The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

........the new Turbine Industries Flying Car. Yes, dear NES readers, you heard it here, on the NES, first. Turbo, being the ever-avaricious .... errr, sorry .... ever-adventurous, entrepreneur that he is, sighted the massive windfall profits to be made (in the share issue, of course), by producing the sleekest of the sleek version of a flying car.

 

The Turbine Flying Car (doesn't that name conjure up great speed and power?) is so revolutionary, it's still under wraps, and only "teaser" photos are circulating - mainly on the Dark Web, naturally.

The car is estimated to cost no more than a current family sedan, and have running costs no more than an EV - because the TFC is electric, of course!

 

Turbo has confirmed that the finest aviation and electrical engineering brains he can source (for under $25 hr, of course) are currently working on solving "teething" problems with the design.

It's been rumoured that the Turbine Corp engineers are beavering away at how to manufacture an ultra-light extension cord - but of course, Turbo, when questioned on this angle, is a little coy and deflects the pointed questions, citing "commercial-in-confidence" reasons for not elaborating more fully on the design, and its problems.

 

However, Turbo is assuring would-be buyers and investors, that they can put down their hard-earned coin into the TFC Corporation and product, without any fear of monetary loss, or failure to deliver, because.........

[Captain]

21 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......the XT582 Microlight can fly by itself. 

An Exclusive aside for all discreet NESers - During a sales meeting about the XT582, Turbo was at the head of the Turbine Marketing brainstorming session, and it was Turdy himself that came up with the sales slogan "Dykes on Trikes" not only for use as a nicker-less flyover promotion during the Sydney Mardi Gras, but also for cross-country flights to LGBTQDOT hamburger, or Taco, lunch meetings.

 

It is a little-known fact that Turbo not only wanted more XT582 sales, and he didn't really ever care who put what where, however he also thought that this would be a good project for Turbinia to lead, as she was going through her "experimental" period at the time so he may as well make a quid out of it while she was on the other side of the fence.

Edited January 12 by Captain

[Captain]

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

..... Turbine Corp engineers are beavering away .....

More proof that the Turbine Corporation are accepting of the LGBTQDOT lifestyle & practices.

Edited January 12 by Captain

[Captain]

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

However, Turbo is assuring would-be buyers and investors, that they can put down their hard-earned coin into the TFC Corporation and product, without any fear of monetary loss, or failure to deliver, because........

..... Turbo always fondly remembers his Control Line flying days as a kiddie in the park and he is convinced that the control line concept could be applied to his Flying Car initiatives, at least initially, until a zero-gravity battery (currently in development by Turbine ZGB in Poland) is on the market, when ......

 

Turdy setting his world record Control Line flight about 40 years ago.

The flying Car will do something similar until the battery development work is finished.

 

 

Edited January 12 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........(addressing the very large press contingent at the release; "we live in an electric world; we have the electric blanket, the electric razor to shave every morning, the electric toothbrush, the electric toaster, the electric jug, the electric light to read the morning paper, the electric train to get to work, an electric computer and electric printer, and now the electric flying car.

One wag from the BBC (and there aren't too many there) said "But they all have power cords to get the electricity from the grid.!"

 

Turbo, being from the Country didn't know what the grid was, but boldly said "We'll be taking our own grids with us, and ...........

[Captain]

..... it took his best mate, The Skipper, to step up & bail him out of the corner into which he had painted himself, by suggesting via intercom into his shell-like ear, that he speak about .....

[turboplanner]

........the layback bench seat.

Cappy and Turbo had cut their teeth, so to speak, on this handy accessory.

Cadillac had even made them electrically operated ("for your convenience"] and none of them were used for camping trips.

 

International Harvestor was owned by the Mormons, and provided a Bible with every new truck, and at some truck stops Inter drivers could be seen holding hands in prayer, so it wasn't long before their Scout 4WD Station Wagon came under fire as a den of Iniquity. No one would say what this Iniquity was, but soon the seats only folded back 2 degrees and in the rear the seats were split with a console and Cigar lighter.

The Ford guys were all expected to go to church every Sunday in their blue suits and red ties (which were showing the effects of a week's wear) for the TEAM, and the GM guys in their grey suits and blue ties, to ensure they weren't fired for some misdemeanour.  The Chrysler guys showed up in their jeans and hugh heeled boots and open neck shirts. There were less of them,

 

Soon the whole industry had dumped the bench seat after getting beaten up by their wives.

 

Turbo wanted today's youth to enjoy the same excitement s he had, but ........

 

 

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo wanted today's youth to enjoy the same excitement s he had, but ......

..... he had trouble getting a publisher for his tome entitled "The Bench Seat Kamasutra" in which he had the usual diagrams, however in the Deluxe Signed Edition he had photos of himself, Mavis and bull's Coffee Lady, which made that edition an immediate collector's items.

 

This was followed of course by demands for Turbo to make public appearances (somewhat akin to the Puppetry of the Penis [another original idea of Turbine Marketing and Promotions]), so Turbo bought lots of blue and green pills (he usually doesn't need them, but with 4 or 5 shows a day and 7 days per week on a lengthy National Tour, he just wanted to be sure that little Turbo could keep up the pace) and big Turbo went on the .....

Edited January 12 by Captain

[turboplanner]

International Scout with the bench seats.

 

[turboplanner]

...tour with the "Flying Car with bench seat - 8 shows a day.

Cappy has mentioned some of the features, these became necessary when in the trial shows and rehearsals, Millenials just stared blankly when the CO2 clouds parted to show the BIG BENCH seats. "What would you use them for?" asked one, and that's when Cappy ............

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...tour with the "Flying Car with bench seat - 8 shows a day.

Cappy has mentioned some of the features, these became necessary when in the trial shows and rehearsals, Millenials just stared blankly when the CO2 clouds parted to show the BIG BENCH seats. "What would you use them for?" asked one, and that's when Cappy ............

..... flicked the switch on a 30 minute Surroundarama video, shown on the 30 ft high X 50 ft wide curved screen, which was taken secretly at the Moorabbin Drive-in Theatre showing Turbo doing some of his best front seat, and back seat, work for which he was well known and admired around the Moorabbin social scene.

 

In particular, the film showed a rather spotty Turbo doing his .....

[turboplanner]

.... and then Cappy realised he'd made a mistake.

He was always a dangerous back up on tour and this time he'd brought the wrong film. It showed Cappy competing in the Longreach Bull Riding Championship.

NES readers might be wondering how Cappy could possibly be fit enough to ride a bull, but with a sash around his gut and a sport bra, he does quite well.

The audience hadn't come for bull riding though, but "Shifty" Cappy asked the audience to imagine the bull was their better half and use their imaginations. Flying Car sales went through the roof!.  Very few cars avtually left their charging stations, but that didn't matter, it was all in ...........

[Captain]

.... the subsidies that Cappy had negotiated with Chris Bowen before Chris went dark.

 

This amazingly well negotiated subsidy was much more than what Simon Homes & Tennis Court had achieved, was awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award by the Australian Negotiator's Council, and .....

Edited January 13 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....Turbo quietly changed the Corvette registration to EV then signed up and put EV stickers on the cars. No one noticed the difference and.....

[onetrack]

.....it was only when someone saw Turbo refuelling the Corvette at a bowser in a service station, that they twigged and looked for somewhere to send in a report. But Turbo was so crafty, no Govt Dept had yet been set up to deal with EV fraud, and as a result, Turbo continued to cream in massive profits, both with the Corvette, and with the Turbine Flying Car. 

 

In a stroke of further genius, Turbo had arranged a redesign of the TFC cabin (to keep the punters on their toes) to copy the appearance of a Corvette. The deposits soared as soon as the paparazzi sighted the "camouflaged" new TFC in an open field. Naturally, the factory camo was designed to be poor and to allow "sightings" of the new design to be widely circulated.

 

However, the problems associated with the design and manufacture of the lightweight extension cord continued to nag on Turbine Industries engineers. Besides, there was also the size of the extension cord reel to be incorporated into the design. It was becoming imperative that a workable solution be found, or the punters would wise up and start asking for their deposits back.

 

Then Turbo had a brainstorming session with the engineers. "If they can charge small electronic items wirelessly, why not a flying car?", he asked. "Well, said one engineer, "We could look into that system, but at present, I think the cord presents less issues than a wireless system of charging, and besides.........................

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Then Turbo had a brainstorming session with the engineers. "If they can charge small electronic items wirelessly, why not a flying car?", he asked. "Well, said one engineer, "We could look into that system, but at present, I think the cord presents less issues than a wireless system of charging, and besides........

.... nobody knows that it is an EV because your dyslexia+ spelling difficulties meant that it has been designated as an LV (LecLick Vehicle), so we are exempt from .....

Edited January 13 by Captain

[turboplanner]

ASIC if we just leave the description as your Flying Car, and put the charging cord in the boot.

There was a rush of orders from the LeckLiks of the Papua New Guinea mountains who'd been waiting for years for this opportunity to overcome the tyranny of distance and.......

[onetrack]

.....for them to easily be able to reach the neighbouring village, the LikLiks, to wage war on them. The LeckLiks and the LikLiks had waged war on each other incessantly for centuries, but it normally took three days of trekking through mountainous country to reach their camps and to start shooting at them.

 

Now, it would be much easier to drop in on top of the LikLiks from the sky, and to not only get the jump on them, but to frighten them into running away, thinking the LeckLiks were some kind of Sky Gods (well, naturally, they would be, because once they were in a Turbine Flying Car, they'd be a pilot, anyway! - so, therefore, real Sky Gods!) come to...........

 

 

Edited January 13 by onetrack

[Captain]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....for them to easily be able to reach the neighbouring village, the LikLiks, to wage war on them. The LeckLiks and the LikLiks had waged war on each other incessantly for centuries, but it normally took three days of trekking through mountainous country to reach their camps and to start shooting at them.

 

Now, it would be much easier to drop in on top of the LikLiks from the sky, and to not only get the jump on them, but to frighten them into running away, thinking the LeckLiks were some kind of Sky Gods (well, naturally, they would be, because once they were in a Turbine Flying Car, they'd be a pilot, anyway! - so, therefore, real Sky Gods!) come to...........

 

 

..... think of it, with the Turbine Industries LV's power lead, the Leklicks would also be "Cable Guys" and ready to install cable TV throughout the highlands, so that the masses can watch Albo's $600 million NFL team whenever they play.

 

An extension of this business plan was to immediately take a controlling interest in Foxtel now that the Murdocks want out.

 

But the Leckliks also showed their can-do attitude by cutting off all but 10 ft of the power cord and suspending a 20 kVa diesel generator below each LV, and introduced the moto "Mobility is Critical to good head-hunting ...... and to capture lots of chicks."

 

The LikLiks were therefore in deep s.....

Edited January 13 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......sepic and in danger of being taken over by the LekLiks, LikLaks or eeven the LokLok from the lower village. Something had to be done, but ...............

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......sepic and in danger of being taken over by the LekLiks, LikLaks or even the LokLok from the lower village. Something had to be done, but ...............

 

..... Tic Toc had banned the LokLok, X had Sanctioned the LekLix and Facebook had ....

[bull]

28 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... Tic Toc had banned the LokLok, X had Sanctioned the LekLix and Facebook had ....

,..banned "jiggy jiggy" whatever that is?Now the local rascals from Port Moresby had heard about the flying car thing and has come up with a scam of their own. They sent out people to secretly cut the power cords halfway way along and steal the power for the grow tents as the.....

 

Edited January 13 by bull

[turboplanner]

........ new foliage in the gardens was selling at a much better price than sweet potatoes.

There was a short learning period known as "The frying Time" but it all sorted itself out and soon the people were making enough money to buy the flying cars.

It didn't take long for the Latte joints to spring up in Port Moresby and there were flying cars parked in the streets and Lic Lak, Lok Loks and Lap Laps lounging under the shades ordering 128 versions of coffee, when ...........

[onetrack]

.....the Minister for aviation rolled up. "Which fella bilong him all dis balus?" he asked. The crowd scattered, they knew that it would only be minutes before pigs were being demanded, and a huge number of cowry shells would soon be requested for new aviation registrations, and the Chinese were yet to roll..........

[Captain]

.... up.

 

The reason that they were a no show is that that had seen a culturally enriching video which showed circumcision by oyster shell (the CBOS, soon to be compulsory for all migrants on Australia Day) and they had buggered off, quick stix them fellas, back to .....

Edited January 14 by Captain