The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Left leg muscle was needed to support her and she fell onto .............

..... a disused cattle trough, face down.

 

What happened next was worse than before, and the cattle had a field day, see the below photo for those that are not squeamish.

 

The cattle were excited to be able to lick a ......

 

 

 

 

THIS PHOTO HAS BEEN BANNED BY FACEBOOK,

YOUTUBE AND WRECK FRYING, RESULTING

IN CAPPY BEING GIVEN AN ENFORCED HOLIDAY

BY THESE ORGANISATIONS + BY PORNHUB.

 

 

 

 

Edited December 14 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........genuine block of salt because in the past CT had only fed them rabbit meal and the fluff ..............

[Captain]

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........genuine block of salt because in the past CT had only fed them rabbit meal and the fluff ..............

..... from around their bunny parson's nose.

 

Apart from CT always having been a rather salty (& fruity) individual, all NESers are waiting with baited halitosis for some advice as to background (or even some basic story continuity) on how CT is back and staring in the NES after demonstrably being such a ......

Edited December 14 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......hero in taking out six tall and skinny people in a northern shopping centre who were armed with machetes and had been chopping up babies andany other tall and skinny people who might have been shopping.

 

There was blood all over the shopping centre but CT just waded in with the 12 gauge U/O loaded with No 9  "marked for life but not killed". The cops appreciated this because there was less paperwork and when the called on the home and the parents said their "child was busy with his/her bible studies", the red pellet holes told. otherwise. 

 

He was disappointed that he only received a printed certificate and not a gold medal but Premier Jacinta apologised and said she had no money like our mothers used to do.

 

It wasn't over the gangs didn't like being messed with and a week later a convoy of stolen Audis, BMWs, Benzs and Imprezas headed towards DG, and .......

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It wasn't over the gangs didn't like being messed with and a week later a convoy of stolen Audis, BMWs, Benzs and Imprezas headed towards DG, and ......

..... that is when the solidarity & strength of Wreck Flyers all kicked in.

 

OT jumped the midnight horror direct to DG International and all the other wrecks lined up around the boundaries to CT's compound.

 

"Aren't you glad there is no issue in Vicmanistan with African Skinny People Gangs (ASPGs)?" asked Turbo who, with Cappy, organised a defensive perimeter based on their experience up the Khyber.

 

The skinny persons had not seen anything similar, so they called up Jacinta on their govt issued IPhone 16 pros to report a racist defensive compound at DG, and Jazzy responded with a ".....

[turboplanner]

....whiff of BBs breaking six arms and taking the nose off a particulartly tall one who....

[Captain]

43 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....whiff of BBs breaking six arms and taking the nose off a particulartly tall one who....

..... had a beak the size of a Toucan.

 

BBs are well known to focus the mind when you are on the receiving end, and the skinny .....

[turboplanner]

.....machette swingers who mainly slashed women and children were focused now.

Cappy shouted that famous order conceived at the Battle of Waterloo and the WF group moved from the Defence Perimeter into a Box Formation, trapping the skinny scoundrels.

 

There was no need for him to give the order "Wait till you see the whites of their eyes" because every two eyes inside the Box where glowing white.

 

Four of them made a rush for an Audi, but OT, as he'd had to do many times with the Natives of WA, put his foot out and tripped three of them, and bull, who had been a gun Ringer in outback Qld roped the other and made an example of him.

 

They didn't test Khyber Copmmand again, and ........

[Captain]

..... bull, the gun ringer asked OT what he should do with the branding irons that he had glowing red hot and ready for action.

 

One of them was in the sign of the .....

Edited December 15 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".......give them all a tickle with the iron and tell them Jesus loves them and......"

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

".......give them all a tickle with the iron and tell them Jesus loves them and......"

..... to build on the rock, but not upon the sand ...... which is why WA is such a pagan & empty joint.

 

Even the Archbishop of Southern Cross had changed the words in his sermon, and also in the hymn, to read "Do not, dear friends, listen to the wise men from the east, but use a raft foundation (as piling is of little consequence) to build upon the sand and not upon the stones, which are the devil's work, even if there were any to the west of Border Village."

 

To which the congregation replied, "Too right, and ride on, Archy". ("Ride On" in this context refers to the propensity of the Sand Monkeys {the name used for themselves by the WA 2nd generation and later} to using camels in WA, which are not only a means of transport, but on a cold night after being out in the bush for months without a lady {after 2 or 3 months the camels also become better looking}, you can also use them as a ....... 

Edited December 15 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....meal if you are stuck out in the desert without food. Only problem is if go into the desert and get down to less than a weeks food, you're also dumb enough not to carry three types of firelighters to cook the camel.

After you.ve eaten the camel there may be .......

 

 

 

[Captain]

39 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....meal if you are stuck out in the desert without food. Only problem is if go into the desert and get down to less than a weeks food, you're also dumb enough not to carry three types of firelighters to cook the camel.

After you.ve eaten the camel there may be .......

..... some postural issues, as it was the secret consumption of a dromadery outside Leonora that caused Quasimodo Williams to move into the bell tower & learn to speak French. 

 

The Turgidplonker, who had walked with a limp and a hunched stoop ever since Cappy accidentally shot him up the Khyber (how many times, I beseech you, was Cappy supposed to call "Who goes there" and how was Cappy to know that Turdy couldn't hear him because he was listening to a Tiny Tim concert on his crystal set?).

 

And while the kids often call Turbo, Quasi, behind his hump, that was nowhere near as serious as what the ladies at the Rissole say about his .....

Edited December 15 by Captain

[Captain]

....

Edited December 15 by Captain

[turboplanner]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... some postural issues, as it was the secret consumption of a dromadery outside Leonora that caused Quasimodo Williams to move into the bell tower & learn to speak French. 

 

The Turgidplonker, who had walked with a limp and a hunched stoop ever since Cappy accidentally shot him up the Khyber (how many times, I beseech you, was Cappy supposed to call "Who goes there" and how was Cappy to know that Turdy couldn't hear him because he was listening to a Tiny Tim concert on his crystal set?).

 

And while the kids often call Turbo, Quasi, behind his hump, that was nowhere near as serious as what the ladies at the Rissole say about his .....

......gait.........

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......gait.........

.... which is sort of purposeful yet somewhat stilted (not the cheese), and that meant .....

[turboplanner]

....that the RSL Ladies were constantly pestering him for Joy flights in his brand new Sportair. It was a twin sitting there on the Bowen Aerodrome next to bull's Sportair.

 

Not many people know that Joy flights were named after Joy, the night Chef at the RSL.  Turbo had taken her up for a spin and the altimeter was showing 5,300' when Joy............

 

The problem was that Joy seemed to be interested in flying so Turbo had bought a VHF radio for her to listen to them while she cooked. The problem was she never turned it off and on this day the afternoon RSL patrons put down their beers to a loud SSSSHHHH coming from the kitchen and rushed over to hear what at first was the sweet sound of the Sportair, but  was clearly overlaid with other noises.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....that the RSL Ladies were constantly pestering him for Joy flights in his brand new Sportair. It was a twin sitting there on the Bowen Aerodrome next to bull's Sportair.

 

Not many people know that Joy flights were named after Joy, the night Chef at the RSL.  Turbo had taken her up for a spin and the altimeter was showing 5,300' when Joy............

 

The problem was that Joy seemed to be interested in flying so Turbo had bought a VHF radio for her to listen to them while she cooked. The problem was she never turned it off and on this day the afternoon RSL patrons put down their beers to a loud SSSSHHHH coming from the kitchen and rushed over to hear what at first was the sweet sound of the Sportair, but  was clearly overlaid with other noises.

.... said into her Bose noise cancellors "Oh Turdy, I am employed at the Club and now I'd like to join it".

 

Turbo pulled out his credit card and told her to use it to cover the joining fee and a 5 years membership,  which made Joy jump with ....

 

The rest is history, as it was all recorded by the mob who record in order to charge landing fees. They apparently thought that Turbo had come in for a landing on 5 or 6 occasions, hence why the tape is on UTube and has been listened to about 3 million times.

Edited December 16 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....excitement. The next 30 seconds were a blur........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....excitement. The next 30 seconds were a blur........

.... as it had been a while since Turbo had experienced this type of action, and add to that the depleted oxygen at 5,300 ft, so all of his blood was immediately pumped other than to his brain, his fingernails went blue and Joy thought that she would need to insert the aircraft's cannula into his .....

[turboplanner]

.....and that was all she could remember; Turbo was a knock out.

That night she told the story to the other Chefs. The dinners were running 30 minutes behind all night, and the RSL patrons started asking questions. The evening finished up with all the patrons sitting in the kitchen with free beers and saying "Tell us again Joy" 

Then Joy posted her story on Instagram and it went viral; Everyone wanted Joy Flights and for a time filled the Flying schools looking for Trial and Instructional Flights, but the rush fell off as they realised that none of the operators performed to expectations.

 

Turbo was world famous, and this was the start of his business adventures.

 

Once he was invited to Mar a Lago and a woman in the street pointed to the lawn area and asked "Who's that blonde guy over there?"

 

Her friend replied "I don't know and then with that secret look that women get "but that's Turbo beside him."

 

Cappy, who fancied himself as a charmer, was miffed although he hid it well and .....

Edited Monday at 06:37 PM by turboplanner

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Her friend replied "I don't know and then with that secret look that women get "but that's Turbo beside him."

 

Cappy, who fancied himself as a charmer, was miffed although he hid it well and .....

..... what made him realise, once and for all, that he could never compete with his best mate Turbo, was when a photo appeared on billboards all over the world (and in Moorabbin + also in Souther Cross) showing a disheveled Joy in the background, with an exhausted but grinning Turbo in the midground with his finger adjusting the autopilot height setting by 20 ft, ..... and also showing the altimeter moving from 5,300 ft to 5280 ft.

 

This confirmed that Turbo is, indeed, and class act.

 

As further confirmation of the international acceptance of his exploits, as a result of his visit to M-A-L, Turbo has been tapped by 47 to run the FAA, where the Senate has immediately confirmed him, even before it was needed and where ......

Edited Monday at 06:52 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

......he was resolved of and pardoned for any illegal actions he wanted to take.

 

So far (unclassified) he has phoned up Boeing and told them to pull their fingers out or there'll be retrenchments in EVERY department (Turbo had picked up that mover and shaker from his American employers).

 

Then he wrote to CASA and told them he was moving in on January 1 as CEO and would be booting all those who couldn't write a regulation in less than 15 words, and the rules were to be condensed to one page.

 

One of the more clever CASA operatives suggested you'd only have to do that for idiots and Turbo carefully declined to comment, since he wasn't yet ready to pick the winners.

 

Another CASA operative sidled up to him (it always happens when immiment firings are on the table); he was a miserable squirming little rat, but ............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Another CASA operative sidled up to him (it always happens when immiment firings are on the table); he was a miserable squirming little rat, but ........

..... that is never enough to disqualify you from promotion in CASA, so Turbo .....

[turboplanner]

....under the current (pre-Turbo) era was obliged to listen to him.

"You know that bull character" he said " he flies overweight!" and stuck his thumbs in his belt to show how tough he was.

Turbo wasn't about to distance himself from his lifelong mate bull, who'd always paid the bar bill after Cappy and Turbo and that snitch OT called in to Bone, and then skipped around the tiny distances of Tasmania.

 

"You little...........