The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

.....frozen chiko rolls together, and he watched in great concern as the broken pieces rolled across the floor, giving him.........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....frozen chiko rolls together, and he watched in great concern as the broken pieces rolled across the floor, giving him.........

.... a feeling of deja-vu, because something like this had happened before when he had .....

[turboplanner]

.....tried to delay the clap with chiko roll oil.

He picked up his chikos as best he could and was just about to put them.........

[Captain]

19 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....tried to delay the clap with chiko roll oil.

He picked up his chikos as best he could and was just about to put them.........

..... , and their oil, out as a NHS medical breakthrough, necessary because the Rolling Stones were due to tour again, and all of their fans were preparing to clap, or to catch it at after-parties all over OZ.

 

Chiko roll oil, or CRO as the knockoff was named & mandated in Uganda by Pfizer, was indeed a .....

 

"Mandated" requires that every male be injected with CRO in the date.

[turboplanner]

.........Hit with a capital B.

It was selling all round the world thanks to the Turbo AI clips showing Turbo bronzed in the oil standing in front of trains just in time to stop them from being hit by landslides, nudging his yacht right up to an iceberg to allow a Polar Bear to jump on board, avoiding starvation, and Turbo shaking hands with a lion. The clips went viral in India where people oiled up like Turbo, dressed in Safari suit, drank Tennesee whiskey and respected women. A rock band even named themselves after this runaway success. Only One Track wasn't happy, saying .........

[Captain]

35 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........Hit with a capital B.

It was selling all round the world thanks to the Turbo AI clips showing Turbo bronzed in the oil standing in front of trains just in time to stop them from being hit by landslides, nudging his yacht right up to an iceberg to allow a Polar Bear to jump on board, avoiding starvation, and Turbo shaking hands with a lion. The clips went viral in India where people oiled up like Turbo, dressed in Safari suit, drank Tennesee whiskey and respected women. A rock band even named themselves after this runaway success. Only One Track wasn't happy, saying .........

...... "All of those images were generated by the cheap & cheerful "Turdbine AI" based in Bangladesh using a secondhand laptop, so all of the animals have 5 legs, and even Turbo himself has 3 1/2 legs + an oversized lump in his Safari Suit ...... while all the time Turbo himself was lying on his motheaten couch in Moorabbin with cans of VB strewn all around, and a rotten .....

Edited Friday at 04:55 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......pepperoni pizza he'd been trying to eat for days.

The Cat Farms were a sea of red ink, and there hadn't been a trip to the Spratleys to work out the Vought Corsairs and he was desperate to try out the new ADSB.

He'd watched the Chinese ships sailing between Australia and New Zealand yesterday and firing their guns. He and Cappy should have brought the Corsairs down and fitted them with the new TurbineMarineArmageddon systems. "Although" he thought "If they fired and missed Australia, we don't have much to worry about."

But Cappy was another Neville Chamberlain "Peace in our time" merchant and.......

 

 

Cappy addressing the Koondrok Duck Shooters Association before the scandal.

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

37 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

But Cappy was another Neville Chamberlain "Peace in our time" merchant and .....

..... sent Qi's missus a stern yet tasteful message that commenced "G'day honey. If you will get Ping to back off a bit, I would be willing to again do those special things that you like. Love Cappy"

 

This worked and the Chinese immediately started to dismantle the Spratleys and sacked everyone in their Navy.

 

When he heard of this and saw the effects of Cappy's work, the Crapster received another call.

 

"Howdie Crappy if I may be so familiar, it's Don here, do you have time now for a chat or should I call back when it suits you better ........ or I could fly over in AF1 and land at Y-KKA where we can have a good chinwag, and you can give me some pointers."

 

"No wuckers Don" replied Cappy, who is never difficult to get on with, and they then had a delightful, encrypted discussion that covered ...... 

Edited Friday at 09:09 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

........the real stories behind.....

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........the real stories behind.....

... the mainstream media's distortions about ......

[onetrack]

.......the origins of the Chiko Roll. Now, the standard story, promoted by the mainstream media, is that the Chiko Roll was invented by Frank McEncroe, a boilermaker from Bendigo.

Nothing could be further from the truth, because the mainstream media all believe that the origin of all truth, only comes the Eastern States - when the people of Western Australia know full well, that the East Coasters lie through their teeth constantly.

 

The Truth behind the invention of the Chiko Roll, is that it was invented in Western Australia and copied by Frank McEncroe when he made a rare trip West, and tasted a genuine original Chiko Roll.

The Chiko Roll was invented on a cold Winters night, by a famous relative of OT's, one Augustus Fulltrack, who ran a large food van in the downtown area of Norseman, catering to hungry, tired, long-haul truckies, who had no choice in that long ago era, but to keep their slow, gutless, rough-riding old International and Dodge trucks, with their heavily-tarped 34 foot semi-trailers, rolling across the endless miles of the Nullarbor Plain, and the more dreary parts of South Australia, to keep the dreadful products from the factories of the East, continuing to flow to the West.

 

The worst of those products of the East Coast factories would have been Tom Piper Steak & Onions in a can. It was the staple fall-back emergency meal when the food cupboard was bare - and it was the staple meal of "tinned dog" for all those East-West truckies.

One cold Norseman night, a tired and hungry truckie called into Augustus Fulltracks' food van, and said to him, "Mate, can you knock up something that tastes half-decent, and which doesn't taste like Tom Piper Steak & Onions? I can taste nothing but Tom Piper Steak & Onions, day and night, and I'm so heartily sick of it!!"

 

So, Augustus, being a resourceful type of bloke - as are all the Track family - rummaged around and found a cabbage in reasonable condition, along with an onion and a stick of celery that wasn't mouldy - plus a bit of leftover mince that was only hours away from walking out of the fridge by itself - and Augustus then found a tray of batter that he'd been experimenting with, for increased strength and texture, and easy handling - and within 10 minutes, Augustus had produced the food wonder now known worldwide, as the Chiko Roll.

When the truckie bit into it, he said, "This tastes great, what's it called?" - and Augustus, ever a quick-thinker, said "Chiko Roll", naming it after the local layabout known as "Chiko", who resided against the wall of Norseman's Railway Hotel day after day, with his swag roll.

 

No-one knew where Chiko came from, or how he got his name - but everyone, from far and wide, knew about Chiko, and regularly handed him spare change to keep him going. Chiko survived on leftovers from Augustus' food van, so he always remained pretty healthy. However, there came the day when.............

[turboplanner]

......Chiko asked for a 50% Royalty on the profits and backed it up with a Leegal Opinion from Hammer&Crusher of Kalgoorlie.

 

Now we all know what the Tracks are like at paying their share;Augustus spat the dummy in the dirt and it was on......

[Captain]

19 hours ago, onetrack said:

The Chiko Roll was invented on a cold Winters night, by a famous relative of OT's, one Augustus Fulltrack, who ran a large food van in the downtown area of Norseman, catering to hungry, tired, long-haul truckies, who had no choice in that long ago era,

Mind you, those would still be preferable to what is available currently in the Norseman TruckStop(s).

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......Chiko asked for a 50% Royalty on the profits and backed it up with a Leegal Opinion from Hammer&Crusher of Kalgoorlie.

 

Now we all know what the Tracks are like at paying their share;Augustus spat the dummy in the dirt and it was on......

..... a Monday when the street sweeper had not been active since the Thursday of the fortnight before, so the dirt had accumulated and was particularly grotty, plus this had been augmented by the Norseman Nightsoil Carters (the NNCs) that had twice dropped their traditional half gallon dollop out of each can, onto the streets and around a moribund Chiko, unless the carters had received a good Chrissy present the previous Dec 25th. (Some say that this may have been from whence Chiko got his ideas about that extra little flavoring something that he included in the CRs).

 

Norseman people are renowned for being extremely frugal & for not being generous at Christmas, so the streets were full of .....

[turboplanner]

.....one dollar battery fans, powered water bottles, and Chinese snake bite kits,

These were all covered in a liberal blanket of cheap Christmas wrapping paper and underneath that paper was Chiko who'd been sipping Blackberry Nip as he cooked.

 

Shirley, aka the Norseman Nymph had bought an Airborne XT-912 SST Tundra for Christmas.

 

The "Nymph" name was sarcastic because Shirley was Security at the Norseman Reindeer Hotel. She wore a bullet-proof vest, a reflective strip over her deck and down to her Tool Belt which contained everything from a bottle opener to a rabbit gutting pocket knife, dark blue tights and Parachute boots.

 

She decided to land in the main street, since no one was around.

 

She'd learnt to fly the trike from a video; it was really quite easy, and as she swung on course and lined up on the five mile main street the whine died down, the Rotax coughed once then was silent. Her mind went to that fuel hose she'd bought and rivetteted on, but it was too late now; she was gliding quite well, if steeply, when .......

 

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

She'd learnt to fly the trike from a video; it was really quite easy, and as she swung on course and lined up on the five mile main street the whine died down, the Rotax coughed once then was silent. Her mind went to that fuel hose she'd bought and rivetteted on, but it was too late now; she was gliding quite well, if steeply, when ......

..... the local GFA gestapo radioed and asked to see her GFA license, and why she had not gotten the required 17 clearances from the CFI at the local Royal Norseman Heights Gliding Club + paid for a cable launch.

 

Shirl knew this clown from a blind date that she had consented to some years before, when she had been particularly ......

Edited Sunday at 03:00 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

....naive. The G, as the Ragheads call them had promised her a "free one" and, thinking it was a free tow, Shirley........................

 

 

We need to recognise that Cappy would have opened up to tell us this only after a lot of agonising thought, most likely bringing on a bout of PTSD. We love the ragheads, as nasty as they can be but they too have feelings.

[Captain]

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....naive. The G, as the Ragheads call them had promised her a "free one" and, thinking it was a free tow, Shirley ............

..... always took the gratis one, particularly if the bloke, or bloke-ette (Shirl was always a great fan of ACDC, and also of Bon Scott), looked good enough that she would not have to chew her arm off in the morning.

 

Shirl was of an age that her vision of a rag-head involved an Italian or Greek concreter with his hankie tied in each corner, so she did not connect the term with bomb-chuckers, and that ......

Edited Monday at 02:12 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

nor did she see Albo as one, partiularly after he'd stood up to Don T.

For that matter, she thought she might like a bit of bomb chucking, so when Ahmed asked to borrow her ASIC card, she said...............................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

nor did she see Albo as one, partiularly after he'd stood up to Don T.

For that matter, she thought she might like a bit of bomb chucking, so when Ahmed asked to borrow her ASIC card, she said ......

..... "Only if I can have my own pager and join the People's Front for Toorak ....... (after all, "What have VicPol and Danny-Boy ever done for us?")".

 

Ahmed thought that Shirley would look hot through the letterbox opening in a burka, so he took her to the next meeting of the PFfT and she was ......

 

How Ahmed imagines Shirley, the Numphette

 

And Shirl, when the mozzies & flys (avref) are around.

Edited Monday at 04:27 PM by Captain

[bull]

16 hours ago, Captain said:

Ahmed thought that Shirley would look hot through the letterbox opening in a burka, so he took her to the next meeting of the PFfT and she was ......

..........so overcome by the ability to hide wearing a garbage bag with a hole in it  that she robbed 3 banks four bookies and the bus driver on the way home ,,made a killing!,,great styling efforts said OT sitting over in the corner over there with that young Shirley,s sister  Amelia who was well known for........... 

Edited yesterday at 09:11 AM by bull

[onetrack]

....throwing off her burka as often as she could, which resulted in practically all the blokes losing interest in her straight away, once they could see what she really looked like.

But OT was made of sterner stuff, and knew that looks weren't everything, and especially when Shirley's Dad held a 4% shareholding in Saudi Aramco. 

 

It was just so easy to utilise Shirley to find out when the next OPEC meeting was going to held, and by how much the oil price was going to be ramped up. As a result of this valuable information, OT bought up a sizeable volume of oil futures, and when the..........

[Captain]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

It was just so easy to utilise Shirley to find out when the next OPEC meeting was going to held, and by how much the oil price was going to be ramped up. As a result of this valuable information, OT bought up a sizeable volume of oil futures, and when the........

...... the price went up, OT's did too.

 

"That's a bit stiff" commented bull, when he had to pay the extra to fill up his Jackoff, so he decided to short oil, until he ......

[turboplanner]

.....had enough money to fill it up for life.

When he tried to put his money into a Swiss Bank .......

 

[Captain]

30 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....had enough money to fill it up for life.

When he tried to put his money into a Swiss Bank .......

 

..... these huge values of funds were assumed and declared by the Bank to be the proceeds of crime, (1) because bull has always been a bit shonky, and (2) because he has been consorting with a known undesirable (Turdboy). (bull & Turdy must really be suss & on-the-nose, because the Swiss bank johnnies have had no trouble over the years with stashing Nazi loot, gold teeth from the concentration camps & gulags, or the takings from the Mexican cartels).

 

But bull had another trick up his caftan and ......