The Never Ending Story

[ahlocks]

....... tit-elated. (however I may have spelt that incorrectly).

tit-elated? Are you suggesting that the riverland girl :heart: has had a boob job?! :ah_oh::confused::broken_heart: or is she just pointing (too subtle??) in the direction that the NES should take? :raise_eyebrow:

 

And HiHo,

 

Paris Hilton :yuk:. Style! :confused::yuk:. Must be comming!:ah_oh::yuk: ... and the same sentence!:ah_oh::confused:

 

Eeww! :yuk::yuk::yuk: ...not going there.

 

----------------------

 

The variable pitch of Ahlovak is lifeless

 

 

[turboplanner]

Tubplanter at this staqge was giving nothing away....

 

Jabba flung the Starlet into a sideslip and in the light of the flying red gum landed out in the centre of the race track, quickly followed by Ho Ho and Musical Merv who’d risen to the Horlocks bait and decided to pick up HitcharidePete enroute but drew the line at allowing him into a Jabiru.

 

So Horlocks responded by phoning Startifarti who had recently been very arty and was now looking for a party. They landed in quick succession to the bemusement of the B&S community which was usually members only if you don’t count Bigwiggle.

 

 

In fact on this occasion the story was going around that Bigwiggle had overflown Australia because there were no features and finished up in Africa where he was captured by savages. “We’re gonna cook you and eat you and make a canoe outa your skin” smirked the Chief.

 

 

Some time later as the pot was coming to the boil and BigWiggle was looking as if he’d prefer t be flying over Mt Baw Baw the Chief noticed that he was stabbing himself with a fork. “What you doing!?” asked the Chief. “So much for your frigging canoe” replied BigWiggle.

 

 

The night wore on with twenty dinner suited waiters doing the rounds and the crowd rapidly getting into stubby gait, until someone yelled “Time for the rodeo!”

 

 

The City guys looked around for the horses, but six ladies in evening dress stepped forward and flung off the dresses to reveal denim shirts, moleskins and RM boots.

 

 

They were all given names.

 

 

Riverland lass stepped forward and she was given the name Twin Peaks for two obvious reasons.

 

 

The betting then started in earnest and finally the Clerk of Course laid down the rules.

 

 

“Right guys, you have to stay on for ten seconds and you can only hold on to the bra strap; girls get down on your hands and knees!”

 

 

The Flyers stepped closer and PervertPete was positively salivating, but this was just clean country fun.

 

 

First girl up was Boots, who twisted onto her back faster than the human eye, drew her knees up to her chest and sank her RM’s right into the poor rider’s nuts. “He won’t be hay carting tomorrow sniggered one of the spectators and the fliers shrank back in alarm, and made for the barbeque area.

 

 

“What do you make of this?” whispered MusicalMerv whose eyes were still watering…

 

 

[ahlocks]

“What do you make of this?” whispered MusicalMerv whose eyes were still watering…

 

But there was no answer! :ah_oh::ah_oh: For melodicMerv had changed frequency to activate the PAT (pilot activated tears). (C'mon Merv, come out and play...you know you want to..:devil:)

 

With that, the pirate with a penchant for prose (actually, he's a bit confused 'cuz it's actually pilates than he fancies, but he's dislex.. umm, lexdisti...cant spell for nutz, so just says Arrhh a lot to divert attention) spun about about his wooden leg...

 

------------------

 

The lexicon of LeKap is limitless

 

 

[Captain]

With that, the pirate with a penchant for prose (actually, he's a bit confused 'cuz it's actually pilates than he fancies, but he's dislex.. umm, lexdisti...cant spell for nutz, so just says Arrhh a lot to divert attention) spun about about his wooden leg...

------------------

 

The lexicon of LeKap is limitless

As P'PPPPPPPete so often says, a "Pirate with a Penchant 4 Prose Prevents or Prohibits P*ss Poor Performance when he Passes Poor Performing imPorted Planes like a Projectile @ Partial throttle on the Port side while it's Pilot has his Roger/Roget Protrusion in his hand to Prevent Premature "Oh ... sorry about that"".

 

"My Dishwasher is made in Germany" said das Hauptmann, "We chose not to buy either the Czech Lexdisht or the Dishlex"

 

"But I do have a Lexus, however it is not limitless as the 470 uses a fair bit of juice."

 

For Le Crapp spent most of his Engineering Course in a Pool Hall beside Granville Station and only got involved with B&S Balls when he learnt what happens there (then wrote off 2 cars going to or from B&S Balls every weekend for a couple of years to sample those Country Delights), but obviously the Tubb also spent a fair bit of time enjoying what the Spinster's dished out.

 

"Geeez" said Le Crap "I hope that one of them wasn't Tubb's sister. Do any of his nieces or nephews walk with a distinct "klomp"?"

 

"No" said ............

 

The Thesaurus of the Ahlocks is getting a workout

 

 

[turboplanner]

Tub planter, to le Crap, who had become deeply involved in deep meanings about deep things, ignoring the general alert to MusicMerv to get involved before the story starts in on Roadranger tuggers, "but your luck is about to change."

 

It was now about 2 am and the party started to slow down as they all got into some serious drinking and made themselves comfortable. About 20 guys and gals ha climbed up on to the corrugated iron roof of the Tote…which was supported by four dead Gidgee tree trunks. There was a loud crack, one side gave way and they all slid down on to the lawn, which being at Pooncarrie was full of bindiis. The result entertained everyone of half an hour or so.

 

 

Just then from out on the flat came the roar of an engine, and in the eerie glow of the fire from the red gum, and the Jacksons hay shed, where it had landed, rose an enormous cloud of dust and an eerie sound “DOOF doof, doof DOOF, doof doof” it went

 

 

“That’s the Utes working” said Big bananas as she sidled up to ApprehensivePete who’d stepped too close to the bull ring where the girls were drinking stubbies and talking. “I like you” she said and ApprehensivePete made a desperate grab for Slarti's hand, but he was too late – she had him in her vicelike grip.

 

 

The road continued, the dust rose in a circle and in he middle of it they could see couples walking hand in had, four guys drinking stubbies and three girls doing handstands.

 

 

Round and round it went and the dust went higher.

 

 

Suddenly Horlocks, who everyone thought had been left behind, but had stowed away in the long fuselage of the Jabiru 230, and who for years would be telling people about the way the rudder hinges squeaked, the ailerons banged, the fuel tank sloshed and every time the elevator cable came back it would pick up the trim control, listened more carefully to the doof doof music and recognised Dire Straits. “It couldn’t be” he thought, but unfortunately it was, and spinning out of he mist came the Green Sheeta of BigWiggle, who was busy trying to get a compass reading.

 

 

The B&S group didn’t see the funny side of this at all and advanced on BigWiggle who quickly ran to the rest of the guys who hid behind Big Bananas.

 

 

She in turn was holding on grimly to WincingPete by the ….

 

 

 

[Captain]

..... while it's Pilot has his Roger/Roget Protrusion in his hand to Prevent Premature "Oh ... sorry about that"".

Hey Steve.

 

Given this newfangled computer age and the fun we are having with the NES, is "premature e-joke-ulation" defined as "lodging a humorous anecdote on the internet before you have permission from Admin" or is it just "laughing at your own joke before you press "Submit Reply""?

 

Regarde mon Czech ami

 

Le Crapp

 

The fire alarm of Le Crap has been silent for a while (thank goodness)

 

 

[ahlocks]

Aww, bugga Geoff! you were too quick. A bit of both I think!

 

And now back to the drivel at hand...

 

....She in turn was holding on grimly to WincingPete by the ….

...light of the red gum fire.:big_grin:

 

Big 'nanas slowly drew in on her prey , the now PetrifiedPete:ah_oh::confused:.

 

"None of that 'oh....sorry about that' nonsense from you my prolongedPassionPete:star:. She cooed :heart::heart:. And with a hauntingly familiar whizz, twirl, klump, Big 'nanas spun around and....

 

-------------

 

on the butt of one joke, HiHo could land

 

 

[Captain]

on the butt of one joke, HiHo could land

But it is PinPointPete who can land on a zac or a tray-bit (see post #long-time-ago).

 

HiHo is going to have to improve on that or he will be in strife.

 

 

[ahlocks]

And during this brief interlude,

 

Ahlovak got to wondering if el Kapatain's tupperware thruster was being left out in the blue shed at YSWG(x 2)? For if it is, it could probably share some space with the czech 'sex on wings machine' and at least be undercover.

 

Who knows? they might breed (the planes that is) and we could auction the litter!

 

Hmmm, tupperminium biplanes...

 

 

[turboplanner]

"And with a hauntingly familiar whizz, twirl, klump, Big 'nanas spun around and said...."

 

POOH! as the wind changed, and Boofer wished he had dragged the guts from the bullocks he’d butchered for the Barbeque a little further down the paddock, but the land Cruiser had run out of fuel, and what could you do.

 

However, the wind soon changed and brought with it the rumbling of a big V8; it was Tubboplaner who’d just arrived. He went straight to the drag race strip which he’d graded in the afternoon.

 

The drag race involved a B&S Ute towing a piece of corrugated iron attached by a length of No8 farmers friend. The corrugated iron was controlled by one of the girls, so just having a powerful engine wasn’t enough, you had to have a good grip who didn’t mind being covered in dust from the wheelspin, and getting ten thousand grass seeds down her dress, which the driver was required to pick out after the race.

 

It was originally the full 440 yards, but the tin became very hot towards the end of the strip, and Tubbo’s girlfriend, Annie Grime almost burnt her a*** off once getting to the line, so they shortened the ace to a hundred metres.

 

Her father kept asking for weeks what really happened – he just didn’t believe she was sitting on a sheet of corrugated iron.

 

The fliers were dumbstruck as the utes lined up in the staging area, a thousand aerials swaying in the rich breeze of bullock guts.

 

However there was a formality before the drag race, the Miss B&S competition was always held first because about now the beautiful gowns were about on their last legs, many having been discarded already, and not just to expose moleskins.

 

Big Bananas have WincingPete a big squeeze, and he reached out for Le Crap, but he in turn had been spotted by banana’s cousin, who was even bigger, and was fighting a losing battle.

 

Jabba had been sitting on the ground open mouthed “This isn’t QUEENSLAND! he said, and no one disagreed.

 

MusicMerv, MusicMerv! The fliers cried…

 

 

[Captain]

And during this brief interlude,Ahlovak got to wondering if el Kapatain's tupperware thruster was being left out in the blue shed at YSWG(x 2)? For if it is, it could probably share some space with the czech 'sex on wings machine' and at least be undercover.

 

Who knows? they might bred (the planes that is) and we could auction the litter!

 

Hmmm, tupperminium biplanes...

And El Krap was full of appreciation for the Ahlovak's kind offer, as he knows that hangarage in YSWG X 2 is in short supply. In fact there is less of it than there is excreta from rocking equines ... and a long waiting list too ... however El Krap's exquisite piece of Aussie high winged engineering is under cover in the green hangar with 3 of it's VH older cousins (including a lovely RV6a over which El Krap has made a mess in his jeans, and which El Krap covets).

 

So thanks again for your kind offer, Steve.

 

With regard to the Tubby's last post, methinks he has an unhealthy fascination with B&S balls, cattle entrails (& balls?)(as opposed to Aircraft contrails which is healthy), Bananas, giving "it" a squeeze, and cousins who are bigger than size 16 (not that there is anything wrong with that [good looking cousins, that is]).

 

"I'll give you 'landing on a zac'." said HiHo to PrecisionPilotPete. "I challenge you to ..................

 

Das Hauptmann

 

The offer of the Ahlocks is much appreciated (and he will be treated with respect from here on, never to be called Bollocks again)

 

 

[Captain]

"I'll give you 'landing on a zac'." said HiHo to PrecisionPilotPete. "I challenge you to ..................

For the benefit of Biggles1penceworth or any other young punks, a zac is two Trays, which are a quarter of a Deener that is half of a Florin. A Deener is also one 21st of a Guinea and there are two and a half of them to the half crown .... at least that is the way my dad explained it after the 14th of February 1966.

 

As you can see a Zac is real hard to land on, except for BigPete, who often lands his 160 in an enclosed Tennis Court, just for practice (and with the net in place too).

 

 

[turboplanner]

OK old timer, you must be 102.

 

Multiply two pounds fourteen by two pounds fourteen?????

 

 

[Captain]

OK old timer, you must be 102.

Multiply two pounds fourteen by two pounds fourteen?????

The answer is 5.7 Kg.

 

Now listen Tubby. First you call me a Duck (and out of season too), then you accuse me of being old. What will you say I do next, fly a Texan? I have never been so insulted .......... oh, now I remember (again), yes I have, there are now about 15 posts in the NES where I have had worse than that, so you had better lift your game.

 

Ian ... any thoughts about giving this bloke a holiday too? I'll make it worth your while (how about I let you have a little fly of a Jabiru ... as long as you promise not to make a mess inside and to give it back)?

 

"I'll give you 'landing on a zac'." said HiHo to PrecisionPilotPete. "I challenge you to ..................

 

Le Hurt Crapp

 

The insults of Le Tubb cut to the quick

 

 

[Captain]

..... except for BigPete, who often lands his 160 in an enclosed Tennis Court, just for practice (and with the net in place too).

"That is nothing" said HiHo, "I can land in a Squash Court without opening the door or disturbing the people at the Reception Desk, as I own the 2009 World UL Champion"

 

"OK" said DisbelievingPete "But can you ....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

see through the gap between the door and the door surround, ensuring all round vision?.... and did you know La Crapp flew a Texan?.....

 

 

[ahlocks]

.... and did you know La Crapp flew a Texan?.....

No, but he has confessed that he drives a 'toff's toyota' :ah_oh::devil:

 

----------------

 

The bollocks from Ahlocks deserves no respect

 

 

[BigPete]

So the Captain :heart: drives a Lexarse (and there's nothing wrong with that) unless of course, he also wears a hat. :yuk: We have the worst driver in the world living right here in Echewka. Drives a 1966 Volovo, thumb_down wears a hat (A coobra 1949), tows his rusty ol' hay baler, :ah_oh: (at 30 kph) three sheep in the back seat and listens to recordings of "Blue Hills" on an ancient 8 track cartridge tape player. (He is also deaf as a post and blind as a bat.) :yuk:

 

Fronted up at the airport one day and we all ourselves thinking he wanted to learn to fly. :ah_oh: Turns out he wanted some AVGAS to "clean out the innards of the Volvo, as it's running on 3 not 4 cylindas" :confused: We didn't have the heart to tell him it was a 6. i_dunno

 

Now, as PartyHardPete is back home, :thumb_up: but expecting family freeloaders thumb_down to arrive any minute and he still hasn't swept out the chookhouse (or the outhouse), wishes everyone safe flying and returns you to the NES.

 

Play fair and play on. :thumb_up:;)

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[turboplanner]

Tubboplaner had lapsed into dreamland again, and wondered how SkidsPete could land on a zac in a Jumperoo.

 

Tubbobraker himself could land a Warrior on a chicken turd without slipping off, but his experience with the Jumperoo had made him very familiar with every knot in every post in the fence at the end of the runway.

 

In fact it would not be an exaggeration to say that many of his short flights were shorter than the landing roll.

 

As he dreamed on, he thought of the Richerina where fat cats droves Lexcesses and it appears dallyed with Texcesses.

 

He heard the swish of a baseball bat as Le Cepe.....

 

 

[Captain]

He heard the swish of a baseball bat as Le Cepe.....

..... as Le Crepe hit him with a Texas manufactured baseball bat - between his toes.

 

"That might hurt a bit for a while, but it's not so bad, to just be hit between your toes" said Bigglespennyworth.

 

"Not if it's between your big toes" winced Tubb .... for Le Crepe Cappy is built a bit like a caucasian Sammy Sosa, only taller, more muscular and handsomer, and he can really wield a bat after years of practice chopping down trees in the Tanami Forest.

 

"Oh well", said the Pennyworth "Wincing is better than mincing (not that there is anything wrong with that) like you used to do with your Speedway mates while Le Crepe was off roadracing bikes and cars".

 

PS ..... By the way, do any of you NES deviates want to meet up for a mini Rec Fly-in in Mildura on Jan 7th for the 2nd Round of the Aussie Speedway bike titles? We can drink all Geoff's plonk and have a merry old time (not that there is anything wrong with that).

 

Regarde Le Crepe Cappy

 

The rubbishing of the Tubb does not hurt me

 

 

[Captain]

.... for Le Crepe Cappy is built a bit like a caucasian Sammy Sosa, only taller, more muscular and handsomer, and he can really wield a bat after years of practice chopping down trees in the Tanami Forest.

"We wouldn't mind a bit of that action" said the Riverland Lass (and her mum) "Me too" said her grandma.

 

"What is his strut and his pitch variability like?" they chorused.

 

"They are still certified, but ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

..his voice was drowned out by the three desperate women as they all fell upon him at once. Le Crappo felt like all his Christmases had come at once - well for the first couple of hours anyway.

 

"Biker eh", thought Tubbo, as he remembered the speedway bikers who all either walked like a crab or held their arms at funny angles. "But they were tough" he thought as he remembered one night when a visiting International hit the wall and dislocated his shoulder. He was back out on the track for his next heat.

 

Tubbo thought he better be more careful, but realised Le Crappo didn't realise the mincing action was to shake the dust off the unmentionables.

 

By now the three women had their breath back and Le Crapper screamed .....

 

 

[hihosland]

piece of the action

 

"We wouldn't mind a bit of that action" said the Riverland Lass (and her mum) "Me too" said her grandma.

"What is his strut and his pitch variability like?" they chorused.

 

"They are still certified, but ..............

being certified dosen't mean much any more since they closed all the institutions and sent all the certifiable out to aimlessly wonder the streets of the night.

 

And in truth his strut has as

 

much life as a turkey on Nov 30

 

As for his pitch variable

 

he's only one pitch

 

and it has not varied in years

 

and always starts off with

 

the old tried and very tired line of

 

"Do you come here ........

 

 

[Captain]

By now the three women had their breath back and Le Crapper screamed .....

"One at a time, girls, as I'm not as good as MultiplePete, with whom you are used. But I must admit that the Riverland Nanna does look pretty hot".

 

NB .... Just a word of warning here fellas. BigPete has had free reign to star in the NES for quite some time, and he includes his mates like MildewRAA Geoff and others when it suits him. He will get really viscous if he is not included in the story while his freeloading rello's are eating him out of house and Avgas money. So let us make him look good and still in charge of the NES or he will get toey or even.

 

"Give me GreatBigPete any day" said .......................

 

 

[turboplanner]

RiverlandMum just as one of Pete's relos said what's this on the Computer Pete?....