The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......... but being a safety conscious Inspector dude, he wrote the tickets on fluro yellow paper with his fluoro yellow pen, and stuck them in 5000 fluoro yellow envelopes, each with a fluoro yellow address window on the front. (and YOU try writing "fluoro yellow" twenty times while paralytic, in transit, at 3000 ft, in fog, while VFR licenced, between Broken Hill and Dubbo, while trying to talk with ATC, and keep Nanna happy in the Navigatrix's seat). It's hard and ................

"...now I have to find a post box"

 

It had been a quiet morning at the West Ryde Mail Exchange, when Ample Annie opened the first bag of an unusually large delivery from the Dubbo area.

 

Annie's best feature was a single eyebrow, and she was not known for being demure, so it wasn't long before there was a roar and Annie could be seen carrying bag after bag outside to the dump bin.

 

This attracted the supervisor's eye, and he decided to weigh one of the bags.

 

He called her in to the office together with a Union Representative and a Certificate IV Counsellor, along with a catering assistant who had completed a food handling course, to make the coffees.

 

"Now I notice that these bags are two kilogrammes over the maximum weight you are permitted to lift" he said "what have you got to say about that?"

 

Her response was to tip the bag of letters over his head, but he'd been to Conflict Resolution training which had been conducted at a Noosa penthouse, and merely said:

 

"I know the envelopes are fluoro yellow and the adress is yellow fluoro, but we pride ourselves on sending the mail somewhere, so you are to open each and every letter, find out who the sender is and mail it back with a polite message.

 

Annie was just opening the 7,253'rd envelope, and so far had only seen fluoro yellow paper with what appeared to be fluoro yellow writing, and was waiting with a shortened fuse to find one accidentally written with a pencil when the door opened, and in walked the Cecil Plains Drifter with a dryzabone coat and a big grin on his face:

 

"Gday" he said "I'm lost, can you help me?"..................

 

 

[ahlocks]

... "not without you filling out a form 1887/0734562.4: Application to be lost first." growled Annie. "And you'll need to do the sauntering into departmental premises indoctrination course before you can do that."

 

O'Dalby grinned, scratched his ear, grinned a bit more and then.........

 

 

[turboplanner]

... "not without you filling out a form 1887/0734562.4: Application to be lost first." growled Annie. "And you'll need to do the sauntering into departmental premises indoctrination course before you can do that."

O'Dalby grinned, scratched his ear, grinned a bit more and then.........

..said "Just a minute, I'll call Poxy Loxy to see if he does Certificate IV sauntering"

 

But the phone was dead, Loxy's front gate was closed, and he was going to have to wait until the wife got home, and this was washing day where it was Loxy's job to say "LOAD" and "UNLOAD" and all the things you do when you do the washing.....

 

 

[Captain]

..said "Just a minute, I'll call Poxy Loxy to see if he does Certificate IV sauntering"

But the phone was dead, Loxy's front gate was closed, and he was going to have to wait until the wife got home, and this was washing day where it was Loxy's job to say "LOAD" and "UNLOAD" and all the things you do when you do the washing.....

........... including cleaning his clock.

 

Just then Mrs Loxy returned home and was able to open the front gate for him.

 

"My Goldy Lox is a lovely boy, see, who's a lovely boy then (as she rubbed his chest and made one of his back legs scratch) ..................... and he is definitely a AA Grade saunterer (CASA aviation term) + a AAA Grade Saturday lie-er in-er (and I usually clean his clock at that time, too), but lately my darling AhLox has been ............

 

 

[Bryon]

........... including cleaning his clock.

Just then Mrs Loxy returned home and was able to open the front gate for him.

 

"My Goldy Lox is a lovely boy, see, who's a lovely boy then (as she rubbed his chest and made one of his back legs scratch) ..................... and he is definitely a AA Grade saunterer (CASA aviation term) + a AAA Grade Saturday lie-er in-er (and I usually clean his clock at that time, too), but lately my darling AhLox has been ............

....pondering the pontifications of a lazy layabout from Bangerhome."

 

"I wish I had a jaunty saunter like O'Dalby' he mused, "Then I could.............

 

 

[Captain]

....pondering the pontifications of a lazy layabout from Bangerhome.""I wish I had a jaunty saunter like O'Dalby' he mused, "Then I could.............

........ make him an honourary member of the MundaneMagnificentiMachismoModerati, and invite him into the MagnificentiMachismoMastratiModerati exclusive forum, where we would ...................

 

 

[turboplanner]

....pondering the pontifications of a lazy layabout from Bangerhome.""I wish I had a jaunty saunter like O'Dalby' he mused, "Then I could.............

"saunter slowly by, and ask the missus why, it always rests in I, to ask the reason why, I need permission to fly"

 

"Don't be so long winded" said Mrs Loxy, you flew yesterday and once a week's enough.

 

Poxy was crestfallen, and his back leg stopped scratching and just sat in mid air.....

 

 

[Captain]

"saunter slowly by, and ask the missus why, it always rests in I, to ask the reason why, I need permission to fly"

"Don't be so long winded" said Mrs Loxy, you flew yesterday and once a week's enough.

 

Poxy was crestfallen, and his back leg stopped scratching and just sat in mid air.....

.......... (aviation term) .............

 

 

[ahlocks]

.......... (aviation term) .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

It appears that Loxy has the clap and is indisposed.

 

 

[Captain]

It appears that Loxy has the clap and is indisposed.

"Who is this "Disposed" woman (or man (not that there is anything wrong with that)), and how did she (or he) weazel her (or his) way into the NES?" asked Nanna indignantly "Is she (or he) perhaps ..................

 

 

[Captain]

................... and guess who got the Mile-High post # 5280? ................................

 

 

[turboplanner]

................... and guess who got the Mile-High post # 5280? ................................

...and a post is all you got too......

 

 

[Captain]

...and a post is all you got too......

"Well, my Ye Olde Bange Holme mate, I won't postpone this response any longer as it was certainly post-partum, post-natal and post-meridian (not that there is anything wrong with that), we have all been guilty of postulating on the NES, and thank goodness this is not posthumous, although I do wish it was post-coital (although not posterior (not that there is anything wrong with that, either), so don't be a postponer any longer, just grab a possum posthaste before you .......

 

 

[ahlocks]

...prolapse.

 

 

[turboplanner]

...prolapse.

Turbo noticed that Loxy had "come out", and by his smiley proclaimed positively that he was a LURKER.

 

We on the NES had know this fact for some time, but as part of our Secrecy Bond had agreed not to release details, and we still won't about the more extreme activities of this horrific protagonist.

 

We think Mrs Lox may have an idea he's a lurker because of all the sticky sweets she finds in his coat pockets when she does the wash.....

 

 

[Captain]

Turbo noticed that Loxy had "come out", and by his smiley proclaimed positively that he was a LURKER.

We on the NES had know this fact for some time, but as part of our Secrecy Bond had agreed not to release details, and we still won't about the more extreme activities of this horrific protagonist.

 

We think Mrs Lox may have an idea he's a lurker because of all the sticky sweets she finds in his coat pockets when she does the wash.....

... when she does the wash-up and debrief (aviation terms) after a 40 hour session that finishes mid Saturday arvo.

 

"Quick .......... get the sheets in the wash before the kids see them" says AhExhausted every time.

 

"I'm proud of them" she always replies "There is nothing wrong with you, dear Goldy, being a Good-Boy, a Lurker, a Saunterer, and I can vouch that you are certainly a MagnificentiModerati ("Oh, are you ever" she adds with admiration and a glint in her eye) ........ who's only real fault is that you .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"I'm proud of them" she always replies "There is nothing wrong with you, dear Goldy, being a Good-Boy, a Lurker, a Saunterer, and I can vouch that you are certainly a MagnificentiModerati ("Oh, are you ever" she adds with admiration and a glint in her eye) ........ who's only real fault is that you .............

...delete too quickly.

 

 

[Captain]

...delete too quickly.

"Yes" he said with his chest thing pushed out as far as it would go "We of the MagnificentiMachismoDeletatoModerati despatch quick justice (just like the Knights Simon Templar used to do) and no-one is immune to our Deleto Falitato Moderati-ness, not even Een, slartibartirapidi, or any other magnificenti forumati memberski, and as you all well know, we, the members of the MagnificattiMachismoDeletatioMasticatiMasturbatoModerati are as follows:

 

 

[ahlocks]

"...an inn keeping ra(t)conteur and a possum pelt furrier perhaps? " mumbled Ivan O'Doughty, the acclaimed detective series novelist from Upper Cobargo. "A twisted plot with accusation and miss direction. Perfect!" he mused as he worked on the next chapter of his latest who dunnit. "...but just how to stitch the main culprits up..."

 

"Denied!" protested the The BangHolme bruiser , but it was too late.

 

The RAAus SEAL team :cops:were already enroute....

 

 

[ahlocks]

...the transport droned steadily across the afternoon sky powered by four gleaming new jabertoo engines. A pitch change alerted the flight crew that something may not be quite right.

 

"You hear that skipper? Sounds like port number 2 has gone out of sync." commented the FO .

 

"Nothing to worry about son, it's probably just lunched a valve." Reassured No1., "When the other three do the same in a minute or two, they'll sync back up."

 

"Synchronise watches." Barked the SEAL commander as she realised the engines were about to go into stealth mode.

 

"Mickey's big hand on the 12 and little one on the 3....mark!"....

 

 

[turboplanner]

...the transport droned steadily across the afternoon sky powered by four gleaming new jabertoo engines. A pitch change alerted the flight crew that something may not be quite right.

"You hear that skipper? Sounds like port number 2 has gone out of sync." commented the FO .

 

"Nothing to worry about son, it's probably just lunched a valve." Reassured No1., "When the other three do the same in a minute or two, they'll sync back up."

 

"Synchronise watches." Barked the SEAL commander as she realised the engines were about to go into stealth mode.

 

"Mickey's big hand on the 12 and little one on the 3....mark!"....

.....but unfortunatelt readers will not be able to read the most exciting jaw dropping slobbering tingling story of how the Seals attacked, why they attacked each other, and the direction they went due to strict secrecy agreements.....

 

 

[ahlocks]

Oh bugger..... That was a waste of half an hour on part 3 then.

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Never mind" said the Rat, "it was boring anyway"

 

Loxy, who these days was suffering from Rivititis, a disease which only affects those who fly in old type aircraft with popeye rivets.....

 

 

[Bryon]

"Never mind" said the Rat, "it was boring anyway"

Loxy, who these days was suffering from Rivititis, a disease which only affects those who fly in old type aircraft with popeye rivets.....

...and is manifested by a seemingly inexhaustible array of gaseous emissions from one's ventral exhaust system.

 

"That explains that malingering odour hanging around the cockpit after a flight" said Mavis :yuk:

 

"I always thought that it was............