The Never Ending Story

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Think about getting ready to possibly consider commiting aviation or at the very least to talk about it a lot.

 

But alas a family reunion had caused andynotatcoffs to head off to Newcastle. Upon arriving in Newcastle he determined that it was in need of a good complaint to the body that controls false advertising? There Wasn't a new castle in sight! However there were heaps of castles that were clearly at or beyond their useful life and as such it would be more accurate if named shittyoldcastle or perhaps more deserving of bangholme were the bigger the bang the better, or perhaps waggawagga which was local aboriginal for humpy in need of bushfire.

 

Being a country lad (well at the moment anyway) the city style driving agrivation had gotten to him and he was again reminded why flying was great.....you didn't generally see another aircraft until you got to the destination and perhaps then only if unlucky.

 

But all said and done he was back home and ready to........

 

 

[Captain]

AndyscoffsUp' date=' post: 248155, member: 94[/email']]But all said and done he was back home and ready to........

..... fall into a fitfull sleep, dreaming of the lovely buxom lass, whose name is Cassy, on the right in the pic in post # 6847.

 

"I wish I was a casawary" he would mumble between coughs "As I harbour a desire to tighten her flywheel bolts and ..........

 

 

[Bryon]

..... fall into a fitfull sleep, dreaming of the lovely buxom lass, whose name is Cassy, on the right in the picy in post # 6847.

"I wish I was a casawary" he would mumble between coughs "As I harbour a desire to tighten her flywheel bolts and ..........

......see if she can snap the nuts off my throughbolt"

 

"I must torque to you about that" said Stiffy rather loosley "as I need to........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

check and see if your cold weather starting is as good as it should be...Ideally if a reluctant starter a can of "StartYaBastard" should be lit with a cigarette lighter and used as a flame thrower to warm the cockles of the little jabiruski motor....but what ever you do, dont put it up the inlet cause that can cause all sorts of painful things to occur with your friction co-efficient, however raw flame is good for turning the reluctant starter into somethng thats as hot as Katoot is for Rhonda. It'll then go like an energiser bunny....and almost for as long...which for a jabiru is.........

 

 

[Captain]

check and see if your cold weather starting is as good as it should be...Ideally if a reluctant starter a can of "StartYaBastard" should be lit with a cigarette lighter and used as a flame thrower to warm the cockles of the little jabiruski motor....but what ever you do, dont put it up the inlet cause that can cause all sorts of painful things to occur with your friction co-efficient, however raw flame is good for turning the reluctant starter into somethng thats as hot as Katoot is for Rhonda. It'll then go like an energiser bunny....and almost for as long...which for a jabiru is.........

...... missionary.

 

"What does that mean" asked Turdy.

 

"It means "normal" or "the usual"" replied Nanna, "Although in your case, Turbo my darling, it also means .......................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"..that since you so successfully passed me off to Furball, by influencing him through a post, you're going to miss out sucker"

 

"It's all right Nana, I'm not into archeology" replied Turbo gracefully, and...

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

......." I couldnt tell you anything about your etchings withouit seeing them up close and personal like" he said with a look that most closely resembled a teenage boy faced with his first National Geographic article about the non bra wearing natives of efrica.

 

Nana, who had been there and done that....in fact more than once (as told to me by Locksy) .....was initially put off by the smell of over-ripe testosterone....but on reflection she decided that if it was good enough for El Prtesidente of FFNQ CWA then there wasn't much benefit in setting her standards any higher than those bloody queen slanderers and there randy Cassy's who Ratpoo had warned her to be wary of "be Cassy wary" he had said, they are know to have a vicious kick to the family jewels....although in Ratpoos case perhaps there not worth that much anymore...in fact Ive seen litterally dozens of them at cashconverters in among the hydroponic tomato lights...

 

And as for that Bryon.....I cant for the life of Bryon...think what happened to his.........

 

 

[turboplanner]

...deck chair. He was about to vote in the City of Greater Dandenong Council election, an area with over 156 Nationalities represented. Brine and Turbo were the only ones who spoke English, but the ability to vote was such a novelty for the general population that Turbo had already been camped in the queue for several days to avoid wasting time on election day. Brine had not been so keen and was now about to pay the penalty by finding himself at the head of a group of Indians whose technique was to kindly offer curried beef refreshments. Turbo was an old stager who knew that shortly thereafter the recipient would be racing for the nearest toilets and the polite Indians would move up one in the queue, offering their wares to the next in line.

 

This ruse worked until they came to the Major, the real one, who had been on exercises at the nearby shopping centre and............

 

 

[Captain]

...deck chair. He was about to vote in the City of Greater Dandenong Council election, an area with over 156 Nationalities represented. Brine and Turbo were the only ones who spoke English, but the ability to vote was such a novelty for the general population that Turbo had already been camped in the queue for several days to avoid wasting time on election day. Brine had not been so keen and was now about to pay the penalty by finding himself at the head of a group of Indians whose technique was to kindly offer curried beef refreshments. Turbo was an old stager who knew that shortly thereafter the recipient would be racing for the nearest toilets and the polite Indians would move up one in the queue, offering their wares to the next in line.

This ruse worked until they came to the Major, the real one, who had been on exercises at the nearby shopping centre and............

.... had almost collected his last trolley.

 

"Why haven't you picked them all up, and why did you take those Ibis brand trolleys out of service" asked his Supervisor.

 

"It was a mistake" replied the Mini Minor.

 

"Oh, that's OK then" replied his Supervisor " So here is an upward salary review, a Jeroboam of Scotch to share with Salty ..... and take an extra couple of weeks of leave as a reward."

 

Now ... dear reader ... to ensure that the NES is politically sensitive (as usual) and to ensure that we don't head off in the wrong direction (as usual) Ratto asks Turdy to confirm whether the Indians to which he refers in his above post are either of the "dot" or "feather" variety?

 

 

[turboplanner]

"That's outRAGEOUS! roared Don Quixote, his mail clanking, his gauntlets gainting, and his mocassins gleaming in the sun.

 

"Why don't you............................"

 

Turdy says "very good morning to yoooo toooo Colonel Captain, and they are being the dot type, not having arrows, bows they have not and shoes they are wearing"

 

In fact every election he showed up with a pot of paint and became the "Dot Man" for the Indian girls, pretending he was short sighted and needed to get very close to their forehead to see, while gyrating to his ghetto blaster which was playing doof doof music. Unfortunately the detectives usually arrived within 20 minutes or so.

 

 

[Captain]

"That's outRAGEOUS! roared Don Quixote, his mail clanking, his gauntlets gainting, and his mocassins gleaming in the sun."Why don't you............................"

....... reject the wage rise, stop getting paralympic on scots before each meeting, and work like a Dark Dog for the good of the members" suggested Don Creosote.

 

"Those are novel suggestions, Don" replied the Mini Minor "I'll have a think about it."

 

"You've got me wrong again" replied Don CreoleSoak "As I was not suggesting that to you as the basis for writing a book, but come to think about it, I WOULD like for the books to be in better order after my namesake pulled the pin."

 

"Oh, crikey" interjected Ramit Upya, who had pursued Turbo after he put a dot next to the wrong part of Ramit's missus's anatomy, as Turbo has a penchant for doing.

 

"Sit on it, Mr Upya" yelled AndySatOnIt, who was always suspiciously protective of Turdy, and who Ramit therefore thought must be a member of the Coffs Harbourer CPA, after he witnessed that infamous incident involving Andy @ the Coffs Mardi Gras & Curry Festival (or the CHG&LMG&CF as it is known in the happy community), where Ramit acted as an honourary .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

...Punka Wallah, until he spied Spinit, who was a slum dog, but not the milionaire one, and a member of the lowest caste......an outcaste. He called Spinit, but Spinit gave him a smart answer, so he pulled out the 8 gauge and threw in a salt petre cartridge.

 

The 8 gauge was an elephant gun and the salt petre would................

 

 

[Captain]

...Punka Wallah, until he spied Spinit, who was a slum dog, but not the milionaire one, and a member of the lowest caste......an outcaste. He called Spinit, but Spinit gave him a smart answer, so he pulled out the 8 gauge and threw in a salt petre cartridge.The 8 gauge was an elephant gun and the salt petre would................

...... sting, like the curry did when Ramit infused it into the coconut oil and rubbed it on AndySat's ......................

 

"Oy" yelled Brine from out in the jardin "Who said that Salty Peter could usurp my nom-de-plume et mon nom-de-guerre et mon nom-de-plums?"

 

 

[turboplanner]

....nose, right after..............

 

 

[Captain]

....nose, right after..............

.... rubbing it on his plums."

 

But Andy is a tough little FurballCougher, and he merely wiped away the tears, jumped in his 230 (aviation reference .... at last), crossed himself (Axe flyer's reference), preheated the battery, used his AS monogrammed Everlady hair-dryer to warm inside the cowl (Jabiru flyer's winter reference), re-resined the airboxes where they cook against the heads, fixed the drips from the condensate drains, rotated his tyres, checked his rudder hinges, cocked on a little left rudder, spoke softly (CHG&LMG&CF reference) and reassuringly to Ramit in the intercom (don't worry, it's a J230 so nothing can possibly go wrong - reference) and taxied out to ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....yet again another pull of the trigger................

 

 

[Bryon]

.....yet again another pull of the trigger................

...which was in facta hair trigger, not too long, slightly curved, not short and curley like most of them

 

Turbz was used to the short and curley ones and in fit of pique muttered

 

"why wont this work like the others. Everytime I get my finger wrapped around a short and curley one, something always goes bang"

 

It was just about then that Turbz got hit in the back of the head with a well used toe sandal thrown by Elratpoo disguised as a Red Dot indian

 

"Oh so sorry Sahib Turbz" said Maharajaratpoo in a thick indian accent, "I thought you were..................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"..........Epaulette."

 

"Well for a start you should have aimed a foot lower if you intended to hit his head" said Turbo, "and not only that but......."

 

 

[Captain]

"..........Epaulette.""Well for a start you should have aimed a foot lower if you intended to hit his head" said Turbo, "and not only that but......."

....... you would have gone straight between them."

 

"No wuckers" said E Paul "As my right one works on the books while my left one teaches Stewed-Ants, but as Sahib Turds well knows, this can lead to confusion when .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

".......Stewed-Ants don't study their books and then I have to argue with myself and sort myself out, and then cook meals for myself, and then try to fly on the centrelines - that's what you all do isn't it."

 

"What does everyone think of the Tyrojackacricket, how do you maintain it, and could you do cross countries in it" butted in SamtheMan, one of several recent troll arrivals, and the first reply was.......

 

 

[Captain]

".......Stewed-Ants don't study their books and then I have to argue with myself and sort myself out, and then cook meals for myself, and then try to fly on the centrelines - that's what you all do isn't it."

"What does everyone think of the Tyrojackacricket, how do you maintain it, and could you do cross countries in it" butted in SamtheMan, one of several recent troll arrivals, and the first reply was.......

...... "I'm planning to fly a Tyrojackacricket across both poles, a bit like JJ and DS have done, but I'll do it without refuelling" interjected Steve Fawcett "But there is just one minor problem with my plan, well its more like a bit of a temporary hitch, really, and that is ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

....I can fly over the negative pole, but do I get a charge if I fly over the positive pole?...........

 

 

[Captain]

....I can fly over the negative pole, but do I get a charge if I fly over the positive pole?...........

And with that, Turbo disclosed his fear that the charge may be similar to that indiscretion (Ahlox reference) that hit the Courts back in '65, when Turbo, and his Bishop, both denied that he was ever involved (not that there is anything wrong with that [that 25 years in solitary won't cure]).

 

"Stay positive, turn your collar around, & you'll never be pinged for being a recidivist (Axe flyer's reference)" was the advice that was given by ........................

 

 

[turboplanner]

....Julia during a secret visit to BASE NES, where she wore a flack jacket, US helmet a gun holster, and her stilletos, and gave a short speech on...........

 

 

[Captain]

....Julia during a secret visit to BASE NES, where she wore a flack jacket, US helmet a gun holster, and her stilletos, and gave a short speech on...........

.... the evils of misogyny to the assembled throng of 256 NES contributors who are all ex Seals (well most do have a mild fetish for aquatic mamals).

 

"There's no misogyny here, Miss" yelled Ratatouille from the back stalls "And you can take your flack jacket off too, as you aren't in any danger of anything, and I mean anything, happening to you here. ............ But on 2nd thoughts put it back on, and here is a paper bag too."

 

"I am a bit partial to rangas" whispered bull "As they remind me of some of the brahman cross heifers that we sometimes get up here ...........,,,##.......... and by the way Tubby, I hear that your appeal, and that of your Bishop too, have been elevated all the way up to the VatnCan and have been heard in Roma."

 

"Yes bull" replied the Planner "As the Vat & Can is just up the road from St Paul's in Longreach Road in Roma and the publican is a mate of mine who found us innocent."

 

"Innocent of what?" asked Julia.

 

The Tuber thought for a moment and replied "Innocent of ....................