The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

PS My Aunt gave me the box of Cadbury Roses on my 21st birthday.

So that would have been back in the days when Fred Cadbury was still alive.

 

They are collectors items mate, so stick 'em in to the Antiques Roadshow.

 

PS - It looks like BigPete's exposure of planey's & paley's liaisons has made Flyer, Geoff1 and a few others run a mile .... perhaps for fear of similar treatment.

 

"That BigPete can sometimes be a maligningdisparagingvilifyingPete" said the Crappy "But I have nothing to fear as I am pure ... but not by choice".

 

"What?" piped up the Riverland Girl, who'se ears pricked up at such a challenge.

 

"I'll .....................................

 

 

[planedriver]

PS My Aunt gave me the box of Cadbury Roses on my 21st birthday. :ah_oh::ah_oh:/quote]

 

For once, we are getting the true story from BigPete;);)

 

We do know that his Aunt had a set of ill-fitting dentures, which explains why some of the almonds had had the chocolate sucked off them and were put back in the box:laugh:.

 

Planey said nothing about his observations, and left them all to paley.

 

Having learned on another thread that a J160 pilot managed to land a 747 on the old Anset simulator, Bigpete thought if he can do it, so can I.

 

So IcanlandonasixpencePete started making a few enquiries about getting the strip extended a tad, so he can plan a Real Grand arrival at the next Nohopetown fly-in.

 

I'll do it all myself and won't need the sevices of a Captain Captain:sorry:

 

"Bull:censored:t" said Crappy, "im supposed to be yer mate, and you want all the bloody glory. Thats real nice"!thumb_downthumb_downthumb_downthumb_down

 

Ben will have to organise some parking arrangements with big concrete blocks for tie-downs, and the first-aid and refreshment tents will have to be positioned the other side of town.

 

Wanting to look distinctive:question:, i'll grow a Donald Trump hairstyle and have the Riverland girl, and any other loose sorts from town around me, and will make them all rash promises if they do the right thing, if I can remember what that is;);););).

 

I'll become famous, and probably then become known as NancybirdPete.

 

If I dye my hair, maybe there's a chance that i'll still look distinguished, but hopefully 2 or 3 years younger:blush:

 

So plans started to fall into place.................

[Captain]

So IcanlandonasixpencePete started making a few enquiries about .................

Like a true professional, IcanlandonasixpencePete started to practice his craft and after several tests decided he was ready to land on runway 08 at Echuca.

 

After a couple of sighters and a go-around or 2 he finally made the attempt, whistled past the side door of the aero club on final, and pulled his 160 up while still on the tar.

 

"Boy" said landonathreepencePete. "Runway 08 at Echuca has to be one of the shortest in the land .......... but I wonder why they made it over a kilometre wide?"

 

PS - The skybum should read this before criticising Jabiru brakes in another post.

 

 

[planedriver]

Like a true professional, IcanlandonasixpencePete started to practice his craft and after several tests decided he was ready to land on runway 08 at Echuca. "Boy" said landonathreepencePete. "Runway 08 at Echuca has to be one of the shortest in the land .......... but I wonder why they made it over a kilometre wide?"

Having read that Air Lingus pilots regularly pull off this sort of landing, IcandoitPete stays up half the night practicing on FlightSim.

 

Happy with the progress he's made, he eventually heads off to bed just before sun-up, feeling confident that he'll be able to make history, and do the same at Nohopetown in a 747.:thumb_up:

 

I'll show these guys how IcanlandonasixpencePete got his name he thinks.

 

All I have to do is pull the damn thing up, before I poke the nose into the clubhouse dunny door, because you never know ho could be inside, and I might frighten the out of them and have to say:sorry:

 

 

[BigPete]

BigPete has had even bigger plans. :thumb_up:

 

If I can get LittlePete :) to practise on the 747 simulator (the real one) then I can spend more time working on the new tri - motor Jabiscrew GT (with fur lined glovebox).

 

LittlePete can handle the landings as we tour around the country, while I fly the demonstrator - inside the A380, where its nice and dry. :big_grin:

 

SlartiBustitI'llPlowYourFieldInOnePassHotPlateHotPants i_dunno can set up the Cheeta Barbecue on the top deck while we serve drinks to prospective buyers lounging around the pool.

 

The Captain :heart: can hard sell the virtues of the new Jabiscrew GT to the captive audience as he is, with out a doubt, the best BullSh:censored:r in the country (hence the name crappy (to his mates)). If you don't believe me see post #429.

 

(One of the big selling points with the new model is the fur lined glove box. :ah_oh: It takes 5.25 rabbits to line the glove box (we also put in the 21 rabbits feet for good luck) (they're down in the foot well, passenger side) :yuk: and there's $5.20 (per rabbit) cashback from the Feral Government in the way of the vermin bounty). (a total of $27.29) :big_grin:

 

While this is going on Planey and Paley :heart::heart: (if they can tear themselves away from another sunset) ;);) can hand out the martini's and horse doovers to the guests.

 

Unfortunately the Riverland girl will be unavailable as she has gone to the Deni Ute Muster to look for the FriarPuk

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

 

[Captain]

The Captain :heart: can hard sell the virtues of the new Jabiscrew GT to the captive audience as he is, with out a doubt, the best BullSh:censored:r in the country (hence the name crappy (to his mates)). If you don't believe me see post #429.

Coming from BigPete, that is indeed a compliment.

 

I feel so proud.

 

Gotta go now. The Deni Ute Muster awaits.

 

PS - I wouldn't go anywhere near a fur lined glove box that BIGPete has been close to for any length of time (not that there is anything wrong with that).

 

 

[Guest Geoff1563861416]

how did little Pete get in that seat???

 

 

[BigPete]

LittlePete's friends father knows someones Uncle's cousin...........

 

It's not what you know, but who you know! ;););)

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[planedriver]

You can't see too much out of the windows, but he'd be used to that with PoppyPetes limmo tint.

 

 

[planedriver]

Lots of clocks and gizmo's in that one to learn about, What a/c was it? (not the new Jabbiscrew GT I assume)

 

Regards

 

Alan

 

 

[BigPete]

It's the simulator at the Ansett traing centre now owned by Qantas. :thumb_up:

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[planedriver]

LittlePete would have loved the experience, and its obvious what he'd like to do in the future.

 

A great photo to include in a future resume.

 

Nothing like getting your foot in the door early.;););)

 

Just think, you can look forward the day when we have a real Captain on here, one who dose'nt give you a hard time:question:, but you may find that a bit boring.

 

Then what would you do to have an ammusing stir?

 

I can't wait to hear the suggestions.......................................

 

 

[Captain]

Just think, you can look forward the day when we have a real Captain on here ....

A real Captian? REAL Captian. A REAL Captiain?????

 

Next thing you'll be saying that Pete ain't BIG, paley isn't WAN and X'y, Flyer doesn't, and you aren't a plain-drivler?

 

I have never been so insulted.

 

Oh hang on. Yes I have.

 

Sorry about that.

 

NOW ... chaps and chapettes. This NES has ground to a very indistinguished halt since GrandePierre stuck us with a photos of some kiddie in a seat in a grey room, and an unproven claim that he shares dna with one of those kiddies.

 

SO GET BACK TO (NES) BUSINESS OF OR I'LL USE MY LATEST ELEVATED ROLE ON THIS FORUM TO HAVE YOU ALL SUSPENDED FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

 

It was a dark and stormy night, and the Captain said to the mate "Mate, tell us a tale". And this is the tale he told. "It was a dark and stormy night, and the Captain said to the mate "Maate, tell us a tale". And this is the tale he told. "It was a dark and stormy night, and the Captain said to the mate "Maaate, tell us a tale". And this is the tale he told. "It was a dark and stormy night, and the Captain said to the mate "Maaaaaate, tell us a tale". And this is the tale he told. It was a dark and stormy .............

 

 

[BigPete]

"Oh Damn it" said BanMePete when he read the RealCaptains :heart: last post. The poor OldAndlosingItTotallyCaptain :heart: Crappy is again in a downward space continueum time bloody warp again. thumb_down It's an over re action to nil action bought on by no action from his fellow players in sand pit (NES) saga. :yuk:

 

So this means that Paley and Planey will have to for go their star gazing :heart::heart: and come back and help get the poor Crappy Captain :heart: back on even keel.

 

Rumour has it that there was over 7000 utes at the 2008 muster in Deni. Its reported that the Riverland girl ;) (who may have been in the company of the PreOffTheRailsCaptain :heart: and the FriarPuk) were seen to be indulging in the Free Wine wich may (or may not have been) flown into the gathering :big_grin: (from Mildura way) by a NVFR grape producer piloting a plain (as in unpainted) aircraft (of the JabbyJucier variety).

 

Meanwhile the local electricty authority in Shepphardon is looking for an enterprising flier :) (who goes by the name of Starchy Nell) who has converted his Wotax engined Dork aircraft to run on the latest polymer batteries as found in small flying model aircraft.

 

Using and old exhaust fan motor wired to 32,000 small polymer batteries Starchy (to his mates) has been able to fly for free without producing any hydrocarbons to polute the airways. He has taken a rather unusual method of recharging his batteries by "accidently running into" power lines in the local area. The Shepphardon Electric Company says they are owed $43.89 for his last "misshap"

 

Starchy Nell was unavailable for comment.......:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[planedriver]

So Planedrivel ? (how insulting) stirred the pot a little, and brought the Captain back to life:clap::heart:, but was he grateul?

 

NO!

 

The poor Captain was so incensed :angry:at the doubts about him being the Real Captain, that it's reported that he has been protesting outside the local Flight Centre shop.

 

Complete with his sandwich board and banners, was seen collecting signatures from those folk that believe he is possibly the real one.

 

"Sign my pettition and you can win a brochure on discounted flights, but wait there's more. It also include a priceless picture of me in uniform at the top of the page, and for a gold coin donation i'll personally autograph it for you"

 

I'll even cut my picture off one, and paste in the next NES post for the budding pilots photo competition just to show those doubting buggers that i'm real.

 

At the end of the day, with sweat still trickling down his back from standing in the sun, he got three signatures and made 6 bucks.

 

Now with all this money, I should be able to buy a raffle ticket in BigPetes flying club swindle, and win myself a box of re-donated chocolates.

 

LittlePete might be a lot better looking, but my hat is a more impressive shape, and looks the part:cool:, he thought.

 

Meanwhile Crappy gets a severe case of the sierra hotel india tango sierra's, and flexes his muscles:

 

Quote:SO GET BACK TO (NES) BUSINESS OF OR I'LL USE MY LATEST ELEVATED ROLE ON THIS FORUM TO HAVE YOU ALL SUSPENDED FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

 

Paley found this threat:angry:, quite an arresting statement:help:, but Ben probably had'nt even noticed, as he was too busy playing with his new toy.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

 

Planey said he did'nt give taxidermist job, providing he's banned while away on holiday:big_grin:

 

For those interested in Starchy's problem, his solicitor issued a brief statement late today, claiming that as it was only a "touch and go" situation, he would not be fully charged;)

 

However, as the overheated exhaust fan came from an old take away shop, the smell of fries spread across the countryside could be considered by the hungry as pollution, and needing ongoing fees, this matter still had to be addressed.

 

 

[BigPete]

SimpaticoPete feels :yuk: the Captains :heart: pain. MentallyScarredPete :black_eye: can still remember the anguish of being vilified and his very existence questioned. (There are still those that have doubts).

 

But the BIG question at the moment: is the (Real) Captain :heart: suffering from delusions of grandure (ELEVATED ROLE ON THIS FORUM). Huh? Did I/we miss something

 

Does the PowerHungaryRealCaptain :heart: indeed have higher powers than us mere mortal forum members

 

Who gave him these powers.

 

What are they

 

How will the RealCrappyRealCaptain use them

 

Does he have a new title (TheGrandPooBahYouCanCallMeSirCaptain )

 

In the meantime we wait for the answers. :confused::confused::confused:

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[Captain]

So BigPete and Planey were both considered for banning because of using more than their quota of emoticons.

 

"They cost about 5 cents each" said Slartibankjohnny, who is in charge of the forum budget, and all of them flashing & winking (& yes I did say "winking") and clapping etc might cause an epileptic fit in some viewers.

 

"And speaking of epileptics" said Crappy.

 

"Planey has got it wrong, because I am not a 4-bar epaulette-tic type Captian" he said.

 

"I am an Ah, Jim-Lad, walk-the-plank type Captian, whose namesake spent his final years tarred and hanging in a steel cage on the banks of the Thames (a bit like being banned from these forums for a fortnight)"

 

"So watch yez selves" he added "Or you'll get my peg leg where it matters most, (& don't make fun of amputees either)".

 

However the Riverland Girl found Crappy strangely erotic because ....................

 

 

[Captain]

SimpaticoPete feels :yuk: the Captains :heart: pain. MentallyScarredPete :black_eye: can still remember the anguish of being vilified and his very existence questioned. (There are still those that have doubts).

But the BIG question at the moment: is the (Real) Captain :heart: suffering from delusions of grandure (ELEVATED ROLE ON THIS FORUM). Huh? Did I/we miss something

 

Does the PowerHungaryRealCaptain :heart: indeed have higher powers than us mere mortal forum members

 

Who gave him these powers.

 

What are they

 

How will the RealCrappyRealCaptain use them

 

Does he have a new title (TheGrandPooBahYouCanCallMeSirCaptain )

 

In the meantime we wait for the answers. :confused::confused::confused:

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

And verily, BigPete and Planey did not reply to the Crappy's post #443.

 

"Geeez, do I really have the power to ban 'em?" thought the Didn'tknowhisownstrength-Captian.

 

"That duplicitousPete feigns sympatico for the Skipper, but he really is slamthecaptainintothecrossbucklePete, as the Kapten has been much maligned in sections of the above post (despite its $1.15 worth of smileys)"

 

"The way these blokes use smileys, the company that makes 'em will be the only one who's share price has rizen thru the crash". thought Stockmarket-Crappy.

 

Where are Planey and largishPete, or has the Riverland lassie killed 'em with kindness? ..................................................

 

Where is headofthewineindustry-Geoff, who fades in and out of the NES at will?

 

Will the mildew in Mildew-raa actually be botritus and will that generate the cash to enable Geoff to paint his 160? And will he change his name to Noble1Geoff?

 

Will GrandePierre learn how to spell grandeur?

 

When will the Chewca Fly-In be held?

 

Is MentallyscarredPete more scarred than mental ... or did he actually mean "scared"?

 

The answers to these questions, and more in posts # 446 - 448 inclusive.

 

Geoff (ii)

 

If it's not fixed, don't break it.

 

(If it's not fixed it must be under the care & maintenance of a LAME) .... [planey said that].

 

 

[Admin]

and they are still yet to realise the crappy captian's new title from some time ago

 

 

[Guest Geoff1563861416]

Where is headofthewineindustry-Geoff, who fades in and out of the NES at will?

 

Well hard working'sGeoff has to keep at it to keep up the flow of plonk to run the Jab

 

where TheGrandPooBah YouCanCallMeSirCaptain" must be retired like that Big Pete that use smileys,like thay were going out of stile. As I said must get back to the grind no time for Geoff to paint his 160 or play with the riverland lass so Mr youcancallmesir see you in air.:thumb_up::thumb_up:

 

 

[BigPete]

And so the SidesteppingCaptain :heart: (YouCanCallMeSir) has again aswered the questions without giving anything away. :ah_oh: Using the classical politicians trick of distracting the audience by having a cheap shot :yuk: at the STAR of the show (That would be me) :big_grin: UnpretensiousHolywoodPete is again forced to defend himself.

 

Sir, as in (YouCanCallMe) Captain (Le Crappee - his French delusion of granDEUR) has also indicated that there is a new player in our midst. :ah_oh: Who is this Will person that the UnpaintedJucyJabbyGeoff fades in and out at Is he perhaps the silent partner who's job it is to crush the crop (illicit or otherwise) for the Friar's communial wine And speaking of the Friar (who was last seen at the Deny Ute Muster), where is he Does he indeed exist (Here we go again!) :confused:

 

The GrandPooBah is so besotted with himself, (and there's nothing wrong with that as he is the other STAR of the show :thumb_up: (that would be him)) is now coming out of the NES closet and publicly displaying his new title to all and sundry. :thumb_up: He has another cheap shot at I'mATargetHaveAGoAtMePete and plays with his signature by rearranging the famous "If it's not broken - don't fix it" quote into the subversive "If it's not fixed, don't break it." I mean - really! :black_eye:

 

Where's Paley - has he seen the light and joined the Don'tCallMeI'mBusyFriarPuk looking for lost souls Is the Riverland Girl in their company Will they return to the NES soon

 

And so as I'llJustConfuseEveryOneByUsingLotsOfBracketsPete heads of to the hanger (why is it called a hanger - there's nothing suspended in there ) to clean the bugs of the Jabi-ew, :yuk: we will hopefully hear from the likes of Planey, Palexxxx, TheGoodFriarPuk before the Captain :heart: (sorry) SIR puts his oar in......

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin::big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[Captain]

..... puts his oar in......

 

There is another $1.75 worth of smileys gone up in smoke in post # 447.

 

I deny that I have ..... put my oar in ..... and I demand a fair hearing, to be judged by my peers in a place of my choosing. (If I was still living by the bay I would ask to be judged by my piers, too.)

 

And it is unfair to refer to the Riverland Girl like that too, although a few of them are a bit that way.

 

It didn't take long for attackdogPete's words to encourage the two Geoffs to team up, the result being that the 2 Captains of Industry amalgamated to counter the NES postings by retiredbutstillkeepsprettybusyPete. One was the boss of the OZ wine industry BlassHardieGrangeRiddockGeoff and the other was the Geoff who keeps the OZ miningindustryfunctionalsinglehandedGeoff.

 

With 2 such great australians working together, their initial meeting was momentous:

 

"I want to be Geoff 1" said the wine industry leader (plonkerGeoff?).

 

"No, I want to be Geoff 1" said minorGeoff

 

"No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "No me", "Ohhhh, I said it first" "No you didn't", "Yes I did" "No you didn't", "Yes I did" "No you didn't", "Yes I did" "No you didn't", "Yes I did" "No you didn't", "Yes I did" "No you didn't", "Yes I did" "No you didn't", "Yes I did" "No you didn't", "Yes I did" .....................

 

Six hours later mediatorPete stepped in and advised the multitude of the following outcome ........

 

Regarde mon cherrys

 

Le Crappeeee

 

(If feet ees non brockeen, non feeeex eeet, silver plate)

 

PS .. I see no reason for spellcheckPete to deny the Ute Muster.

 

PPS .. When ze Chewca Fly-eeen to be held is?

 

PPSS/Postscript .. After the minutes of the 1st meeting (as noted above) were published on the internet, both Geoff une and Geoff deu have received offers to run a couple of Merchant Banks in New York.

 

 

[planedriver]

Poor Planey (the trusting soul that he is) is still in a state of shock, and feeling that he's been well and truely "conned".

 

All this time he's been under the impression that Captain was a four striper used to flying big birds (not only the Riverland Girl) to far-away exotic places.

 

Then the crunch comes, and the facts emerge.

 

It turns out, if read correctly? that he was only a Jim lad, walk-the-plank type Captain in charge of a fleet of peddle boats on the River Thames.

 

I can just visualise "peg leg" standing there,wearing his old seamans cap he bought for a shilling at the church jumble sale, bellowing through his tin megaphone, "Come in number 5, your time is up".

 

The poor hirers who' only gone about 50yds anyway, had sweat pouring off themselves, as they peddled furiously through the muddy waters, full of driftwood, plastic bottles and dead dogs.

 

"If your not back in port in 2 minutes, i'll use my elevated authority and ban you from hiring again for 2 weeks".:hittinghead: cried Crappy.

 

Meanwhile, GrapeyGeoff from Mildura, is fitting an on-board still to his J160, converting it to run on pure alcohol, which he can extract from some of last years semmilion blanc that did'nt sell.

 

With just a few cases, Grapey will be able to get enough fuel to get to the next Chewka fly-in, and if it's a hot day, will be able to lay in the shade under the fuel drain and get himself blind with some of the reserve.

 

Thats what you call innovation, just like BigPetes Godfreysucknblow powerplant.

 

 

[Captain]

... wearing his old seamans cap .....

Sorry Planey,

 

I have checked the label on the old cap that I am wearing and that is not how it is spelt.

 

Regarde

 

Le Crappeee

 

(The pen of my aunt is in the garden)

 

 

[planedriver]

Two posts in a day from le crappycaptain, must mean that he's come out of the closet again:thumb_up:,or,got a day at home waiting for the pest control man to arrive to do a routine termite treatment on his wooden leg:question:

 

Unlike Douglas Bader who flew spitfires with artificial legs, CaptainPegleg announces his arrival at the flying club, as he marches in with a left-clonk, left-clonk, while everyone pretends not to notice:cool:.

 

The club commitee have insisted that he now has to wear his black-patch over one eye, so members and visitors know what type of captain he really is.:black_eye:

 

The big question is-------------

 

Has the CaptainI'llfoolyouPegleg managed to con Ian into being an undercover:cool: adminis traiter (see post445)