The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

....that the great CFC would attend.

 

"I thought CFC's were banned" said Raunchy.......

 

 

[planedriver]

Anyway, i'm sure that there would be a lot huffing and puffing from the members, and many that simply did'nt know whether they were supposed to be coming, or going.

 

"I've got my own preferences" said Mavis, but the CEO (Complaints Executive Officer) said he was'nt sure whether he should suck or blow, so obviously nothings changed......

 

 

[turboplanner]

......and with that ran out of breath.

 

"Mavis is a name which comes out of the twenties of the last century" said Turbo, "and as you can clearly see she's out of breath even after just a mild criticism of the CEO. Shouldn'y you be leaving her alone to a well deserved retirement after being ravaged by the likes of BigPeter and the river gang?"

 

PlaneDrivell thought for a moment then said "Who is she?"

 

 

[Captain]

......and with that ran out of breath.

"Mavis is a name which comes out of the twenties of the last century" said Turbo, "and as you can clearly see she's out of breath even after just a mild criticism of the CEO. Shouldn'y you be leaving her alone to a well deserved retirement after being ravaged by the likes of BigPeter and the river gang?"

 

PlaneDrivell thought for a moment then said "Who is she?"

............. kidding?"

 

"Arrrrr did nart have sexual relations with that woman." to quote Bill Clit-on.

 

"And arrrrr did not inhale" said Barack for the Swans.

 

So Andysat coughed it out & up by startling everyone when he said "And arrrr did not ............

 

 

[Bryon]

It was at this point that Ahroxoff glanced across at Hewhofartslast and with a wistful faraway look in his eye uttered those immortal words...............

 

Curse you, you motheaten rodent, you have usurped me again

 

 

[turboplanner]

".....reealarse the situation had so deteriorated that ah could nart get a roll of crapper paper in ma genrl stor!" (spell check)*

 

*I only put this in because its what us latte people do these days.

 

 

[turboplanner]

Once again Brine was too slow ("I wish you were like that with me, Lightning, came a voice from the kitchen")

 

 

[Bryon]

Once again Brine was too slow ("I wish you were like that with me, Lightning, came a voice from the kitchen")

Now we know where Mavis goes to to get some R&R

 

Turbz has been keeping her hidden all these years

 

 

[turboplanner]

Once again Brine zigged when he should have zagged.

 

Turb mixed with the likes of Fleur, Skye, and Britney when he has a 21st Century short black ( and no Brine.......)

 

 

[Captain]

Now we know where Mavis goes to to get some R&R Turbz has been keeping her hidden all these years

The Dandy Nong had exposed The Turps drinker as a closet kitchen dweller and a ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

........but wait, NO Rat's been pipped too, he's slowing, his paw steps are faltering, he's getting fat and slow like TMO, who these days doesn't grow, and just writes Facebook puns, while he's doing ones, .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

......and the FadedRat was still snoring......or was he?

 

Had he started the Ford Prefect put the blanket and thermos in the boot and headed for the AGM itself?

 

At 45 mph

 

Did he have questions which would have board members reeling?

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Hmmm thought brine..."why would the bored members be scotish dancing"......He couldn't come up with a plausible answer.....other than anything was possible in the NES.....but the thought of ElRato poncing about in a kilt was enough to make him.......

 

 

[turboplanner]

Hmmm thought brine..."why would the bored members be scotish dancing"......He couldn't come up with a plausible answer.....other than anything was possible in the NES.....but the thought of ElRato poncing about in a kilt was enough to make him.......

..start to snigger.

 

The rat's waist had been expanding steadily due to too many breakfasts delivered to his own room instead of the guests' and many a sales rep had departed from the Wagga Wagga Rat's Inn hungry and keeping a wary eye out of Constable Doubtfire who, as careful NES readers will recall was quite capable of flinging a grown man from the footpath into the front wall of a divvy van with a resounding CLANG! Turbo himself didn't even overfly YWSG just in case she had a good reach as well.

 

But back to the gold toothed Rodent which was dancing a Reel on his skinny little legs, his waist bouncing up and down, his whiskers badly in need of a shave, when into the room strode....

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Giric Mac Rat a Scotish king of years gone by......"Thats no how you do it you useless rodent git!.....Get ya knees up, ya gut down and you kilt well under control...and whats that stubby little thing thats bobbing all around at a rate twice that of you feeble legs......."

 

Mavis up until the mention of the stubby little thing bobbing around was thoroughly bored......she'd heard of this AGM phenomena.....and like the english in the middle ages was looking forward to a public flogging or two......there hadnt been anything good on the box for some time and her need for a good english comedy was high.....this NES is a bit like ground hog day she grumbled....we need a new and interesting tangent and the AGM was looking like it might possibly deliver........ but not until......

 

 

[turboplanner]

Giric Mac Rat a Scotish king of years gone by......"Thats no how you do it you useless rodent git!.....Get ya knees up, ya gut down and you kilt well under control...and whats that stubby little thing thats bobbing all around at a rate twice that of you feeble legs......."

Mavis up until the mention of the stubby little thing bobbing around was thoroughly bored......she'd heard of this AGM phenomena.....and like the english in the middle ages was looking forward to a public flogging or two......there hadnt been anything good on the box for some time and her need for a good english comedy was high.....this NES is a bit like ground hog day she grumbled....we need a new and interesting tangent and the AGM was looking like it might possibly deliver........ but not until......

......MacRat got to Lock B Griffin and got into McTissue and McRumpstead and anyone else in the way of his sporran.

 

"Now how do you vote" asked McShag "even though he had already voted.....for Mitt Romney"

 

"How would I know" responded McCoughupandy agressively, and the two took to each other with cabers

 

"Stop that" yelled McLockart, but in his haste he'd stepped on the Haggis.

 

The room went deathly quiet, then.......

 

 

[Captain]

......MacRat got to Lock B Griffin and got into McTissue and McRumpstead and anyone else in the way of his sporran."Now how do you vote" asked McShag "even though he had already voted.....for Mitt Romney"

 

"How would I know" responded McCoughupandy agressively, and the two took to each other with cabers

 

"Stop that" yelled McLockart, but in his haste he'd stepped on the Haggis.

 

The room went deathly quiet, then.......

...... someone commented on the length of ElRatsack's kilt.

 

"Thut hem to tooo close to the floor" they said.

 

"I had to make the kult longer to cover up my manhood" The Rodent replied modestly.

 

"Oh ............. sorry son, said the Laird (who was a bit of a lad in his younger days) I thought that was your tail peeking ooot ....... But to answer Andysat's question, why are you scottish dancing?"

 

"Maaaaate, you have heard of beer goggles haven't you? Well this time Salty filled me full of his scotch and I ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...canna dance coorectly.

 

Ah pooot one fooot out and then I overbarlance!

 

"And that's what we're concerned about" said the night manager of the Inverness RSL "Yooour kilt flies up and the sight is tooo much for the ladies"

 

"What ladies?" snapped the Rat, and that's when...

 

 

[Captain]

...canna dance coorectly.Ah pooot one fooot out and then I overbarlance!

 

"And that's what we're concerned about" said the night manager of the Inverness RSL "Yooour kilt flies up and the sight is tooo much for the ladies"

 

"What ladies?" snapped the Rat, and that's when...

.... the Inverrrness CWA sheilas (some with pen-pals in goode olde Bange it Holme), lassies, cougars & tigers came into the auditorium following a chug-a-lug competition at the bar.

 

They were well known for their aggressive & predatory behaviour, which even put to shame the Coffs CWA incident and that legendary encounter with Andy Sat and his brown snake).

 

"Show us your tail" they demanded in unison, expecting to scare our brave Rodent (the hero of the NES), but he stood erect and ................

 

 

[Bryon]

.... the Inverrrness CWA sheilas (some with pen-pals in goode olde Bange it Holme), lassies, cougars & tigers came into the auditorium following a chug-a-lug competition at the bar.

They were well known for their aggressive & predatory behaviour, which even put to shame the Coffs CWA incident and that legendary encounter with Andy Sat and his brown snake).

 

"Show us your tail" they demanded in unison, expecting to scare our brave Rodent (the hero of the NES), but he stood erect and ................

"Erection!..you call rat erection. You must come to Cowla and see our erection. It even better than RAA. If we no rike candidate, we ship em off to New Guinea" shouted Nobu in a scottish accent (which noone understood, except for TMO who has been to NG)

 

It was at this point that the Inverrness CWA sheilas saw what Elratto (the fallen hero) was holding in his paws and said...............

 

 

[Captain]

"Erection!..you call rat erection. You must come to Cowla and see our erection. It even better than RAA. If we no rike candidate, we ship em off to New Guinea" shouted Nobu in a scottish accent (which noone understood, except for TMO who has been to NG)

It was at this point that the Inverrness CWA sheilas saw what Elratto (the fallen hero) was holding in his paws and said...............

........... "See this girls? This is why there are rats in every country."

 

"Wow" said Sheila the Inverness CWA sheila and Madam President "That would almost REACH to every country (and makes Andy Sat's brown snake look like a tapeworm)."

 

"Come oover here to Mavis McShane" said Mavis Mc "And tell me all about Salty, who I hear is a bit of a .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

..............crash lander.....

 

 

[Captain]

..............crash lander.....

.... which Brine thought was crass slander, because he had just spent a couple of days with Mavis Mac and he thought ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

....two days would be plenty, but Mavis, as Turbo had tactfully tried to point out, was 87 and not as ready to spark as her new Victa (which had an electric start)

 

"It's a braw bricht nicht, eh" came a voice from the shadows "What on earth are you saying?" asked Brine

 

"Och, I'm sooory, I did'ne introdoooce maself, ahm campbell mcbull from mcbone, and ah lived with ma mooother in Queensland until I was fooor"

 

 

[Captain]

....two days would be plenty, but Mavis, as Turbo had tactfully tried to point out, was 87 and not as ready to spark as her new Victa (which had an electric start)"It's a braw bricht nicht, eh" came a voice from the shadows "What on earth are you saying?" asked Brine

 

"Och, I'm sooory, I did'ne introdoooce maself, ahm campbell mcbull from mcbone, and ah lived with ma mooother in Queensland until I was fooor"

... tyseven, at which time I thought my state was named after that famous scottish actor............... actually being called Steve McQueen's-land, and I was his love-child, because my tyrojackacricket (or the tjac as we locals know it) was actually .....