The Never Ending Story

[Guest Maj Millard]

.....he generally prefers to fly his Lightwing more anyway, as it is more reliable, and doesn't need a leak down every ten hours................muttering further, and spilling his company supplied coffee all over his bib Andy..........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

...was fully up to speed that you leak down.....or go down.....<sigh> it seemed that either the plane was going down or the wallet was....but that's aviation for you..........you simple choose whether you are to be down...or down and dirty!!........

 

Loxys eyes lit up..."Dirty!! he drooled....why I remember when....."

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

...was fully up to speed that you leak down.....or go down.....<sigh> it seemed that either the plane was going down or the wallet was....but that's aviation for you..........you simple choose whether you are to be down...or down and dirty!!........

Loxys eyes lit up..."Dirty!! he drooled....why I remember when....."

....bloody young female Drifter riders could become full Army Majors in just 16 years, and pretty ones at that....why I 'll tell ya.........those bloody Drifter pilots should all be..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

Hatshat exuded at Natfly and fire appliances were called in from all over southern NSW, including the land cruiser from Gumley Gumley. "Bring your own water" came over the radio "we've run out here"

 

It took us two weeks of hard hosing to get Temora recognisable as a Riverina town and not an outback shantytown.

 

"Of course, to make it really authentic we had to tow in 35 VE Valiants, 40 HQ's and 17 Land Rovers, but it looks OK now" he reported

 

The Rat had remained rather quiet.............

 

 

[turboplanner]

....bloody young female Drifter riders could become full Army Majors in just 16 years, and pretty ones at that....why I 'll tell ya.........those bloody Drifter pilots should all be..............

Marmalade was showing an unusually fast turn of speed since discovering that of all his passengers, six were still alive; three were due to come out of trauma training in 2017, two had been found plaiting dingo pelts for the Cecil Plains Ristorante chairs, and one after a long sixteen years had finally been promoted to the level of Major, which we all know to our acute pain and embarrassment can mean almost anything, except.......

 

 

[Captain]

.... when he did the leakdown test on himself he found that he had a defective exhaust valve, which goes well with his burnt & stuck ring."

 

"I could have told you that" said the A5 "After I shared a room with him at Nutfly,and he only has a left one of those too."

 

"Wow, foolscap, you really do have all of the inside info." replied AndySplutter&Cough.

 

"It comes from keeping my wits about me" replied Quarto "And peaking through his ................

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

fingers Andy had trouble not snorting........"I believe I met some of your wits......"...why there was half, who from time to time it seems impersonates you on the forums......Then there's Mr T, who many years ago played an angry black man in a yank TV series, then Dim......don't know how he fits into the picture and neither does he....Then there's Out, who a lot of the time seems to take an opposing view to you, and last but not least there's Fark the family pet crow, we often hear from him on the forums as well....in fact all in all a very computer literate bunch really.......

 

Mr Blank was puffed up with pride "And yoose blokes would do well to remember that when me and my wits get together we are almost unstoppable....except for the PRP... thing that pretty well stopped me, and a fair chunk of Rocky as well!.... In fact we are such a bunch of wits that sometimes I think the world could survive with less of us......

 

What a coincidence said Rat, Witless was the word just at hand......

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........."OH NO" he gasped when he saw Hatshat topple over; the pressure had been building for days and the Rat had unwittingly walked up to Hat at a perilous moment just as he crested a hill.

 

Over he went and after one full circle roll there was a loud "PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP", which like a jet thruster on a lunar module increased the revolutions.

 

The brown spray caught Ratso on the whiskers and he wasn't quite quick enough closing his mouth. "PPPPPPPRRRRRRRPPPPPPP" is went again and Hatshat's velocity reach catherine wheel proportions and he was rolling along at near 50 km/hr "PPPPPRRRRRRRRPPPPPP" it went again, and he took off and flew through the air. "PPPPRRRRPPPP" and he broke five hundred feet. No crop sprayer looked so spectacular with the setting sun behind him.

 

Hatshat was still rotating like a catherine wheel and had reached seven hundred feet, although he was having problems orientating himself. "PPPprrrrrpppptttt...t....t....t and a very familar circumstance presented itself.

 

Like a homer pigeon he assumed the position and headed for the nearest paddock. With a red face and one last PPPRRRP he arrested his descent (decent), and landed as lightly as a feather.

 

"That's the longest flight I've ever had!" he exclaimed joyously, "and if....."

 

 

[Captain]

...... I've read it right, we can make a quid out of this.

 

"I've had the same thought" said Tink "As I've just been reading "Walter the Farting Dog" to my grandnippers, and after the success of that kiddie's book we can just write a new one called "Andy the Pharting Pilot, Engine Rebuilder & Coughs Harbourer" (catchy eh?) and we'll be able to add to our collection of Vettes."

 

"Great idea Tink" said Andy and added "PPPPPPrrrrrtttt" then flew past Turdy like an Axe on nitrous, to be back at 300 ft in 2 secs and climbing like a ...........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

n angel......

 

Professor Julius SumdaTurdius was present and was heard to espouse "Why is it so?....." Well said Loxy......."I believe that the ability to PPPPPPrrrrrttttt, is a fundamental action that results from an excess of digested lentils........ In fact so much so that the vernacular used is........ He's full of it........"

 

Well said Rat, that sort of infers that NESers have a clear way forward after "peak oil" has become somewhat ancient history...... We all have the necessary pre-requisites and merely need to undertake some ring hardening....PPPPPPrrrrrrrrttttttt is known to be hard on ones ring and unlike the Jabiru there aren't a whole bunch of through bolts,.....well for most of us......, that can be blamed for ring failure in advance of overhaul!!!

 

Ooooh said Mr Blank with a very pained expression....Ive had one of those.....my Ar$e was handed to me on a plate....No...No it was the pineapple that was on the plate!!! we don't need ring overhauls in advance of requirement....How does one end up with a harder ring?

 

the proverbial pin was heard dropping!........

 

 

[Captain]

....., it was bloody heavy and it hit him on his ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....spar [AT]

 

Mr Blank was the academic who reported the drowning of a fellow academic in a creek "of average depth eighteen inches", but when it came to practical avoidance he had no statistics for pins hitting spars, and so had been unable to simply use the non-academic solution and pull his spar out of the way.

 

"OW!" he said "What....."

 

 

[Captain]

.... I will do is take your pin and spar and will raise you 2 pins and 3 spars" responded AndySplutter&Spew, who was an inveterate gambler (and who was also an invertebrate gamboller behind closed doors with consenting adults and the occasional pack animal ........ NTTIAWWT).

 

"Ooooops" said Blank to his mate Watermarked "Andy is being aggressive and you know that when he does that he always ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........builds up pressure and then there's the inevitable explosion. Dorothea MacKellar didn't write "this wide brown land for me" accidentally - she lived in the area!

 

"Where was that?" asked A6, always keen for knowledge. "I...."

 

 

[Captain]

.........builds up pressure and then there's the inevitable explosion. Dorothea MacKellar didn't write "this wide brown land for me" accidentally - she lived in the area!"Where was that?" asked A6, always keen for knowledge. "I...."

..... have inside information from the President and Secretary of the Dot MacK Preservation Association and I have it on good authority that she writ that pome up at Paterson just after Andy flew over (it was green before he arrived) during a period (Andy's) when his 230 was between strip downs" added the A3 (with a bit torn out of the corner), then he dropped the bombshell that had supposed to have been coming after his last 267 posts on Rec Flying "And I know it to be a firm fact that Andy and Dot were .................

 

 

[FlyingVizsla]

... code for the website where all the Unknown Unknowns that Don Rumsy felt should be kept from statistical analysis were encrypted. Kept safe with the trusty RAA members only password - guess the year, or your weight, or just define AUW ....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......which as we all know has a similar use to the number of Black Orpington chooks with one leg and a smile on their face slaughtered each year, or.....

 

 

[Captain]

.... the number of Pirates worldwide (see Ratpoos vital info from 2007 in another post and the link to Global Warming Vs the number of Pirates, plus the religious treatise at http://www.venganza.org/

 

"Well I never" said the A4.

 

"In that case you should get out more often or go to the Blue Oyster with Robin of Locksly" said the FlyingVisionofLoveliness "And then you'll no longer be a ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

'........crawler like SmirkingRat who not only gives compliments he doesn't mean but sits beside the Olympic Highway with bunches of daffodils he's picked from the Wagga Wagga Botanical Garden (no that's not a spelling mistake Duzza) with a sign saying $10.00 per bag, and......."

 

 

[Captain]

.... his wife manning the stall. He has been able to sell her over 300 times at that price, only to eventually find her way back with a smile on her face, sore feet and a ...........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......handfull of free passes to the next Fieries Competition day where fieries run, squirt hoses, climb up ladders and tell stories.

 

"What do they talk about?" asked FlyingVisual.

 

"Oh, registration delays and things" said A5 "which Hatshat knows nothing about" he added just to keep the conversation going.

 

He'd hit a bit closer to home than he usually did because when Hatshat had done the leakdown test and found all the life had leaked out of the UNOWAT (see Harriet, I didn't bash it), he decided to go for a fly in the White Knuckle bar driven hedge banger (which most of them seem to be used for.

 

Firstly it didn't have a sticker, then there were the modifications - the club armchair which was the only thing big enough to take his rear end.

 

And then, to cap it all off.......

 

 

[Captain]

.......And then, to cap it all off.......

...... he put on a cap with heaps of gold braid and squeezed into a green combat style flying suit (with an imitation G'suit sewn into it by his mum) that was sourced from E Paul Ette in Tazzy. The flying suit was 3 sizes too small & about 6" too untall, but showed off his lunch bag to good effect, and he asked Turdy "Does my bum look big in this?"

 

"Compared to what?" replied Tinky

 

"Well ................. compared to a ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

".....6 metre concrete Agitater Bowl"

 

Turbo thought for a while; he didn't want to upset his dear friend Hatcrap......

 

"Well there was a circus which came to town when I was a kid and they had the "biggest woman in the world" there. She couldn't fit in the tent so they tied her up on a change outside - something about not discriminating against animals, which is now known as "Diversity"

 

"Anyway I'd say his is bigger than hers, but certainly not as big as an agitator bowl."

 

There was a rumbling, and a fine mist....................

 

 

[Captain]

..... then more rumbling, and then more mist and more rumbling like a 6 metre agitator bowl filled with anvils ........... and Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffrrrrrrrrrrrt, HatSquat accelerated to lift off speed, but the wide brown land was brown again.

 

"Geeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzz" said Andy from 200 ft "I don't remember eating that" and then he stunned the audience on the ground by adding "...........

 

 

[turboplanner]

A half roll [AT] which shot out like a Harley piston two hundred metres from the front gate.

 

At this loud report Peter Doubt cried out What we need is better governance, and he was about to come on full song when he saw a dark shadow above, and two huge thighs descending.