The Never Ending Story

[Bandit12]

Andy turned to Rat with some concern..."Is it safe to fly where reality is definitely required, and post to NES at the same time where reality definitely needs to be checked at the door?"

"No problem for them F'nQers' said Rat they spend most of their life in suspended reality.......it requires a special kind of personality to fly up there....down here in mexitoria those professionals who have a couch in their office and a ready supply of tissues.....have a name for that type of personality....."

 

"Politicial??" suggested Andy....

 

"No....close...." said Rat " we call it......"

....politikal, and we use vodka to keep reality at bay as required."

 

"I've got a couch in the back of the 'wing" said Madge "and once, I curled up in the back for a bit of a kip, when the 12"er climbed in and asked me about my special relationship with Uncle......

 

 

[turboplanner]

...Steve.

 

"I denied knowing him of course" said Madge, but everybody knew.........

 

 

[Captain]

....... f'n Q electioneering by the f'n c, and ...............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

about Madges relationship with Palmer and his five daughters and Bob Catty. Clearly Madge was a Political player where the next obvious step was for someone to ask about his policies......

 

"Don't you worry about that...." said Madge sounding very like Sir Joeb did when he sure wasn't going to let the Catty out of the bag!!

 

"My policies are under control and the Doc says that the Med's I'm on will keep them that way! "

 

There was a stunned silence as the F'nQers........

 

 

[turboplanner]

....had always thought he needed meds and were surprised that he was like this even though he was already taking them.

 

"After telling us about your great airmanship, how come you ran out of fuel?" asked Salty.

 

"I DIDN' run out of fuel"replied Madge who could be very testy "the crap CDI's stopped working, so we put a new set on, filled it up with fuel, and they worked perfectly.

 

"That still counts as a Rottenax failure" said Turbo, who knew he was taking a great risk.

 

"B..................."

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

...........after a landing at Ayr on the grass, Misadventure 2 was parked side by side with the original Miss Adventure, and they were left to mate in the NQ sun whilst owner, CFI and Maj adjourned to the nearby cafe for coffee. There they were met by local Pulsar owner Keanu Bates, who run a local capsicum processing facility.

 

After donning very strange white high rubber boots and donning lt blue hair caps, and being relieved of our watches and mobile phones we were led through for a full tour of the facility mostly staffed with young asian backpackers, picking their way through a production line of red capsicum...................after the full tour we all entered a special hygienic room for the removal of aforementioned white rubber boots and lt blue hair covers.

 

We then returned to the Airport from where maj, now smelling of red capsicum , departed back to Montpelier. The others went flying again in the Drifter and were last heard on the radio approaching Home Hill airport. Oh if I only owned a capsicum factory staffed with Asian backpackers said the Maj..................

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

However when he came through the front door at home Mrs Major was a tad sharpish!!!

 

"You've been sprayed with Pepper spray again!!! Who were you molesting this time???" she asked while drilling holes in his chest with her pointy finger....

 

"I haven't he said....I went for a totally unplanned tour of a capsicum processing plat....as you do!!!!" he cried with all the passion that a political player can muster......

 

"What B/S!!!" she cried, "Its just like the last 9 times you were pepper sprayed, You had excuses for all those as well!!! and as for offering little girls lollys and plane rides....Well I'm just about over it!!!"

 

Madge was doing his best concrete statue impression while the sound of a single cog was heard wiring slowly down.

 

"I........"

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

......can't get a win said Maj...highly educated now into the ways of decoring the finest red capsicum in the land, and still no respect !!....I 'll just have to trade the trusty Lightwing in on one of those fancy new Super Petrels, that way I'll come home smelling of the Pacific Ocean and if I see a nice beach I 'll just land, fry up some lovely red capsicum on the George Forman.......and.........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......but we'd heard enough; Turbo trusted Hatshat's instincts and the NES Committee has great pleasure in awarding Major Mallard the Endo award for the best BS story of the year to date. In fact it looks as if Madge had been through the capsicum spray when his photo was taken for the magazine.

 

"We'll have to wise him up" said Hatshat, "he should have been in Canberra to make sure every magazine had a voting form in it; now he has no chance of winning".

 

"With that face" said Turbo "there was probably a decision to put the former representative back in, and....."

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

in any event we are sure there's legal advice, which sorry to say you definitely wont be able to see unless you take us to the high court!, saying that The Major Major's previous resignation some many months past was just a rush of blood....to the thing that blood rushes to.......and he didn't mean it and as such he's still there....unless he doesn't want to be and even then only as long as he doesn't want to, before he pops back again!

 

Strewth yelled Rat, whoda thought that the RozAA presidency was the same as Death and Taxes...no matter what ya do you just cant get rid of them....

 

Madge was for the second time in as many forum posts, imitating a concrete statue of a stunned mullet!

 

 

[Captain]

"Don't worry" said Elratsack to Hatshat "As I have a secret weapon that can fix that statue which stinks of capricum and Asian backpacker. I have one of those things that Javier used in "No Country for Old Men" and I'll sort out Madge's forehead quick sticks. So don't you worry about that ............... and it might save us from another EGM."

 

"Wow" said the 12 incher "That's a bit harsh, I'd rather see us ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....find out the truth, and get going in a positive direction again.

 

"Oh No" said Quaver, "I've been told that just isn't....."

 

 

[Captain]

..... in the script as positive direction doesn't make the news or the complaints section. Plus it is bloody hard to introduce positive stuff to the NES, and as an example I'll quote the incident about ...........

 

 

[turboplanner]

Ahlot and the Gumly Gumly Drive In ticket box seller, who was a young girl of eighteen........

 

 

[Captain]

...... so was so inexperienced that she was prone to believe Ahlot the Harlot's story about having a 912 for her and his being a brave & dashing flyboy, but she was 18 and fair game for the likes of our H'lot (the cad).

 

"Wow, Mr Lot, that 912 must be huge" she responded with wondrous expectation in her eyes (same like the backpacker girls had at the Capsicum factory when Madge sauntered in) will you please ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

......show me, as I have been disappointed before (as the girls at the Capsicum factory had been when Madge had run out of excuses and had to expose.......)

 

 

[Captain]

.......... that "from what is indicated by the flight suit, 91.2 looks about right for Lottie, plus I had a text from the Capsicum Factory girls who also confirmed that Madge is .........

 

 

[planedriver]

.......... that "from what is indicated by the flight suit, 91.2 looks about right for Lottie, plus I had a text from the Capsicum Factory girls who also confirmed that Madge is .........

sometimes a trifle confused with the metric system, and dosen't know a millimetre from a centimetre, to the poor girls disapointment.

 

 

[Captain]

"No Planey" said the 18 year-old darling "It is definitely mm, as my Grandma took a photo of Loxie (they are about the same age) on her IPhone at the Blue Oyster when he was letting it all hang out. She also saw him in all his glory at the Fireman's Ball, and he only has one of those too. But Grandma reckons he is sweet, although she is concerned about his .............

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

......jab - sized symbol of manly hood........it didn't really matter as Maj had moved on, and had discovered the beautifull 21 year- old Anna at the optometrists, while ordering his latest Ray Bans. She had told him to look into her dark brown eyes...first the left and then the right, as she had dutifully marked a small dot on the lenses.....that was fun, he stated afterwards, and she smiled and gave him a $90 discount....I'll call you in a couple of weeks she said, as he sauntered out the door to go to the .................

 

 

[Captain]

...... plastic surgeon, who had an office above the local Panel Beater, as they had the same basic skill-set and were covered by the same Professional Liability Insurance.

 

 

 

"Quick" demanded Madge "Can you make me look 50 years younger?"

 

 

 

"Fair Do"s" said the Surgeon "Have you looked in the mirror lately? But I can give you a quote by the square metre if you like, plus a ...........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

"Ahhhh "said ze hatfillure, "it all becomes clear ....... the "Ray Bans" have now changed name to "Ray and Madge Bans"and until I read of Madge trying to get a set i couldn't understand why they would take a simple name and make it more complex.....

 

The 12incher piped up "I don't know Ray but he must've been a seriously ugly f&$#%r .........

 

Turdy was heard to suggest that political parties had back room folk and front men and Madge was hard on the eyes and should consider a back room role just like........

 

 

[planedriver]

those with red hair, and instead don a Jacky Stewart hat to look like a cover for "Andy Cap" in the latest mag to encourage the masses. But as Gradma say's, "at my age you just have to show a bit of gratitude for anything offered. 12inch front men are nothing but a figment of their own imagination. Trust me, i've spent many an overnight at fly-ins, and believe me when I say------------even if they're 4 stripers---

 

 

[planedriver]

Having just spotted that Dr Harry in the latest Sport Pilot mag, is up for errection (chinese term). I was wondering whether this thread was the appropriate place to enquire what I can do about my "Fluffy"? After all, it's aviation related.

 

She tends to gnaw at the new tires on my aircraft, and pee's on the wheel splats making it slippery and dangerous to get in and out.

 

This is surely a simple behavioural problem which should easilly be overcome.

 

If he has any hopes of being elected? surely he'd have to be come up with a few answers.

 

I had been wondering whether a few squirts of dioxidine and allidine under her tail would overcome the problem?

 

 

[Captain]

"Don't mention that on a public forum, Planey" said Ratsack "Or we'll all have to undertake a "Fluffy Factors" course and some dill is sure to be off writing a textbook and a set of idiotic cryptic questions to ensure that we comply."

 

"And speaking of "fluffy"" said the little darling 18 year old "Planey looks "hot" there, leaning on that prop in his avatar, so let me brighten your day, Planey, and show you this fluffy ...........