The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

........protest freom  the New Zealanders.

New Zealanders didn't have very good school teachers and the  typical New Zealander would protest that the water for their cups of tea at recess hadn't boiled long enough, or anything to distract trhe teacher.

The New Zealand team argued that ..............

[onetrack]

......their aircraft should've been leading the formation, as NooZulland was the leader in all thungs relating to aviation. To add important pressure to their protest, the NooZullanders started to do a Haka - but when the tongues came out, the Australians, now led by bull (who had asserted his authority with the unparalleled Jacka performance display), decided that it was time to show more than his aerobatic skills.

Accordingly, bull lifted his ample-sized (and hairy, everyone noted) rear end, onto the side of the Jacka cockpit, pulled down his shorts, and slapped his..................

[turboplanner]

............chops.

bull's haka was ferocious, all the more so from being a New Tasmanian and being required to learn the ancient Tasmanian Hakka which is it's correct name. They  didn't call the sea which washes up on the eastern side of New Zealand the Tasman Sea for nothing, and the name New Zealand is because the Tasmanians wiped out the old Zealand warriors who fought like girls. bull explained all this in his Hakka, but he'd made the mistake of getting just a little too far away from OT, Cappy, Turbo and CT, and the New Zealanders rushed him and tore a new nose and ..................

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

............chops.

bull's haka was ferocious, all the more so from being a New Tasmanian and being required to learn the ancient Tasmanian Hakka which is it's correct name. They  didn't call the sea which washes up on the eastern side of New Zealand the Tasman Sea for nothing, and the name New Zealand is because the Tasmanians wiped out the old Zealand warriors who fought like girls. bull explained all this in his Hakka, but he'd made the mistake of getting just a little too far away from OT, Cappy, Turbo and CT, and the New Zealanders rushed him and tore a new nose and ..................

.... bull replied "Nose schmoze, that will stitch up into a nice rugged looking scar, and he started to really get the irrits with our ANZAC cousins and their poncy little hakka dance with its imaginary throat cutting.

 

What the Kiwis have never really understood about Tasmanians is that they have a fair bit of fiery French, Dutch, German, Pommy and Native blood (Eg Felix D'Entrecasteaux, Van Demon, Fritz Bruny and Sir Charles Hobart, plus a brave little native bloke named Eaglehawk Neck, had all dallied with the hot native ladies ..... not to mention Chopper Reid infusing Tazzy with toe-cutter blood in his later years).

 

It is also worth noting that it was Van Demon who originally owned Tasmania and named the Land after himself, and who also gave his Christian name to his designs of several kit aircraft at the manufacturer which commenced operations in Strahan before they quickly outgrew that location and relocated to Aurora in Oregon.

 

It is this combination of fiery blood which pulses through bull's veins, even though he came from Bone, so the Knew Zullanders (who by this time had moved on to touching each other intimately during a progressive barn dance and the Hoki Poki) were in deep doo-doo as bull circled (avref) around to ......

Edited Thursday at 04:14 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

......begin the killing dive.

Just then they heard on their radios "Hey buddies, what's up; have you downunder guys fallen off yet, har har, does New Zelland have electric light yet?, is it true you eat your young?, A'm frum Tixas".

The Australian and New Zealand flyers instantly melted together in formation and headed for this loud mouth ...............

 

[Captain]

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......begin the killing dive.

Just then they heard on their radios "Hey buddies, what's up; have you downunder guys fallen off yet, har har, does New Zelland have electric light yet?, is it true you eat your young?, A'm frum Tixas".

The Australian and New Zealand flyers instantly melted together in formation and headed for this loud mouth ...............

 

..... which had a slight Queensland tinge to his accent, yet was from northern NSW, which was evident when he mentioned the words Bebo and Dthinna Dthinawan, plus his accent also sounded a little like that of Andy from Coughs, as Coffs Harbour is only about 300 kms SE and there must surely have been some interbreeding between those 2 villages at some stage. (Coffs is rather cruelly sometimes described as "God's Waiting Room" and is well known for late night interbreeding between many of the senior citizens [well ..... not so much "interbreeding", but more like a dry run]).

 

"Should we invite him into the formation or have the CT shoot him down" asked bull (but without using the capitals).

 

The Tixan heard the discussion and ....... 

Edited Friday at 03:56 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

....selected WOT in the trike, which didn't make a lot of difference from idle.

He swung the bar from left to right left to right left to right to make it a harder shot for CT, but that's what bunnies did, so CT aimed where the point of the next oscillation would be and broke off the Texan's empennage.

It was clear this wasn't Andy because Andy would just have said "What was that?" and continued on flying. Andy had built the fencing for his horse from various materials belonging to the farms he flew over and caught on his undercarriage.

The mysterious Texan now fled with the Australians and New Zealanders on his tail in a joint attack. There was a slight upset when a New Zealander hit an Australian by mistake but they all continued on after the American with the "I Like Trumpe" sticker on his aircraft.

Then they started running out of fuel; ...........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Then they started running out of fuel; ........

..... so, once a safe landing site could be found, aligned with the breeze & with sufficient length but with no earth return wires, they set down (avref) and as all ANZACs do, the Kiwi's bitched about Trevor Chappel's underarm bowling effort, and the Aussie's made jokes about good looking sheep and NZ's horse faced PM.

 

But when one Aussie went too far and said "Richard Hadley is a shirt lifter", the Kiwis .....

Edited Friday at 10:17 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........all jumped up and did a Haka, poking out their tongues and rolling their eyes, pathetic really, but it was authentic, they'd taken off their shoes and loosened their ties. What they didn't know was this was bindii country and  immediately there were howls of pain.

 

From a distance the Australians didn't know this so they  started doing the Ernie Dingo "Welcome to Country" where people stamp their feet and sniff  smoke from the leaves dropped on a fire.

The Aussies only gave the ceremony passing seriousness and that's what saved them.

The Aussies stepped forward in time to Gough Whitlam's Anthem, being careful to get the word "girt" correct.

 

Thge New Zealanders had just exhausted all the bindii on their stamping ground when they were pushed back on to a new patch, and with loud howls they tried to out flank the Aussies, who by now had accidently set fire to the whole battleground.

 

It was NZer  I'm Bob who ........

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

 

It was NZer  I'm Bob who .....

.... was still having trouble grappling with his time spent as the 1st Mate of the Manawanui, when the entire NZ Navy had run aground in Samoa, and they didn't have enough fuel in NZ, nor a serviceable aircraft, to send to rescue them.

 

So, the entire crew, including I'm Bob and the DEI Captain, had gone feral on Upolu for a few weeks in a fair dinkum version of the Turbine Media's productions of Survivor or I'm a Celebrity Get me out of Here.

 

I'm Bob had escaped after only being taken advantage of a few times, and he was ......

Edited Saturday at 03:34 PM by Captain

[bull]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

.... was still having trouble grappling with his time spent as the 1st Mate of the Manawanui, when the entire NZ Navy had run aground in Samoa, and they didn't have enough fuel in NZ, nor a serviceable aircraft, to send to rescue them.

 

So, the entire crew, including I'm Bob and the DEI Captain, had gone feral on Upolu for a few weeks in a fair dinkum version of the Turbine Media's productions of Survivor or I'm a Celebrity Get me out of Here.

 

I'm Bob had escaped after only being taken advantage of a few times, and he was ......

.sent off on a new career as a utuber,,, filming all over the world using drifters to sneak into places like fort knox etc with his starting punchline:: Hi I'm Bob............now this was one of his best,,,,  Well as you can imagine this cause such an ............  

 

Edited Saturday at 08:52 PM by bull

[turboplanner]

 .......embarrassment for NASA, who these days were mucking around up a volcano taking CO2 levels from the flames and telling everyone the world was doomed, trying to get people to eat beetles instead of steak, and rolling out old Buzz Aldrin movies for the kids.

 

With the release of the new Chinese Stealth fighter, Don T wasn't waiting to be inaugurated but had ordered NASA to build a better one and make it Zero Emission, Donny liking the idea of him being the one to save the environment.

 

The above photo, purported to be an old Russian Space Shuttle is actually the newest US Stealth fighter carrying so much electronics that it needed to be build like a truck and was harder to service than a Hyundai Tucson which is saying something. It's shown here with the anti-radar antenna that NASA feels is goning to be a winner and AOK

 

Ever-mindful of the environment and excessive CO2, NES readers will note the dust on the aircraft showing that no CO2 has been expended on sh!t like cleaning.

 

You can see I'm Bob in the red shirt  bombing this training photo.

 

When you upset NASA .................

 

[Congratulations to bull for introducing the triple comma into the English language]

Edited Saturday at 10:05 PM by turboplanner

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Congratulations to bull for introducing the triple comma into the English language

Triple commas and no capital letters eh Turbo? That is the younger generations for you.

 

It's a disgrace and can be blamed on the schools.

 

Why, in our day, we couldn't even afford one comma.

[turboplanner]

and helping us all to understand the English Language that much better.

Not many people know that Turbo was English-handicapped in his early school years and his teacher would give him extra assignments to go out and find examples of words.

 

Commer was one of them and he rode his bike to the highway and counted 130 Commer semi trailers going past over a 17 hour stint. The local cop eventually found him signing off a driver's log book and..........

 

 

 

[bull]

9 hours ago, Captain said:

Triple commas and no capital letters eh Turbo? That is the younger generations for you.

 

It's a disgrace and can be blamed on the schools.

 

Why, in our day, we couldn't even afford one comma.

What,s a comma? is it like a cobba,? 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, bull said:

What,s a comma? is it like a cobba,? 

They are like the snake, but small ..... and hang down, like that other one.

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

and helping us all to understand the English Language that much better.

Not many people know that Turbo was English-handicapped in his early school years and his teacher would give him extra assignments to go out and find examples of words.

 

Commer was one of them and he rode his bike to the highway and counted 130 Commer semi trailers going past over a 17 hour stint. The local cop eventually found him signing off a driver's log book and..........

...... this is one of the 1st examples of a school child being groomed by an Asian truck driver .... and the copper doing nothing about it. (Turbs was an OK looking school kid, and probably worth investing some time (and lollies) to get to know.)

 

Such grooming has now expanded to an industrial scale and Turbo is expected to be the 1st witness in the pommy national inquiry ...... although, knowing Turbo, he will spend days boring them to death discussing the weaknesses of the Commer chassis and all the interesting bits about the Commer Knocker engine.

 

Hence why Starmer is resisting the Inquiry, as he doesn't want to subject the judges to days and days (& days) of Turbo's usual .....

 

PS .... The Asian truck driver ended up bigger than Lindsay Fox (in size and also in the number of trucks) and has since been elevated to the House of Lords (whereas many of his victims still work in the House of the Rising Sun).

Edited yesterday at 01:01 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........precise and exhaustive facts which were always unrebutable. It was Turbo who pioneered the Pom-to-Europe driver's 18 hour days with at least one meal of fish and chips per day. He was also at the front of the blockade of what is now known as P!ssers Hill in Dover which gained PomDrivers not less than one restroom visit per day, and got them into those swaying Volvos with the Mack roof horns which .......

 

Turbo thanks Cappy fpr his sympathetic mention of Turbo's troubled childhood. He still has an addiction for Minties which he is always trying to beat.

 

 

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo thanks Cappy fpr his sympathetic mention of Turbo's troubled childhood. He still has an addiction for Minties which he is always trying to beat.

We all have our cross to bear Tubb and I am happy to have helped.

 

On the other hand, Cappy was a very attractive child with a sparkling personality, and no attempt was ever made by strangers to lead him astray. Poor old Cappy sometimes feels that he was under-appreciated, ............... hence his quest for acknowledgement in Wreck Frying and, in the NES, with its international reach.

[Captain]

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...........precise and exhaustive facts which were always unrebutable. It was Turbo who pioneered the Pom-to-Europe driver's 18 hour days with at least one meal of fish and chips per day. He was also at the front of the blockade of what is now known as P!ssers Hill in Dover which gained PomDrivers not less than one restroom visit per day, and got them into those swaying Volvos with the Mack roof horns which .......

..... until used, could be rigged to hold a considerable quantity of the driver's daily ablution.

 

It was when the roof horns were used as part of a road-rage incident that the rage-ee felt the full force of the .......

 

Interesting Turbo fact - It was the Commer TS3 engine that got Turdy hooked on 2 strokes and that love affair continues to this day, as evident by his addiction to Blue Heads and the 2-stroke Evinrude on the back of his fishing boat (plus the backyard full of his previous seized exploits .... see the complete story & sworn evidence at about 2009 - 2015 in the NES).

Edited yesterday at 02:20 PM by Captain

[Captain]

58 minutes ago, Captain said:

on the back of his fishing boat

Interesting Factule - Turbo's fishing boat is actually a punt, so was named after him.

[turboplanner]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

 daily ablution

 

 

Cappy also was a keen boat racer; this was the name of his Jaguar powered hydroplane.

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy also was a keen boat racer; this was the name of his Jaguar powered hydroplane.

.... which was quite successful in the one race in 20 that the head didn't warp or crack.

 

Cappy apologizes personally, and on Turdy's behalf, for the personal reminiscences that are creeping into the NES. We are long term best mates as you all know (including time in combat when Cappy also had the pleasure of actually plugging Turbs under rule 303), but we will try to be less indulgent in all future posts.

[bull]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

.... which was quite successful in the one race in 20 that the head didn't warp or crack.

 

Cappy apologizes personally, and on Turdy's behalf, for the personal reminiscences that are creeping into the NES. We are long term best mates as you all know (including time in combat when Cappy also had the pleasure of actually plugging Turbs under rule 303), but we will try to be less indulgent in all future posts.

.yes Cappy the memories we all have created on the great NES will now stand the test of time and be recorded forever,,Now those cracking heads [not the smoking kind OT settle down] created another money spinner for Crappy and Turdo as they...............

[turboplanner]

........told of their racing history with the once great CAMS, the razor sharp racing with only a few hay bales for protection; driving the race cars to the tracks; leading to one epic case where Turbo was chased by the South Australia Highway Patrol in one of their Chryslers. The Chrysler Royal at the time had the fastest 0-100 km/hr in Australia surpassing the Jags, but unable to deviate from a straight line because of their US boulevard suspension. Turbo knew the trick was to suck them in with a lame duck performance, weave so they couldn't pass then when a corner loomed up, flatten it and hope they ran off the road. While they were coping with brake fade and avoiding trees, the next trick was to park up a side road. 

Not everyone knows that at that time Turbo's father was busy developing Australia's first Ultralight aircraft. He made this huge kite from tubular chair tube, a meterial which was strong and flexible yet very light. He covered it with rag, painted dope onto the rag, and strapped himself to it while Turbo age 4 gave the Jag powered speedboat full throttle. A few heads were warped before they established a signal process between them that didn't throw old Harvey Turbine off the kite and into the water.  As others copied the designs they became known as "Rag and Tube aircraft" and this led to............