The Never Ending Story

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.........shelf"

 

Meanwhile Foxhunter in the old Highway Patrol jodhpurs he'd swapped with a cop in exchange for his peuce lycra pedal pushers was coaxing the Harley over the Wombat Range.

 

He had his Blueteeth, as he called it set up in his open sides 1950's Stirling Moss helmet.

 

A call came in and he started, drifting across in front of a 904 Kenworth, and received a blast which sent him shooting back into his lane.

 

He'd never had a call before, and he didn't really know what to do.

 

"Who is it?" he furtively asked

 

"It's me, Maggot, came the reply "Where are you?"

 

"I'll be in Benalla in about three hours" said the fox.

 

"Why so slow?" asked Maggot, and then he heard it - the thump thump thump of a Harley more than 200 km from home running on it's remaining cylinder, and he thought better than to ask.

 

Foxhunter was just about to give him an earful when a CWA group who had been hiding in the scrub lunged out at him with bowls of tomato soup.

 

"He looks better red" said Alice

 

"He's still so slow", said Effie "I used to order in a pizza and pepsi, and I'd still be finished before him" she added.

 

"What do you mean?" asked......

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

...... Maggott, who went under the pseudonym of Margot when attending the CWA AGM, while up to high-jinks with Locksley at the Blue Oyster and while attending RAA Board Meetings as their newest member. 

 

"He, she or it is definitely "sponge worthy"" stated Mave while pinching a line from Elaine Benes in Seinfeld "And I'd also eat whipped cream off his/her/its ................

"Oh no!" said Turdy..... "Rats Keyboard has done a boner and sprung a spacey! It looks like he's choosing to use the / key instead....It also looks like his "or" key and his "t" key are intermittent! so let me correct that for Rat in case there are other who are confused....."his or her _its"...."Blas_ now my _ key has gone bung _oo!"

 

"We may well have to revert back to morse...." said Briney "It couldn't be any slower at developing a NES story line than it already is!"

 

 

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Coff Up didn't have a bike; his leak down problems with the ****** had cost him so much he couldn't even afford a Harley, let alone the support team and parts truck.

 

His group, the Big Bananas (not all had been in favour of that name, had to set out from Coffs for the Murrumbidgee on foot and were climbing up the Dorrigo wheezing likes Dad's army when an old HQ loaded with CWA tarts...............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

tried really hard to overtake them......

 

"They don't call it Dorrigo for nothing...when you get there go...don't stop......

 

And in any event the HQ looked as though its next stop was likely to be its last........all that cream and tarts and jam and stuff made the MTOW a moving feast.....

 

Harleys were banned from Waterfall way....the lound bangs from the remaining pistons tended to cause rock falls and that was par for course with that road at the best of times....... Patched gang riders tended to get a different set of patches the few times they'd tried to ride up to the plateau and these ones tended to get a different set of the emergency services team all hot under the collar.......

 

Al and Ted, on hearing this wondered if there wasn't some form of terror they could wreak to make use of the falling rocks.....time was ticking and the imminent arrival of the AQ Terror effectiveness Audit team weighed heavily on them, there had been story's that suggested a CASA Rump check had nothing on those guys......

 

 

[Captain]

........ and their leader, Garbage bin Laden-with-rank-old-Veges.

 

"Excuse me, lads" said Mr heavily Laden Bin "But Andy's reference to Dorrigo made me think back to when my dad gave me my "father and son" talk, at which time he confirmed that Dorri did indeed "go" like a dunny door in a force 5."

 

"Scuse me Garbage" interjected Al "But when do you want to do the Audit, as next Monday we have the Picnic Races Holiday in Coonamble, and on Tuesday/Wednesday the prawns are running at Lakes Entrance, then we are shutting down for the Xmas holidays, Hannucka and we have a piss-up for my second cousin's nipper being either christened, circumcised or doing the advanced course in Level 3 bomb chucking."

 

"No wuckers" said bin Laden-to-Overflowing "As next week I have planned to be crook on Thursday and Friday to make it a long weekend pig shooting out west, so how bout we do the audit in February and then we'll ..................

 

 

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".....saunter out to the coast and catch up with my Uncle, Dump Bin Laden for a spot of big game sportfishing."

 

"That's an odd name" said Al

 

"It's not his real name" replied bin Lader-to Overflowing "he was a surfer when he was younger, you know how they are - slept in the local bus shelter, and left some unfortunate deposits in the local front gardens so it sirt of stuck with him, and........."

 

 

[Captain]

........ he's one of the few where even the great whites say "Erky Perky" before moving on to the next surfer in the line-up.

 

 

 

"Hey" said Ted "That's something that we can also do to make us fully sick Aussies. We can bugger off from work whenever the surf is up, smoke weed, perve on the creases in bikini clad babes and have our ............

 

 

[Captain]

SPOOKY CLAIRVOYANT WARNING ...................... THE NES ACCURATELY PREDICTS ACCIDENT

 

 

 

Ratsack has today become aware that the NES has again been ahead of its time when he, she or it noticed the thread titled "Helicopter Crash, Antarctica December 2013", where a Possum Helicopter went down in the Tarctica.

 

 

 

"And while the NES may have got the chopper's brand a little wrong when it spoke some time ago about an R22 going down on an ice sheet, the balance of the NES's thread accurately predicted this sad accident" said Nostradamus Rat in a Press Release that has been picked up by most of the world's media.

 

 

 

Spooky eh?

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

As he perched on his hat he thought that Rat seemed to be getting a whole lot of press in a way that spelled beetarp no matter which way you looked at it........

 

Noting that Madge was an esteemed bored member Andy felt that he needed a turn as well and clearly there were no selection criteria to keep him out if Madge had got in.....I need to become more well known than I already am.....as well known as Rat is!!

 

"I predict that in 2014 many U/L's with numbers rather than letter will prang, and many of the drivers will be driven to the grave!"he proclaimed loudly. Noting that the only attention he was getting was the black crow on the fence who loudly announced Fark! while the Indian Myna bird then added a poignant "Wit" directly after the crow!

 

"I further predict that Jabirrooter engines will continue to shed Hp as they age right up until they unexpectedly stop due to the owner flying too fast/slow/high/low/something else that in no way is the fault of the Bundy cane harvester organisation!"

 

and the crow and the Myna did it all over again!

 

This isn't working thought Andy as he looked for an overflow hat...... How the hell am I going to lift my profile above Madge!

 

I suppose.....considering all is fair in love/war and bored manoeuvring.....that I could always.........expose myself as Hat Bin Laden....with unspeakable......

 

 

[Captain]

........... consult with the Cloister on the hill above Coffs which Andy often has trouble missing as he struggles to reach altitude on 5 cylinders.

 

That Cloister is run by that well known Order (and CWA junior member's commune) of, "The Ample Breasted Sisters of Merci".

 

"How did they get that name?" asked Ted.

 

"They always say "Thanks" once they have finished having their way with you" replied Andy, who has been beating a path to their door since ............

 

 

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............Sister Susan showed him no Mercy.

 

Turbo had been a priest at one stage, and doesn't thank the Rat at all for releasing classified information about the fringe benefits in the friary on Friday nights, when.....

 

 

[Captain]

......... they actually didn't fry anything, as the food was all BBQ'd after which the Benedictine flowed like water.

 

 

 

"And that was when we decided to give the Little Sisters of Mercy the flick and replace them with the Ample Sisters of Merci" explained Father Turbo of the boosted Horsepower.

 

 

 

"Our recruiting also went through the roof" added Brother Robin of Loxley.

 

 

 

"And-a-lot-of my-mates-joined-up-for-a-quick-cloistered-experience" said Monsignor-Bovine.

 

 

 

"But" added Bishop Andy of the Hat "That's not to say that we ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....can't let Prelate Madge loose with Deaconess Floppy", and

 

 

[Captain]

"....can't let Prelate Madge loose with Deaconess Floppy", and

........ then there is Brother Robin of Loxley to consider, who has fallen from Grace (and Mavis) & who, as well as being one of the Moderatti Magnificentti is also a Prefecto Apolostolico, (while Eeeen is away in Brisbane) is presently experiencing the Recreational Flying version of Schoolies Week, with excesses being .............

 

 

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........charged to his business credit card as entertainment for customers......and DID he entertain.

 

H'e been given the job of finding a new Abbott, since the last one had become Prime Minister, and after much thought and deliberation, he.................

 

 

[Captain]

...... just announced "I'll do it." and he started to look for an Abbot's habit ............. see photo below.

 

 

 

But then he realised that the Abbot had a smutty habit and without much thinking he said "That's for me, and I'll .................

 

Abbot Locksley in his flash Chasuble that the kiddies love ........................

 

 

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......do it.

 

And he dyed his long hair red, and sauntered in to the Wagga Wagga South Men's Working Club.......................

 

 

[Bandit12]

.....only to be accosted by the bouncer, who was wearing braid and 4 stripes to indicate his senior position and extensive number of.....

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

years where he didn't have to kill anyone while bouncing them......He'd been doing the job for 20years and had now 4 stripes (which corresponded to the years we were in recession) ......He had noted over the years that pilots had become more friendly towards him and there was that taswegian idiot that positively drooled all over his shoulders...he claimed to be a pilot but he had his doubts.....but like most things in his job he put that down to an insufficient bloody supply volume to support the required alcohol content of the particular idiot he was interested in at the time.

 

Usually it could be remedied by using their nose as a pump to get all the alcohol laden (unrelated to AL and Ted) blood out of their body and on the ground....Sometimes the pump was hard to start and required a good thump or 2 to get it moving.......

 

 

[Captain]

.......... but eventually it would start to rotate and bang away like AHlox in a .....................

 

 

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...Loxenvagen full of trinkets and lycra samples.

 

The bouncer drew himself up to full height (160 cm) gave his moustache a twirl, patted on some rouge and said "I'm a member of the braidy bunch, how can I help......"

 

 

[Captain]

........ you."

 

Loxie knew what this meant and did an involuntary spoonful, as this forebode pretty bode-fully, with the Braidy Bunch being locked in a well known power struggle with AQ for the position as the biggest pains in the ars* in the world (although the Taswegian branch of the braided bunch were just a bunch of dicks who liked braid) and in addition one of the leaders of the Braidy Bunch was named Alice and she held dual membership, also being a heavy hitter in the CWA.

 

"This is all turning to custard" said Ahlox and I need to ................

 

 

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"....call in someone who knows what he is doing, how to handle this, how to run fast, and .............................."

 

 

[Captain]

....... how to fly (AvRef) like a bird (AvianRef).

 

 

 

"These guys are a bunch of pussies. So I see your Blady Bunch and I laise you one Led Bligade, as those brokes reary know how to cause mayhem and disluption" said Aki with conviction "No matter how heavily they are raden."

 

 

 

"Not the Led Bligades" yelled Salty with alarm, as the memories frooded back because he had been "with" a geisha in Tokyo the day that the siren went off about the sarin attack that was a signature Led Bligades move.

 

 

 

"I wish that we had thought of that" said Ted doing a Ken Calendar impersonation, as he claimed that he would have been sympathetic to putting his sultanas on the line by synchronising the syphoning of the sarin syrup from a syringe into the symmetrical septic systems at the station at sunrise as a superb symbolic gesture of .........................

 

 

[Bandit12]

.....obsessive compulsive disorder.

 

"Allow me to help with your problem" suggested Dr Footlong, reaching for his.....