Captain Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 ....add a handful of bindiis ... and then the fun really begins" said bull----...,,..,. "Because at that point the castrate-ee has the option to ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 which caused all the Western NSW and SA folk present to roll around on the floor laughing their ass off......One minced "Oh bindii bindiis such terrible little wussie prickles.....Throw in a few 3 cornered jacks (calthrope) and that'll have those twister mob levitating above the floor in no time" Mavis mumbled that those FNQ bunch might have crocks that'll eat you in seconds, snakes that'll kill you in seconds and stuff in the sea that'll make you wish you were dead in seconds......but on the prickle front they aint got jack!........Nana mentioned nor have they a foreskin either...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 which caused all the Western NSW and SA folk present to roll around on the floor laughing their ass off......One minced "Oh bindii bindiis such terrible little wussie prickles.....Throw in a few 3 cornered jacks (calthrope) and that'll have those twister mob levitating above the floor in no time" Mavis mumbled that those FNQ bunch might have crocks that'll eat you in seconds, snakes that'll kill you in seconds and stuff in the sea that'll make you wish you were dead in seconds......but on the prickle front they aint got jack!........Nana mentioned nor have they a foreskin either...... "Ah, what a wonderful place" said bull with a whistful look in his peepers "'QueensIsland ....... stuff that kills you everywhere, one day, and foreskinless the next', but we have CatHeads here, however up here we call them ....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Pussystrokers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Turbo stopped if at the Goondoowindi truck stop and a cattle truck driver told hom this true story. "I was out west of Roma a few weeks ago, middle of the night, and the electrics went out, lost all my lights. Tried for an hour to fix them but it was no good so I got my cattle dog "Maggot" to get up on the bonnet and hold a dolphin torch in his mouth and we made it on to town that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 To those of you that are relatively new to the NES, you may find it cute, but perhaps a little distressing, that our TP believes and reports on all these weird stories as he wanders the country, alone and on the loose from the Holme in ye olde Bange-Holme. Thrice your Ratty correspondant has had to attend a hearing in Bange Holme over recent years to stop Tubb from being sectioned, and now, despite my numerous assurances, it looks like he has got out again (even after the Locky fitted those new ones that even he couldn't open), but at least it looks like Tubby is on his way south again, so all yez watch out in Narrabri, Dubbo, Wagga & Albury (and get more mints if you own a motel). "That'll be a beauty" said Nanna "As I like the ones that can't remember my name at the end of the night ... here Turbo, here Turbo, .... and ....................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 .........the rat's worst fears were slowly being realised for Turbo was getting closer and closer, with more and more evidence, tonight's coming from an antique flight in a Hub owned by W.T. which W.T. Doesn't know about yet.........more stories of Rat's past to come from the Kamileroi.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 .........the rat's worst fears were slowly being realised for Turbo was getting closer and closer, with more and more evidence, tonight's coming from an antique flight in a Hub owned by W.T. which W.T. Doesn't know about yet.........more stories of Rat's past to come from the Kamileroi.... ....... but little did Turbo realise that the Ratatoile had spent a fair bit of time at the Gunnedah Golf Club saturday night socials in his younger days. "But leave the Kamilaroi people out of this" said the head of the Northern Land Council "As they are and were a proud clan that did it pretty tough in the 1800's (when Turbo was a lad)." Then, just as the TurpsDrinker was about to dump on the Kamilaroi (people and highway), he received a text from Peter Slippery that said "I have resigned and ................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 ............wish you all the best, love and kisses. Turbo sent a quick text back saying "It wasn't me you were all over that night dummy, it was Loxy - he's the one with the dancing legs". It's at Gunnedah that Turbo pays his respects to Red Kangaroo, one of Australia's greatest leaders, who actually got things done, saved his tribe, and made life safe for al the surrounding tribes. He's been recognised today by being buried under a footpath marked by a length of 2" galvanised pipe. Turbo wished to speak to one of his descendents who had a story to tell about one of the Rat's ancestors who travelled through Gunnedah from Cookie's Town (as it was called in those days) to Wagga Wagga which as we know was named after the Waggas which infested........ After dining on what was alleged to be Barramundi at the Gunnedah RSL, Turbo has decided to return to road kill for the rest of the journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 ............wish you all the best, love and kisses.Turbo sent a quick text back saying "It wasn't me you were all over that night dummy, it was Loxy - he's the one with the dancing legs". It's at Gunnedah that Turbo pays his respects to Red Kangaroo, one of Australia's greatest leaders, who actually got things done, saved his tribe, and made life safe for al the surrounding tribes. He's been recognised today by being buried under a footpath marked by a length of 2" galvanised pipe. Turbo wished to speak to one of his descendents who had a story to tell about one of the Rat's ancestors who travelled through Gunnedah from Cookie's Town (as it was called in those days) to Wagga Wagga which as we know was named after the Waggas which infested........ After dining on what was alleged to be Barramundi at the Gunnedah RSL, Turbo has decided to return to road kill for the rest of the journey. .... the banks banks of the Murrumbidgee Murrumbidgee, but on further examination it was found that many of those around wagga wagga who who established the way way that words were were repeated repeated were just just suffering from Echolalia. While on receipt of Slipper's email, Tubb sent a response "Now that you have some free time, Pete, are you interested in taking up a posi as CEO of a certain flying organisation." "What?" replied Pete "That bunch of female anatomies? I wouldn't ..................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 ............ ...share a filibuster with them, and as for that shoulder ridden...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 ............ ...share a filibuster with them, and as for that shoulder ridden...... ..... position, I can recommend it if you are getting a bit bored with your usual ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 .....contortions and strange noises, which Turbo experienced at an unusual B&B in Narrandera last night. It was the pub with no beer, a modern trend where old 19th century pubs are transformed into motels and the bars are closed. This makes an interesting change to the Victorian scene where the pubs are just burnt down if the beer sales drop. The difference was the ghosts. Late in the night the corridor floor started to squeak from their marching feet, and doors began to creak, with the occasional scream. The image of a very comely woman floated through Turbo's door and sat on the end of his bed. Turbo was not afraid, but it was cold, and he was shivering. "I'm told you are investigating Captain XXXXXX's ancestors" she said "Well can I tell you a thing or two, and with that...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 .....contortions and strange noises, which Turbo experienced at an unusual B&B in Narrandera last night.It was the pub with no beer, a modern trend where old 19th century pubs are transformed into motels and the bars are closed. This makes an interesting change to the Victorian scene where the pubs are just burnt down if the beer sales drop. The difference was the ghosts. Late in the night the corridor floor started to squeak from their marching feet, and doors began to creak, with the occasional scream. The image of a very comely woman floated through Turbo's door and sat on the end of his bed. Turbo was not afraid, but it was cold, and he was shivering. "I'm told you are investigating Captain XXXXXX's ancestors" she said "Well can I tell you a thing or two, and with that...... ...... Nanna moved closer to TurboLag, who nearly soiled himself with anticipation (and fright). "I couldn't allow myself to follow thru" said Turbo later to a reporter from the Narrandera Gazette "As these ghost joints have a condition in the sign-in agreement that there will be an extra charge if you poop the bed when a ghost fronts up (a bit like smoking in a no-smoking room except with more to deoderize [& scrape up]). "Thank you for describing me as "comely" " said Nanna into TurboImpeller's shell-like "As you aint seen nothing yet ............... but first let me tell you a couple of stories about the Skipper's exploits. First, and most importantly, he is not gay (not that there is anything wrong with that) but he does display a very joyous mood, and he has a huge ........... My Aunt is out in the garden, with her laptop, and gave me a call on Sky(aviation reference)pe this morning to ask "Where are all the other bastards (and bastardettes) who contribute to the NES?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Ego...... He can turn a 2minute bye bye speech to the parliament into a 20minute tirade about not very much at all (and couldn't stop singing in his mind "ego...is not a dirty word" and if anyone would know dirty words mr slippit would)...in fact it's therefore quite logical that he should appear in the NES to take the stand next to turbs who is galvanting in a seemingly random way all over qld looking for something about ratpoos's ancestors who apparently never lived in qld. Still the major major was quite happy with that turn of events as it took the focus away from........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Ego...... He can turn a 2minute bye bye speech to the parliament into a 20minute tirade about not very much at all (and couldn't stop singing in his mind "ego...is not a dirty word" and if anyone would know dirty words mr slippit would)...in fact it's therefore quite logical that he should appear in the NES to take the stand next to turbs who is galvanting in a seemingly random way all over qld looking for something about ratpoos's ancestors who apparently never lived in qld. Still the major major was quite happy with that turn of events as it took the focus away from........ .... the littany of "mistakes" that are the hallmark of the Mini Minor's time in office. "I bet that my office can make more mistakes than yours" emailed PS to the MM. "You don't stand a chance" replied the MM using HTML "As all you do is text a bit of colourful language and get your alleged travel rorts investigated, while my mob can destroy a couple of aircraft importers and a few flying schools or two with the retrospective stroke of a pen, not to mention a ......... And with AndySatOnIt's post the NES went tangential, as he took the use of the word Skipper (Captain) as Slipper (Slippery), so the NES turned an abrupt 154 degrees (aviation term) in tried and true NES fashion. "But what about the skiddies on the sheet after I was attacked by the ghost?" yelled Turpsy from the breakfast bar at Jerrilderie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Bloody Ipad....fantastic display quality, great resolution, all I need now is a bloody bionic eye to see it all ....the shame to have mistook skipper for slipper.... still here we are and we love a good litany..... usually a precursor to a mutiny, a bonfirey and.....in this case a visit to the laundry to try and remove said skiddy (real) from the sheet after the ghost which was more likely a function of the amount drunk at the no alcohol bar...which turps took to mean BYO spirits.......phew!!! that was close we once again did a quick 154 and ended up almost going where we wanted........All this talk of spirits is making me....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Spiritua" said tp fro The bouncy newll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 Spiritua" said tp froThe bouncy newll After Turbo's time in f'n Q and s'n Q it is clear from his post # 6796 that he has adopted the QueensIsland practices of spelling and punctuation, as most noticeably proferred to the NES by bull,,,---from,,...-bone. And now, at this very time, Turpsy is heading south to the sanctuary of the Murray and across the border into Mextoria. "Andele, andele, epa, epa, Yeehaw" he yelled out of the window as he passed through Finley on his way to the safety of the bridge over the river at Tocumwal, after which he will fall back into his usual role as Speedy GonzTubbo. But just as he approached Toc he spotted a Pawnee that was ................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 ....headed for Queensland. "How?" asked yhe feathered one. "just go straight north and...,,," Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 ....headed for Queensland."How?" asked yhe feathered one. "just go straight north and...,,," ...... at the same time go back 50 years", said Pocahontas the Pawnee pilot with the pretty pink Papoose, while breast-feeding & towing an ASG29E up to 6000 ft (as it wasn't a very prospective day and the pilot of the Schleicher was a bit of a woose, even though he had the sustainer). That Papoose was getting a pretty good introduction to aviation and may end up like Tomo the Homosapian ....... plus Pocohontas had a great set of breast-feeding equipment. "Poca-what?" asked bull with a suggestive look that shows that he meant to be suggestive. And in jumped the SeaDog, saying "I'd give my right arm to Poca ........................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 ...ute accelerator to the Jerilderie Roundup and B&S (with the emphasis on Roundup. In this cattle area, a roundup might be considered by sum to be the herding of cattle by cowboys, but what really happens is the girls all stand in a group, and the guys circle in utes, and then dive in and grab one. Turbo, who was strong enough to hold a bull out to pee, always grabbed the best one because he used one arm and could reach further and steer at the same time, but...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryon Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 ...ute accelerator to the Jerilderie Roundup and B&S (with the emphasis on Roundup.In this cattle area, a roundup might be considered by sum to be the herding of cattle by cowboys, but what really happens is the girls all stand in a group, and the guys circle in utes, and then dive in and grab one. Turbo, who was strong enough to hold a bull out to pee, always grabbed the best one because he used one arm and could reach further and steer at the same time, but...... ...on this occasion he misjudged the curved surface area of the aforementioned breast feeding equipment on some of the locals (classified as essential life saving equipment when swimming...inbuilt floaties) and watched in dismay as his...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boingk Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 ...outstretched hand proceeded to entangle in their various garments! In an effort to fling them from his outstretched arm and regain control of the ute (perhaps even kindly returning the 'lost' garments to their owners ;D) he inadvertently flung them onto the windscreen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 ...outstretched hand proceeded to entangle in their various garments! In an effort to fling them from his outstretched arm and regain control of the ute (perhaps even kindly returning the 'lost' garments to their owners ;D) he inadvertently flung them onto the windscreen... ......whereupon they parted, exposing the mechanicals, and a Kenworth 908 driver pulling a 4 trailer roadtrain coughed, spluttered, and aimed for the cleavage in the............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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