The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

.... a tired old hand fed Monkey Mia dolphin that was .....

Edited January 23 by Captain

[turboplanner]

fed on the chololate smarties that sent parents insane trying to break up fights between the kids, and fish guts from the professional fishermen who frequented Monkey Mia after dark and seemed to have some very big Snapper.

This got to the ears of WAFISH Inspector Doughtfire. 

The first night he was on the jetty huddled under a blanket with a beanie on and fishing rod in his hand he was pushed off the jetty, probably because the only ute for a mile had WAFIS "Measure your catch" on it.

The second night he covered himself with sand on the beach and breathed through a straw. After a while he decided he needed to go, and cautiously lifted his head to see he was surrounded by ..........

 

[onetrack]

........78 turtles, all starting to dig a hole to lay their eggs. Then it got worse, when the green turtle nest-watching groups arrived. Doughtfire knew it was time to make tracks, and big ones at that.

He burst out of his sand hide with a spray of sand, which terrified most of the turtle nest watchers. Most took to their heels, but some hung back to see what monster it was, that had burst up out of the sand. When one of them recognised Doughtfire, he yelled out, "Hey, it's that f^$&#** WAFISH Inspector again!! Let's..............

[turboplanner]

.....Turtle him.

Turtling was a WA thing until the government outlawed it, and we can't say in public what it actually was or describe it, but ........

[onetrack]

.....if you can picture the Turtle Man from Kentucky, and the way he grabbed snapping turtles, and held them up in the air victoriously, you can get some idea of what was about to happen to Doughtfire.

But Doughtfire was made of sterner stuff than the average fishing inspector. He also had longer legs than the average fishing inspector, and this gave him a major advantage over his pursuers, who by now, were just............

 

(for the NES readers who came in late, here is Turtle Man.......)

 

[turboplanner]

.......drawing straws to see who woul be going into the waters but....

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......drawing straws to see who woul be going into the waters but....

.... drawing straws is a pain when you have sand in your crayons, and there are turtle eggs to be collected and whisked off to be sold in Asia.

 

Harvesting turtle eggs is restricted to native groups, same like bashing koalas and dugongs on the head with a shifter, but Turbine Exclusive Native Title and Flagon Corporation had been set up to .....

Edited January 23 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......assist and educate the local extinct tribespeople on how to become rich beyond their dreams.

As TENT and Flagon's PR consultant Cappy Cook IX put it at the release: "Kill one mother turtle with 300 eggs inside, a good meal for the tribe; catch 10 mothers and let then lay their eggs in our aquaculture tanks - you be like Sultans.

Soon the tribes were driving round and round the Community in Lamborghinis.........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Soon the tribes were driving round and round the Community in Lamborghinis.....

..... and covered in dugong & turtle tattoos, done with white ink.

 

The dugongs were .....

Edited January 23 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........not happy with these unflattering tattoos, blown up even more when viewed up through the water, and although they couldn't speak or understand written language, they knew what fat was; most of them dieting on sea cabbage for most of their lives trying to get down to mermaid size. 

They could see the turtles given batter feed and treatment so they herded and waited.............

[bull]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

fed on the chololate smarties that sent parents insane trying to break up fights between the kids, and fish guts from the professional fishermen who frequented Monkey Mia after dark and seemed to have some very big Snapper.

This got to the ears of WAFISH Inspector Doughtfire. 

The first night he was on the jetty huddled under a blanket with a beanie on and fishing rod in his hand he was pushed off the jetty, probably because the only ute for a mile had WAFIS "Measure your catch" on it.

The second night he covered himself with sand on the beach and breathed through a straw. After a while he decided he needed to go, and cautiously lifted his head to see he was surrounded by ..........

 

Can any NES readers tell me the chapter that Mrs Doutfire the sexiest copper in the west had transitioned ????

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..........not happy with these unflattering tattoos, blown up even more when viewed up through the water, and although they couldn't speak or understand written language, they knew what fat was; most of them dieting on sea cabbage for most of their lives trying to get down to mermaid size. 

They could see the turtles given batter feed and treatment so they herded and waited.............

..... in order to smash the thousands of turtle eggs that were about to be exported.

 

The dugong leader issued green headbands, Ping pledged personal support and funding, the leader demanded that all turtle hostages be terminated, and yelled the secret code to commence the attack, so the numerous dugong storm troopers ......

Edited January 23 by Captain

[Captain]

3 minutes ago, bull said:

Can any NES readers tell me the chapter that Mrs Doutfire the sexiest copper in the west had transitioned ????

dear bull. please pay attention in future. Somewhere around page 673, doubtfire used numerous pronouns reflecting several genders and signified a preference for standing while ......

[turboplanner]

4 minutes ago, Captain said:

dear bull. please pay attention in future. Somewhere around page 673, doubtfire used numerous pronouns reflecting several genders and signified a preference for standing while ......

And also Constable Doubtfire had numerous liaisons which produced many officious offspring, and then there were her 8 bros who produced many young Officers and then there were her 7 uncles and 6 aunts and they were spread all over Australia. Next time you get on a flight to the Gold Coast you could be sitting next to one.

[bull]

10 hours ago, Captain said:

dear bull. please pay attention in future. Somewhere around page 673, doubtfire used numerous pronouns reflecting several genders and signified a preference for standing while ......

❔

[bull]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

And also Constable Doubtfire had numerous liaisons which produced many officious offspring, and then there were her 8 bros who produced many young Officers and then there were her 7 uncles and 6 aunts and they were spread all over Australia. Next time you get on a flight to the Gold Coast you could be sitting next to one.

.Your talking to Bull,,,,I could be their father too from the early days at the Bowen Lockup! my we have fun in those days....sorry lost track ,,so yeah maybe who knows??  But now getting to the icky bit ,,so when she/he transitioned did they swap her hole for a pole? Just asking for a confused friend,😎

 

Edited January 24 by bull

[turboplanner]

.......polishing her regulation boots.

Melania Doubtfire of course married into the US autocracy and became a fashion icon recently.

Darren Doubtfire is cooling his heels in the Alice Springs lockup after a smoking pass down the shopping centre in his Yaris.

The one of most interest to us on the NES is Matt Doubtfire, who always wears Red Bull clothing, even for his nightwear, and even when he snores it's in tune with the engine noise of a 1500 ' dive.

Matt flies a Drifter; a weapon and is usually surrounded by autograph hunters, and it was Matt who was picked to protect the valuable turle breeding business from dugongs. The strategy they came up with was...........

[Captain]

.... fox and dingo like, to kill every dugong they could get their hands on, skin them then hang the skins & scalps on every fence or swim-between-the-flags sign in FNQ and The Territory, plus make CUintheNT tshirts out of dugong pelts.

 

These initiatives .....

[turboplanner]

........soon had multiple aviators with 222s take to the skies looking for dugongs in whatever aircraft they could buy or hire.

Of course, they hadn't read past the headline, so to them "fox and dingo like" had them all heading for far west Queensland. 53 ran out of fuel, 17 reached Longreach and pestered pub patons and the latte hangouts to find where to shoot dugongs, and whether they had to supply scalps for the reward.

 

Turbo and Cappy and Onetrack went down to the local  sports store and bought some spearfishing gear, drove the ute to Monkey Mia, and had winched out 132 dead Dugongs by the end of the first day.

By about the third day tourists stopped coming because of the smell and ........

[Captain]

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo and Cappy and Onetrack went down to the local  sports store and bought some spearfishing gear, drove the ute to Monkey Mia, and had winched out 132 dead Dugongs by the end of the first day.

By about the third day tourists stopped coming because of the smell and ......

..... that was just Turbo.

 

The Dugong cull was so successful that Turbine Butchers were selling the meat as halal & kosher (both at the same time) pork, changing Use-By date and making a killing.

 

This was soon copied by our US Ultralight cousins and within a couple of days the manatee population was decimated, as belt-fed machine guns are so much more efficient (based on the count of dead animals per sighting, not number of cartridges fired).

 

So the eating of ze WEF bugs was delayed for a decade, because manatee & dugong meat was stockpiled strategically in .....

Edited January 25 by Captain

[turboplanner]

24 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... that was just Turbo.

 

The Dugong cull was so successful that Turbine Butchers were selling the meat as halal & kosher (both at the same time) pork, changing Use-By date and making a killing.

 

This was soon copied by our US Ultralight cousins and within a couple of days the manatee population was decimated, as belt-fed machine guns are so much more efficient (based on the count of dead animals per sighting, not number of cartridges fired).

 

So the eating of ze WEF bugs was delayed for a decade, because manatee & dugong meat was stockpiled strategically in .....

......the granite dungeons carved out of granite under the Andes on a scale of square Turbo had surveyed them in 1995 and bought the land for 17 pesos.

Meanwhile the smell at Money Mia was so great that no freecampers or grey nomads had stopped in town for weeks and the Latte joints, pub and cafes had gone broke; Turbo had bought the lot, set up a deal to sell the Dugong Guts for dog food through the Poodle Me chain, and a Fertiliser factory which sprayed the smell of Palm Trees and steel guitars 24 hours a day, and the tourists flocked back and even paid the $20 to tour the factories and ......

[Captain]

.... have coffee and dugong shaped biscuits in the mezzanine coffee & souvenir shop located above the Guts Sorting Floor.

 

The most popular souvenir was very hard to remove from the fair dinkum dugongs, so Turbinia had counterfeit versions made in a sweatshop in China and she called them .....

Edited January 25 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......EarBones (c).

She got away with it because no one looks at earrings these days.

The AUF, thinking they represented propellors [avref], bought 10,700 pairs , a pair for each Member and a pair for each of the staff.

It was only at the AGM, that Albo, who wasn't a member so didn't have a pair, said "......

 

 

[Captain]

53 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......EarBones (c).

She got away with it because no one looks at earrings these days.

The AUF, thinking they represented propellors [avref], bought 10,700 pairs, a pair for each Member and a pair for each of the staff.

It was only at the AGM, that Albo, who wasn't a member so didn't have a pair, said "......

 

 

..... Can I have a pair if I reduce all AUF member's electricity bills by $275?".

 

When they heard this, the dolphins became even more jealous of the dugongs than they already were, until they realised that .....

Edited January 25 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....Albo was dyslexic. As we know Albo's parents both worked in near-slave conditions at the Bradmill Cotton factory in Footscray, and lived under scraps of corrugated iron in the slums of the old Footscray Swamp.

There was no money for medical correction other than what came in from the young Albo's pimping, and that wasn't much at all, so he had to suffer from this problem all his life, and deserves great credit for his rise to power through the Painters & Dockers Union where he was a temp Secretary.

 So while the AUF graciously gave him a pair of  EarBones (c), the $275 Electricity reduction was in fact another increase of $572, sneaked in by that Bowen character, bringing the annual cost of electricity of the average household to 17 times that of the equivalent US household.

 

It didn't take the Dolphins long to find this out, and they sank the fin into the leadership of the Dugongs who were eventually forced to admit they'd been conned and ......