The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

........dressed himself up in a houndstooth suit, carried a bugle in one hand, dipped his other hand in some sump oil from the shed and wiped it over his hair, stuck a piece of charcoal under his nose and walked into the Reiss Bank with a stoop and a limp, towing his money in a trolley. Six staff immediatedly shot their arms out and clicked their heels, then quickly pulled them down and turned red, hoping no one would notice. One took the trolley, another put his arm around bull, reeling back from the smell of the sump oil and the money was in the bank so to speak.

 

Just as bull swaggered down the Allestrande Lause, a figure ........

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Just as bull swaggered down the Allestrande Lause, a figure ......

.... , who looked a lot like General Patton (it was actually Turbo wearing a metal helmet and carrying an ivory handled pistol) confronted bull and called "Hande Hoch".

 

For a moment, bull packed death, then darted down an alleyway (the one on the right off Allestrande Lause near the Peace Steps and just before the War Steps) following the well documented WWII escape route, which was used by .....

Edited Wednesday at 08:14 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....Gough Whitlam and Joh BP. 

But Turbo, who hadn't recognised bull's disguise, cut him off and was just about to plug bull when hew thought he recognised a familiar voice.........

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....Gough Whitlam and Joh BP. 

But Turbo, who hadn't recognised bull's disguise, cut him off and was just about to plug bull when hew thought he recognised a familiar voice.........

.... which said "g'day turbo eh. don't shoot eh, it's me eh, bull from bone eh and i'll give you a cut of my loot (eh) ifn you will just .....

 

Cappy is aware that in sketchy places Turbo often goes by the sudonym of "Hugh" (short for "Huge"), but has never before seen him use the spelling of "hew".

Edited Wednesday at 09:24 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

".... take a minute, I'll get rid of these pearl handled revolvers and the cigar because no poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his country."

Turbo recognised the voice and snapped to attention, dropping his gun, which the Patton figure quickly kicked over the fence with his left foot. Amazed at this, Turbo hesitated just that little bit too long and .......

 

 

 

For the benefit of NES followers, the "hew" Cappy referred to was an error.

Victoria's Premier had heard somewhere that Albo was in danger of lising the next election so had rallied her Amazon female cabinet Ministers and gone down to Moorabbin to announce that 10,000 "Townhouses" (flats) would be built at Moorabbin Airport. When the sole mechanic has eased himself out from under the Cessna and asked how the planes were gunna land, the Premier said "Don't be silly" we've measured the Cessna wings and left two slots so both runways can still be used.

 

15 minutes after she'd got back to the Department to be met by all the NO Ministers, she announced the Moorabbin deal was off and Turbo in his relief had simply tyed "hew" instead of "Phew".

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

".... take a minute, I'll get rid of these pearl handled revolvers and the cigar because no poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his country."

Which came as a bit of a shock to every random bomb chucker, failed IED builder, and suicide bomber, that are still searching for their virgins, particularly after the small print was explained to them that nowhere does it specify that the virgins must be female.

 

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo recognised the voice and snapped to attention, dropping his gun, which the Patton figure quickly kicked over the fence with his left foot. Amazed at this, Turbo hesitated just that little bit too long and ......

...... he was caught like a roo in the headlights, with his hand on his .....

[bull]

32 minutes ago, Captain said:

Which came as a bit of a shock to every random bomb chucker, failed IED builder, and suicide bomber, that are still searching for their virgins, particularly after the small print was explained to them that nowhere does it specify that the virgins must be female.

 

...... he was caught like a roo in the headlights, with his hand on his .....

.........big red button,,,,,,,Leave that button alone ,yelled Patton [OT in disguise],,the fate of the whole world rest upon that button Turbo! Now give it here like a good boy and we can................... 

[onetrack]

......all breathe easy, and not risk world annihilation!!

 

"NO!", cried Turbo, retreating further from the advancing and threatening figure, which figure was truly terrifying to Turbo. "This Briefcase with the Big Red Button, is my only protection now!! I'll only give this briefcase up if you stop advancing, and tell me who you really are!?"

 

OT stopped advancing, pulled off his Patton face mask, and grinned widely. Turbo promptly fainted and collapsed, and OT promptly rushed forward and picked up the Briefcase with the Big Red Button, holding it high in triumph. "Look at this!!" he said, "Now I've got the Briefcase with the Big Red Button, and I'm going to...........

[turboplanner]

........put it in the trike and make for......but his voice was drowned out by the sprag clutch and whine of the Rotax as the trike raced down the runway and staggered into the air.

OT was a little inexperienced with weightshift and pushed the bar when he should have pulled it. The trike jerked and the Briefcase flipped out and dropped on to the runway.

Turbo sprinted for the bag, or he thought he sprinted.

OT looked down and saw Turbo and again mishandled the controls and the Trike tumbled over and over in that deat roll heading towards the ground. Luckily a hug elm tree snagged the trike and OT was able to jump down and make a run for the Briefcase, but before either could grab it ..........

[Captain]

..... Hillary grabbed the Big Red Button in an attempt to reset the world order and to .....

 

Killary and the BRB

 

Edited 15 hours ago by Captain

[onetrack]

(OT notices that Cappy has failed to ID the big bloke trying to beat Hilary to the BRB - he should've advised all the NES readers, that it's actually Turbo.....)

 

......ensure that it OT couldn't reset the WO, instead. Meantimes, bull was seen running away, with a message on the back of his T-shirt, that read.........

[bull]

7 hours ago, onetrack said:

(OT notices that Cappy has failed to ID the big bloke trying to beat Hilary to the BRB - he should've advised all the NES readers, that it's actually Turbo.....)

 

......ensure that it OT couldn't reset the WO, instead. Meantimes, bull was seen running away, with a message on the back of his T-shirt, that read.........

.................."SUCKERS"  and had the BRB [the real one as the fake killery had was a promotional model for demo,s etc ]safely stashed in his bum bag he dashed for his trusty aircraft and ventured forth into another dimension....Bull was  seen flying into the sunset in his jackaroo with rotax screaming with his middle finger held high as he did a fly bye and.........

Edited 7 hours ago by bull

[onetrack]

......promptly crashed into the top branches of a huge gum tree that he hadn't seen, as he was too busy "middle-fingering" the people on the ground. The Jacka lost its undercarriage, one elevator, part of the tailplane and 100mm off the end of the prop blades - but it was still flying! - as bull found out, whilst hastily pulling his finger out of...........

[Captain]

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

(OT notices that Cappy has failed to ID the big bloke trying to beat Hilary to the BRB - he should've advised all the NES readers, that it's actually Turbo.....)

This post, in reality, by positively identifying Turbo as Sergey Viktorovich Lavrov, is accusing Turbo of being a puppet of the Russian Government and, by extension, one of Vlad's bumboys.

 

Knowing as I do that Turbo is only loyal to one cause (being himself/Turbine Industries) therefore, due to his assertion and the fake dossier that is available on his website, it is logical to question whether Onesie might actually be Christopher Steele, hiding like a rabid quokka in the back-blocks of WA ............ which is now a favored hideout for most of eastern Australia's and the world's rejects, grifters, snake oil salesmen, and terrorists, because there are a plethora of sandhills to hide behind, spaced on average every 250 m (Oh, the sand).

 

Like the murderers from the Batavia (on which all WA traditions were founded), the world's flotsam and jetsam therefore gravitated naturally to the area around Southern Cross, where they formed the WA Freedom of Thought & 72 Virgins Association, which was akin, in constitution and regalia to the local SC Masonic Lodge #786, and Chris (OT) Steele was elected Grand Poohbah and Mufti.

 

Is this the Onesie that we know and love?

 

Edited 1 hour ago by Captain

[Captain]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

......promptly crashed into the top branches of a huge gum tree that he hadn't seen, as he was too busy "middle-fingering" the people on the ground. The Jacka lost its undercarriage, one elevator, part of the tailplane and 100mm off the end of the prop blades - but it was still flying! - as bull found out, whilst hastily pulling his finger out of...........

..... his .....