The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

"........I'm from Rocky and no one from FNQ is going to FN tell me what to FN do!"

 

The Elderly Flyer with the skinny hand raised it again; he wasn't having a successful night. "Well now don't you worry about that" he said "You, you, you'll soon get a taste of these Brisbane people down there and you'll be sorry; those southerners had to print four X's on their beer to stop them trying to use it for paint thinners"

 

"And I, I remember telling them not to build a dam on a river to stop flooding, but the did and the dam flooded them" he continued "is that what you want?"

 

"Nooooo" said the Major (not a real Major as we were told by someone who can't be named) who was prone to long speeches. "Are you.............?" he said with a hushed voice.

 

"Never you, you mind who I am" said the EF the, the important thing is we don't want those southerners telling us what to do.

 

"We're not going to be told what to do by people from Victoria!" yelled Frankfurt

 

"No you fool, southerners are people from BRISBANE!" screamed the EF, spittle striking the major on his proboscus.

 

"What's this meeting for?" asked a cane farmer, but nobody knew.

 

"I think......."

 

 

[Bandit12]

"I think that we should all vote for Bob's Cat....err, maybe that isn't such a good idea, although it is a very attractive feline" added the Rocky Horror.

 

"Cats???" shouted Mr Skinny Beaver "I stand for cats, and I stand for our right to have heavier cats if we want to. Whatayouall gotta say about that???"

 

"I'm lonely" answered the cane farmer "Will you be my......

 

 

[turboplanner]

"......support" and he burst into tears "Why are these people resigning" he wailed, "they were such lovely people, and now what are we going to do?"

 

"Manage" said EF, and one or two started to nod.

 

"It's.........."

 

 

[Captain]

"......support" and he burst into tears "Why are these people resigning" he wailed, "they were such lovely people, and now what are we going to do?""Manage" said EF, and one or two started to nod.

 

"It's.........."

...... a new concept that just might take off (Avref) now that Mark the C is in charge."

 

"But hold up there you f'n Queen-Slanderer." said SteveMcJockLox "As not only are board members resigning, but some members are so f'n p'd orf that they are nor re-signing when their membership falls due."

 

"Is that a problem?" asked The 12 Incher "As those pulling the pin are just the disaffected minority poop-stirrers that will just go over to the RFC when they are available, so we'll flick that mob and just get back to a rag & tube society and all will be well with the world."

 

"I aglee" said Nobu "And we should make TyloJackaClickets compursollally, as Ino now has the world wide manufactuling lights and we are setting up a factoly on the site of the old Cowla Plison Camp, so we'll make a Motza."

 

"Is Merv a partner too?" aksed SoxinhisJox, who was also looking for a new investment opportunity after the suck-cess of the Blue Oyster (now run by the TubbyPlonker) and the ............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

possum skin pouched E- Paul Ette the French styled Tasswegian Chief Financial Instructor..................

 

(working on shortening these to a length Tubby can read and not be fidgeting by the end .....)

 

 

[Captain]

possum skin pouched E- Paul Ette the French styled Tasswegian Chief Financial Instructor..................

..... and that other Tazzy chick magnet, Flying Jump Suit who was ex RAAF and often had E-Paul Ette on his shoulders.

 

"It's easy to get out of if I get lucky" replied F J Suit, as (in addition to cutting 500 mm off the legs) I just pull down this zip that goes from neck to crotch (erky perky) and I can ...............

 

 

[Bandit12]

....bail out of my Jiminy Cricket (the little known predecessor to Tyrojackowhatsocricket) faster than a Bored member can say "I just wanna little time with me kids ya know".

 

"Careful where you say that sort of thing in public" advised the bronchial one, "I said that once while standing near a kindergarten wearing my flying coat over the the auld jump suit, and they called the fuzz on me - thought I was some kind of wierdo!"

 

This reminded Tubby of a time when someone called flying cops on him after an inverted beat up over......

 

 

[Captain]

....bail out of my Jiminy Cricket (the little known predecessor to Tyrojackowhatsocricket) faster than a Bored member can say "I just wanna little time with me kids ya know".

"Careful where you say that sort of thing in public" advised the bronchial one, "I said that once while standing near a kindergarten wearing my flying coat over the the auld jump suit, and they called the fuzz on me - thought I was some kind of wierdo!"

 

This reminded Tubby of a time when someone called flying cops on him after an inverted beat up over......

..... Bange-it-Holme when someone called the fuzz on him.

 

But it was just that he had left his zip undone on the khaki flying suit.

 

"I can see ya fuzz" yelled some unkind observer "And the grey really stands out against the khaki, but what is that ...............

 

 

[Captain]

..... Bange-it-Holme when someone called the fuzz on him.

But it was just that he had left his zip undone on the khaki flying suit.

 

"I can see ya fuzz" yelled some unkind observer "And the grey really stands out against the khaki, but what is that ...............

......... move that is being made by the President of the NES?

 

"Don't you wolly about that" said Nobu (who had moved from Cowla to Kingaloy to train at the Jo BP School of Political Gerrymandering) "You, you, you need to be kept in rine, you leplobates, so I have appointed a Compriance, Safety, Abuse and Leclimination Szar. This will be a full time position paid for by contlibutions flom all posters to the NES."

 

"But why not consult with us Nob, you knob?" asked the HatSh@er, who was indignant at the rack of due process.

 

"Don't you wolly about that either." leplied Nobu "As this was vely urgent, Nana told me that she would withdraw her favours if I didn't act immediatery & I'm sure that the TubbyPranner and the SAJabFryer will support this move which was vely urgentry needed (because I said so), and ............

 

 

[bull]

all-rantastic-prastic-fryers-must-relearn-the-art-of-frying-in-tyrojackacricets,,,,,,,,[they-taste-velly-nice-ssspesially-green-ones],,,,,,,,,,,,,I-like-the-rellow-ones-said-nobu-junior-[a-product-of-a-drunken-liason-with-Nana,s-sister-Mavis]now-all-you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

 

[Captain]

all-rantastic-prastic-fryers-must-relearn-the-art-of-frying-in-tyrojackacricets,,,,,,,,[they-taste-velly-nice-ssspesially-green-ones],,,,,,,,,,,,,I-like-the-rellow-ones-said-nobu-junior-[a-product-of-a-drunken-liason-with-Nana,s-sister-Mavis]now-all-you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

.... commas had better stop lining up like that or you will be ..................

 

 

[FlyingVizsla]

.... commas had better stop lining up like that or you will be ..................

...brought to a full stop. Like a joy riding Jabiroo. Found in paddock. "Normal stopping place for Jabs" said Musical Motz.

 

"Where's that in the SMS?" asked the ....

 

 

[Captain]

...brought to a full stop. Like a joy riding Jabiroo. Found in paddock. "Normal stopping place for Jabs" said Musical Motz.

 

"Where's that in the SMS?" asked the ....

......... CASA I.N.S.P.E.C.T.O.R, "And where is your POQ at the FTF?" he (or she) added.

 

"Mine's a FTS, you W.A.N.K.A" replied the CFI while looking at his ASI, grabbing his indelible pencil and shoving it up the ...........

 

 

[rdarby]

Pitot tube of a 737 that happened to be parked nearby. That aught to keep my pencil safe. Fits well too. I'm off home since it's 3pm.

 

That night there was something on the news about a 737 needing to divert to Mildura and a lumberjack getting confused when a ready made pencil fell on him, but his feet were under the table so he didn't pay it any attention.

 

Hang on thought the lumberjack, I'm talking to the union about this. We cut trees here, someone else is meant to make the pencils out of them. I mean if we start getting our jobs mixed up, it's likely as eggs on Sunday to lead to...

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....rotten eggs by Tuesday night when the Major (not the real major) starts to.............

 

 

[rdarby]

...feel his gout, and reaches for the port for a little of the hair of the dog that bit him. Guess I'll call Tubby while I'm at it thought the Major (not the real major),since he can come around and help me with this little problem of grey showing through khaki that I seem to be having. It's really important that I get it sorted out before Thursday, when I meet the major, so we can settle this issue of...

 

 

[turboplanner]

..the khaki.

 

Turbo, at his own expense flew nearly to the end of the earth itself, and arrived at Major's front door, which consisted of part of two packing cases.

 

He pulled a pack of Coles toilet rolls from his backpack, and said "I think I know what the problem is major, you're going to have to use these"

 

"I won't" snapped tyhe Majopr who could be an ornery prick.

 

"Look old fellow" said Turbo as gently as he could "grass and bargas might be OK for around here in F'nQ, but if you're going to be a board member down south, they'll expect a certain standard from you"

 

The Major thought about that for a moment and realised he didn't understand what.......

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Turbs wanted him to do with the "down down my Dac's are down", unlike aviation fatalities, dunny roll's!

 

We F'nQldrs don't use dunny rolls!!why we all stand in the bidet....much more civalized...civalised.......civilased.....Oh FU#2kit...Turbs. be honest how are 2 dunny roll's going to satisfy the CASAmonsta's incessant thirst for a SMS........and in any event surely the gov's not so poor it cant afford a bloody mobile phone!

 

Hey he thought me being a real major maybe I can get some Ratpacks, each of those comes with 12 individual sheets of toilet paper known to be thinner than the credibility of the current guy and rated to be able to resist finger perforations for about 1/18th of a second........89/18ths less than most needed!

 

So with the Nato Stock number for F'nQ Ratpacks in hand of to the logistics system to "acquire" off the books, some Ratpacks in the hope that Turbs had more of a clue than he did......which dear reader we all know to be.......

 

 

[turboplanner]

...absolutely correct.

 

But even with all this assistance the Major could not budge, so Turbo devised a clever strategy.

 

He hung his head and said "OK major, you win; I'll even get some grass for you" but, readers, he picked sword grass, which as everyone knows.......

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

required accurate dabbing motions with no allowable horizontal movement lest your........

 

 

[Bryon]

...ring becomes a semi-circle which we all know leads to........

 

 

[turboplanner]

....an obtuse isosceles.

 

As we know, said Handy Andy who had been in training as a teacher, that is........"The bad guys are the good guys!" shouted Nobu, rushing into the classroom, we make terrible......and he fainted.

 

"What's up with him?" said the Rat who had been running his claws over his posterior trying to catch an evasive flea.

 

"I've seen him before" said the new US exchange student Chuck, who was 86 years old.

 

I was in the Navy, stationed at Pearl in November 1941, and we saw him standing down on the shore looking out to where the USS Arizona was berthed. He had a camera hanging around his neck, but none of us thought anything of it because we all knew every Japanese had a camera around his neck.

 

However we were suspicious, so we asked him what he was doing. "I rost Chuck San" he replied, is this way to Honoruru golf course?

 

"Well we knew that all Japanese would kill to get on a golf course, so we let him go. Big mistake!"

 

The Rat stirred; could it be......

 

 

[rdarby]

...that Nobu was in fact behind the great Dunny Roll Debacle of '41, when the airforce was embroiled in a scandal that is still being felt by stubble hoppers everywhere, where a fleet of toilet paper was intercepted by the Japanese Navy and sold on the black market. It lead to a lot of unpleasantness back then, and went a long way to explaining why the major (not the real major) seemed to have a cultural bias against sailors from Hawai'i, and why the major (the real major)...

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Was rummaging around in his whorehouse.....no no...damn Microsoft autocorrect .......I meant warehouse looking for some of those old WW2 ration packs.........he couldn't find them but did find a few time expired flashbangs that were know to flash and bang......a bit like elrato who had a flash tooth and was known to bang......

 

 

[rdarby]

...after a slap up meal of eggs and beans on toast. Now Elrato was someone who could use a convoy load of dunny roll, thought the major and the major at the same time, showing that despite a difference of opinion in khaki they shared an affinity for spotting a fly in their soup. Pulling out a ratpack and getting it open just in time, the major (the real major) settled down for a peaceful time, and letting his mind wonder, thought "I might just give the major a call, and have a talk about that business back in '41, maybe he knows something. So fishing out his mobile, he dialled the number and...