The Never Ending Story

[Tomo]

...was, 'to say the least,' fully loaded!

 

The poor 914 was having trouble with it's water cooling device, whilst the 3300 was purring along quite content...... Santa was desperately trying to recollect his training on what to do with a sick engine - the sledge was still yawing frighteningly to one side.......

 

 

[Captain]

...was, 'to say the least,' fully loaded!

The poor 914 was having trouble with it's water cooling device, whilst the 3300 was purring along quite content...... Santa was desperately trying to recollect his training on what to do with a sick engine - the sledge was still yawing frighteningly to one side.......

..... so the port side wing tank was getting low and preferentially flowing to whatever the correct name is for the right one.

 

Then Santa remembered the RA-NorthPole text book and his incipient spin training as provided by NP Recreational & Sport Flight Academy (known locally as the NPA & SFA).

 

"What do they specialise in teaching there?" asked Darky.

 

"They teach map reading, which ain't easy when compass needles all point down (towards the ground, (not just south)), when GPS isn't worth a squirt, and when everything is white and featureless" replied Santa.

 

"Wow" replied Darky "Is it more featureless up there than around The Rock? If so, Bingles would be impressed."

 

"Featureless? FEATURELESS?" replied Santa to Darky with emphasis "There is SFA to see when you are training with the SFA."

 

"It's like ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Featureless? FEATURELESS?" replied Santa to Darky with emphasis "There is SFA to see when you are training with the SFA.""It's like ..............

Santa was interrupted by Doof DOOF, DOOF doof doof, Doof DOOF....and they looked up, saw a pee green aircraft approaching, and heard the sound of Dire Straits.

 

It was the famous Sheeter with various patches around the nose, front leg from a Hills Hoist clothesline and a peiece of garden hose loolping down, so it was easier to push back on when the oil pressure blew it off.

 

The aircraft made a neat one point landing and out stepped the famous Bigglesworth.

 

Darky swooned at the good looks (this is just a story), fleecy lined jacket, and three metres scarfe.

 

"What's this about SFA" asked Bigglesworth "I'm CFA around here now.....recommended for the area by Micky Pool. You don't need land markls or a compass, just keep the Pole on your left and think of England.....

 

 

[Captain]

You don't need land markls or a compass, just keep the Pole on your left and think of England.....

..... 's great food plus their best current MotoGP & Speedway riders".

 

"That won't take long" replied Darky sarcastically. "Tell me more, dear Santa, about how you find the pole when navigating back there."

 

"Well" said Santa, offering Darky his knee, but carrying on nonchalantly when she rejected him. "A few of us wanted to look good when we was just SFA Stewed-ants, so we all chipped in and bought a Czech war surplus NDB that we put at the south pole, and all we have to do is navigate by that, so that we are just 27,478 Nm from it, and we must be over the Nth Pole."

 

"Geeez you are cool Santa" she said as she swooned over his grey good looks, flowing grey hair & beard and his grey skin. "Do you know what I want for Xmas?" she asked.

 

"I'm sure what I want" was his reply, "But I reckon that you want a ..........

 

 

[DarkSarcasm]

I think I should get my blood pressure checked, I seem to be swooning a lot all of a sudden, don't I?

 

 

 

[Captain]

I think I should get my blood pressure checked, I seem to be swooning a lot all of a sudden, don't I?

"Worry not, Darky, as it is the other Darky that is a bit loose with her (or his [not that there is anything wrong with that]) swooning." replied Santa who was very progressive. "But I reckon that you want a ..........

 

 

[Captain]

Buck. you had better speak to......

..... a cutlery supplier, as they are a good brand of knife that is a bit out of the Elves price range as a basic Chrissy Prezzy, and they are also a bit on the weighty side, so the CofG of my mighty SportSled might be out by a factor of six recycled beer cans and a ...........

 

 

[Bryon]

..... a cutlery supplier, as they are a good brand of knife that is a bit out of the Elves price range as a basic Chrissy Prezzy, and they are also a bit on the weighty side, so the CofG of my mighty SportSled might be out by a factor of six recycled beer cans and a ...........

...and a bunch of round Tuitts.

 

'Where did they come from?" yelled Darky darkly as she promptly swooned away.

 

'Bad habit that swooning.. said Turbo.. could affect her stick and rudder'

 

'Thank goodness we have done our HF and know about these things' ..says Tomo without realising that..........

 

 

[Captain]

"good grief, thev turkey is still in the freezer"! I had better..

..... marinate it ready to leave out for dear old Santy in just 361 days. He'll love it, he'll carve it with his Buck folder (or his sheath Buck [that's not a knife etc]) and he'll ............

[Captain]

..... marinate it ready to leave out for dear old Santy in just 361 days. He'll love it, he'll carve it with his Buck folder (or his sheath Buck [that's not a knife etc]) and he'll ............

..... send it out to the party on the Sub.

 

"Yeah" said Aki "Happy kneu year to yez all who have reft us here in the middle of the big wet thing out-of-sight-out-of-mind while you all have another knees-up to end 2009. And where the heck was Santa this year (although I must admit that he would have had trouble finding us while we were below pelliscope depth, doing 15 knots, and when we didn't know where we were ourselves)."

 

Speciarist navigator Nobu chimed in with "We think we are somewhere between Japan, Kiwiland and Cowla, but it is pretty featureless out here, we are using 10 mile markers on our map (not 10 minute markers as they are clappy) and we are just waiting until we see a road to confirm our location, then we'll ....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....have to decide whether to keep to the reft or the light, and whether we need a Wide Road sign"

 

"You sirry man" said Akihiko, letting his frustrations out and giving an indication that it was not all bowing and smiling aboard.

 

"We nowhere near Cowla, Cowla not on Coast"

 

There followed seventeen posts, with posters suggesting that is was quite possible to drive a sub on a road, that Cowra wasn't always inland, that if the sub had wheels it would be OK, that you could drive a sub with a CPL and Endorsement for Heavy AC, that you couldn't, that you could, that you couldn't unless it was an aircraft, that the regulations needed to be changed, that it was possible at the posters local airstrip because there were no ASIC inspectors, that although it was possible there were no sub maps available, that it was interesting how the traffic pattern at Derby had changed in the last sixty days, that this was because there was a dead bull on the airstrip and the smell was too bad for anyone to get close enough to get a chain on it, seven posts about bird strikes, a four post argument about bird breeding in PNG, a suggestion that annual corrosion inspections should be mandatory, and one poster claiming he was bored and were there bany books to read.....

 

 

[Captain]

"....have to decide whether to keep to the reft or the light, and whether we need a Wide Road sign"

"You sirry man" said Akihiko, letting his frustrations out and giving an indication that it was not all bowing and smiling aboard.

 

"We nowhere near Cowla, Cowla not on Coast"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" said the Knob. "I see what ya mean. I thought Cowla was Nowla. My Engrish must need a blush up. No wonder we are having tlouble with the ..........

 

 

[planedriver]

Inside the sub it was hot and sweaty as everyone was either snoring or holding their alchohol fuelled head from last nights over indulgance of the rum rations and saki. BigPete with the assistance of LittlePete came to the rescue with the reinstatement of the maccas delivery service.

 

With the conning tower hatch now open, they flew just above stall speed they dropped cups of strong coffee, some with lids flapping in the breeze, and a few cans of much needed deodorant.

 

"Rurra rife saber, danka, danka" cried Aki picking up his sextant desperately trying to get his bearings, but was confused as he looked up, thinking they had now started to make Zero's out of plastic and they have changed the markings.

 

 

[Captain]

Inside the sub it was hot and sweaty as everyone was either snoring or holding their alchohol fuelled head from last nights over indulgance of the rum rations and saki. BigPete with the assistance of LittlePete came to the rescue with the reinstatement of the maccas delivery service.With the conning tower hatch now open, they flew just above stall speed they dropped cups of strong coffee, some with lids flapping in the breeze, and a few cans of much needed deodorant.

 

"Rurra rife saber, danka, danka" cried Aki picking up his sextant desperately trying to get his bearings, but was confused as he looked up, thinking they had now started to make Zero's out of plastic and they have changed the markings.

"It rooks to me rike BigPete is positioning himself downwind for a landing on our aft-deck" said Acki.

 

"For he is a short and spot randing expert who can rand inside a caged tennis court, so our aft deck will be a breeze for someone of Pete's caliber" responded Nobu.

 

"How good is that" said Acki "We'll have a guest for dinner, so lock the diving planes in full up to prevent us from accidentally diving while that fine piece of Skippy engineering is tied down on the aft deck, then break out the ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...earl grey tea, cups and saucers, it's about time we had a bit of crass round here."

 

(Acki, had been schooled in England).

 

Ahlocks rolled over, still half asleep, and there was thew distinct sound of a sherry bottle clinking on the steel floor. "Are we there yet?" he asked, and the others all made a rush to be the first person to throttle him.

 

They'd all made a pact never to mention Navigation on any thread on Recreationalflyingdotcomdotheyyoo.

 

"Big Pete's going to make a landing on the rear deck" said the Rat in a suitably awed tone.

 

"Hope it's better than the last one he made at Echuca" replied Ahlo, "he overshot by three miles and took out half the old cemetery. the press reported that an Ultralight had crashed and there were bodies everywhere"

 

 

[Captain]

..."Hope it's better than the last one he made at Echuca" replied Ahlo, "he overshot by three miles and took out half the old cemetery. the press reported that an Ultralight had crashed and there were bodies everywhere"

"It wasn't BigPete that did that." replied El Ratto "It was MediumSizedPeter and he did it deliberately, as Ahlowski was flying next to him on a X-Country and kept calling up on 123.45 to ask 'Are we there yet', so MediumSizedPeter took the easy option and ..................

 

 

[turboplanner]

....pointed the bone"

 

 

[Captain]

....pointed the bone"

..... at the porcelain in compartment 5 of the Sub (which is 3 compartments away from the head).

 

"Boy I needed that" he said "And a .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....nother thing Ratso, why does he always ask "Are we there yet?

 

"Wouldn't his Flight Plan give him some idea?"

 

 

[Tomo]

Poor Tubz must be still a little tired.....

 

The thing is, if they had a 'flight plan' they'd be laughing, but the fact they aren't flying is the problem.... they need a 'submersible plan' because they are in a Sub (well as far as I can gather!!)

 

'Is it a VSR trip asked Darky'......?

 

'Nah', said Nobu.....

 

'Its a...............

 

 

[Captain]

"....nother thing Ratso, why does he always ask "Are we there yet?

"Wouldn't his Flight Plan give him some idea?"

"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle (not that there is anything wrong with that)" said the Ahlockie. "What's a Flight Plan? In true paddock flying recreational form, I just leave some place and land at some other place some time before I runout of juice in the Szara. No worries maate"

 

"He'd go well skippering the Sub" said .........

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....very clever man that Tomo is" said Riley, who had joined the sub when it accidentally ran up the pier in Belfast.

 

"We'll be givin' him a whiskey and a sardine"

 

 

[turboplanner]

"He'd go well skippering the Sub" said .........

.......Nobu "If only we could rand in a paddock we could walk out"

 

"How you going to rand in paddock, said Aki - we got no wheels"

 

"Just point the sub where you want to go and give it plenty of throttle" said Shinichiu - that's the way I was taught"

 

"Ah so" replied Nob "the Kamikazi method"

 

The Japanese huddled in a group discussing this for some time.

 

 

[Captain]

.......Nobu "If only we could rand in a paddock we could walk out"

"How you going to rand in paddock, said Aki - we got no wheels"

 

"Just point the sub where you want to go and give it plenty of throttle" said Shinichiu - that's the way I was taught"

 

"Ah so" replied Nob "the Kamikazi method"

 

The Japanese huddled in a group discussing this for some time.

..... when out jumped Nobu in a Clown costume.

 

"Hey" he said while squirting everyone with a fake plastic flower and zapping them with one of those palm held electric zappers "This time let's do it the Comic-kazee way, as my old dad had a Kazee out the back in Hiroshima before they heard that loud noise."

 

"Good idea" responded Acki who ................

 

 

[Tomo]

... had a cattle prodder instead of a little hand held zapper, 'that'll fix 'em' muttered Acki .

 

Can't beat 'em, join 'em, eh? asked Darky sardonically....

 

Slarti suddenly had an Electrifying thought............