The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

...could quieten down the sporting shooters' complaints to the Melbourne Herald Sun which ran the headline "Man shoots rabbit".

Some even said the paper should have correctly described the rabbit as  Rabbitus Darraweit Grimus, others pointed out the colour was missing, so it could have been a white one, a black one, .....

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...could quieten down the sporting shooters' complaints to the Melbourne Herald Sun which ran the headline "Man shoots rabbit".

Some even said the paper should have correctly described the rabbit as  Rabbitus Darraweit Grimus, others pointed out the colour was missing, so it could have been a white one, a black one, .....

.... or even a Cessna.

 

But the Turdy legend overcame .....

Edited December 11, 2024 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........this when he potted another one at 8.2 miles, and when Turbo and a crew of 50 excited journalists who now knew every breed and colour of every rabbit ever born arrived at the target spot there was noting left to comment on except the twisted bullet.

 

The journalists ......

[onetrack]

........., having nothing to write home about - as noted by Turbo - then turned their attention to Turbo and one blonde journo asked, "Where and when did you get that big "8 MILES AWAY" tattoo on your chest? - and what was the idea behind it? Is it something to do with a conquest?

 

Turbo grinned slyly and said, "I was hoping you'd ask about that!" (he'd left his shirt unbuttoned on purpose, not only to show off his huge gold chains, but to also display tantalising glimpses of the tattoo. He ripped his shirt fully open, and went on. "It was when I was on.........................

[Captain]

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

He ripped his shirt fully open, and went on. "It was when I was on........

..... the grog and somebody with 3 needles taped onto the end of a bit of bamboo, and a bottle of Prussian Blue ink from school, offered to do a freeby tap tap tat. I tossed up between Ned's "Such is life", or 25 random Japanese characters, but then settled on my 8 miles schtick, however many tat viewers get confused and think that MOA stands for .......

[turboplanner]

.......that ancient bird that was twice the size of an Ostrich. I told them to draw a 50 cal. Everyone knows what a 50 cal is, but he drew me with a long neck, fat bum and skinny legs.

 

Cappy, who had a stack of empty gin bottles beside him sniggered, and that .............

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......that ancient bird that was twice the size of an Ostrich. I told them to draw a 50 cal. Everyone knows what a 50 cal is, but he drew me with a long neck, fat bum and skinny legs.

 

Cappy, who had a stack of empty gin bottles beside him sniggered, and that .............

.... was not long before Mavis took offence once her name was on that sketch, and it had been plastered all over the interwebb.

 

This sketch became very popular, for example, in Wagga and at her later postings, the sketch had Mavis crossed out with Tipp-Ex and Doubtfire written in (It is worthy of note that Tipp-Ex is still being used by CopShops in NSW and in Vicmanistan, whereas in Qld and WA they just force the scribes to rewrite the entire papyrus scroll).

 

The MOA is also well known for their claws (they kick arse in a heavyweight cockfight), and for their .......

Edited December 12, 2024 by Captain

[onetrack]

........recently discovered inability to outrun or outfly .50 cal slugs. This, according to paleontologists, is what led to the Moa becoming extinct. It also appears that cockfighting in ancient times was known, thanks to some cave drawings, and cockfights between Moas were apparently just as dangerous to the cockfight-watchers, as it was to the Moas.

 

Turbo decided that the Moa would be an excellent name for a new Ultralight, projected to be built by Turbine Innovations in Aviation Inc. Just the idea of a sales pitch that could say, "buy a new TIA Moa and kick arse with it!!" really got Turbo sitting on the edge of his seat. Of course, the fact that Moas never even got off the ground seemed to be of no consequence to Turbo - but it certainly did to other managers in the company.

 

"How are we going to get around the guffaws from prospective buyers and tyre kickers when they laugh about the aircraft never getting off the ground?", one was heard to say. "Just ignore them", said Turbo. "They laughed at the Wright Bros, too, and look at what they........................

 

Edited December 13, 2024 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

....achieved; 63 metres of flight!"

However, Turbo, having done the research knew that Moas did fly despite what the paleontologists said. We can tell you why on the NES only if you promise not to tell anyone because it's a military secret.

The MOA had two small ducts like bile ducts and these were filled with encabulator fluid.  The Moa would run flat out and when he'd reached top speed, he'd give the ducts a squeeze and he became lighter than air and could dance across the sky; The Aborigines called them Muggas.

It was when an Egyptian scientist was dissecting a petrified Moa that a quick call was made to Turbo, the encabulator ducts were cloned and the rest is history, particularly for the recreational flying industry where Drifters fitted with encabulators could reach ........

[Captain]

..... low earth orbit (some are currently being used by Starlink to service their satellites).

This happened shortly after the Mk 6 encabulators were fitted to Hercs and they worked so well, as per the below photo.

 

So when Turbo decided to fit the same number on a Drifter, it won Thrill Ride of the Year, and Drifter pilots went .....

 

A Herc with 10 encabulators fitted, so same number that Turdy fitted to Drifters. Turbo sure is a fun guy.

 

 

PS .... We have no proof but some burn marks on the petrified MOA indicates that they too had flames coming out of their ducts, and possibly also out of their clackers, which the Egyptian dissection dude thinks were interconnected via a one way valve, same like in the human tear duct. (Tear as in drops of salty water, not as in "tear you a new one").

Edited December 13, 2024 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....into things like Search and Rescue, Fighter Attack and the Chippies put one on for California Highway Patrol work between Sand Diego and San Ysidro but they were too fast for the Chevies and sometimes skidded into Mexico by mistake.

 

On the Websites several people suggested they would be good  mustering.

 

There was even ........

 

 

 

 

[AndysAtCoffs]

someone working on a duct stimulator. Duct stimulation in the natural MOA was entirely the purview of the MOA, but when it came to mustering a MOA with no external duct control seemed less than ideal... Captain was heard to say that if the MOA couldn't be reliably forced, through an enhanced control to emit flames from its orifice then the difference between a slow land speed record and flight seemed an impossible chasm!!!

 

So soon it came to pass that an enhanced control that could "turn on" the duct operation was found and quickly applied with liberal use of the aptly named duct tape........ but as can be seen above in captains C130 photo where the crew, had gear down due to their expectation that they should be at circuit height and turning final shortly, but in fact as the photo shows that were about to pierce the atmosphere/space boundary found themselves needing duct tape to stop the smelly stuff from floating around the cockpit as they rapidly flicked page to page in their "C130 Crap has happened" (C130CHHM) manual to determine what the best way to return to atmosphere was for a c130 that inadvertently found itself in desperate need of a a duct off control...... The captain of the C130 was heard to ask, does Bernoulli even apply is space?? and at teh same time introduced a boot full of right rudder, so that the skid marks left weren't only in the underwear of said crew....

 

Meanwhile Turdy...who was heard sniggering...duct off to......

Edited December 14, 2024 by AndysAtCoffs

[AndysAtCoffs]

determine if the afore mentioned 50cal could be used as a "Duct Off" control....

 

Turdy quickly realised that the 50cal patented "Duct off!!!" was a single use control, requiring you to be 100% certain that youd never need "Duct On" ever again.....and even then you needed to be a good shot.......

 

If you were merely an average shot then it became more of a MOA off control, as previously described.

 

If you were a bad shot then it was simpler to list it simply as an "Off Control" cause the list of things a 50 cal could turn off was extensive....

 

After Turdys extensive testing Captain was heard to mention that Turdy was capable of turning things off at a much faster rate that he was of Turning them on.... and that in most cases the off device was now r@@ted.....

 

"Meanwhile after a 13 second radio delay the C130 Captain yelled that maybe the 50 cal was his only hope of preventing an incursion into uncleared space.... with some trepidation Turdy turned the 50 cal towards teh C130, noted that the 8-mile tattoo would need an update if he was successful  and....

 

[turboplanner]

.......cut the duct, because Cappy was the "enhanced duct stimulator", a natural choice due to he vast experience. When the duct tape was cut, Turbo was going to have to make a very fast grab to avoid Cappy falling off into space.

 

Cappy knew this and started to make a string of confessions.......

[turboplanner]

Looks like Andy in his excitement has had a double shot.

[AndysAtCoffs]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Looks like Andy in his excitement has had a double shot.

Forgive me father have I sinned?

 

Its been many days since I made my lastlast NES post and I was a tad over exuberant.

 

Never mind enthused Cappy...lets get back to my confessions...... This may take a while......

[turboplanner]

..........and in his case it was 40 days and 40 nights because when it comes to sinners, no one does it like Cappy. Why even .....

[onetrack]

.......when Moses came down from Mt Sinai with the two stone tablets, the first thing he was heard to say was, "Where's Cappy? I've got some bad news for him about his behaviour! - and these tablets are going to be the worst thing anyone has read in.......

[turboplanner]

.......40 years!" and he asked four Israelites to hold one up so he could read it to the gathered people.

Astute NES readers may be thinking that if he needed four Israelites to hold one tablet, how could he have been strong enough to carry all the tablets down the mountainside.

 

The answer came at the very end of the long "Thous (These day we say youse) shall not be like Captain Cook VIII" tablet where the carvings said "Brought to you by Isaac Turbine's Strength holy water."

 

Modesty prevents us from saying what Cappy had been up to, but it was bad and he was close to being turned into a pillar of salt on the spot. His GF got it instead.

 

Cappy was ........

 

 

 

[Captain]

9 hours ago, AndysAtCoffs said:

Its been many days since I made my lastlast NES post and I was a tad over exuberant.

G'day Andy and welcome back. How are they hang'n?

[Captain]

7 hours ago, onetrack said:

......when Moses came down from Mt Sinai with the two stone tablets,

HISTORY LESSON - Dear NESers. Crappy has big news about the stuff up on Mt Sinai, because the 1st 5 Commandments had some really tuff stuff in them, which Cappy had no chance of complying with ..... they even wanted to stop you from doing a few of the things that Crappy does a couple of times each week.

Therefore, please see the attached video that Cappy made when Moses fronted up after he came down from the mountain ....... and Crappy herewith confesses that it was him that smeared the Vaseline on Moses right hand (Moses thought it was Vicks as he had a cold).

The rest is history, and I'm sure that you can agree that we can all get away with managing just 10.

 

 

Edited December 14, 2024 by Captain

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Modesty prevents us from saying what Cappy had been up to, but it was bad and he was close to being turned into a pillar of salt on the spot. His GF got it instead.

 

Cappy was ......

...... a farmer and grazier who always had salt licks available for his cattle, so with his GF as solid as a rock, this was going to save him a motza, and might even put the farm back into profit.

 

The cattle loved it, but when the Skipper saw the cattle's tongues and where they headed first on the pillar he called in his best commanding voice "Don't lick it there, and ...... 

 

One of Crappy's cattle (sporting the Cook family haircut) about the approach the pillar of salt.

 

Cappy's GF after she became the pillar of salt.

Wreck Frying and good taste forced an edit and would not allow the photo to show what it looked like any further down south.

Edited December 14, 2024 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......whistled as people on the land do to emphasise a command (a bit like the Queensland "ay").

 

The cattle took no notice and after a few days ...........

 

 

 

[Captain]

4 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......whistled as people on the land do to emphasize a command (a bit like the Queensland "ay").

 

The cattle took no notice and after a few days .......

..... the Crapster's salty tasting GF had a huge hole licked in her, where her .....

[turboplanner]

Left leg muscle was needed to support her and she fell onto .............