The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

"It's faster than a Cheetah, Mr Kelly" said Tubb scratching his ring. "But it's nowhere near as fast as a Jab with a set of pipes, valve overlap, and a coupla mil haved off the head"

 

 

 

"Can I have yur autograph? Mr Kelly and Ned smiled at the young Tubb, reached into the camp fire, pulled out a charred stick, and began to write on Tubb's bare chest what later became known as the Jeriilderie Letter.

 

It hadn't been written on paper; the document now in the Victorian State Library was a fake copy written by a Journo from the Melbourne Argus who'd paid Tubb a XXXXhing after traveling up Jeriderie in a sulky, after rejecting the offer of a slower trip in a Gazelle

 

XXXX A sound which often comes from the foyer of Chez Rat

 

..... and that is the reason why the Jerilderie Letter always needs to be read in a mirror, because the boss of the local Jerilderie Paper (The Daily Sorbent), EditorPete, cleverly asked the young Tubb to rub his chest up against a sheet of white paper, thereby capturing Ned's text for all to see, & inventing the printing press (and the Gestetner machine) in one mad fit of creativity ........... but there was a dark side, as that is the reason why Turbs has been rubbing up against things ever since, particularly his penchant for ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

..... and that is the reason why the Jerilderie Letter always needs to be read in a mirror, because the boss of the local Jerilderie Paper (The Daily Sorbent), EditorPete, cleverly asked the young Tubb to rub his chest up against a sheet of white paper, thereby capturing Ned's text for all to see, & inventing the printing press (and the Gestetner machine) in one mad fit of creativity ........... but there was a dark side, as that is the reason why Turbs has been rubbing up against things ever since, particularly his penchant for ................

......electric fences, but on the other hand this eventually evolved into another Australian invention, the Computer, and today there's a little Turbo inside every one of them, spinning his heart out day and night and speaking chinese.

 

 

[Captain]

......electric fences, but on the other hand this eventually evolved into another Australian invention, the Computer, and today there's a little Turbo inside every one of them, spinning his heart out day and night and speaking chinese.

"What" said the DR (Darai Rama) "Don't tell me we are back to writing in Chinese Engrish again. I thought we were over that."

 

"Such is Rife" piped up Ned.

 

"Where is Jerilderie" asked Michelle.

 

"I can't help" responded SlartiEmptyTanks "As there is no fuel out that way"

 

"Don't worry" said ...................

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....Aaron Sherritt (this was three days before Ned shot his friggin head off and started the Australian tradition of never dobbing in a mate) to SlartiWrongWacCharts, stick some of this brew in and you'll be as fast as a Jab.

 

 

[Captain]

.....Aaron Sherritt (this was three days before Ned shot his friggin head off and started the Australian tradition of never dobbing in a mate) to SlartiWrongWacCharts, stick some of this brew in and you'll be as fast as a Jab.

"I never dob in anyone, not even a mate" replied Glen (Rowan), and Ned would have been able to commute between my joint and Jerilderie if he had a 230, instead of needing 20 safe camping spots in between and having to team up with Captain Midnight, Mad-Dog Morgan, Ruff-Nut Ahlocks, 2nd Lieutenant Decca and ..................

 

 

[turboplanner]

....the motley collection of Mentors that hung around the camp spots

 

 

[Captain]

....the motley collection of Mentors that hung around the camp spots

 

 

..... like Dark&StormyNight, PiratePete, HiHoSlanderer, TurboPuncher, DeccaCards, Slartibushranger, Bryon-TheRustler, MrH-ornblower, the Ahrow Lama, TomoThe ........

 

 

[ahlocks]

"ALARM! ALARM!" Screamed the duty mentoratti member.

 

"They're ripping into us again! Deploy operatives to NES and the chatroom, where the trouble makers linger (), and see what they're scheming up this time"...

 

===========

 

Just 'cuz you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you...:lol 8:

 

P.S. It's a challenge not to get gazumped this morning......

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Don't worry guys" said Turbo, "they'll be off to Tangent before you know it", now back to TomoTheTeeth

 

But Tomo was silent....for the moment.

 

Mention of the mentors brought the story to a halt, as it usually did out in the real world, but Turbo soldiered on trying to regan momentum.

 

He'd researched the Jerilderie letter, trying to get into his schoolboy 19th century role, and read some of Ned's actual words, many of which he noted, are still used today. Here's a short excerpt: (like sorta a bit taken out of ....yeah)

 

"but that same day me and my uncle was cutting calves Gould wrapped upa note and a pair of the calves testicles and gave them to me to give them to Mrs McCormack.

 

"I did not see her and I gave the parcel to a boy to give to her when she would come instead of giving it to her he gave it to her husband."

 

and:

 

"dismounting when Mrs McCormack struck my horse in the flank with a bullock's skin it jumped forward and my fist came into collision with McCormack's nose and caused him to loose his equillibrium and fall prostrate"

 

Ned goes on in a long sequence to explain that he was not a horse thief as so cruelly accused, and provide meticulous evidence which any Court today would accept as proof of his innocence beyond all doubt but throws in gems like this: " Flood can make a cheque single-handed he is the greatest horsestealer with the exception of myself and George King I know of. "

 

 

[Captain]

" Flood can make a cheque single-handed he is the greatest horsestealer with the exception of myself and George King I know of. "

 

 

...... and the modern equivalent .....Tubb can make a cheque single-handed he is the greatest bull shipper, with the exception of myself and Steve Bell, that I know of.

 

"Oh no he's not" yelled BigPete into his keyboard. "There are worse than him. Try .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....Deccandence - he'd chat up a coat hanger"

 

 

[turboplanner]

Turbo' attention was drawn to a news story about how a company in Spain had come up with a way to build aircraft out of cork.

 

He knew this wasn't new, because he was the first person to make an aircraft fly

 

using cork exclusively for its construction.

 

It happened in a Physics lesson where his teacher, Mr Barker, known to all as Fatso Barker was explaining Bernouli's theorum to show how a wing works.

 

"That's crap!" said Turbo, which was a very daring statement for a student to make in those days, but the teacher was a modernist.

 

"If you disagree with something, that's fine" said Mr Barker, but you should be prepared to produce proof of your belief"

 

Next morning at Physics class Mr Barker asked "Turbo, did you study the Bernoulli issue last night" and Turbo said "Yes Mr Barker" and, producing a bottle of ginger beer he'd been shaking all the way to school, he gave it a couple of extra shakes.

 

 

[Captain]

"....Deccandence - he'd chat up a coat hanger"

 

.... and spent his miss-spent youth talking the the Sydney Harbour Bridge (known locally as the SHB) and constantly asked it out for a promenade, until he realised that it was actually the ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

..character which attracted him rather than the body

 

 

[Bryon]

..... like Dark&StormyNight, PiratePete, HiHoSlanderer, TurboPuncher, DeccaCards, Slartibushranger, Bryon-TheRustler, MrH-ornblower, the Ahrow Lama, TomoThe ........

How dare you -I resemble that remark!!!!

 

The only thing I have rustled is a possum skin thong whilst watching a parade of .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

...gay rats marching down the main street of Wagga Wagga led by Prancing Rat.

 

 

[Tomo]

Not sure if its relevant... but what isn't?! Just got back from a 4.5hr road trip... cactus... so here 'tis something to get you going!!

 

continued....

 

“So what’s all this runkas about?” asked a bewildered Slarti

 

“What runkas is that?” asked a calm and collected Hiho

 

“Oh I don’t really know...” “I just thought someone was going on about a Casatrophy of some sort,” “You know, the standard issues such an organization can rack up?”. “Yes well, there was a bit of “unpleasant” thinking involved I dare say...” said Hiho.

 

“Unpleasant thinking!!!!” why there was more than that” confessed Turbo... “why I am going to do a night raiding run in me 170 some night with the spud gun, just to stir ‘em up a bit you know?”

 

“Better not go below 500ft, that really sets the ball rolling I hear”, said Ahlocks from experience. “Oh yeah, and don’t forget to wear an Asic either...” “wouldn’t want to get into trouble over such a frivolous conception” Bigpeteaddedhis2cents

 

“I do see one slight technical issue with your grand plan though Turbo”...... piped up Ditdah, “It has 5 characters in it that could cause quite a stir to the population”.

 

“Yeah!?, really?” asked a horrified Turbo.

 

“Yes, really!”

 

“How?” “do you know how long I’ve been planning on doing this?!” “got every move memorized, studied the best targets... chosen the choicest spuds, I’m even using the best brand of hair spray as a propulsion” “tell me, where is the floor in that?”

 

“Well, the offending 5 characters are, N for november, I for India, G for...errr... Goofy, H for Hotel, and T for Tango....” “You see, you plan on doing it at night, in a 170,”

 

“So!?”

 

“Is it GA registered?” “have you a night rating?” “does it have the correct instruments?” “do you know how to use them?” “do you have a PPL?” “do you have dangerous weapon carriage authorizations?” “Has the aircraft got appropriate lighting?”

 

“Oh, shush up!” “You’re starting to sound like them...”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry...” “I’m just stating the r.....” “Ok thats enough!” stepped in Slarticomestotherescue

 

“Did you know what Ahlocks said about..........

 

 

[ahlocks]

...not locking the grog cabinet when there's impressionable young blokes about."

 

"Yeah..." drawled ahlow(erthan). "Looks like ditDah has knocked off a bottle of happiness and has gone whoopee.....

 

" I AM NOT!" :patch: protested thesmile :big_grin:, "I just....."

 

 

[turboplanner]

........couldn't bring myself to be more specific but you know who the ones to be spudded are."

 

"I think he's clever Ahlow", said Turbo. "With five of us in the 170, and two bags of spuds strapped on the side, he's picked the weak spot in the plan flying at night"

 

"But" said Ahlow, "it's got a glass panel"

 

"You're right" said Turbo, "the little Dynon 100 is perfect for instrument flying, I've never had a problem yet"

 

"Have you ever used one before?" asked Ahlow "No, why?' asked Turbo

 

Turbo wasn't 100% sure that a spud gun attack was the way to go, but he agreed that it was certainly wrong to allow rule flouters and unqualified people to be handing out "expert" advice.

 

 

[Tomo]

...with such a high price....

 

"Personally Turbo.. I'd recommend using the iPhone Efis, rather than that dynon thingo..."

 

"Yes, but, I ain't got an iPhone!"

 

"Well, there's a shop down town wagah wagah that has an old back door, and the locks one of 'dem old fashioned types..."

 

"Just.........

 

 

[Captain]

..."Well, there's a shop down town wagah wagah that has an old back door, and the locks one of 'dem old fashioned types..."

.... "You beauty" said Ahlo "That makes 2 of us, and I might be able to open that one if it isn't one of those new fangled locks .... what has a key."

 

"I wish Tomo the Iphone salesman would let up" said sloppy "As advertising isn't allowed here, because I own a different brand, and ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"..the thing to use if you can't afford an I Phone EFIS"

 

"How would you use a door for stable flight?" asked DitDot.

 

""I've done it" said Turbo, "but we won't talk about Bernoulli's Revenge now. What you do is take the heavy lock off and hang it by a piece of string from the top of the windscreen"

 

"When you're flying straight and level it hangs down, when you turn you get an instant AoB, when you skid it moves up the turn, when you slip it moves down, when you're on descent it moves forward and when you climb it moves back. If you approach the stall it swoigs back and hits you in the face."

 

"What about when G Force increases in a turn?" asked DitDot, and Turbo thought he could be a right little nuisance at times.

 

"well it is only in the planning stages" said Turbo

 

 

[turboplanner]

.... "You beauty" said Ahlo "That makes 2 of us, and I might be able to open that one if it isn't one of those new fangled locks .... what has a key."

"I wish Tomo the Iphone salesman would let up" said sloppy "As advertising isn't allowed here, because I own a different brand, and ...............

"....it has to be wound up, ad hangs on a chain" said sloppyfaceback

 

"Hangs on a chain does it" said CunnningRat who thought most people wouldn't know what G Force was and started to work out what an IFR Panel consisting of AH, Turn Co_ordinator etcs and including a watch with a second hand could be sold at.

 

 

[ahlocks]

"Just.........

...make sure that you've got a couple of glasses on board." advised Ahlow.

 

" 'cuz you need something to take the edge off flying on dark cloudy nights, :ah_oh: and beer always tastes better out of a glass.. "

 

==============

 

If it's eight hours from bottle to throttle.... are cans safe then???

 

** Readers are advised that flying with a gut full of grog is not to be encouraged and carries a high probability of a dirt nap. **

 

 

[hihosland]

you mean that D10 glass thingy dispenses beer?

 

how come nobody told me?

 

I thought that it was just to tell one which way is up,

 

which Nanna would agree is a very useful adjunct to a beer dispenser.

 

"What other benefits" requests the bigger-than-most-Pete "come with installing this glass panel gear?

 

To think that all this time I've been missing out on .........