The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

......so it immediately became obvious that Turbo had become confused, and mistook the DG Uniting Church for a pub (it's very similar, just a different kind of worship to a pub, takes place there), mistook the War Memorial Hall for a Shire Hall (that's easy to do, there's a very subtle difference), and the "pub dog" that Turb sighted isn't a pub dog at all, it actually belongs to DG, and it's his best rabbiting dog, and it was a most unfortunate event when it spotted a rabbit, and ran into CT's line of fire.

 

However, Turbo can be forgiven for these small lapses in memory and identification, we can put his feeble state of mind down to his advanced age, and the fact that's he's been in many wars (mostly with councils and VCAT), has plenty of mental scars to prove it, and often has to be reminded what day it is, where he is, and what he's there for.

 

Regardless of his health and age problems, Turbo's contributions to the NES are so substantial, it warrants creating a special award for his efforts, and accordingly CT "rattled the can" for Turbo amongst the DG flying fraternity (all 3 of them) and raised enough to...........

 

Edited March 3 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.......pay for a TIF Flight from The Darraweit Airfield to the nearest dairy farm where an old guy was rumoured to have a Puss Moth stored in his hay shed.

The Puss Moth got its name from ........

[Captain]

19 hours ago, CT9000 said:

note to turbs, you are welcome to fly in to the Darraweit Guim regional airport to         have a look at this wonderful place 

Beware CT as your insurance premiums will go thru the roof if he accepts your kind invitation.

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Puss Moth got its name from .......

.... the fact that the paint on the wings & empennage was made in Wuhan, well before that town became known for that other little health scare, and that paint (WP) caused severe infections that needed to be drained into milk bottles, because ......

[onetrack]

......of the old saying, "2 litres only comes in milk bottles!". This saying was always immediately guaranteed to raise hackles, and if you mentioned "rice racer" in the same sentence, then that statement would certainly bring about a raging brawl based on the number of litres, and what you could expect from 2 litres of....................

[Captain]

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

......of the old saying, "2 litres only comes in milk bottles!". This saying was always immediately guaranteed to raise hackles, and if you mentioned "rice racer" in the same sentence, then that statement would certainly bring about a raging brawl based on the number of litres, and what you could expect from 2 litres of....................

..... Honda Accord, which, after the Honda Jet, is their next project to provide a rice-burner to the Light Sport category.

 

The only current issue is that the Honda concept has the engine mounted above the left wing in a pod, and with a single engine, that gives asymmetric thrust, which can be a bit of a bother when ......

Edited Tuesday at 02:13 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

....doing Left Hand Circuit operations, resulting in the need to declare an emergency every time you take off or call up at the entry points. The ATCs get used to it after a while though.

 

It does save the eyes a bit because you only have to look out one side.

 

This reminded Turbo of his days in the Khyber Pass with Cappy. The Khybers had heard the British Commands "Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes!"

The Khybers  had seen first hand how effective it was, and General Somewat Slim issued orders to his men telling them to close one eye, so he could reduce his casualties by 50%.

 

This ................

 

[Captain]

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The Khybers  had seen first hand how effective it was, and General Somewat Slim issued orders to his men telling them to close one eye, so he could reduce his casualties by 50%.

 

This ........

..... , one eyed walking & the lack of depth perception, however, caused his troops to fall off the side if they were ascending the pass, or if they were descending the pass while walking backwards.

 

Hence the British & Skippy expression "I fell over and hurt, or otherwise damaged, my khyber", which was a waste of perfectly good letters, when they could have just said "I fell on my bum".

 

While Slim's casualties were initially reduced by 50%, the rate went back up again when their sore bums meant that they had to stand and their heads stuck up above the parapet, where the ......

Edited Tuesday at 04:58 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

...... the flying [avref] bullets were like a river of molten lead. The Khybers were terrified and many closed both eyes.

The British firing dried up and everyone had a cup of tea............

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...... the flying [avref] bullets were like a river of molten lead. The Khybers were terrified and many closed both eyes.

The British firing dried up and everyone had a cup of tea .....

..... a durry (Kharlboros were very popular, due to their use of a rugged bloke in their adverts, dressed in a 10-gallon turban, and riding a camel), and a good lie down, before the lead starts flying (another avref) again.

 

Somewat decided to initiate a bold and cunning plan, so he .......

 

 

Edited Tuesday at 08:20 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

........called the Khybers together.

Mahatma, he said "You'll go down the left flank."

Oh, and I am very much looking in the eyes left!" said Mahatma

He shook his head and signed ........

[bull]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........called the Khybers together.

Mahatma, he said "You'll go down the left flank."

Oh, and I am very much looking in the eyes left!" said Mahatma

He shook his head and signed ........

....the non discloser clause in the contract wondering why such trivial inclusion's such as.................

[Captain]

3 hours ago, bull said:

....the non discloser clause in the contract wondering why such trivial inclusion's such as.................

.... Cl 6.3.7.1.a which states "Thou shalt not make fun of Somewat Slim's small endowment, nor his tiny .......

Edited Wednesday at 11:27 AM by Captain

[onetrack]

.......little hands, with a prescribed penalty of 150 penalty units being applied for such offences." Mahatma gasped. What kind of penalty would be applied if someone called him "Mahatma Coat"? It would surely rate as a major penalty, incurring.........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......little hands, with a prescribed penalty of 150 penalty units being applied for such offences." Mahatma gasped. What kind of penalty would be applied if someone called him "Mahatma Coat"? It would surely rate as a major penalty, incurring.........

..... inclusion in a Benny Hill skit and an honored appearance in a Russel Coight video, before ......

 

 

[bull]

On 06/03/2025 at 12:38 AM, Captain said:

..... inclusion in a Benny Hill skit and an honored appearance in a Russel Coight video, before ......

 

 

Being taken south to an undisclosed location to..........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, bull said:

Being taken south to an undisclosed location to..........

..... purloin all of this season's Mutton Bird eggs and sell them to the Cat Farms for use as .....

[turboplanner]

.....a growth restorer and anti-mange treatment. Turbo was fed chook eggs when he was a kid and was told to eat them up to make his hair grow. "You don't want to look mangy like the foxes, do you!" hewas told and he'd quickly eat another four and by the time he was 8, had silky haor down to his shoulders and was featured in the New Idea. The Beatles subscibed to that magazine and started eating plenty of eggs and the result is history.

 

Turbo never forgot and .......

[Captain]

.... even today, his head still looks like the sharp end of a freshly laid and still warm chook egg, even including the usual pieces of chook fertiliser that are stuck to .......

Edited Friday at 04:35 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

......his lobes, but hey at the Moorabbin Pub they all cluster around him when he shouts the bar, and down at the ........

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......his lobes, but hey at the Moorabbin Pub they all cluster around him when he shouts the bar, and down at the ........

..... local house of ill repute, also known as the "Cat Farm", the girls all still talk fondly of Turbo's generosity, despite his egg-like ..... 

[bull]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

..... local house of ill repute, also known as the "Cat Farm", the girls all still talk fondly of Turbo's generosity, despite his egg-like ..... 

.....protuberance he was always generous in the tip after the girls did this one thing ,and Mavis [on loan from the Bone rissole] got the most of all for ..... 

[onetrack]

......keeping up Turbo's egg supply from her carefully-nurtured chooks. Interestingly, Turbo's addiction to eggs extended further than just eating them, and growing long silky hair - as a true entrepreneur, he decided to invest substantially in egg production facilities, in the firm belief that it would create a nation of long-haired beautiful creatures. (Footnote: This dream of Turbo's has failed, as noted by the number of bald heads and ugly fizzoggs in any group of older males - but he still dreams, anyway).

 

Accordingly, in the same vein, Turbo considered that because it took so long to eat four eggs, there was a need for bigger eggs, so one didn't have to mess with breaking and cooking lots of small eggs.

This came to a head when Turbo received a batch of bantam eggs, and spent a whole hour just trying to get a feed from them.

 

So, Turbo went to the bird where the eggs were biggest - Emus. Turbo set about getting a vast daily supply of emu eggs, as he'd heard that one emu egg was worth 24 normal hen eggs.

The job of rounding up enough emus fell to a trusted employee of Turbo Corporation Inc, one Billy Cokebottle. Billy promised he could deliver on Turbo's order for 1,000 emus by the end of the month.

But when the end of the month came, and no emus had arrived, Turbo set out to find Billy Cokebottle. He finally found him, asleep under a tree. Turbo raged..............

 

Edited yesterday at 12:07 AM by onetrack

[Captain]

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

But when the end of the month came, and no emus had arrived, Turbo set out to find Billy Cokebottle. He finally found him, asleep under a tree. Turbo raged.......

..... but then realised that it was a waste of time.

 

So instead of going down the Cokebottle route, which is also a VB route at times, Turbo had an egg-shaped brainwave.

 

He would use his Turbine Genetics Corp to transfer Emu, Ostrich and Moa DNA into the Aussie chook flock.

 

He'd need larger egg cartons, of course, but he would make a fortune, ...... however he also noticed the horrified looks on the faces of his bantams at Turbine Googies and Roasted Worn-out Chooks PLC, and he realised that he had a pressing need to develop a mechanism for enlarging the chooks orifices before the 1st of the CHEMU (registered name by Turbine Marketing) eggs came down the chute.

 

In his usual efficient manner Turdy solved this issue by .......