bull Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 gold tooth This was the report from the Wagga Wagga oyster [The local rag] the rspca was called in to Wagga Wagga today to investigate the reported abuse of a small furry rodent with a team of 40 investigaters ,unconfirmed reports speak of a large jet fighter seen dissapearing just before they arrived .A motel in the area seems to have suffered extensive damage and the police are still investigating although they said ,not much chance of an arrest the perp left bloody quickly it was said.
Captain Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 gold tooth This was the report from the Wagga Wagga oyster [The local rag] the rspca was called in to Wagga Wagga today to investigate the reported abuse of a small furry rodent with a team of 40 investigaters ,unconfirmed reports speak of a large jet fighter seen dissapearing just before they arrived .A motel in the area seems to have suffered extensive damage and the police are still investigating although they said ,not much chance of an arrest the perp left bloody quickly it was said. But they got him at the border. "Easiest arrest we've ever made" said Snr Detective Williams "We just followed the trail of Arctic Mint wrappers and found this Bangholme bloke (at least we think it is a bloke but are waiting for futher test results) hiding in a ......
turboplanner Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 But they got him at the border. "Easiest arrest we've ever made" said Snr Detective Williams "We just followed the trail of Arctic Mint wrappers and found this Bangholme bloke (at least we think it is a bloke but are waiting for futher test results) hiding in a ...... "....yellow Chev Corvette so as to appear inconspicuous." "We handcuffed him and left him there while we went of a coffee at the local truck stop. "When we returned two hours later all that was left were two black rubber marks on the bitumen 40 metres long. "If anyone sees a yellow corvette driven by a pair of legs in bright red speedos, could you please call crimestoppers, and......."
Captain Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 "....yellow Chev Corvette so as to appear inconspicuous." "We handcuffed him and left him there while we went of a coffee at the local truck stop. "When we returned two hours later all that was left were two black rubber marks on the bitumen 40 metres long. "If anyone sees a yellow corvette driven by a pair of legs in bright red speedos, could you please call crimestoppers, and......." ........ don't worry about CrimeStoppers, it's more about StopMeCringing at the thought of those Tubbo legs sticking out of a pair of Speedo's". "Erky Perky" said bull "That's more off-putting than my old avitar, or the photo of ....................
turboplanner Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 ........ don't worry about CrimeStoppers, it's more about StopMeCringing at the thought of those Tubbo legs sticking out of a pair of Speedo's". "Erky Perky" said bull "That's more off-putting than my old avitar, or the photo of .................... "Locksie in his firie suit." bull had been active during the night and had also been out fishing. After a big Barra took his gear, he rummaged around and found some more hooks. He needed a sinker and after a lot more rummaging around tied his Thruster on the end of the line but it wasn't heavy enough and the line was carried along by the tide. He would have to....... [Why do they call them Thrusters when they haven't got any thrust?]
Captain Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 "Locksie in his firie suit." bull had been active during the night and had also been out fishing. After a big Barra took his gear, he rummaged around and found some more hooks. He needed a sinker and after a lot more rummaging around tied his Thruster on the end of the line but it wasn't heavy enough and the line was carried along by the tide. He would have to....... ........ stick a turbocharged 912 in his tyrojackacricket, set up the jetting for methanol, paint it red, have a full body wax and borrow Ahlox's lycra body suit for aerodynamic efficiency, and use all that to kick the tide's proverbial ar........
bull Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 ..s .But than he had a brainstorm,He , hit the spoilers ,so with the flick of a switch down went the bait and a big barra started eyeing off his bait,than just as it was about to strike a rat came flying across the creek,dove into the water grabbed the bait and started fleeing to the other side.Now bull was fishing in his custom made boat{old set of floats off a drifter with a 250 yamy on the back]so he turned the boat around and gave it full throttle.Talk about laugh,it was the funniest thing he had seen[since seeing Turbo in his fishnet stocking of course]all he could see was a tail sticking up out of a big bow wave and a big gold tooth as the rat was looking backwards at the big barra that was now chasing him......
turboplanner Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 ..s .But than he had a brainstorm,He , hit the spoilers ,so with the flick of a switch down went the bait and a big barra started eyeing off his bait,than just as it was about to strike a rat came flying across the creek,dove into the water grabbed the bait and started fleeing to the other side.Now bull was fishing in his custom made boat{old set of floats off a drifter with a 250 yamy on the back]so he turned the boat around and gave it full throttle.Talk about laugh,it was the funniest thing he had seen[since seeing Turbo in his fishnet stocking of course]all he could see was a tail sticking up out of a big bow wave and a big gold tooth as the rat was looking backwards at the big barra that was now chasing him...... .......down towards the waterfall. WetRat started grabbing at rocks, and swerving as only a pansy who rides a white Suzuki can, but the barra kept getting closer. Then it opened its mouth and ScaredasaRat saw rows of needle sharp teeth and realised it was a barraCUDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, (and I'll get you for the fishnets) WHAT was he to do?
bull Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ...all sorts of escape ideas were rolling around in wetrats head,[so not a lot was happening you know how big a rats head is] ..anyway as the boat rounded a corner there in front of him was Bronwyn Bishop swimming nude,the cuda took one look and turned around and left at mark 3 "phew he said as he retched after seeing Bronwyn! Now.....
turboplanner Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ...all sorts of escape ideas were rolling around in his head,[so not a lot was happening you know how big a rats head is] ..anyway as the boat rounded a corner there in front of him was Bronwyn Bishop swimming nude,the cuda took one look and turned around and left at mark 3 "phew he said now....... "....all I have to do is start this Yamaha" So he called in Turbo...................................................................................
turboplanner Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ...all sorts of escape ideas were rolling around in his head,[so not a lot was happening you know how big a rats head is] ..anyway as the boat rounded a corner there in front of him was Bronwyn Bishop swimming nude,the cuda took one look and turned around and left at mark 3 "phew he said now....... "....all I have to do is start this Yamaha" So he called in Turbo...................................................................................
bull Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Who was trying to get out of his fish net stocking without getting a ladder in them[he wanted to use them again when he went to the blue oyster bar]........
turboplanner Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Who was trying to get out of his fish net stocking without getting a ladder in them[he wanted to use them again when he went to the blue oyster bar]........ ...but this was serious. PetrifiedRat was grabbing at the rocks as he shot past, his fingers now a bloody mess. The current was getting faster, and he could hear a roar in the distance. He looked around for Turbo, whose magic hands could start any outboard. he knew they didn't run for more than a minute though, but that would be enough. But Turbo wasn't there. All he could hear was two banjos....
ahlocks Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ... and smell the distinct aroma of apple cider....
bull Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 wafting through the water as it closed over his head as he went plummeting....
ahlocks Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ...among the rocks and huon pines. "#$%@!" growled a familiar taswegian voice. "I'm gunna reach in there and......"
dazza 38 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ...among the rocks and huon pines. "#$%@!" growled a familiar taswegian voice. "I'm gunna reach in there and......" say,im sorry for calling a spade a spade. I will be better behaved
bull Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 next time i see turbo and rat at the blue oyster...
turboplanner Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 next time i see turbo and rat at the blue oyster... "Where's this blue oyster?" asked Turbo. "It's.................."
ahlocks Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 "Here! take a %$@!*^ swig of this!" growled the rough hewn figure as he thrust an old jug toward the BedragledRat. Warily, B'Rat sniffed at the contents in the container as he clung for dear life. "Just *#$%! drink it!" scowled the crusty taswegian as he raised his spade above his head to smite UngratefulRat should he resist. WetRat cautiously raised the bottle to his lips and swallowed, his eyes stinging from vapour escaping from the concoction that smelled like a blend of old apples and avtur. "Right!" growled his rescuer, "Get your furry #$^%! carcass up here and hold the spade over me while I take a swig".... ------------------- Bugger... guzumped by the blue oyster barflies..
turboplanner Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 "Here! take a %$@!*^ swig of this!" growled the rough hewn figure as he thrust an old jug toward the BedragledRat. Warily, B'Rat sniffed at the contents in the container as he clung for dear life. "Just *#$%! drink it!" scowled the crusty taswegian as he raised his spade above his head to smite UngratefulRat should he resist. WetRat cautiously raised the bottle to his lips and swallowed, his eyes stinging from vapour escaping from the concoction that smelled like a blend of old apples and avtur. "Right!" growled his rescuer, "Get your furry #$^%! carcass up here and hold the spade over me while I take a swig".... ------------------- Bugger... guzumped by the blue oyster barflies.. The Rough Hewn Figure, SeeifI'mniceguy, stepped up, Pi$$edRat held the shovel high, then the minute the jug started to flow brought it smartly down on his rescuer's head, and lifting up his kilt, ran for the river where....
ahlocks Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ... Turbotinker was hammering away at an outboard motor. 'Bang! crash! clang!' rang out through the valley as he toiled at setting the idle mixture with a lump hammer and....
Captain Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ... Turbotinker was hammering away at an outboard motor. 'Bang! crash! clang!' rang out through the valley as he toiled at setting the idle mixture with a lump hammer and.... ...... replaced the #3 piston, which had nipped up like a 503 on Avgas." "Did someone call me?" asked Acki. "Not on your nully" replied bull from bone .............. who we now know, after extensive research, was chrustened Bill in Tauranga in 1953, after he was born to a Mauri Princess following a liaison with a Japanese soldier who had landed in Taupo after mistaking it for Balikpapan. "Nooooooo" yelled bull. "My names not Bull, it's bull und I'll say thut sex times more uf you Ozzies don't wunt to bulieve me, or uf you keep bowling underarm. I'm bull from bone, aren't I cuz?" he called to Ma A Nonu. "Yus you are, bro" replied Ma A "His name is Bull, but he likes to be called bull when we are all down at the Batch wearing our Jandals and tupping a bucket on ....................
turboplanner Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ...... replaced the #3 piston, which had nipped up like a 503 on Avgas." "Did someone call me?" asked Acki. "Not on your nully" replied bull from bone .............. who we now know, after extensive research, was chrustened Bill in Tauranga in 1953, after he was born to a Mauri Princess following a liaison with a Japanese soldier who had landed in Taupo after mistaking it for Balikpapan. "Nooooooo" yelled bull. "My names not Bull, it's bull und I'll say thut sex times more uf you Ozzies don't wunt to bulieve me, or uf you keep bowling underarm. I'm bull from bone, aren't I cuz?" he called to Ma A Nonu. "Yus you are, bro" replied Ma A "His name is Bull, but he likes to be called bull when we are all down at the Batch wearing our Jandals and tupping a bucket on .................... "the Wellabies, tunnes tournamunts, Jutstar, and Commodores......" Turbo had unhappy memories of bone. He'd stayed in the caravan park right on the beach one day, and noticing a huge turtle had caught it, dragged it back to the beach, grabbed a pony bridle, cordless drill and the legrope off his surfboard, drilled the turtles shell, and encouraged the turtle to take him out to see by twisting its front leg. It tried to take him down a couple of times, but this was the benefit of the bridle, although the old turtle was very hard in the mouth. Turbo had just trained the turtle to surf when he noticed a growing crowd of Queenslanders on the beach in what seemed like uniforms. There were police, army, surf lifesavers, the national parks and wildlife service, friends of animals, and a board member from RAA with an army jumper on. As soon as Turbo rode in for a drink the pounced on him and escorted him out of Bone, and he'd never been back, but back to the story. The Yamaha roared into life, running like a swiss watch after Turbo's deft changes and the rat pushed the boat out into the stream, but just as he was about to jump in he gave a horrific scream. A piranha had latched on to his vitals. Those of you who remember bull's avatar will remember how vicious these fish can be, jumping out of the water and tearing out hair etc. Rat made a desperate leap into the boat and lay there moaning and screaming with blood pouring over the bottom of the boat. He would live, but he could never be a father. He felt the bump of a rock as the current picked up, he was approaching another huge drop. He grabbed for the outboard control but hit the throttle wide open....
Captain Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 ...... the outboard screamed like a 582 bluehead on heat, then the gearbox thumped like a 912 always does, the prop dug in like a Kiwi in a Bondi food court, and chips flew off the prop like they do on a Queenslander's shoulder at State-of-Origin time. But fear not, dear readers, as El Ratsack was skillfill, brave, resourceful, and held his nerve, although he was very wet (his tiny paws were wrinkled) and his bum was still bleeding, yet he still raised himself up to his full height and said to Nanna "Show us your .....................
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now