The Never Ending Story

[BLA82]

dam, I knew I forgot somthing, My guitar strap wrapped around my Allan Jackon CD. I will fly real low past you do you think you could grab it on the way through???

 

 

[turboplanner]

The Avalon Tower Controller, raced outside, and, agile as they are reached up and grabbed the long cord. There was a blinding flash as the IPod battery, which was now being used to power the Ipod, engine, and moving map system, which Biggles had made took the full brunt of the stretched cable which was still connected to Slutti's heater...

 

 

[planedriver]

You should be safe, I don't think it's hooked on my G string, just pluck it and see;)

 

 

[Captain]

It was Biggles ........ he wanted to get permission for a .....

This is getting pretty far fetched now.

 

That will never happen.

 

 

[turboplanner]

The G string held, and the tower controller hurtled out into space.

 

The sheeter leapt into the air, which it had never done before. "On me" said Biggles...

 

 

[planedriver]

Geez that was quick got beaten to the post.

 

Bloody Turbo's turned up the gate valve again:big_grin:

 

 

[BLA82]

Two overpaid Anti Terrorisim officers were sitting in their top secret bunker watching the radar when they saw the poor controller break mach 1 over central London. Not wasting anytime the scrambled two f18's to intercept. At the controlls of the first Hornet was....

 

 

[BLA82]

This is getting pretty far fetched now.

That will never happen.

 

Your point being?

 

 

[turboplanner]

Kevin Rudd.

 

The radio crackled "Goggles come back here, you didn't swipe your ASIC card"

 

Kevin thought quickly: "Julia quick change the legislation to get rid of these things before I get down"

 

But an ominous green shadow appeared overhead....

 

 

[BLA82]

Biggles performed a spectacular snap turn and was right on Ruds tail. He asked him to follow but Rud refused. BAM!!!! Biggles opened the canopy steering with his legs and shot the F-18 with a sawn off 303 from behind the Cheetah's seat.

 

 

[turboplanner]

Rudd held his ASIC Card high in the air.

 

"No one gets past these" he said over the secure radio

 

Biggles couldn't hear him partly because he didn't have an access code, but mainly because of that bloody Dire Straits music.

 

Quickly selecting first gear, he whistled between the twin fins of the Hornet..

 

 

[BLA82]

Biggles didn't know at the time but he was actually holding down the PTT button. This caused all the ATC to become extremely ill with the sound of Romeo and Juliet stuck on repeat. With the ATC out of action there was a holding pattern 8 levels high over the field. Stuck right in the middle between a 747 and a A380 was Slarti in his Cheetah he said......

 

 

[turboplanner]

Good evening Qantas 233, would you mind orbiting for a minute while I chuck a left and join Big Les.

 

"***(*{IH P*&+|" said the 747 pilot, spilling his latte "Nurse come here!

 

 

[BLA82]

Fine said Slarti be like that Slarti zooms past hanging the finger and cuts infront. This really shi!!!ts the 747 captain off but he is unable to respond due to the hostie between his legs(wiping off the hot coffee of course;))

 

 

[turboplanner]

Suddenly Slarti notices Kevin descending on Biggles, and the flash of a missile. Luckily it was too far out to the left. Biggles flicked the shatter into a spin but Kevin pulled the FA18 into a 6 g turn right on to poor old Bigs tail. "If you caint torn, you caint fart" said Biggles remembering an american pilot saying this at a previous Avalon.

 

Desperate, Buggles used his only weapon, the compass..

 

 

[Bigglesworth]

Meanwhile Worth-Big-$ is thinking "I have been called an inspiration before, but I didn't realise it was just for a mad story.

 

Then to justify his new name, he immediately puts a lawyer on a retainer to sue for inspiration value as soon as the movie of the NES comes out.

 

However the lawer you replies "you got more urgent things to think of now m'boy. And that will be all your life saving for telling you that"

 

So Les-worth-big throws him the $2 he left after spending the rest on new guitar strings, and a bottle of avgas-cum-bundy.

 

Then he looks at all the planes circling the area and the wreckage that has occurred over the day..... and wonders "am I the only one with a job here?"

 

Exits left listening to Barnsey's "Working class man"

 

Lands on roof of big Melbourne department store to buy more RM stickers for his plane, and takes advantage of the fact that there are no checkouts on the way up to the roof.

 

Gets shot at by security, but as he walks away says "never pick on a bloke who's plane rego is .222"

 

Not such luck for Slarti, having chosen bad rego numbers, his luck soon ran out and due to total engine failure, the Cheetah slowed down so drastically so it could only just keep up with the 747, but could still outclimb it.

 

Tin can indeed.

 

 

[Bigglesworth]

Didn't read the compass part first, but that explains why BigLes Landed on the wrong building and ended up with only some 'This is VB country" stickers.

 

The compass has a built in minature towel....... and a copy of the hitchhiker's guide for those who don't get that part.

 

I'll lend you a copy to read next time you are flying over a hard to navigate area.

 

 

[turboplanner]

Now without a compass Biggers resourcefully takes the top of a stubbie and using a toothpick quickly finds north.

 

He gets out the towel on which is printed a map of the world (arrgh it had a compass too didn't it - what a waste of a stubbie), and presses the starter button. The I pod battery has so much kick that he can now use it for take off assist, so he quickly disappears out of sight.

 

Slerty meanwhile has disposed of the 747 simply by flying in front of it - the exhaust fumes did the rest. He's having some difficulty flying the plane with a bull bar because he hasn't yet realised you need two log books, but finally recognises Avalon, and slides in for a neat landing.

 

Some time later Bigones lands beside him.

 

"Where have you been?" he asks

 

"Well I packed a can of Red Bull, grabbed some two stroke out of the lawnmower and flew to the Bermuda Triangle, but they sent me back" said Beggles.

 

Slarti looked at him thoughtfully and said: "Do you know who put these bulls horns on my aircraft?"..

 

 

[BLA82]

Biggles said it was me, I have also added som other gizmo's in ther for you aswell. You to now have an Ipod, gunrack and a big sticker saying "I'd rather push my Cheetah than fly a Jab. Slarti says thanks but then asks what is this new guage on my dash panel. Biggles says it is a......

 

 

[turboplanner]

Mountain Gauge - tells you where the mountains are. Slarti looks at him not knowing whether to believe him or not. Weakly he says "Did you get a LAME to swing your new compass?" Biggles smiles knowingly, but keeps it to himself, and flies to Echuca where he gets lost in the town and survives for three weeks by skinning rabbits. Finally he sees..

 

 

[Captain]

Finally he sees..

...... the mayor of Chuca coming towards him.

 

"G'day BigLes" he says. "I'm BigPete, and I bet your Mount'n Gauge isn't reading too high out here, unless you are with the Riverland Lass, of course"

 

"Thank goodness somebody else knows lots of details about the Hitchhiker's Guide" said SlartiButtPlate "It must be prerequiste compulsory reading before you can buy a Cheetah"

 

"What do you Jabiru jibberers read?" BigLes asked even BiggerPete (as they had them out for comparison).

 

"We read ...................

 

 

[Guest palexxxx]

[quote=Captain;72818"What do you Jabiru jibberers read?" BigLes asked even BiggerPete (as they had them out for comparison).

 

"We read ...................

 

s l o w l y and moving our lips

 

 

[turboplanner]

real aircraft stuff" said BiggerPete which offends the two mini fliers enormously. "OK then, let's have a race dude" says BigLes, and they manage to find a 200 litre drum, four bales of hay and the cricket club dunny to use for pylons.

 

"This shouldn't be too hard" thinks BigPete as he sinks into the luxurious upholstery of the Jab 175 which is a combination of the 160, 170, 230, 430,3310 and part of a mountain bike.

 

Ipod powered BigLes is away first of course, closely followed by Slarticus, with BigerPetes huge problem weighing him down. To make matters worse it starts to rain on the wooden prop, so he has to lift the nose wheel earlier than usual and back off to 2600 rpm on the first straight (the props melt with anything thicker than a fog - see Eugene, I remembered), but this is enough to see him scream past the two sheeters.

 

As they round the first pylon, which happens to be the dunny...

 

 

[Captain]

As they round the first pylon, which happens to be the dunny...

....... the tubbyplaner came out, for he had been eating skinned rabbits which BigLes had sold him in the pub the night before, and he was a bit crook.

 

"Geez you are on the nose, even up here at 500ft" said Slartibuttplug

 

"Who ever flies that high over a built up dunny?" said BigLes as FastPete lapped them both for the 2nd time.

 

Oliver sudden the Riverland Lass came out of the dunny too.

 

"That's gross, but you are a sly old dog there Tubby" said ShrivelledLes. "I'll take a pic and stick it on my bumbook page with all the other legends I have met. Then we'll ....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

go over to those mountains and really see who can fly.

 

Slarticus had had a bad day. Everyone at Avalon had rubbed in his recent experience even though they had done the same thing and were just a bit faster with the bog, he was covered in spots, he was sick of the bull's scrotum that BigLes had put on the joystick, had been beaten by a Jab at half throttle with a hamburger ridden stick jockey, and now this upstart, who he thought was his mate was off flying in the mountains navigating from a piece of the dunny paper and a stick to check the sun inclination.

 

Not many people knew, but he was a Centurion, and the new gauge in the BigLes plane was a come-back-home installed by the evil Slarti. He pressed the button "We don't allow that sort of flying here" he said "you're for the Colisseum.

 

They buried BigLes up to the neck in the centre of the Coliseum.

 

The crowd roared as the ugly lion came out. He saw the head of BigLes and charged.

 

The lion, perhaps with a little too much float misjudged the charge and skidded over the top of BigLes.

 

BigLes used the only weapon he had and snapped his teeth shut over the scrotum of the lion.

 

The lion let out a scream and a whine like a Retax at full throttle, and from the crowd came a loud voice "Fight fair yer bastard" said..