The Never Ending Story

[Guest Maj Millard]

, days where train travel was common place, and where friends would often meet on the same train,

 

 

[facthunter]

and you wondered whether you would die if you drank the water in that container shaking on the shelf above the seats. Nev

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

especially the bottles with the dull yellow liquid left there from the night before....

 

 

[Captain]

......."Neverne to you daggie" said Nev who'd strayed from the TAA Flight Crew Hotel where this sort of thing NEVER happened. "I'm........."

...... here to tell you about AhLox, who is a Master Locksmiff, and who I once saw rebating a door. He is a real Masterrebater.

 

But then you all already know that, don't you, because you have all see what he wrote on the labels of those bottles, which was "Madge is back in the NES and has done ....................

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

toilet wall at the latest CASA safety seminar........................................

 

 

[turboplanner]

toilet wall at the latest CASA safety seminar........................................

......where CASA got off the subject of safety and started to scratch herself violently which ........

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

which certainly got all the pilots present very excited.......................................

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....but it was short lived. People in the audience started scratching too. It seemed that CASA not only had fleas, but had been "mixing" even though she was only supposed to be organizing.........

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

..the safety seminar. It was discovered later that not only was she 'mixing' with the UL pilots in particular, but that she was the one writing the very lewed and suggestive stuff on both the female and male toilet walls !.....but that

 

 

[turboplanner]

..the safety seminar. It was discovered later that not only was she 'mixing' with the UL pilots in particular, but that she was the one writing the very lewed and suggestive stuff on both the female and male toilet walls !.....but that

 

....was nothing to the next revelation. Quite a few knew she was "firm", Foxhunter in particular (without mentioning any names, but in his case after groping with an old Indian for so long you could excuse it), but she was..........

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

...an ex-storeswoman from Hamilton Is. and well know to many in the area. The maj in particular seemed to be the recipient of her desires and attention, and this was well documented for all to see on the toilet walls, much to the majors' embarrasment considering his long-term distaste for the ways of CASA, and any authority for that matter...........

 

 

[turboplanner]

...an ex-storeswoman from Hamilton Is. and well know to many in the area. The maj in particular seemed to be the recipient of her desires and attention, and this was well documented for all to see on the toilet walls, much to the majors' embarrasment considering his long-term distaste for the ways of CASA, and any authority for that matter...........

....and the major had every right to be embarrassed "Where is it?", "Littlest man in the Army", "Where the bloody hell are you?", "Major problem", "I wish I was in a butchers shop", "Wrong way, go back" all with a Major's insignia below them.

 

one day the Major met a squinty eyed character running out of the toilets. he caught sight of the Major and yelled "LLLLLllllllllook what you've DONE to me!!!!!!! This wil RUIN MY @$#$%$%!!!&* image!!!!!!!".

 

Major stood back and quietly said "Yeah, I'm not a REAL Major, am I", and.............

 

 

[facthunter]

Thought I'd be allowed in the Sergeant's mess But.. N

 

 

[turboplanner]

Thought I'd be allowed in the Sergeant's mess But.. N

 

"...o, you had to prohibit me didn't you."

 

"Well #$%&^^6&$$!!!!!" said the real Major, whereupon Major said the the real Major, "U........."

 

 

[facthunter]

a "real' major would know that commissioned officers are never allowed in the non-comms mess (unless invited specially)...N

 

 

[turboplanner]

a "real' major would know that commissioned officers are never allowed in the non-comms mess (unless invited specially)...N

"...agged Squinty.

 

"What's a non-comms mess?" asked Major "Would I have to clean it up?"

 

"You $#$@%^$#@#$$ don't UNDERSTAND!!!!" said the REAL Major

 

"How do I become a real Major then?" asked Major.

 

"You have to TRAIN for it" said the Major

 

So major went out and bought himself a greyhound which had........

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

....a similiar physique to his mini-foxy. To hell with them he sneered, and the real Major, and the tank he rode in on !....the unreal major had earned his nickname, and had been appointed a maj the hard way..........by highly regarded UL legends back them....he had done his time in combat as the former Capt. Lhowen Von Lowensprung which was emblazoned on the cockpit side in gold, and feared by all who saw it. He had jumped......

 

 

[facthunter]

450,000 miles on it, but it was cheapas.... Nev

 

 

[turboplanner]

450,000 miles on it, but it was cheapas.... Nev

....who had jumped Indians, Suzis, Harley's, Bantams, and even Square Fours, but..........

 

 

[bull]

not to mention jumping mavis.......or ......knocking off Sir Nobu and co who have taken sides with that evil witch in brisbane [she thinks FNQ means @#$%^&*(&^%$$. (*^%#$$%%^Queenslanders] Ithink i,ve got my old 303 buried somewhere,cried the Major .Call out the old guard ,lets see if we can get those old centurions going shall we ?

 

 

[turboplanner]

But Foxhunter was unimpressed with that military stuff. "You can't call yourself a man until you've thrown a leg over an Indian" he said, "preferably before the inflated models, because....."

 

 

[facthunter]

the real thing is the only way. Nev

 

 

[turboplanner]

the real thing is the only way. Nev

And that, NES readers is where that multi million dollar ad "The Real Thing" came from.

 

Ratso had been scratching his agates for hours so was obviously one of CASA's catches, but then again anyone could catch him. Loxie was digging around in his fishnets with an egg whisker to a lesser extent - he probably only spent two seconds with her anyway.

 

They would have found out about the fleas hours ago when the scandal erupted on the NES, but we won't spoil their evening by telling them about it now. Better they.......

 

 

[Bryon]

They would have found out about the fleas hours ago when the scandal erupted on the NES, but we won't spoil their evening by telling them about it now. Better they.......

...........found out about the umbrella treatment (brings tears to tha eyes) after the visit to the pox doctor

 

"Lox is a doctor?" queried Mavis "No wonder he always wanted to look at my...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...........found out about the umbrella treatment (brings tears to tha eyes) after the visit to the pox doctor

"Lox is a doctor?" queried Mavis "No wonder he always wanted to look at my...............

....growths"

 

Mavis's hearing had got her into trouble before, Lox wasn't the doctor, he was the patient.

 

"And I can tell you there's nothing worse that a flea pox infestation, unless it's sitting in a Spurtstar listening to than whining engine for more than....."