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Posted
.. or at least a big....

..night picking pine tree needles from his derriere. 038_sweat.gif.0c111d92b3c69d7166f94b00a5b6bc0d.gif

 

"Ohhh!! can I help with that?" 023_drool.gif.d9ebe774dab24ff4699145182fd73e45.gif gushed Short hop Sally giggle.gif.ad1278a6733e2c87a6f26c6d477d449a.gif as she rummaged through her flight bag for....

 

==============

 

033_scratching_head.gif.92f700cf00fb9c6c6818598d44101896.gif Since when has NES ever made sense DoubleB? 014_spot_on.gif.99627a644dfb9821612c88fd7e37b730.gif

 

 

Posted
..night picking pine tree needles from his derriere. 038_sweat.gif.0c111d92b3c69d7166f94b00a5b6bc0d.gif

"Ohhh!! can I help with that?" 023_drool.gif.d9ebe774dab24ff4699145182fd73e45.gif gushed Short hop Sally giggle.gif.ad1278a6733e2c87a6f26c6d477d449a.gif as she rummaged through her flight bag for....

 

==============

 

:

.....for a flask of medicinal scotch with which to both sterilise the area :doctor:to save slarti from infection and to give her a little bit of dutch courage 027_buddies.gif.2f54f4491e6fd36f77c9368a57d41fd1.gif to face the jobbie ahead...

 

 

Posted
..night picking pine tree needles from his derriere. 038_sweat.gif.0c111d92b3c69d7166f94b00a5b6bc0d.gif

"Ohhh!! can I help with that?" 023_drool.gif.d9ebe774dab24ff4699145182fd73e45.gif gushed Short hop Sally giggle.gif.ad1278a6733e2c87a6f26c6d477d449a.gif as she rummaged through her flight bag for....

 

her tweeers

 

Just one jab from one of those things can, (depending on the age of the donor) land you in all sorts of trouble.068_angry.gif.e6e3bad802304927655e1c48b61088cd.gif 054_no_no_no.gif.21131fff407300cde73380a8cb057e61.gif:no no no:. Trust me! I'm the NES's ............despite that Bryon being so fast with his responses

Posted

"Hurry (and pucker) up" yelled Slartiphartblast "As it looks like I have been bitten on the funnel by a Fingerweb".

 

"Who, oh who will be willing to lance it and remove the poison .... I wonder?" commented the NES story teller (who has proudly reflected on the fact that BB has chucked in a couple of disconnected lines but the good old NES hadn't skipped a beat, quickly wandering off on another tangent that was equally as good as the tangent that we were already on. Welcome to our nightmare BB.)

 

"Fear not Slarti, for I will suck the poison out" said .....................

 

 

Posted
...Long-Hop Louise, who was Sally's....

... naughty Sister, whereas S-HS's good sister, Medium-Hop Marylin, had spent her formative years in a the St Lycoming Convent, where she specialised in cleaning up oil leaks etc, while Long-Hop Lousie (the black sheep of the family) was practicing her poison sucking techniques by ........

 

 

Posted

..by sucking a tennis ball though a garden hose. 022_wink.gif.9d61fed85ccaec4ccc17040770c5c601.gif

 

SlartiSoreButt's :crazy:eyes rolled back like a toppled gyro (obligatory aviation reference) as he waited for....

 

 

Posted
..by sucking a tennis ball though a garden hose. 022_wink.gif.9d61fed85ccaec4ccc17040770c5c601.gif

SlartiSoreButt's :crazy:eyes rolled back like a toppled gyro (obligatory aviation reference) as he waited for....

... the sound of a voice that would indicate whether he had drawn Short-Hop, Long-Hop or Medium-Hop.

 

The last thing that Slartiphanticizer expected to hear was the voice of .......

 

 

Posted
... the sound of a voice that would indicate whether he had drawn Short-Hop, Long-Hop or Medium-Hop.

The last thing that Slartiphanticizer expected to hear was the voice of .......

........Beryl, the older sister of Mavis and first cuzzin to Nana. 037_yikes.gif.2082ee4b157a18e5ec01fc250b51372e.gif

 

Now Beryl had failed the entrance exam to MILF school :yuk: and as a consequence had let herself go a little bit. :jawdrop:

 

For the past 10-20 years Beryl had been content to live the solitary life of a crone, but had lately taken to dreaming of romance again.:velvt:

 

Having followed the exploits of SlartiIgottabiggun on NES, she decided to use her feminine wiles to entice the young(ish) SlartiIgottabiggun into a romantic encounter.

 

So armed with a veritable arsenal of alluring attractors, babe.gif.ff83c178fa2d1832ae1ee3ecbf0042bc.gif she...........

 

 

Posted

...sashayed toward her intended target.

 

SlartiWouldn'tmindaCrackatthat :smoke:stood transfixed ('cuz he couldn't sit just yet...) admiring the smooth lines of his objet du de'sir. His gaze 039_private_eyes.gif.707d2b71af6ed28aa3f848545036e2e0.gif lingered lustfully at the golden glow of her tanned skin and a slight tremor ran across his lower lip as he admired the dappled shadows that accentuated her curves. His mind wandered :i_dunno: to thoughts of gently caressing the subtle bumps in the fabric she was wearing, when the clatter of someone stumbling in high heels behind him startled his attention away from the cheetah....

 

 

Posted
...sashayed toward her intended target.

SlartiWouldn'tmindaCrackatthat :smoke:stood transfixed ('cuz he couldn't sit just yet...) admiring the smooth lines of his objet du de'sir. His gaze 039_private_eyes.gif.707d2b71af6ed28aa3f848545036e2e0.gif lingered lustfully at the golden glow of her tanned skin and a slight tremor ran across his lower lip as he admired the dappled shadows that accentuated her curves. His mind wandered :i_dunno: to thoughts of gently caressing the subtle bumps in the fabric she was wearing, when the clatter of someone stumbling in high heels behind him startled his attention away from the cheetah....

.....just as he was about to say to himself "But why the hell did I paint her orange?"

 

However the clatter of the high heels sent his mid totally blank and his base. instincts pumping.

 

"Hi" said the Wagga Hotelier, "Where can I find some action around here"

 

Slarti cringed; thie was the first time he had ever seen his good friend like.

 

He thought of the many macho nights they'd spent together throwing stubbies down their throats, and......

 

 

Posted
.....just as he was about to say to himself "But why the hell did I paint her orange?"

However the clatter of the high heels sent his mid totally blank and his base. instincts pumping.

 

"Hi" said the Wagga Hotelier, "Where can I find some action around here"

 

Slarti cringed; thie was the first time he had ever seen his good friend like.

 

He thought of the many macho nights they'd spent together throwing stubbies down their throats, and......

...... adding that well known rural line of "Geeeez it's dry ....................no hang on, geeeeez it's wet .......... geeeeez it's flooding ........ and geeeeez it's dry again."

 

"No it's not" responded AhLot the Harlot, who was done up in a slinky skin tight lycra cheetah suit (and nobody could see his undie line (erky perky)). "Oops, ......... I have been spotted" he added "I must slink away into the night (but I'll be in hangar No 6)."

 

"Don't go" replied ................

 

 

Posted
...... adding that well known rural line of "Geeeez it's dry ....................no hang on, geeeeez it's wet .......... geeeeez it's flooding ........ and geeeeez it's dry again."

"No it's not" responded AhLot the Harlot, who was done up in a slinky skin tight lycra cheetah suit (and nobody could see his undie line (erky perky)). "Oops, ......... I have been spotted" he added "I must slink away into the night (but I'll be in hangar No 6)."

 

"Don't go" replied ................

.......Slartiwasn'tfast, "Show us your tips"!...........

 

 

Posted
.......Slartiwasn'tfast, "Show us your tips"!...........

Ahlot pulled his jump suit up, scratched himself near where the sun doesn't shine, and whispered into SlartiBartSimpson's shell-like in a soft cooing type voice that many NES'ers haven't heard for 30 years or so, and said "Get a load of these tips, Slarts:

 

1 Always check out ya valve guides, not to mention the leader at the local girl guides (Brown Owl or Arkala are sure to look good to a bloke of your vintage and experience).

 

2 Never look at Lockies in lycra, as you can sometimes see where they keep their lock-picks.

 

3 Many Firies wear lycra when they overnight at the station.

 

4 Squeeze those rivets like there is no tomorrow, particularly near the wing-tips.

 

5 Rats are very attractive.

 

6 Pray that you get Short-Hop as she is a cracker.

 

7 Do the spots on my cheetah lycra jump suit make my bum look big?

 

8 Hangar 6 is the place to be.

 

9 ....................."

 

 

Posted
.. and keep an eye out for BB's sister, Double D....

"Double B and Double D are frequently seen at the local B&S" said Goldenrat, whose address interestingly is listed as Moron, NSW............

 

 

Posted
"Double B and Double D are frequently seen at the local B&S" said Goldenrat, whose address interestingly is listed as Moron, NSW............

........ so the tone of the NES darkened, as regular contributors turned on themselves with a viciousness hitherto unforeseen, with an attack based on wordplay with the names of the joints in which they live. Perhaps Tubb is just suffering from withdrawal after not pinching 1/2 a tonne of mints every time he comes to Moron (Editor's Note).

 

"This tome now has a poor tone" commented the Knome, from home.

 

"I shall write a poem before ElRatsack starts to foam and moan about .........

 

 

Posted
........ so the tone of the NES darkened, as regular contributors turned on themselves with a viciousness hitherto unforeseen, with an attack based on wordplay with the names of the joints in which they live. Perhaps Tubb is just suffering from withdrawal after not pinching 1/2 a tonne of mints every time he comes to Moron (Editor's Note).

"This tome now has a poor tone" commented the Knome, from home.

 

"I shall write a poem before ElRatsack starts to foam and moan about .........

 

"Jabirus and Cockatoos,

 

"engines that go clunk in the night"

 

'gearboxes that die of fright"

 

"lycra clad firies"

 

"boot shod fairies"

 

" and teeth auriforous............"

 

 

Posted
"Jabirus and Cockatoos,"engines that go clunk in the night"

 

'gearboxes that die of fright"

 

"lycra clad firies"

 

"boot shod fairies"

 

" and teeth auriforous............"

"........which can be quite horrificus"

 

"But the mind boggles at bootshod lycra clad fairies sitting astride a sheeta with the wind in their..............."

 

 

Posted
"........which can be quite horrificus""But the mind boggles at bootshod lycra clad fairies sitting astride a sheeta with the wind in their..............."

 

 

...fishnets

 

 

Posted
...fishnets

"Did someone call me, or are you after Ahlocks?" asked Double D "And now that we have this nautical reference I can disclose that I am looking for "Long-John" Silver (if you get my drift) (aviation term)."

 

"I regret that I am not a pirate, but I am irate & I do have a parrot" said SlartiAhJimLad "But would you accept "Medium-John" ..............?

 

 

Posted
"Did someone call me, or are you after Ahlocks?" asked Double D "And now that we have this nautical reference I can disclose that I am looking for "Long-John" Silver (if you get my drift) (aviation term)."

"I regret that I am not a pirate, but I am irate & I do have a parrot" said SlartiAhJimLad "But would you accept "Medium-John" ..............?

But Double D was in a flap (aviation term). She was always confusing himself with LycraLocks and whenever she heard the vague and feeble call of the Rat, she could never work out if he was talking to her, or simply belching with sound in his unique way - not unlike today's female tennis players.

 

She straightened her undercarriage (aviation term) just in case...........

 

 

Posted
But Double D was in a flap (aviation term). She was always confusing himself with LycraLocks and whenever she heard the vague and feeble call of the Rat, she could never work out if he was talking to her, or simply belching with sound in his unique way - not unlike today's female tennis players.

She straightened her undercarriage (aviation term) just in case...........

....... she was elevated (aviation term) to a point (aviation term) where AhRocks-Off (aviation deviant) could have access to her empennage (aviation term) and he could whisk (aviation term) her off to heaven (really big and "heavy" aviation term), to have his ..............

 

 

Posted
....... she was elevated (aviation term) to a point (aviation term) where AhRocks-Off (aviation deviant) could have access to her empennage (aviation term) and he could whisk (aviation term) her off to heaven (really big and "heavy" aviation term), to have his ..............

....empennage (aviation term) immersed (Search & Rescue bros term) in hot water (aviation term for Rotarix who couldn't get around to real air cooling)............

 

 

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