The Never Ending Story

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... pinch grandad's National Geographics and sneak off into the Dandenong Reserve to look at the pictures."

"That's nothing." sighed Andycough , "When I was at Forest Hill, we'd march off base and into town to deprave the living daylights out of......"

".....ourselves watch chocolate being made at Darrell Lea, and buying a pocketful of nuts."

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

... pinch grandad's National Geographics and sneak off into the Dandenong Reserve to look at the pictures."

"That's nothing." sighed Andycough , "When I was at Forest Hill, we'd march off base and into town to deprave the living daylights out of......"

.....anything that moved........A soldiers lot in life is simple if at war and it moves shoot it....if not at war (Yawn!) then procreate with it. It was one of the few rules that recruits at WogWog were happy to comply with, and it was simple enough in concept that even with little head taking control it was likely that the desired outcome would occur........

Nobu who as we know was a Rikigunna shaftya, nodded knowingly, over in Emporersland that procreate rule also applied equally to the soldiers themselves...If leading the push it may well be that you might procreate in an appealing way while still keeping an eye out for a hit up the rear from a slower soldier.

 

Illonic said Nobu, when frying haf to keep eye on raster airclaft that might hit you from behind, on ground haf to keep eye on slower soldier taht might hit you from behind.....doesnt matter what you do haf keep eye on those keen to procreate from behind!!! Oh I know what you mean said Een I get that major major hair on the back of my neck thing happening from time to time myself.........

 

 

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.......and it seems And He Coughs while quietly procreating had fired a blank, beaten by the lightning reflexes of Turbo, obtained after many years of dodging departing outboard motor spark plugs, and kick back from 500 cc two strokes at....

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

".....ourselves watch chocolate being made at Darrell Lea, and buying a pocketful of nuts."

"Ah love roxyroad" said Nobu passionately "any brand anytime....except that RAARoxyroad ahead brand, it break teeth and cause my gizzard to go all tizzy suspect there may be recall issued soon.......

 

 

[Captain]

"Ah love roxyroad" said Nobu passionately "any brand anytime....except that RAARoxyroad ahead brand, it break teeth and cause my gizzard to go all tizzy suspect there may be recall issued soon.......

...... and Daryl Lea for President" added Andy Sat while he coughed.

 

"That's bringing the sport into disrepute" thought the Executive "As we demand total loyalty by all for all (and us) and for all our minions to mind their pee's and que's, not to mention your R's and A's and A's."

 

"I'd vote for Dalyl" said Acki "Particurarry if he fries a Boomalang (Cowla's own) powered by a Lotax, painted led, using unreaded petlol, while frying closs countly & watching Flee Wirrey on his Ipod grass pannel, with a .....................

 

 

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.......ratte made from the coffee machine in the back seat which standard equipment."

 

"Not to tell," said Acki, but from seclet camp we hep with Blumby design, incruding many features of Mitsubishi Zero (Yeah they only got as far as Japan to Hawaii and dropped their innards too, heh he).

 

"Except guns of course" he continued "You can see how we made it big - squeeze six Japanese in - and chose reriable engines for the long trip home"

 

"Prototype was rost on first fright when smartaleck Noricka, who had been hoarding coke cans at Cowla camp, joined them all together, siphoned fuel out of the Shire Plesident's Fairrane and shot through to Tokyo leaving us behind"

 

Acki was interrupted by a "clump", clump", "clump" sound coming up the Cowla Cowra Road and soon a huge ape-like green figure strode into view; it was Henty Swek, the flying farmer.....

 

 

[Captain]

....... Acki was interrupted by a "clump", clump", "clump" sound coming up the Cowla Cowra Road and soon a huge ape-like green figure strode into view; it was Henty Swek, the flying farmer.....

"Ahhhhhh, Geeeeez" thought Eeeeen "This is no good at all" as he considered the letter from the FFFA (The Flying Farmers Federation of Australasia) who advised that the TubbyPlonker's description of Mr Swek has brought the Federation into direpute, and they had hired Slatts and Gorgonzola to represent 'em.

 

The letter began "Mr Swek is not huge, the description of him as ape-like is a bit over the top, he is not really "green", but the most vile part of the Plonker's actions is that he brought the NES to a shuddering halt and poor old Henty wants to ..............................

 

 

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"Ahhhhhh, Geeeeez" thought Eeeeen "This is no good at all" as he considered the letter from the FFFA (The Flying Farmers Federation of Australasia) who advised that the TubbyPlonker's description of Mr Swek has brought the Federation into direpute, and they had hired Slatts and Gorgonzola to represent 'em.

The letter began "Mr Swek is not huge, the description of him as ape-like is a bit over the top, he is not really "green", but the most vile part of the Plonker's actions is that he brought the NES to a shuddering halt and poor old Henty wants to ..............................

 

".....prevent members of the local CWA tittering about his fur while they are making sandwiches, lamingtons and giving the Hall Caretaker (his name and title are on his Hall blazer)"

 

 

[Captain]

".....prevent members of the local CWA tittering about his fur while they are making sandwiches, lamingtons and giving the Hall Caretaker (his name and title are on his Hall blazer)"

"They weren't tittering (although Nanna is interested)" said Mavis "They were Twittering" she added.

 

"And up yours Turps, as I have 756 FaceBook friends" claimed Henty "Although I must admit that most of 'em have befriended me because they think I am either The Hulk, the Green Lantern, or just A Hunk."

 

"How much of you is green" asked Mave, as she glanced down.

 

And bugger me, another no-win no-fee letter lobbed on Eeeen's desk claiming to represent the .......

 

 

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...........President's Cup Committee, which was a group of paid executives whose job it was to organise morning tea. Turbo had warned this was a waste of members subscriptions, and that's why they had climbed to $40,000 a year, but Boofhead had responded by saying "B$^(&(+, that's just petty cash!"

 

The long letter outlined how Een, when attending meetings at the Head Office (formerly occupied by a Mz J Gillard, but that's another story), he had refused to accept a Latte prepared by one of the President's Cup Committe, and this had brought, could have brought, ought to have bought and some hereins and thereafters the PCC into disrepute.

 

Een didn't think so, so he foolishly said "F&*&^% your coffee!" whereupon the P of the PCC texted the P of the Lower Brazilian Rainforest Coffee Producers Association, who in the recent past had been a head shrinker and cannibal but had quickly fitted into the food industry.

 

The P of the LBRCPA quickly contacted Stumble and Graze who drafted up........

 

Meanwhile Henty Swek, who was a smart bastard, even though he wore overalls and a John Deere Cap decided to call in the mighty John Deere Owners Association itself - and they were MEAN bastards, and they included farmers from IOWA who had once castrated an unsuspecting Presidential Candidate, now known as Squeaky Bill.

 

Swek Ipadded the P of JDOA

 

The President was sitting on hi porch in a rocking chair, his creaseless overalls, with the gold epaulettes (like someone we used to know) shimmering in the breeze. His executive Sapphire was parked out on the lawn and his truck, a Toyota Hilux which needed a was, were parked on his front lawn next to the budgie cage.

 

The message came up on the IPAD, Comrade Swek was in trouble: "Sh$t! he yelled, spilt ma cawfee on ma ovralls Garddammit!"

 

Hoping no one would come along and see his stained JD overalls he quickly tapped out a message: "Doncha Wury pal, we remember the help you Austrians gave us in the Gulf War, and continued to tap out a course of action which was not going to be good for Turbo and.......

 

 

[Captain]

"Wow" said Swenky "Tubb sure knows lots of words. He must be well edumacated."

 

"I agree" replied Slatts 'We had better be careful as he may know more words than are in our letter to Eeeen, AND Tubb has almost put them in the right order on a couple of occasions."

 

"Let's also write to the NES and make sure that they don't renew the TaudryPlankton's membership. It'll be such fun."

 

"We are more interested in those overalls" chorused Nanna & Mavis, as they usually provide ease of access, & .............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Meanhwhile the previous treasurer was fuming.........Its so unfair he said to his best friend, himself, Why teh hell do they call it a treasurer theres no bloody treasure involved instead theres all this "count this.... count that...." and I never did get the hang of that in school.....In fact the closest we came to treasure were a few gold plated turds requiring a spirited game of hot potato in the board which was all good fun until the offending glitteratcy hit the fan when heckeldy speckeldy.......much like previous NES turd/fan outcomes.......

 

And the minor member price increase was achieved through a complex and most dilligent process based on a known starting point.......The previous treasurer (small p) paused to allow the suspense to build..........What was the known starting point yelled the tuba player.......

 

Well in the board meeting one of the reps said " My Member Eeeeeeen asked me to to ask how much do we have in the bank and can we buy CASA yet?" there was much mumbling and a bit of excitement at that but in the end they asked me and I said "F&*d if I know...and why look at me????" and it was at that point that we all knew we didnt know .... so that was the known starting point and the increase process was like an auction where we counted the mumbled "youve got to be F&*n kidding" comments mumbled at each suggested membership increase, increasing that amount each time and finally stopped when there was absolute stunned silence. At that point we knew that the increase wouldnt result in any member feedback at all, cause the members would be equally stunned.....except for the Tuba player...but thats a given.....and in any event when the increase is compared to NESland GDP you can all see its so small as to be completely irrelevant to GDP......and best of all I have a few boofheads who will divert any tuba driven attention.......

 

While the prev t was talking the P of JDOA, EIEIO, and old golden arches farm was mobilising........

 

 

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..........that JD logo is to die for"

 

"My JD usually kills a crop every second year" said Swek who was busy looking up a dictionary for just the right word.

 

"If its sympathy you want you whinging beggar, it's between Sh$t and S$phillis" said Mavis who was looking for a name update matching her 21st century botox and fly spray makeover.

 

The WackyWaggaRat blinked as a registered letter landed on the Reception Desk of the highly acclaimed Wagga Tea Rooms and Sheep Nut Supplies...........

 

 

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The Cougher is getting faster!

 

 

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.........his tractor troops, and Rat was obviously asleep at the Reception Counter, which was an event so frequent that kids who had drawn fish eyes on his head in texta in years gone by were now sticking on the wrinkled dome, fake tattoos of.......

 

 

[Captain]

.........his tractor troops, and Rat was obviously asleep at the Reception Counter, which was an event so frequent that kids who had drawn fish eyes on his head in texta in years gone by were now sticking on the wrinkled dome, fake tattoos of.......

..... the RAA Logo on his neck.

 

"That's not a FAKE tattoo" said El Ratsack "That one is fair-dinkum, and I use it to inspire my management style, as it reminds me that a CEO does not need to be beholding to a Board when he has mates at CASA."

 

"And look here Tubb" the Rodent added "I have an AUF logo near my heart, to remind me of the (good) old days when the CEO's prime role used to be to look after the interests of the members, (and not use some Coronial Inquiry to sell them down the river). Back then the members felt like they were part of the organisation. I also have a Lycoming tat on my arm, a Continental emblem on my shoulder, a (whole) Jab thru-bolt on my wrist, the Rec Flying CD/Flying Saucer tattoo'd behind my right ear and a Rotax logo hidden away, which has the "O" made out of my .........

 

 

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".........clavicle. Thank GOD it doesn't have an exhaust pipe or I would be permanently burnt from all the welding."

 

Rat had been curiously looking at Turbo. "Os that a Jab thru bolt through your nose?" he asked

 

"Yes, Your Honor, if you can't beat them, join them, eh" (Rat's friends always referred to him as Your Honor because if you didn't he'd wait until you were asleep and gnaw your friggin leg off.

 

"Just a minute, you're not from QUEENSLAND" roared the Rat

 

"Well, Your Honor........"

 

 

[Captain]

".........clavicle. Thank GOD it doesn't have an exhaust pipe or I would be permanently burnt from all the welding."Rat had been curiously looking at Turbo. "Os that a Jab thru bolt through your nose?" he asked

 

"Yes, Your Honor, if you can't beat them, join them, eh" (Rat's friends always referred to him as Your Honor because if you didn't he'd wait until you were asleep and gnaw your friggin leg off.

 

"Just a minute, you're not from QUEENSLAND" roared the Rat

 

"Well, Your Honor........"

...... I'm not a Queen's Slander, I'm a Republican from Mextoria just out of Melbournistan, so same diff, we are both 50 years behind what's going on at Gumley Gumley."

 

"I'm ashamed to say that I have seen his Rotax tattoo" said Nanna "And it looks like it shows a torn exhaust pipe."

 

"Well, Your Honor" replied Tubb, who had used El Ratpoo's Barrister qualifications to defend himself in that well known case brought by Evinruder, Johnson and Yamahaha, where they ........

 

 

[bull]

lost,,,10million,,,but-were-legaly-right,,,,,,,,,,Yea-but-you-cant-blame-casa-for-winning,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,someone-would-have-lost-their-job,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,said-Nobu-the-halfwit.....................

 

 

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......as-he-raised his eyes.

 

Shafter had noticed a statement attributed to The Rat "What are you talking about.....Queen's land!? You people are the reason the new government changed the name to PeoplesLand in keeping with Y generation pc dogma.

 

"Here we go again" said ............

 

 

[Captain]

......as-he-raised his eyes.Shafter had noticed a statement attributed to The Rat "What are you talking about.....Queen's land!? You people are the reason the new government changed the name to PeoplesLand in keeping with Y generation pc dogma.

 

"Here we go again" said ............

... Salty, that well known southern cross-dresser, who often spent time around at the Maison-de-Turbs, wearing possum skined ...........................

 

 

[ahlocks]

... under garments. "They're often maligned" protested Brine as he struck his best centrefold like pose to display his fancy fur Y fronts. "A bit like the Really Anal Administration really. If the fit isn't right you end up with loose...."

 

 

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cow poo all over your face and dripping off your chin....

 

 

[Captain]

cow poo all over your face and dripping off your chin....

...ese red, purple and green coloured Szara.

 

"But moo-poo is rather corrosive" said the Ahlot as he scratched his melon (thru his possum skinned G-string) & watched another rivet pop and another beer can patch fall off. "I hope it didn't splash up onto the exhaust of I'll be in deep ............

 

 

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......crack country like the pretend Major who had to land every 200 metres on the way to Fatfly.