The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

.........Pudden came from the sub continent of Western Nowhere, where they all walked around with bandy legs from doing it doggy style, and Turbo made a mental note to carefully avoid getting Pudden upset if he ever went over to WN, although............

..... that description of WN sounds spookily like the catch-cry used last year by the FNQ Tourism Commission and Progress (sic) Association, where they used Don Brahman's image under a voice-over by bull (to retain the bovine flavor), in a script written by Madge (so it was a major f'n queen's land effort) to lure rich unsuspecting southern aviators north to .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

..... that description of WN sounds spookily like the catch-cry used last year by the FNQ Tourism Commission and Progress (sic) Association, where they used Don Brahman's image under a voice-over by bull (to retain the bovine flavor), in a script written by Madge (so it was a major f'n queen's land effort) to lure rich unsuspecting southern aviators north to .............

......green mangoes, sour coconuts, scrub turkeys, midges, and cane toads and rain under the disguise of free beer, street dining ("you never know what might fall into your lape (sic)" said the blurb), beautiful women in bikinis, and..

 

 

[Captain]

......green mangoes, sour coconuts, scrub turkeys, midges, and cane toads and rain under the disguise of free beer, street dining ("you never know what might fall into your lape (sic)" said the blurb), beautiful women in bikinis, and..

..... the humidity ............ OH the humidity (which is something, because there ain't too much "humanity".

 

"And then there's the Cyclones" he added 'Don't forget the Cyclones ......... and the humidity. (to the tone of "What have the Romans ever done for us?")"

 

"What's wrong with that?" retorted Madge indignantly "As the trade-off against the humidity is that you get me, The Mallard, that beautiful spaceman bull, plus f'n queen's land also contains the heart and sole of the RAA, because the other major with his runcible spoon is also posted up here getting ready for war."

 

"Forget about the bikinis then" said the Fryer, "I'm gunna ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

..... the humidity ............ OH the humidity (which is something, because there ain't too much "humanity".

"And then there's the Cyclones" he added 'Don't forget the Cyclones ......... and the humidity. (to the tone of "What have the Romans ever done for us?")"

 

"What's wrong with that?" retorted Madge indignantly "As the trade-off against the humidity is that you get me, The Mallard, that beautiful spaceman bull, plus f'n queen's land also contains the heart and sole of the RAA, because the other major with his runcible spoon is also posted up here getting ready for war."

 

"Forget about the bikinis then" said the Fryer, "I'm gunna ................

"...... bring up some Frinders Ranges bindiis for bull. They're a great conversation starter if everything goes quiet. Spread some around the chairs in the CWA meeting room last week, and you should have heard the language!"

 

"bull won't be able to see you" said the Chairperson, "Casa have made him ramp Prefect at bone airport, and medical assistant at the bone base hospital. He camps out at the airport each night just in case a pilot with the flu lands there"

 

"Well that doesn't sound right" said the Other Major, I saw him............."

 

 

[bull]

looking at the internet site about cross breeding in the southern states,he was shaking his head in disbelief ,the numbers were very scary ,Sir Nobu he cried, we have to do something about the mutants from down south,we dont want them mixing with our meter maids [or cane toads]No vorries said nobu we,ll call in the...................

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

......."Well that doesn't sound right" said the Other Major, I saw him............."

"....and FT gathering bovine excreta at the local aifield. I asked them why and they said they were going to use it at the bone shopping mall mural for some form of FNQ street art. "

 

"Im told that collectively they are well know at bone for being BS artists and dont have time, or qualafacayshons to do inspections, only enough time to talk lovingly about police states, big brutha and the poor showing of RAA generally."

 

The other major then changed topics as he look skywards reminiscing..... I once ran an RAA over said the other Major.... It caused all sorts of damage to my.....

 

 

[bull]

main frame .I give up cried bull as his hills hoist went spiralling towards the ground trailing smoke from all the bullet holes in his shopping bag wing covers.overhead like vultures circling a kill ,were a whole passel of fantastic plastics,ha ha they cried we told you we had the numbers to stamp out this desire to fly for fun [on his own too shock horror only one seat ,and no auto pilot cried andycoffs [i think hes russian ]................

 

 

[Captain]

main frame .I give up cried bull as his hills hoist went spiralling towards the ground trailing smoke from all the bullet holes in his shopping bag wing covers.overhead like vultures circling a kill ,were a whole passel of fantastic plastics,ha ha they cried we told you we had the numbers to stamp out this desire to fly for fun [on his own too shock horror only one seat ,and no auto pilot cried andycoffs [i think hes russian ]................

..... and the tyrojackacricket accelerated like a bullet into a graceful 5G wingover follwed by a triple immelman then a CaneToad roll, as bull floored the throttle & smiled.

 

"I wonder what he'll do when all the shoping bags will be those terrible green Coles bags that passengers now use as the equivant of Qantas bags?" asked Boris to his wife Natasha Andy@coffsova.

 

"His jackacricket will start to look like the Locky's Szara that is covered in XXXX cans, and the scars on his .............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

[i think hes russian ]................

Nanna turned to the minor major and said "russian....now thats an optimist for you I think he's barely amblin despite the victa sounding like it was trying for mach9...."

 

The major major pricked his ears up at the utterance of "russian" and started scanning the hills looking for an erant horde.......he'd trained hard for horde dealings.......but was yet to see one in oztrailia....other than Nobu and his mates....but they were hardly hordish in their numbers.... in fact in order to undertake advanced horde thining he'd have to travel to aphgenastan or any of the other stans......Major major was conflicted, Advanced horde thining would be the ultimate pinacle for a major major and could lead to a colonelship....but his beloved raa could be difficult to rule over from afarastan.

 

Meanwhile Andy and the plastic horde were still circling....but also noticing that the sun was geting higher by the minute.....We can't stay much longer or our wings will melt or our mighty jabiflu engine will stop, the last more likely of the 2, and it was clear that a hills hoist might be able to take off and land in the confined space of the RSL but no self respecting plastic could do so needing space approximating kingsford smith x 2 for a landing and another again for a take off.....Come on nagged Elrato, lets get out here before.....

 

 

[bull]

back from the lashing he got from those in control[just for trying to find out what happened to ultralights]amazing things those phones ah bull, cried his tormentor as he jumped back into his cessna clone.maybe i can fly rc models cried bull,..............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

..... and the tyrojackacricket accelerated like a bullet into a graceful 5G wingover follwed by a triple immelman then a CaneToad roll, as bull floored the throttle & smiled.....

There was a collective gasp from those scattered around the RSL backyard. FT, even suggested that he thought that was pretty close to aero's.......

 

Turdbro laughed scathingly and said "no way" Aero's are controlled maneuvers, Ive never seen a controlled cane toad roll so I suspect that's just a tyrojackacricket foible. Seemed like that combination of actions was about as fast as a tyrojackacricket did anything......

 

FT was pleased at that, for a moment it looked like he'd have to call the cuzzah "dob a knob" hotline....He'd done than many a time before but nothing ever seemed to come of it, perhaps it was because he would go into excruciating detail about the rule flouting using all 12 words...He thought, next time I dob a knob Im going to try using less words perhaps that will result in a public stoning at least......

 

Major Major was still quiet as he pondered a colonelship, that will sort out that pretend minor major....but who will lead raa while Im learning "Booom 101" and "advanced rat a tat tat " It wasnt at all clear to Major major who had the balls to step up.....Bull didnt, he'd left his behind on the RSL razor wire, FT didnt seem to have any at all and Andy would cause the RAA to go broke from magazine printing and distribution costs when he wrote the 600 page prezzie's intro on page 1. Turdbro seems to call a spade a F'kn shovel when required, perhaps I'll talk to him about.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

Major Major was still quiet as he pondered a colonelship, that will sort out that pretend minor major....but who will lead raa while Im learning "Booom 101" and "advanced rat a tat tat " It wasnt at all clear to Major major who had the balls to step up.....Bull didnt, he'd left his behind on the RSL razor wire, FT didnt seem to have any at all and Andy would cause the RAA to go broke from magazine printing and distribution costs when he wrote the 600 page prezzie's intro on page 1. Turdbro seems to call a spade a F'kn shovel when required, perhaps I'll talk to him about.....

 

"........that last post of his and will sure tell him what the $#$@$#$ he can #$@#$@#$ do"

 

He thought of Android's reference to hordes. "I know you can find them in Kings Cross" he told himself, "and I've been told they operate in Wagga Wagga and bone" but I've never seen one"

 

"That's because they've seen you first" said Igniter who was running out of fuel.

 

The real Major turned back to his troops in disgust, and said "Right you lot, Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Left, KEEP IN $%$#$@#$# STEP, pick up you line Eagle, and next time sew those Libyan epaulettes up the right way, and you Hotrod, get a shave!, and......

 

 

[bull]

study those recognition charts for hordes your going to waggalwaggal. Now the major was,nt being a hard bastar*&^ ,he couldn,t help himself ,after his last run in with casa [he just wanted to fly into sydney]he decided anything that didn,t have flaps /autopilot/retracts 200lt of fuel and a nice shiny paint job could,nt call it self an Ultralight ,so he...................

 

 

[turboplanner]

study those recognition charts for hordes your going to waggalwaggal. Now the major was,nt being a hard bastar*&^ ,he couldn,t help himself ,after his last run in with casa [he just wanted to fly into sydney]he decided anything that didn,t have flaps /autopilot/retracts 200lt of fuel and a nice shiny paint job could,nt call it self an Ultralight ,so he...................

......said to Sleeve Lizzard "Sleeve, OUCH!, Don't $%#$@#%@# bite; write to Casa, and tell them I want to fly into......" "Well hello stud", said Casa pushing back her hairpiece and batting her eyelids. RealMajor flashed a smile and moved towards her but froze, as OtherMajor ducked under his arm, smiled at Casa, showing a gold tooth, and said "Come this way" pointing to his upskirting mirror, which......

 

 

[bull]

rounded up anything that resembled a rag and tube aircraft and ordered they all be dumped off moreton island [like they did with all the corsairs after that other war]this didnt go down well with some so a new resistance movement was formed. Now the other major really had his rebels in the hills to look out for,and they all flew single seaters too [Mad Buggers] Woolies had made a complaint that someone had stolen thier whole supply of plastic shopping bags. And people clothes lines all dissapeared overnight,This is what i feared cried goldylox [while polishing his new fantastic plastic]................

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

study those recognition charts for hordes your going to waggalwaggal. Now the major was,nt being a hard bastar*&^ ,he couldn,t help himself ,after his last run in with casa [he just wanted to fly into sydney]he decided anything that didn,t have flaps /autopilot/retracts 200lt of fuel and a nice shiny paint job could,nt call it self an Ultralight ,so he...................

FT was again becoming agitated, he wants to fly into Sydney!!!! he has an ASIC, that was supposed to stop people flying into things.......And he has 200Lt's of retractable fuel........

 

"Hello...Welcome to Cuzzah's Dob a Knob service how can I help you?"

 

"Major (1) Major(2) is (3) going(4) to(5) do (6) terrorist (7) act(8)"

 

That was two more words than he intended, but he felt sure that would put a real crimp in Major Major's retractable fuel and save the naughty humidityless southerners. He felt proud to have stopped the terrorist act and remembered that Nobu's mates where the last of the horde to do such a thing on Sydney.

 

FT felt that he deserved a treat for that selfless act and took himself down the main street of waggalwaggal calling "I need a good horde, has anyone seen one? El Rato suggested that if he found the pretty horde he was very likely to then need to see a doctor, or at the very least have some possum fat available to.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

The machine gun precision of bull, Turbo and Android had created the dreaded Triple Thread

 

For once the Flying Teapot was silenced, and Turbo made a mental note for the future, as he gathered up the shattered shopping bags.

 

bone had arrived at the airport to find his aircraft missing from the hanger (sic).

 

"No, haven't seen it" said the President who had been reported for having a cold "we took some umbrellas, part of an old lawn mower, a plastic chair and what looked like part of a cake mixing bowl down to the Op shop to make space for the possum fat we're now all going to have to eat every day, to keep our Certificates, even though....

 

 

[bull]

the major had found that possum fat didn,t really work at all and was just a myth that had become law through ignorance of the southerners [which happended every day so turdbro said] just check out their reasoning for an increased mtow [but still call their aircraft [which now needed reinforced runways to land on]ULTRALIGHTS .Pretty flawed reasoning said..............

 

 

[Captain]

the major had found that possum fat didn,t really work at all and was just a myth that had become law through ignorance of the southerners [which happended every day so turdbro said] just check out their reasoning for an increased mtow [but still call their aircraft [which now needed reinforced runways to land on]ULTRALIGHTS .Pretty flawed reasoning said..............

.... Allan Qaida who was responding to the need for a resistance movement to be formed.

 

"And while you set that up, let's shoot a few Mallards" said Stiffy.

 

'I'm having trouble keeping up with all these posts on the NES from all these new players" said SuperchargerPlanner.

 

"And I've got the irits with whoever it was that called my SportSzara a Plastic Fantastic. They mustn't have read our rivetting tales from about 3,756 posts ago." said the Masterrebater.

 

But all went silent when ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

.... Allan Qaida who was responding to the need for a resistance movement to be formed.

"And while you set that up, let's shoot a few Mallards" said Stiffy.

 

'I'm having trouble keeping up with all these posts on the NES from all these new players" said SuperchargerPlanner.

 

"And I've got the irits with whoever it was that called my SportSzara a Plastic Fantastic. They mustn't have read our rivetting tales from about 3,756 posts ago." said the Masterrebater.

 

But all went silent when ................

 

...........Foxhunter walked into the room, in a corner of which sat the CWA Committee quietly showing how an organisation like RAA should be run.

 

"I'VE JUST THROWN A LEG OVER THE OLD INDIAN!" he said loudly, assuming everyone else was as deaf as he was.

 

"SHE'S 92 TODAY! he added, heading for the sherries.

 

They say that was a defining moment in the history of the bone RSL, and.........

 

 

[bull]

such a thing would never had happened at the blue oyster club!! back to bull ,now as he dodged and weaved away from the fantastic plastics ,he had acloser look and realised that [shock horror]some of them were spam cans not plastic at all ,he could tell this from all the xxxx labels from straightened beer cans on the wings .....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

such a thing would never had happened at the blue oyster club!! back to bull ,now as he dodged and weaved away from the fantastic plastics ,he had acloser look and realised that [shock horror]some of them were spam cans not plastic at all ,he could tell this from all the xxxx labels from straightened beer cans on the wings .....................

....but just then his radio cut in "shhhhhhhhhhhhtkkkkkkkkfffffffffffffffffjjjjjjjjjjjjjjssssssssssssssssssssss" which is easily translated from F'N W'Qldr as "bull this is bone international, require your attendance, RAA pilot found with shin graze, medically unfit to fly"

 

bull didn't bother to reply, they never did around bone, just threw the collection of umbrellas, plastic bags etc into a spiral dive and headed for the airport, with the ex Qld Police siren blazing.

 

Unfortunately he'd forgotten to raise the cutting height and six residents of bone now have mohawks because......

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

....Unfortunately he'd forgotten to raise the cutting height and six residents of bone now have mohawks because......

Bull was particulalry good at cutting others peoples grass. In fact the current TV Victa Add was his favourite square eyes entertainment..

 

Bonarians were used to his grass cutting antics but if it wasnt for the scream of the mighty victa and the 2stroke induced blue fog most of them wouldnt have noticed his passing (by that is)

 

Fortunately Bone was without a Damn dam which was just as well for Bull as low flying has been show recently to go pear shaped when your grass reference is replaced with sky blue water. In fact even when 500ft above the water it is still easy to accidentally dip your.......

 

 

[turboplanner]

Bull was particulalry good at cutting others peoples grass. In fact the current TV Victa Add was his favourite square eyes entertainment..

Bonarians were used to his grass cutting antics but if it wasnt for the scream of the mighty victa and the 2stroke induced blue fog most of them wouldnt have noticed his passing (by that is)

 

Fortunately Bone was without a Damn dam which was just as well for Bull as low flying has been show recently to go pear shaped when your grass reference is replaced with sky blue water. In fact even when 500ft above the water it is still easy to accidentally dip your.......

........barb slashed a##e in the creek, and before they can even..............

 

 

[Captain]

such a thing would never had happened at the blue oyster club!! back to bull ,now as he dodged and weaved away from the fantastic plastics ,he had acloser look and realised that [shock horror]some of them were spam cans not plastic at all ,he could tell this from all the xxxx labels from straightened beer cans on the wings .....................

...... "But" said AhLoxley, who often put such long sentences together "Bull's dodging and weaving looks a lot like his skipping and prancing at the bone Mardi Gras or his PIO in the jack-a-cricket when he is flying illegally at 300 ft X-country mid summer, when the thermals are making his jacques-a-grillon dance through the sky like a ....................

 

"Booger" said mon Tante "Zee software has done it again, throwing 2 posts up after mon worked up mon responde. Mon are getting seek & peeesed off at zees".