things over. "We just have a few little problems here with some of your products, and you just have to make sure you jail a few more of your corrupt managers!"

 

"Ahh-Ha!", said XI, "Jail!! - Yes, I like the sound of that word, especially when it comes to dealing with recalcitrants who don't follow Chinese point of view!! By the way, speaking of recalcitrants, how's that Turbo XXXX doing? The last time I heard from him, he was trying to crack into Chinese cat farming, but I soon cut the............

 

Edited November 26 by onetrack

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

"Ahh-Ha!", said XI, "Jail!! - Yes, I like the sound of that word, especially when it comes to dealing with recalcitrants who don't follow Chinese point of view!! By the way, speaking of recalcitrants, how's that Turbo XXXX doing? The last time I heard from him, he was trying to crack into Chinese cat farming, but I soon cut the.......

..... heads off a couple of thousand cats and fed them to the Uyghurs that make the Apple phones. I thought that Turbo would get the message after 4 or 5 cats were terminated, but it took 2000 to get through to him. Anyway, me and Turdboy are now best mates and are cooperating for the glorious friendship of our 2 great nations, well ....... ours anyway".

 

Just at that moment OT's call waiting went off. "Sorry Xi, gotta go, as Stokesy is on the line. See ya"

 

He pushed a button and said "G'day Kezza, how are they hanging?"

 

"G'day Onesie" said Kerry "What's this I hear about you importing CAT gear from China and undermining my exclusive CAT pricing structure?"

 

OT backpedaled like an Italian tank driver and in no time flat had negotiated to sell all his plastic CAT spares to Kerry for half Stokesy's normal selling price, so OT made a motza and Kezza had a bit of a warranty, wear and durability issue for a while.

 

Then Kerry changed the subject "Hey Onesie, you know how I funded Ben Roberts-Smith VC's defense? Well, I like supporting Aussie heroes and I hear that your mates, Turdy and Crappy, have been dumped in it by an ABC's 3 Corners Report that they were a bit over enthusiastic while up the Khyber, plus CT has also overused rule 222 to tear into the DG bunny population and had pushed a few dozen of them ..... with their paws bound ..... into one of the 5 sacred rivers in order to teach 'em a lesson, in what has become known as the great "Bunny-Lemming Scandal", so let those Skippy Heroes know that I ........ 

 

 

The above is a work of fiction and no despots, dictators, millionaires, billionaires or animals were harmed in the making of this post.

Edited November 26 by Captain

[turboplanner]

'm always there to help, especially if there's some airtime fiull of ads in it.

 

It had all started when Turbo had seen an add for a cheap Morgan knock-off and figured they could carry four cannisters of napalm if they supercharged the Rotax to suit the high altitudes.

 

So they went to Dave Marles with the plans and a glowing endorsement from OTRecreational, Chung Ling.

 

Dave could see no further than how good these would be operating from the new subs due in 40 years time, so he ordered a couple of hundred.

 

They arrived a couple of days later in cardboard cartons and as Dave undid the shrink wrap on the first pack an instruction sheet fell out. It was printed in 1 pt font, in 63 languages, but not English. That didn't stop Dave; he was from Geelong, but ........

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..... They arrived a couple of days later in cardboard cartons and as Dave undid the shrink wrap on the first pack an instruction sheet fell out. It was printed in 1 pt font, in 63 languages, but not English. That didn't stop Dave; he was from Geelong, but ........

 

..... a Morgan is a Morgan and all you need to build them into a saleable product is a team of carpenters and a warranty policy that puts all liability onto the customer.

 

Dave had been a chippy in his early days so he ......

Edited November 26 by Captain

[Captain]

53 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... a Morgan is a Morgan and all you need to build them into a saleable product is a team of carpenters and a warranty policy that puts all liability onto the customer.

 

Dave had been a chippy in his early days so he ......

Turdy's Morgan

 

Crappy's Morgan

[turboplanner]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

..... a Morgan is a Morgan and all you need to build them into a saleable product is a team of carpenters and a warranty policy that puts all liability onto the customer.

 

Dave had been a chippy in his early days so he ......

..took out his No 2 sledge hammer and 20 minutes later he had belted the left side of the aircraft into an aerodynamic shape. The right side had already been given similar treatment by Australia Post.

 

Next he pulled the rather unusual engine out of its box, hosed the chicken dung off it and it slid on to the mounts smoothly. He knew that a least the four mounting holes had been drilled this time and in the correct position.

 

Next came the prop, and in 27 languages the attached description said it was CE compliant, and care should be taken when using it indoors.

 

It only had one blade though..............

 

[Captain]

.... so he had to spin it twice as fast to obtain the same thrust, but he thought that the harmonics might be an issue, until his girlfriend gave it her approval and she came .....

Edited November 27 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....up with the idea of riveting one end of a bra string to the prop tip and the other just to the side of the spinner.

 

She looked a little out of  balance at first but the plane flew well and was often seen.....

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....up with the idea of riveting one end of a bra string to the prop tip and the other just to the side of the spinner.

 

She looked a little out of  balance at first but the plane flew well and was often seen.....

..... in perfect harmonic harmony, with her left one rotating anti clockwise and her right one in glorious counter balance, with .....

[turboplanner]

......the colours of the Republic of India on her fuselage and legs with spats.

It wasn't long before Dave was seen waving from his new kitplane to the  farmers on the oustkirts of the town. He didn't have a Certificate, but hey, nor did anyone else around these parts. One day he had an undercarriage failure on landing. Dave claimed that a willy willy did it, and there was an 87 page discussion on it in WreckFlyne where the conclusion seemed to be that six people were going to Old Station this year.

He ordered the parts; they didn't arrive, so being a politician he demanded to see the owner of the kitplane business who immediately agreed to come down and help him. What Dave didn't know was that no one had ever succeeded in pinning this person down. He had the character of a wombat [A small Australian Marsupial which eats roots and leaves].

An investgative journalist got onto the story that there were no parts available for Australia's new secret Attack Aircraft, and there were questions in the Senate where Sarah broke down in tears. Lidia spat the dummy in the dirt and Jaqui said "XXXXXXX wombat!

Someone asked  "Where are these SHXXboxes being made?" and Dave, in a flash of honesty stuttered C..C..C..C.... but the Senate had risen for the day and ...........

Edited November 27 by turboplanner

[Captain]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

n investgative journalist got onto the story that there were no parts available for Australia's new secret Attack Aircraft, and there were questions in the Senate where Sarah broke down in tears. Lidia spat the dummy in the dirt and Jaqui said "XXXXXXX wombat!

Someone asked  "Where are these SHXXboxes being made?" and Dave, in a flash of honesty stuttered C..C..C..C.... but the Senate had risen for the day and ...........

..... therefore there was no chance to stab anyone, Julius Caesar style, although Turbo has always dreamt of seeing Sarah's ample frame in a toga.

 

However Lidia and Jacqui were 2 different kettles of prawns, and that was ..... 

[turboplanner]

......to be the news the follwing day as the media tried to piece together what happened.

Lidia had been shouting and pretending to throw spears from the gallery after being banned from the Senate when Jacqie, diplomatically told her to get XXXXXX. Lidia spat back with some language we can't use here  and there was a .........

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......to be the news the follwing day as the media tried to piece together what happened.

Lidia had been shouting and pretending to throw spears from the gallery after being banned from the Senate when Jacqie, diplomatically told her to get XXXXXX. Lidia spat back with some language we can't use here  and there was a .........

.... major incident when somebody on X described Lids as something that Turbs and bulls know quite a lot about .... "A Thai hooker with a beer gut".

 

Maurine and Sarah took offence and displayed their beautiful bodies to best effect, fully clothed of course, and Black Rod became soft when .....

[turboplanner]

......Lidia jumped the rail. It was like a female rooster fight, and the Speaker who had tried saying "Order" several times stode out onto the floor, grabbed two of them by the neck and threw them down the stairs. The visitors in the Hall cheered because they thought this was what went on in Parliament.

"คุณมันโคตรปัญญาอ่อน" screamed Lidia.

Sarah burst into tears and yelled: "........

 

 

[Captain]

..... I can't stand this any more, as these ratbags are getting much more attention than I am, and I used to be the Princess of the Senate (POS). Now I'm just a sideshow".

 

"Dont cry Sahs, as you'll always be a POS to us" replied Lidya, who then .....

Edited November 29 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........caught a flight home to Carlton and her penthouse and Canberra turned the page for the next stranger than fiction act.

 

In the meantime that sneaky OT had been quietly building up his CAT franchises, the latest one shown here.

 

He'd misspelt his name of course - we're lucky he didn't us a reverse "t" as well.

 

The OT Parts all have a pussy stamped on them; implying they have something to do with Caterpillar, and there's a hint of Cat yellow in the logo, but green in case the customers claim parts are knockoffs.

 

He was going to hang two bull gears above every dealership until  he found that four out of every ten were oval.

 

Bucyrus Caterpillar would turn in his grave if he saw this.

 

The section in front is the entry module, styled on an old Arizona Cantina, where someone coming in for a set of grousers or a few pistons is encouraged to linger with the hostesses over a jug of beer. The beer is that rotgut from WA, Swan Lager, so by the time the customer gets to the factory counter, he's lost part of his sight and is shaky at the knees.

 

The franchise uses the well - known "retired professionals" to steer the customer off what he came in to buy and talk him into some junk that had started to rust.

 

It was into this process that CT fell when he entered the new Darraweit Guim Onetrak franchise and ...............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[onetrack]

.....he spotted a "new product" name the "Super Rabbit Rooter". This item was an OT invention, an improved version of Robert Le Tourneaus Rooter of 1931. It's not sure now if CT was entranced by the name or by the machines ability to destroy rabbit warrens on an industrial scale. With the 6 cans of Swan Lager downed in a little under the 15 mins he talked animatedly with the Onetrak salesman, CT was emboldened. He pulled out his Samsung S23 and paid for it on the spot with his Google Wallet (CT might be from DG, but he's right up with the latest digital technology), and the Rooter was his. All that was required now was arranging the delivery date. CT needed to think about this, his appointments calendar was pretty full, what with aircraft events, golf tournaments, aerial rabbit-popping competitions, international airport management, and............

[turboplanner]

....Mandarin lessons (CT had decided he might even get lower prices if he bypassed the distributors and dealt directly with the Chinese), and .......

[turboplanner]

.......booked a Penthouse room at the Peking Duck. Of course it had been renamed the Beijing Duck but the owners doggedly refused to lose their marketing edge and conform to the Gough Whitlam version, just as most Australians didn't sing "girt by sea" to his Anthem.

 

When the receptionist answered "Mae Wei.." the uncouth O jumped in with "You bet!" so he was allocated a "Trouble Room".....they'd experienced Australians before.

 

On his first morning .............. 

[Captain]

..... he was completely worne out, as Mae Wei had worn a blonde wig and did a "complete" May West impersonation, even down to the smallest thing, which wasn't small any more, given the success of the impersonation over many years.

 

However CT .....

[turboplanner]

was made of tough fibre and .......