DarkSarcasm Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 "WE TOLD YA NOT TO MENTION THE W#R" yelled Acki. "Don't worry about that gold, me old cobber" said Nobu to Tubbo, "As me, Acki and Tacki knocked it off just after we gave little Douggie MacArthur a short back and sides in the Philippines and we have been living on the proceeds of that dosh ever since. We invested it in Microsoft by giving that nerd Billy G a stake, BHP and that other derro Jobsie at Apple as they 1st appeared ...... and me, Acki & Tacki are actually gazillionaires .. but we plefer to rive quietly in secrusion and with rots of expensive good sorts around .... like Nanna. We also bought Cowla in 1947 with our small change, we are about to invest in a company that makes real time submarine deodorizers and some ........... Unfortunately the rest of the crew weren't going to hear more about this company that Nobu, Acki and Tacki were planning to invest in, as at that moment an ominous beeping noise started echoing through the Subrolla. "What does that noise mean?" asked Darky in confusion...
Guest Decca Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 "....It's just the sonar (aviation term for underwater radar), Darky" responded our knowledgeable Skipper, reclining in relaxed mode. "Don't worry, our CRAFT, being the shape of a corolla, should have adequate stealth capability to be undetected by anyone." Captain, however, thinking of the next fly-in bbq, had lulled himself into a rare lapse of security.........
Captain Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 "....It's just the sonar (aviation term for underwater radar), Darky" responded our knowledgeable Skipper, reclining in relaxed mode. "Don't worry, our CRAFT, being the shape of a corolla, should have adequate stealth capability to be undetected by anyone." Captain, however, thinking of the next fly-in bbq, had lulled himself into a rare lapse of security......... ...... and said "What is the lapse rate (aviation weather term), geeeez I feel insecure, and speaking of craft, I C.R.A.F.T." "Stick to the 245 radial" commanded Nobu "As that is always a good one and is one of my favourites, stay at 2880 rpm (my hearties .... and where is me parrot?) and see if AhLo can unlock this Globite School case that contains our orders." "How long can you give me?" answered AhLo getting out his picks, his stethoscope, a ring of Cemtex & a couple of dets. "We need it opened in less than 2 weeks" said Tubbs. "Oh, geeeez" said AhLo "That's a big ask and I'm .................
turboplanner Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 "We need it opened in less than 2 weeks" said Tubbs. "Oh, geeeez" said AhLo "That's a big ask and I'm ................. "I show you how it done" said Motoo "need Lubber Band, Right Bulb, Rettuce Reef and some Blasso." He disappeared into the Head, and came out 30 seconds later with the box opened. "That's what we used to do at Cowla to go to Saturday night movies" he said "we sit up in plojection loom with plogectionist and feed him home made Saki. People thought Keystone Cops, Charry Chaprin, bucking horses and jumping Indians all part of show, but it was plojectionist rolling on floor getting wound up in spool......"
ahlocks Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Alarm! Alarm! shrieked the Kommandant of the unterseeboot. "Make ready ze torpedos." he barked, in anticipation of the crew's first kill in over sixty years. :raise_eyebrow: "See Willhiem!" He scolded the first officer as he scratched at the verdigris on his monocle, "I told you ze war vasn't over! :patch: Make revolutions to intercept and ve'll blow ze NES swine off onto another tangent and well past three thousand posts!" With a wheeze the sub's mighty engines rolled over and settled into a rythmic pulse of precision german engineering. Propulsion officer Rotorax, who had enjoyed a brief fling :FeelGood: (and game of 'hide the bratwurst') with an austrian engine maker's daughter while on his last shore leave, signalled the Helm. "If only you had let me modify the engines Herr Kommandant, I am sure I could haf made them rev to over 5 thousand and not self destruct....."(aviation reference )
turboplanner Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Alarm! Alarm! shrieked the Kommandant of the unterseeboot. "Make ready ze torpedos." he barked, in anticipation of the crew's first kill in over sixty years. :raise_eyebrow: "See Willhiem!" He scolded the first officer as he scratched at the verdigris on his monocle, "I told you ze war vasn't over! :patch: Make revolutions to intercept and ve'll blow ze NES swine off onto another tangent and well past three thousand posts!" With a wheeze the sub's mighty engines rolled over and settled into a rythmic pulse of precision german engineering. Propulsion officer Rotorax, who had enjoyed a brief fling :FeelGood: (and game of 'hide the bratwurst') with an austrian engine maker's daughter while on his last shore leave, signalled the Helm. "If only you had let me modify the engines Herr Kommandant, I am sure I could haf made them rev to over 5 thousand and not self destruct....."(aviation reference ) "Leave this to me" said Shin "I know how to deal with former Ally The others noted the word former and realised things had changed a lot over the years. "Good Evening Jelly" Shin Radioed "This is your Arrie, so don't shoot, and while deliberately holding the mic open said "Sirry iriots shoot anything, mostly miss!" which got the German's blood right up, and he resumed the firing sequence. But Shin knew just how far to push things. "hey Jelly, we got Schnapps, jerried eers and schitzels, having party, wanna come over. "What you got in that thing?" asked the Kommandant regretting his decision not to upgrade the Rotorax, "it's going like the clappers" "A Jabilu" said Shin, "the smaller one, and now we out of range Slit for brains, see ya"..... But the Captain had been idly flicking the switches as he often did at the Wagga Inn while waiting for customers to leave so he could see whether they had damnaged their rooms. Suddenly the engine faltered........
ahlocks Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 "Must be the tappets." Lat muttered :uhoh2: as he rapped on the face of the tacho hoping the fluctuations (which coincidentally, was exactly what the Kommandant had just screamed ) would cease. "Don't think you should have called him slit for brains Shin. :ne_nau: He vellee sauerkraut :ace:now!" commented Obrivion. TuboSan was unperturbed. He climbed out onto the roof of the subrolla and brandished his thirteen pound sledgie in defiance. "Sonar bridge" called DarkSarcs "Sounds like they've launched one" she warned as a high pitch scream overwhelmed her Zulus......
DarkSarcasm Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 "Must be the tappets." Lat muttered :uhoh2: as he rapped on the face of the tacho hoping the fluctuations (which coincidentally, was exactly what the Kommandant had just screamed ) would cease. "Don't think you should have called him slit for brains Shin. :ne_nau: He vellee sauerkraut :ace:now!" commented Obrivion. TuboSan was unperturbed. He climbed out onto the roof of the subrolla and brandished his thirteen pound sledgie in defiance. "Sonar bridge" called DarkSarcs "Sounds like they've launched one" she warned as a high pitch scream overwhelmed her Zulus...... TurboSan quickly stowed his thirteen poud sledgie and pulled out his cricket bat. "Watch this!" (aviation phrase) he cried...
ahlocks Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 …as Ahloh clambered up to the subrolla roof and anxiously looked to starboard. “Rooks rike they surfacing.” whispered TurbSan as he nervously twitched his neck and switched his gaze :patch: between the cricket bat, his beloved sledgie :heart: and the disturbance forming in the water abeam. “What’s going on up there?” hollered the Lat from down below. "I think Darkers* has bluetoothed her Zulus to a passing whale Captain Lat, but you really should see this!” exclaimed Aloh. ““It’s a thing of beauty! :face and heart: All metal and line upon line of ..........RIVETS!!!!!!” ============ *who overlooked a setup to poke fun at high reving aircraft motors and now will have to endure more headset gags.
Captain Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 …as Ahloh clambered up to the subrolla roof and anxiously looked to starboard. “Rooks rike they surfacing.” whispered TurbSan as he nervously twitched his neck and switched his gaze :patch: between the cricket bat, his beloved sledgie :heart: and the disturbance forming in the water abeam. “What’s going on up there?” hollered the Lat from down below. "I think Darkers* has bluetoothed her Zulus to a passing whale Captain Lat, but you really should see this!” exclaimed Aloh. ““It’s a thing of beauty! :face and heart: All metal and line upon line of ..........RIVETS!!!!!!” "Let me guess" said Tacki ............. "Is it the Harbour Blidge?" "Nnoooo" they answered. "Is it that pre-war German Transport plane that looks like it is made out of galvanized iron?" "Close, but no cigar" they chorused. "Is it the Titanic?" he asked in desperation. "No Tack, it's made in central Europe and it's a .................. Congratulations Ah-Low, as I had never anticipated seeing the word "verdigris" used in the NES. You will win the NES equivalent of the Brownlow for that.
turboplanner Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 "No Tack, it's made in central Europe and it's a .................. Congratulations Ah-Low, as I had never anticipated seeing the word "verdigris" used in the NES. You will win the NES equivalent of the Brownlow for that. ".......Short Stack" Turbo had managed single handedly, with the aid of the cricket bat and sledge hammer in the single hand to put together an Enigma machine. Darkasm tapped out, with a single finger, as lawyers do, the message "Come home Kommandant, Ve giffing you the Iron Cross", and the Kommandant dutifully turned the threatening Rivet Ridden vessel away. As an afterthought, Turbo fliocked the bat and the torpedo went wide......
Captain Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 ".......Short Stack" Turbo had managed single handedly, with the aid of the cricket bat and sledge hammer in the single hand to put together an Enigma machine. Darkasm tapped out, with a single finger, as lawyers do, the message "Come home Kommandant, Ve giffing you the Iron Cross", and the Kommandant dutifully turned the threatening Rivet Ridden vessel away. As an afterthought, Turbo fliocked the bat and the torpedo went wide...... ...... then went silent. 'Bugger mein" said the Kommondant of den Unterseeboten "The Turbowrecker has done to our torpedo what he does to outboards, as that 'pedo ran for all of 43 seconds before it went belly-up. It must have been the fliocking that he did .... which is against the Geneva Convention." "Well done, Tubb" said Acki "But just make sure you don't do the same thing to our verdigris dispensor and our ............
ahlocks Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 "Verdigris....regularly pops up in casual conversation dunnit?" :ne_nau: McLoch thought quietly to himself, as he pondered a way to introduce something even more abstruse into the yarn. (but was pipped by Lat before he'd hit 'SEND' ) "Land ho!" Tubz bellowed out. "I am not!" snapped Nanna .... ===============
turboplanner Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 "Verdigris....regularly pops up in casual conversation dunnit?" :ne_nau: McLoch thought quietly to himself, as he pondered a way to introduce something even more abstruse into the yarn. (but was pipped by Lat before he'd hit 'SEND' ) "Land ho!" Tubz bellowed out. "I am not!" snapped Nanna .... "I'm a respectable woman!" and everyone fell about laughing. They had landed on the island of Midway. "This look different to last time I saw it" said Nob "It's amazing what a few hundred thousand tonnes of high explosive will do" agreed Turbo, and they went looking for mud crabs...
Captain Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 "I'm a respectable woman!" and everyone fell about laughing. They had landed on the island of Midway. "This look different to last time I saw it" said Nob "It's amazing what a few hundred thousand tonnes of high explosive will do" agreed Turbo, and they went looking for mud crabs... .... where Nob explained "You know, Aran, that the Mud Clab is a wonderful beast, as it tastes good no matter how you plepare it ... be it stir flied, shabu'd, on a BBQ with knives and pepper glinders being frashed about by a Thai chef pletending to be Japanese, or just rightry broiled in their own juices, .... however the bombardment from the Yanks seems to have thinned them out a bit, don't ya know." "Listen you blokes' yelled Acki "The Deni Ute Muster is on this weekend and The Angels are playing at 11.20 Zulu on Sunday .... so lets get clacking so that I can fry down there with The Lat to see Doc Neeson do his thing, when I can dlop the magic word after he sings 'Am I ever gunna see your face again'?" "Too light" said Tubb "As The Deni Ute Muster is the equivalent of 10 B&S Balls on the one night, and will make me feel young again". "Geeeeez" exclaimed Nob. "They must be pletty good, and at the Muster youze can also .................
Guest Decca Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 What’s the Captain doing flicking switches on the engineer’s panel? I left TurboSpanner in charge but the Captain must have taken over when Turbs went topside. Sorry, Decca’s been absent trying to fix the “Head” I think it was called, then a submariner sales-man came along selling Destiny Relief Tubes, so I bought one for each of us, which amounts to 103 by now. I’ve just got to get permission from the Captain to bore 103 holes in the hull to install them. It will save a lot of time though Turbs if I can borrow your sledge. Hey, where is the Captain????????? He hasn't posted for 5 1/2 hours (not to mention the rest of you)!
Guest Decca Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Make that 18hours, never mind, here's breaking news: Turbostealer has been working undercover again. There’s a police headline just appeared in the forums to say a police station toilet’s been stolen. We needed another in the subrollarine. Now we can convert all the relief tubes to Zulu’s.
ahlocks Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Now we can convert all the relief tubes to Zulu’s. "..well it's only fair Dika" agreed McLoch "After spending so much time finding ways to take the P:censored:s out of Zulus, it's not unreasonable to have to give some back...." ================
Captain Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Make that 18hours, never mind, here's breaking news: Turbostealer has been working undercover again. There’s a police headline just appeared in the forums to say a police station toilet’s been stolen. We needed another in the subrollarine. Now we can convert all the relief tubes to Zulu’s. And while the BangholmePlanner has been knocking off dunnies, and giving his cold chisel & sledgie a rest from trying to remove the heads from outboards (so that he can make 103 precision holes in the Carolarine for Deccsie's relief tubes), I am please to report that the Riverina TV News was, this evening, dominated by Ahlocks as the poster boy for a new recruiting campaign. He sounded totally plausible, looked handsome and didn't mention rivets .... even once. That's because he is a ..............
DarkSarcasm Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 And while the BangholmePlanner has been knocking off dunnies, and giving his cold chisel & sledgie a rest from trying to remove the heads from outboards (so that he can make 103 precision holes in the Carolarine for Deccsie's relief tubes), I am please to report that the Riverina TV News was, this evening, dominated by Ahlocks as the poster boy for a new recruiting campaign. He sounded totally plausible, looked handsome and didn't mention rivets .... even once. That's because he is a .............. ...robot? Would a robotic Ahlocks be governed by Asimov's three laws? NB: Darky is attempting to study for pesky law exams so feel free to ignore her contributions since her brain is rather tired just now
Captain Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 ...robot? Would a robotic Ahlocks be governed by Asimov's three laws? NB: Darky is attempting to study for pesky law exams so feel free to ignore her contributions since her brain is rather tired just now "However, personally, I have always considered that Asimov must have written his 2nd law after he had had a few beers, as it doesn't hang together nearly as well as Law 1 and Law 3" said Nobu "But that's just my personal opinion after reading them over a few times." "I know" said Darky in between her case studies ........ but the fact that she is at the moment studying the 1955 - 1960 Globites means that she should have a kip and continue in the morning. Acki piped up "If I were the Casm I would ..................
planedriver Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Make that 18hours, never mind, here's breaking news: Turbostealer has been working undercover again. There’s a police headline just appeared in the forums to say a police station toilet’s been stolen. We needed another in the subrollarine. Now we can convert all the relief tubes to Zulu’s. With everyone giving that sigh of relief, the redfaced:angry:crew gave a thunderous applaud :clap:and Tubs was happy in the thought that ElCrappy the Captain would be undeterred that the thing had been knocked off. Dikka not being an ex-submariner thought he was doing the right thing drilling 103 holes in the hull, being of the opinion that the devices were self-draining:question:. If this should fail, being an engineer,he thought, i'll simply switch a couple of wires behind the main panel and pump the effluent out of the periscope. However, the Captain who likes to run a tidy ship, said he'd "kick the crap out of anyone not obeying his orders".
ahlocks Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 ...the Riverina TV News was, this evening, dominated by Ahlocks as the poster boy for a new recruiting campaign... "Make up!!....We're trying to attract new recruits. Not scare them away!" scowled the director :ace:as he turned to the make-up girl. "What can we do about the face?" :Disappointed: The make-up girl squinted a bit as she examined the example of Car Parks r Us standing before her. :DevilDog: "Well," she suggested "We could try shotblasting....":ne_nau: ...i'll simply switch a couple of wires behind the main panel and pump the effluent out of the periscope… Dika carefully checked his wiring. re-examined the plumbing. tweaked a couple of more dials (just 'cuz he can) and flipped the switch. Instantly a blood curdling scream erupted from above..... ===================== Planey! good to see you back!
planedriver Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 [quote=ahlocks; Dika carefully checked his wiring. re-examined the plumbing. tweaked a couple of more dials (just 'cuz he can) and flipped the switch. Instantly a blood curdling scream erupted from above..... The Captain and his first mate were standing on the conning tower at the time when the Captain copt it in the eye. Being convinced that it came from a seagull, the first mate said "would you like a tissue to wipe it Sir:question: "Dont be stupid man" replied the Captain, "that bloody bird will be miles away by now":hittinghead:
Tomo Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Acki piped up "If I were the Casm I would .................. ....... move to queensland, the state that's 99.99% sunny, 45.31% windy, 45.12% wet, and 110% friendly..................... 'Really when you think about it, it's not a bad preposition hey Capt'n'? Said the Casm......... Ps. Tomo is pleased to know that Acki has suddenly seen the light and is a lot wiser than he thinks....
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