The Never Ending Story

[Bryon]

So all I want for Christmas is my TWO GOLD TEETH . Now that'll change a few things around this joint, and upset the balance of one up-manship.

"bugga the gold teef" said Tubs, "I found the Rats lost possum"

 

"All we hafta do now is.........

 

Possum (Custom).bmp

 

Possum (Custom).bmp

[Captain]

So PetethePrinta, TurbothePlanna, PlaneytheDriva, and BryontheVictorian continued StorytheNeva without input from TomotheHomo (sapiana) and AhlocktheSilent.

 

"I can switch off the stars by using my possum-skin blackout eye-shades (styled after those one's that wanka's wear on Qantas planes ... not that there is anything wrong with that ... although after the last trip I must say that El Ratsack finds it a bit strange when blokes change into the free Qantas Jim-Jams on just a 6 hour sector)". said TubbytheTrucka.

 

"Either that or loosen your possum skin thong" suggested Slartithongexpert.

 

"And I have a couple of my old glinters that you can use in place of the broken one" added the Sack "However they are only gold plated because of the GFC."

 

"Don't call me an F C" yelled PtP (who was showing his agressive side that is hidden in most South Aussies until someone brings in one of those new-fangled digital printing presses that kick **** [bottoms], cost-wise).

 

"Up yours" wrote BtV.

 

"Now hold your horses (or anything else that takes your fancy)" said Planey the Envoy "I can solve this with a .................

 

My Aunt reckon that Bryon's lost-cat poster is a ****er (or she would if she was allowed to say that) ...... out in her garden

 

 

[turboplanner]

...piece of string, two jam tins, a photo of Julia Gillard and a Bible.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Hi, I'm from Tasmania............"

 

 

[ahlocks]

"...and what are you doing with that photo of my girlfriend..." :ah_oh:

 

===========

 

My Aunt reckon that Bryon's lost-cat poster is a ****er (or she would if she was allowed to say that) ...... out in her garden

 

[Captain]

"...and what are you doing with that photo of my girlfriend..." :ah_oh:

===========

 

 

..... and listen here you "c", what gives you the right to call her a "ficare"? (not that there is anything wrong with that).

 

"It's because ......

 

"Ah, good locksly, thou art a fine figure of a man (as shown by Tomo's photo at the last NatFly) it is good to have you back ..... or have you been hiding here all this time in some official capacity?" asked my Aunt, not really expecting an answer (or an auntswer if you have a pommy accent).

 

 

[turboplanner]

"I am from Tasmania" he said with a grin

 

 

[ahlocks]

"We are not!!" said his other head....

 

==============

 

The Aunt needn't have worried as it was only a temporary bout of droughts and flooding rains.

 

 

[turboplanner]

"You look ugly" said the first head. "You're dribbling" said the second head "Am not" said the first, "Are" said the second.

 

Ah Tasmania, beautiful one day, double vision the next!

 

 

[Captain]

"You look ugly" said the first head. "You're dribbling" said the second head "Am not" said the first, "Are" said the second.Ah Tasmania, beautiful one day, double vision the next!

"I have a special Xmas present for you this year" said Head #1.

 

"Oh, terrific" replied Head #2.

 

"Have a guess what it is" said Head # 1.

 

"It's not another F'n hat, is it?" asked # 2.

 

To which # 1 replied .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"You've got an ear like an aileron #2" which was met by "You've got a mouth like a Mustang air scoop!"

 

Christmas Greetings to Aviationplaney

 

 

[Guernsey]

....and screaming at the top of his voice "could somebody please continue with this never ending story' so I don't get stuck up here for weeks!! To his surprise he suddenly......

 

 

[Captain]

....and screaming at the top of his voice "could somebody please continue with this never ending story' so I don't get stuck up here for weeks!! To his surprise he suddenly......

..... realised his worst nightmare ...... and became part of the story (Guernsey got a guernsey in the NES).

 

"G'day Guernsey" said Turbs "And welcome, however I prefer a Karcher(sey)."

 

"And I'd rather an Angus or a Waghu" replied El Ratsack.

 

"Don't worry Guerns" interposed AhRocksoff "As I know a bloke who can fix that by ......

 

Cartoon: David Pope

 

 

[ahlocks]

...he sighed with a false sense of relief.

 

Little did CiFi know that after weaving Guernsey's staying up for weeks problem (not that there's anything wrong with that i_dunno ....no really ;)) into the never ending story, he'd soon be back centre stage.

 

"There's a whole chapter in my new book devoted to Taswegian flight deck management." spruiked BarnSandKnoble. () "including a special section discussing whether two heads really are better than one during an emergency."

 

Guernsey let out another blood curdling scream.....

 

====================

 

The Rat looks very dapper in his happy snap. The aunt should be proud

 

 

[turboplanner]

....which was quickly answered by two simultaneous screams from CFI. "Don't scream so loud!" yelled #2 "You're giving me earache!"

 

"At least I can scream like a man" said #1, "not that effeminate CFI squeal we're all so familiar with, when we make the slightest mistake..........."

 

 

[Captain]

....which was quickly answered by two simultaneous screams from CFI. "Don't scream so loud!" yelled #2 "You're giving me earache!""At least I can scream like a man" said #1, "not that effeminate CFI squeal we're all so familiar with, when we make the slightest mistake..........."

 

...... like landing at Truro Flats North, when you should be on approach to Truro Flats South, or even if your final is a bit too close to the flats at Truro Flats Heights.

 

"Geeez Geuns you are a bit rugged in this BFR" said cfidon'tcare "If you was human I would recommend that you do some Human-Factors tests, but I will pass you this time so that I don't have to do this again in a re-test, and conditional on you doing your next one with someone else, like Green-Shed up north a little at Truro Flats Along-Way-Away, or ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

...... like landing at Truro Flats North, when you should be on approach to Truro Flats South, or even if your final is a bit too close to the flats at Truro Flats Heights.

"Geeez Geuns you are a bit rugged in this BFR" said cfidon'tcare "If you was human I would recommend that you do some Human-Factors tests, but I will pass you this time so that I don't have to do this again in a re-test, and conditional on you doing your next one with someone else, like Green-Shed up north a little at Truro Flats Along-Way-Away, or ................

...worst of all, Truro Flats Central, which has two main runways to cope with the influx of rich South Australian holidaymakers who need to get back for church on Sunday after the stubbiefest Saturday night.

 

Getting back to our Aviation theme, it was into this busy little piece of infrastructure (soon to be an "International Freight Hub" according to the Mayor, Mr Jersey, who had greying hair), that CFIcan let down by pulling back the width of a fingernail on the throttle of the rusty Rottesque.

 

This caused two reactions:

 

1. The piercing whine stopped, as five hundred sleepy locals steeped out of their doorways with hands over their ears, and

 

2. The aircraft dropped like a brick.

 

All went well until he had to use the radio, when other pilots initially throught there was an echo, but became very wary as they heard the words for for runway runway left right"........

 

 

[Captain]

...worst of all, Truro Flats Central, which has two main runways to cope with the influx of rich South Australian holidaymakers who need to get back for church on Sunday after the stubbiefest Saturday night.

Getting back to our Aviation theme, it was into this busy little piece of infrastructure (soon to be an "International Freight Hub" according to the Mayor, Mr Jersey, who had greying hair), that CFIcan let down by pulling back the width of a fingernail on the throttle of the rusty Rottesque.

 

This caused two reactions:

 

1. The piercing whine stopped, as five hundred sleepy locals steeped out of their doorways with hands over their ears, and

 

2. The aircraft dropped like a brick.

 

All went well until he had to use the radio, when other pilots initially throught there was an echo, but became very wary as they heard the words for for runway runway left right"........

 

...... or it sounded more like "lunway lunway reft light, as this is Nobu rearning to fry again ............. and Melly Clistmas to all my Skippy NEStoly fliends (we rived on possums for years in Cowla, in fact that is what made us break-out [in blotches] and I note that Blyon from Tooladin has a picture of our pet possum [his real name is Blian]) ..... but see if I care what is a CFI, because .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

...... or it sounded more like "lunway lunway reft light, as this is Nobu rearning to fry again ............. and Melly Clistmas to all my Skippy NEStoly fliends (we rived in possums for years in Cowla, in fact that is what made us break-out [in blotches] and I note that Blyon from Tooladin has a picture of our pet possum [his real name is Blian]) ..... but see if I care what is a CFI, because .................

..C, FI care maybe someone else will care care ("Shutup, #2!) "......

 

 

[Captain]

..C, FI care maybe someone else will care care ("Shutup, #2!) "......

Steven of Lockslie thought that it was amusing that someone from Ye Olde Bange Holme should tip a bucket on good-olde C. Ficare (& lob a gooly into his greene-house), when there has been more inbreeding (hence the name Bangee Holme) than south of the Victorian border.

 

Then Locksy froze and said "Shhhh. Keep quiet while I type this, as many have said that Wagga was said by # one and the other Wagga was said by #2, just before they both boarded the SportSzara and .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

Steven of Lockslie thought that it was amusing that someone from Ye Olde Bange Holme should tip a bucket on good-olde C. Ficare (& lob a gooly into his greene-house), when there has been more inbreeding (hence the name Bangee Holme) than south of the Victorian border.

Then Locksy froze and said "Shhhh. Keep quiet while I type this, as many have said that Wagga was said by # one and the other Wagga was said by #2, just before they both boarded the SportSzara and .......

.....started the preflight checks. It was soooo much easier with a pair of eyes each side, and as #1 and #2 went through the preflight ritual, they called in unison "Brakes On".........."Fuel On" etc and all went well until out of boredom they started counting the rivest in tjhe Eastern European Special during the taxi, when Avlock made it his business to taxi right right round the perimeter of the YSWG2 field several times until he could track the fuirthest distance from the resident Rex's

 

It all turned sour when #1 called "5682", and #2 called "5678"!

 

They key question was - did one side have four rivets too many, or did one side have four rivets too few?.............

 

 

[Captain]

.....started the preflight checks. It was soooo much easier with a pair of eyes each side, and as #1 and #2 went through the preflight ritual, they called in unison "Brakes On".........."Fuel On" etc and all went well until out of boredom they started counting the rivest in tjhe Eastern European Special during the taxi, when Avlock made it his business to taxi right right round the perimeter of the YSWG2 field several times until he could track the fuirthest distance from the resident Rex's

It all turned sour when #1 called "5682", and #2 called "5678"!

 

They key question was - did one side have four rivets too many, or did one side have four rivets too few?.............

 

....... then it was realised that this was just the revs that a 912 idles at.

 

"Just listen to those water-cooled heads purring and that gearbox back-lashing" commented #1 (using the left side of the headset).

 

"If only we had bought a 3300, we would have been direct coupled with no clunks to put up with" responded #2 (from under his "I love Bundaburg" hat).

 

Just then the Unicom came over the air and said "The only thing worse that divided engine loyalties in a Bi-cranial locksmiff is a ....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

............Queenslander who keeps Queenslanding in paddocks..................

 

 

[Captain]

............Queenslander who keeps Queenslanding in paddocks..................

........ or a South Australian that owns a Supa Pup 4, and longs to upgrade to a Supa Pup 5(a), or a Dandenongian who can't decide whether to land at Tyabb or Tooradin, while ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

....quietly landiong on the privatye strip on French Island and setting possum traps which ..........