The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

33 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......dark grey Armano suit, where he is often lost in the crowd, but .......

.... those Armano suits are a knockoff of the prized Italian Armani suits, and are supplied by a bloke named Hop Lee who has them made in Nth Korea and shipped into Moorabbin via .....

 

 

Edited Friday at 05:24 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......a dealer in Honkers whe strips the lining out and sells it for........

[Captain]

.... use in multi coloured rainbow burkas (with poly mesh in the letterbox slot), which he then sells on to .....

 

Edited Friday at 06:49 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

......Rebels and Terrorists [insert today's enemies of the USA] to make them more visible to the 50 cal snipers.

 

They are then collected by the UN which has made so much money from its Global Warming programme they they now collect them in Cat Powered International MRAPs rather than cheap Land Rovers.

 

The UN then sells them to Pakistanis who love colourful clothes, bringing in more money to the UN which has promised to fix all dripping taps by 2030, and they.....

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The UN then sells them to Pakistanis who love colourful clothes, bringing in more money to the UN which has promised to fix all dripping taps by 2030, and they.....

.... also sell a percentage to the Red Cross and to Amnesty International so that minor/new terrorist bands can be supported surreptitiously, as opposed to the major terrorists that are supported directly by the UN's own bleeding heart subsidiaries.

 

But back to the 2 Russians meeting up in the West Aussie desert, where Гарольд said to Ed "I'm in favor of this lack of snow and ice, as you can stick Siberia where the sun doesn't shine (for half the year), but Geez Louiseski tavarishch, this red sand really gives me the .....

Edited Friday at 10:50 PM by Captain

[onetrack]

.....worst itchy rash, where I've never had a rash before!" Ed replied, "I've got a cure for that - and it also involves Goannas. I use Goanna Liniment - it cures everything from nasty rashes right through to AIDS and COVID-19, and if you smear some Goanna Liniment on the control cables and pulleys in your aircraft (long overdue avref), you'll be amazed at what the stuff does to aircraft performance!"

 

"What? Even on the Polikarpov I-16 control cables and pulleys?", said Гарольд. "Yes, it makes anything and everything more supple and pliable", said ED. "That's incredible news!", said Гарольд, "Where can I get some of this fabulous, almost magical liniment?" "Well", said Ed, "First, you have to catch a big Bungarra and kill it. This is not easy, as the savagery of big Bungarras is well known, just ask any snake! After you've managed to kill the Bungarra, you then have to........

[turboplanner]

.......render the fat while trying to avoid the razor sharp claws, teeth and scales; the carcasses can twitch for day and your hands......

[Captain]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......render the fat while trying to avoid the razor sharp claws, teeth and scales; the carcasses can twitch for day and your hands......

.... need to roll the goanna up like an empty tube of toothpaste. Keep rolling, and it's the final 100 gms of goop that comes out of its nose that contains the magical liniment.

 

Collect that in your panican and .....

[turboplanner]

.......simmer on the campfire coals for four hours...........

[Captain]

..... then  .....

[turboplanner]

....stir vigorously and simmer for another four hours before........

[CT9000]

......cooking at high heat for another eight hours before ......

[Captain]

..... a period of isotropic cooling (hence why the final product is so expensive), after which you can skim off the green mucasean crust and then ......

Edited 10 hours ago by Captain

[onetrack]

.....adding essence of bat legs (assists in curing flight problems), some ground tiger penis powder (assists in getting strength into weak things), several dingo hairs (adds bite to the product), and a litre of used crankcase oil (30 weight and heavier is preferred - and this final element adds the lubricity required). Some Box Poison leaves are finally introduced to the steaming solution, which aids greatly in killing any life-form that remains, after the liniment is applied.

 

Once cooled, the mixture is allowed to settle, the scum is skimmed off the top, and you end up with the pure Goanna Liniment, ready to pour into little goanna-shaped cans.

 

Turbo watched with great interest as this process was being carried out by Ed and his sidekick, Jimmy "One-eye" Wangkirny, who controlled the ingredients amounts, while Ed did the stirring. It was obvious Turbo was eyeing the commercial potential of copying.........

[turboplanner]

42 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....adding essence of bat legs (assists in curing flight problems), some ground tiger penis powder (assists in getting strength into weak things), several dingo hairs (adds bite to the product), and a litre of used crankcase oil (30 weight and heavier is preferred - and this final element adds the lubricity required). Some Box Poison leaves are finally introduced to the steaming solution, which aids greatly in killing any life-form that remains, after the liniment is applied.

 

Once cooled, the mixture is allowed to settle, the scum is skimmed off the top, and you end up with the pure Goanna Liniment, ready to pour into little goanna-shaped cans.

 

Turbo watched with great interest as this process was being carried out by Ed and his sidekick, Jimmy "One-eye" Wangkirny, who controlled the ingredients amounts, while Ed did the stirring. It was obvious Turbo was eyeing the commercial potential of copying.........

......this process, but he had started to hiss and scratch himself and caught himself looking at the nearest tree. Maybe.......

[onetrack]

.....some Goanna Liniment is what he actually needed right at this moment?", he thought - as his tongue started to dart in and out. He couldn't hold back any longer, he made a rush at the big vat that Ed was stirring, and knocking both Ed and Jimmy aside, he scrambled up onto the edge of the vat, and started to dip his right hand (now starting to look like a claw) into the bubbling solution.

 

Then it happened - the worst thing that could happen. Turbo lost his grip and fell, right into..............

[turboplanner]

.....the middle of the bubbling tub of what would become on the world markets as "Possum Tough" a fragrance used only by men who could afford it."

 

It started even before Turbo had climbed over the side of the tub. Chicks started running and asking "favours" even before his feet touched the ground, which was some hours later.

 

This time he was too late (not in the tub); Cappy had patented "Possum Tough" and he knew the ingredients and process because Turbo always answered his persistent questioning which had started when he was only ..........

Edited 59 minutes ago by turboplanner