The Never Ending Story

[Tomo]

... visit the NES, creating great sadness amongst it's dedicated writers......

 

===========

 

Tomorrow will be the last day Tomo's gonna be around here for a little while.... doing a totally unusual thing and going on Holidays for 10 days... :thumb_up:

 

 

[planedriver]

Hidey is seriously upset that the incident with the horse should have been alluded to and does suggest that he who suffers from a deficiency of socks have all his travelling aspirations be henceforth confined to the horse iron which seemed to be rusting up.

Along came Planey 3 days later with his can of WD40, as the iron horse had started to seize-up, a bit like the NES.

 

After spraying till the can was empty, he stopped and lit a smoke and kboom:kboom:in a bid to get a bit of attention to the situation.

 

"Bloody good job" said some, but he was actually hoping that there would be someone with a few .

 

Anyway it followed that after the air was filled with WD40, Planey was looking down from above, and noticed many of the NES Grey Brigade arthritis sufferers, starting to move a bit, despite a bit of squeaking.

 

Is that really someone trying to get their fingers working above the computer keyboard, he thought, or is it the sound of loose rivets:angry:

 

 

[DarkSarcasm]

Is that really someone trying to get their fingers working above the computer keyboard, he thought, or is it the sound of loose rivets:angry:

It was indeed the sound of loose rivets.

 

As the older NESers had been frozen at their keyboards and young Tomo had disappeared off on holidays to who-knows-where, Darky had been left in control of the Subrolla.

 

Despite taking the precaution of putting L Plates on the outside of the Sub to warn all around about her driving, she had still managed to hit a couple of cargo freighters, narrowly miss the sunken wreckage of that plane that was ditched off Norfolk Island, and was currently scraping along the side of NZ which was causing rivets to shoot in all directions...

 

 

[planedriver]

Despite taking the precaution of putting L Plates on the outside of the Sub to warn all around about her driving, she had still managed to hit a couple of cargo freighters, narrowly miss the sunken wreckage of that plane that was ditched off Norfolk Island, and was currently scraping along the side of NZ which was causing rivets to shoot in all directions...

damaging 156 mag rims:yikes:, but being a legal-eagle, laid a salvage claim for the sunken Westwind

 

Decca (The real engineer) was a little bit peed about the damage to the mags, but being a true gentleman who understands women, made allowances by not entering the mishap in his log.

 

It is good to see that ElCapitan has managed to drag himself away from all those dark-eyed, dusky senoritas (even if it was on his knees) and is safely home in Oz. :welcome:back safe and sound mate.

 

Meanwhile, Turboplanner is playing around with his new blow-off valve design, and Ahsocks is busy unpacking new (second-hand), sorry, (second foot) socks albeit with a peg on his nose, given to him out of sympathy from the Salvo's.

 

Tomo's gone AWOL. Hope he has a note, or there'll be trouble!

 

Darky who's just finished watching "A day in the life of a subrolla driving instructor" was all excited:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:, and has booked herself in for a refresher course.

 

 

[hihosland]

Then disaster struck.

 

Darky being of Victorian stock found herself condemned to perpetually scan the subrolla drivers manual seeking the non existing reference to hook turns and there she will have to stay until from Queensland ...........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....comes Thruster flyin', possum shootin' Bill Morris, the only Queenslander with enough skill to fly the Subrolla.

 

"I'll show you how to control it" shouted Aklovian, once again lossing count of his rivets when he was around 10,233.

 

The Wagga Base Hospital was becoming quite alarmed at the number of people presenting to have Unidentified Flying Aluminium Objects dug out of their skin.

 

The story was always the same, they were out walking their dog, heard a whistling sound from the sky and felt a sharp pain.

 

Ratted Plastic noted that the Sportsczar was looking like a dotted line, but omitted to mention this when reporting on the latest flight of the Wagga Wagga Confederate Airforce, which now outnumbers The RAAF fleet.

 

Avlo even pasted his GPS tracks which looked for all the world like worm castings, but don't tell him that.

 

They showed just how hard it is to fly a curved track which has the advantage of never having to say you're lost, and allowing mored Airtime to watch ad free TV.

 

The GPS track showed how Avo had given way to 73 RPT flights, some coming in to places as far away as Geraldton, all the Confederate Air Force including Rat who had trimmed the Jab for a landing and then had a relaxing sleep, a Lazair and one of the local sparrows.

 

By the time he got down there were only a few drunken soldiers staggering around the town.

 

Turbo had suggested Av take over the Sub, but Akahiko reacted sharply, saying "he fry like hysterical Dog - we never get to Cowla"

 

Nobushi quite correctly pointed out "Cowla not on coast" but they were all too dizzy from Darksarc's ever diminishing circles and head bangingh collisions to worry about a small detail like that, so Avokian was allowed to take over.

 

"Set course for 273, 275, 268, and 282" he ordered.........

 

 

[ahlocks]

....it's over there somewhere.:ne_nau:" he added as he set about practicing his usual mode of navigation. :clown: "We'll just sail westish, south eastish until something familiar comes into view and figure it out from there." :bmwrider:

 

This was all too much for Dika! :Disappointed: (all round nice guy and lady Killa :ilmostro:)

 

"How's a bloke supposed to meet new young lovelies :killen:, while you lot are floundering about using waterspouts as waypoints?" ....

 

 

[turboplanner]

Dika remained silent.

 

This was all too much for Turbo who said "I'll take over for a while", aimed the sub for Australia and slammed the throttle through the gate.

 

The sub sat up on its tail and raced along at about twice the speed of a Gazebo.

 

As he approaches Ashmore Reef, Turbo noticed a smudge on the horizon and throttled back.

 

It was too late, HMAS "Poncy", a 15 tonne patrol boat with MDF superstructure had seen his bow wave.

 

They were filming Border Patrol, and the Captain turned to the camera and said "We've had enough of these boat people, let me show you how we catch them in record time"

 

"Heave to" he yelled through the Dick Smith speakers, but Turbo was an old street racer and didn't make eye contact.

 

The Captain ordered the crew to send a warning. One held up a Stehr on both hands, and Turbop sniggered when he though of the armour plating around him.

 

Another rating yelled into a tin megaphone which may have come from WW1 "HEAVE..TO...WE..ARE..GOING..TO..BOARD ..YOU" which came across quite well on the Border Patrol sound track, but across the half mile distance sounded more like "Miaow"

 

"He;s got to be fligging joking" said NOb.

 

Turbo stepped on the gas and 8000 tonnes of the Imp-ertial Japanese Navy came out of the water and started to plane (Turbo had worked the engine).

 

The Stehr fell to the deck, and two ratings ran for the 50 mm, but it was pointing the wrong way when the huge sub lifted the patrol boat out of the water and flicked it into two loops which would have done justice to a Jab/Tecnam/Gazelle depending on the RA thread.

 

The Subrolla was headed for Darwin.

 

 

[planedriver]

The Subrolla was headed for Darwin.

The crew who'd been at sea for far longer than they'd really wished for, began to get a bit toey after one of the crew mentioned that there was a good chance that "they could catch a few crabs after arrival"

 

Unaware that he'd meant the muddy variety, which are great eating, they disembarked and raised-riot in the Top End.

 

This raised much displeasure with the Capitano who warned, that if it occurred again, it would not only be their rations which would be cut-off.

 

Not wishing to bring discredit to the subrolla crew, he ordered a double serve of bromide to be added to the crews morning tea, in a bid to curb their ardour:sad:

 

Dikka:cool:, was still nowhere to be seen. With his vast experience, he certainly knows when to lie low, and the local lovelies confirmed that, with satisfied grins on their faces.

 

Locky was was still playing with his SEXtant, and claims he was only trying to get a grip of his bearings.

 

Tomo had nothing to add, as he was still in holiday mode, but Hiho was busy trying to fathom out out how those Mexicans south of the Victorian border, manage to perform a hook turn at traffic lights.

 

Darky who's been AWOL for a week, had been studying too hard, and was getting confused between weight and balance, and how much those in her profession should charge in getting people back on the right track.

 

Turbo at this time, was getting very concerned about stepping on the gas too much so the subrolla captain could do a bit of waterskiing, withought having to buy too many carbon credits...................

 

 

[turboplanner]

Turbo at this time, was getting very concerned about stepping on the gas too much so the subrolla captain could do a bit of waterskiing, withought having to buy too many carbon credits...................

But Turbo was ahead of the game as usual. He'd organised a crew of RA Aus employees (only the top 200 of them) to buy up solar panels on their expenses and bring them down to the Darwin wharf while the subrolla crew were munching mud crab at one of the excellent wharf restaurants which had been recommend by a RA Aus employee who said "We fly up to Darwing every Saturday night for the mud Mud Crab and Chardonnay Special.

 

It was then only a matter of bolting the panels to thew top of the sub; There'd be no carbon tax on this sub.

 

"How we going to get power when we under water?" asked Nob "Well we....we just....first we.......................Your always picky", said Nobushi, "anyone would think you'd won the war"

 

"It's a Japanese sub isn't it?" said Nob and Turbo had to admit it was

 

"You drive a Japanese 4WD don't you? said Nob, and Turbo had to admit he did

 

"You've been taking photos with a Canon camera haven't you? said Nob and Turbo began to realise that winning wasn't everything.

 

They both looked up as 300 hot air balloons majestically sailed overhead, all speciually painted for the occasion with "RA Aus Accountants Team Building Conference - we are No1"...........

 

 

[ahlocks]

"...so if the GPS goes tits up, I'm supposed to be able to figure out where I am with a watch and a compass?" pondered Ahloh , as he mulled over this new navigational revelation. "S'pose it'd work if you knew where you were going in the first place.":ne_nau:

 

Tubz went instantly blue in the face as the veins in his forehead began to bulge. "Just how the hell do you find your way around?!" he demanded.

 

"Oh, that's easy." replied Ahlo. "I just ask what time it is on the radio."

 

"If the answer is '18:30 hours' I'm still in NSW. "Half past six" would mean I'm in Victoria. "Sunday" would mean South OZ and for Queensland,...."1978"....

 

 

[turboplanner]

"If the answer is '18:30 hours' I'm still in NSW. "Half past six" would mean I'm in Victoria. "Sunday" would mean South OZ and for Queensland,...."1978"....

 

"Funny you should mention that" said Turbo, "next week I have a business trip and have to get up early to catch a plane at half past five. There's a stop off at 6:30, and an hour later I should be in 1979"

 

"I don't know why your making such a fuss about your instruments Ahlo" he continued, "if your GPS fails you just put a stick in the ground, and put another stick at the tip of its shadow.

 

"You come back an two hours later and put another stick at the tip of the shadow, then draw a line through the two sticks (not the first one dummy) and that will be east west.

 

"You then measure a degree and count 90 of them and that will point to north, unless you are left handed, in which case it will be pointing south"

 

"How's that going to help me when I'm flying" asked Ahlo...........

 

 

[Captain]

"How's that going to help me when I'm flying" asked Ahlo...........

"It will keep you away from Bundy, where those plastic thingos are made and it will help you dodge Dalby, so that you won't be infected by Tomo (eh)" he responded, "And you can then readily overfly the XXXX factory to get some spare wing skins (:spam:), and some .........

 

 

[Tomo]

so that you won't be infected by Tomo (eh)"

But....! Tomo has infected the whole area, so twill be of no use trying to dodge Dalby.

 

===============

 

You just haven't met me yet that's what your problem is..... I'm seriously hoping I can make it to Natfly!

 

 

[ahlocks]

.....I'm seriously hoping I can make it to Natfly!

"Oh that's easy!" interrupted Ahluck.:rolleyes1:

 

"Just get up early in Dalby, takeoff and then turn until the sun is in line with your left wing. Then fly straight until your guts start to growl."

 

TADA! Temora at lunch time!!"

 

"See! who needs a GPS...or a map, watch and compass!"

 

======================

 

And if you detect a faint whiff of bulls:censored:t in the air whilst enroute, you've overflown Temora and are nearing Wagga.

 

 

[Captain]

"Oh that's easy!" interrupted Ahluck.:rolleyes1: "Just get up early in Dalby, takeoff and then turn until the sun is in line with your left wing. Then fly straight until your guts start to growl."

 

TADA! Temora at lunch time!!"

 

"See! who needs a GPS...or a map, watch and compass!"

Which explains AhLo's radio call last evening when he advised the REX SAAB that he "Would hold over Bomen, then turn until the sun was in line with his right wing, then fly straight until he was midfield crosswind, and TADA ..... home by tea time. Wagga traffic."

 

The REX Skipper replied ".....................

 

 

[ahlocks]

The REX Skipper replied "......

..."I'll join you in the Cafe'... I can hear your guts growling from here!"....

 

===================

 

Hmmm...It's a bit scarey that el Ratto actually seems to understand such navigational methods....

 

 

[Captain]

..."I'll join you in the Cafe'... I can hear your guts growling from here!"....

===================

 

Hmmm...It's a bit scarey that el Ratto actually seems to understand such navigational methods....

"and where we can regail each other with tales of derring-doo (and derring-don't)" added the Saab skipper "And I can tell you how I called a 30 mile straight-in downwind approach on 05 and bluffed that aircraft, that was taxiing for an into-wind departure on 23, into waiting at the hold point for yonks while I did my down-wind thing. Then you can tell me all about your big ........"

 

El Ratto understands, it's just that he couldn't locate AhLo when he said he was over Bomen at a certain height, and El Ratto suspects that AhLo had located Bomen by his clock navigation method described a couple of posts ago ("Well" admitted AhLo "It may have been the Cowra Bomen or the Albury Bomen .... but what's the diff, as it was some industrial area and I was on the Wagga frequency, so TADA and NA NA NANA NA?")

 

 

[ahlocks]

.."Well" admitted AhLo "It may have been the Cowra Bomen or the Albury Bomen .... but what's the diff...

"...at least I wasn't using one of those dangerous Gee Pee Ess things!" he added in defiance. :patch:

 

"You'd better rip the radio out too!" added typewriter. "They make your eyes fall out"......

 

============

 

P.S the clock method failed....me watch battery went flat...

 

 

[turboplanner]

..."outa the way blowfly, I's 50 miles out on the wun too zeero radial downwind for ehatever runway you're thinking of using............"

 

Ahlatch politely...

 

 

[ahlocks]

... and discretely adjusted his bearings (owing to a persistent rash picked up on a recent shore leave up north ) and bumbled on blissfully unaware , owing to his radio being jettisoned overboard :duck for cover:in an effort to save his failing eyesight :bmwrider:...

 

 

[turboplanner]

..."eyesight?" asked Turbo "I'm legally blind, but I've got a radio. Is that a problem?"

 

 

[Tomo]

..."eyesight?" asked Turbo "I'm legally blind, but I've got a radio. Is that a problem?"

Nah! not with todays technology, just tell 'em where ya are, and they'll soon get outta ya way... if not they'll soon learn..........

 

 

[ahlocks]

Nah! not with todays technology,

WITCH! WITCH! Burn him at the stake!! :ah_oh:

 

he wants to use 'today's technology!' to aviate!! He needs to hang.....

 

 

[DarkSarcasm]

"I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!" cried Tomo, "They dressed me up like this!"

 

There's a reference to something hidden in here, can the clever NESers find it?