The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

..."I'd love to be flinged, flung, or flang one day" muttered Andy, as he reached for his toolbox and pulled out a.....

......... flan that his wife/girlfriend/partner/boyfriend/slave/domestic prisoner (strike out those that do not apply) had made for his smoko, so let us all hope that a flim-flam man does not fling the flan into the fan, as that would ..........

 

 

[turboplanner]

...only fan the flames of the fanatics and fans who simply will not admit that flimsy is ..................

 

 

[Bandit12]

....the new black, and that a trendy aviator would only wear his best....

 

 

[turboplanner]

...Ray Ban copies when he thought we wouldn't pick them as fake, but it was too late. The rat had a sensitive nose for fakes - he'd been one for 40 years, and ......

 

 

[Captain]

..........said "Well, I have never been so insulted ............ except for that time that Ahgetyourrocksoff used the microphone at the BOB to call me shallow & to say that I have trouble with relationships, which is obviously untrue because your beloved Ratty is ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

".......although I'm related to thousand of other rats who poo in your sock drawer, eat your leftover chicken, leaving saliva all over it without leaving a note, shower themselves in sewers because they're too stingy to pay their water bills like anyone else, and squeak all night when you're trying to go to sleep, I'm different."

 

Turbo can attest to this because when he stayed at the Rathaus, there were no sock drawers, no meals and no sewerage.

 

"I've known him for some time" reported Turbo, and he's certainly not shallow - he's as thick as a brick. I can also say he has not trouble with relationships because he is kind enough to befriend every truckie who comes through Wagga Wagga when he offers them drugs, and they always come back to the town. In fact if Gumley Gumley did the same, it would be a 50,000 population City by now, much the same as Logan, and........"

 

 

[Bandit12]

......with just as many crooks."

 

At that time, Poxy looked up guiltily from his corner, having been caugh with his hand in the.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

....till. People had often wondered how he could afford a Loxenvagen and an exotic eastern European sports aircraft which he parked ostentatiously every day outside the Wagga Wagga International Terminal. The aircraft had a garish slogan on it "We unlock the real you", but he never got much business because people thought it was for a Psychiatrist, and as son as they caught sight of Loxy they usually said "Sorry. I........."

 

 

[Captain]

........... don't want my tea-leaves read." (It was AhLow's turban, crystal sphere and black cape that did it, not to mention the full-house and royal routine flush of tarot cards that are painted on the tail of the Szara).

 

 

 

"I'm not a Psychic, you dickhead, I'm a fully qualified Psychiatrist" was often Poxy Loxy's response, "Although some people have referred to me as a bit of a tea-leaf at times, whatever that means." he added.

 

 

 

"why-do-they-call-him-poxy-loxy?" aksed-bull.

 

 

 

"Well" replied Turbo "It's because he was and is (and it is certainly not for comic effect), as our mate Poxy has had the world's longest recorded case of ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....Poxosis Virtuois in the British Empire after the invasion of....." DON'T SAY IT!" yelled...

 

 

[Captain]

"....Poxosis Virtuois in the British Empire after the invasion of....." DON'T SAY IT!" yelled...

...... the Lockster, who still had trouble living with the fact that he was around when the Boers initiated that little stink down Africa way, when poor old Breaker was treated so abominably after Colonel "Stiff Upper Lip" Locky, CBE, KCBM, VD & scar, had been the lead Barista at the Court Marshal, then was in charge of the firing squad, and then ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

....insisted on leading the burial party at Juliasville, some 5 days ride away.

 

On arrival with the body at Juliasville Colonel Locky as interviewed by a local reporter.

 

"I don't wish to be maudlin" said the reporter, F.T. Gusher, "but didn't he er, er stink?"

 

"Well old chep" said the Colonel, he got a bit ripe by the third day, so we gutted him and it was fine after thet"

 

"What about....."

 

 

[Bandit12]

....a spot of tea, and maybe a little crumpet later?"

 

"I'll take tea with you" offered FT "as long as afterwards, you take off that......

 

 

[turboplanner]

"ridiculous set of Chinese epaulettes.....wait a minute, your're not Colonel Loxley, you're..............."

 

 

[Captain]

...... a certain Taswegian serial epaulette adorner, high office craver and onesie green flight-suit wearer."

 

 

 

"You are light" lesponded Acki "It is I, the serial pest flom Raunceston, Stanrey and all praces in betleen. (For Acki had forrowed Chopper to Tazzy and been given asyrum & immunity from plosecution from some sensitive pending charges in the North Island.) Some even lefer to me as the Stanrey Nutt from Stanrey, ex Cowla, ex Hiloshima, ex Horrywood Heartthlob, ex ...................

 

 

The owners of this website, my Aunt and the writer advise that the NES is a work of fiction and any simirarity to persons living, dead or mentally incompetent are coincidental only. The NES never lefers to leal people, except Loxie (who is unleal), and the 12 Incher, the FlyingVisionofLovelyness, the Turdster, Eeeeen, Salty, AndrewCoughs&Splutters, SloppyButtCrack, Planey, bull-with-the-boner, etc. and so-on.

 

 

[turboplanner]

..terminator, ex clicket player, ex.......

 

Turbo wishes to advise that his Christmas message has been cruelly squashed this year. He had found the Free Talking Santa App, where you say something, and Santa booms it back to you in his deep voice. So he cleverly used a combination of electronics and social media by recording greetings to all NES readers, and his opinions on Ratso Loxo, Eno, Bryno Dandido -bullo-, Tomo, Acko and so on, recording it with his iphone and posting it on Youtube so he could link it on Refo.

 

 

 

What he hadn't counted on was receiving an urgent message from the President of Google saying he had been banned from Google Earth, Youtube and any other social site he could think of. "Your comments were the foulest, we have ever read" he said "how can someone be a $@#$#@#$, #$^%$#W, &^&%$#@@$?" he continued "it's physically impossible!", so we have confiscated your Youtube segment and may, I say may return it after our Christmas Eve party

 

 

[Bandit12]

....ex-wielder of the moderati stick of death."

 

For it had been revealed that the Pox had been stripped of his authority when he....

 

The 12incher wishes to advise that he has nothing of substance to add in a blue italic font, but would like to wish his fellow NESsers a happy Christmas. Except for that Turbo character, who bore a remarkable similarity to Grumpy Cat, and for whom a wish of happiness would only be inappropriate and unwarranted.

 

 

[Captain]

Further to Turdy's admissions, as above, a major scandal has also occurred after Santa's workshop had their Christmas Party last weekend, when Santa apparently had a little too much of his favourite Green Ginger Wine, Absinth and Sambuca cocktail and tweeted something about all ankle biters giving him the screaming Andys, Rudolph being a bit of a harness lifter and he then posted photos of the Elves doing unspeakable things to each other in the back seat of the Sleigh. Like all AFL and Test Cricket players, Santa is now going through counselling on the dangers of Tweeting while pissed.

 

 

[Captain]

....ex-wielder of the moderati stick of death."

For it had been revealed that the Pox had been stripped of his authority when he....

....... first joined this Forum.

 

"He's a pain in the ars*" said Eeeeen "So we just let him think that he is running the joint, but he is actually .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....warned about his language weekly, has been banned seven times this year, and is on a warning right now for saying that Madge is a %$#@, and not only that, but......"

 

 

[Captain]

"....warned about his language weekly, has been banned seven times this year, and is on a warning right now for saying that Madge is a%$#@ , and not only that, but......"

..... "Madge is a BIG %$#@" he added unrepentetly and while flouting Forum good taste, before Eeeeen brought the big stick out of his cupboard up there in Brisvegas and ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...electronically castrated him, but in a further act of unrepentance, the Locker posted a selfie on Facebook. Turbo wondered why anyone would do this; he'd been told in his younger days that it sent you blind, and that these people were filling orphanages to overflowing because it drained your brain also, and Turbo had..........

 

Turbo most respectfully finds it necessary to correct Ratface - Madge is only a little %$#@

 

 

[turboplanner]

........started to write about Rat's ancestry, and travelled to Wankersville, North Queensland which took some weeks because he kept arriving at the wrong Wakersville - there were 34 of them, where in hushed tones a poor lady with long hair and a flimsy hanging dress pointed him to Cookies town, and said "You'll find the answer there....."

 

 

[Captain]

...electronically castrated him, but in a further act of unrepentance, the Locker posted a selfie on Facebook. Turbo wondered why anyone would do this; he'd been told in his younger days that it sent you blind, and that these people were filling orphanages to overflowing because it drained your brain also, and Turbo had..........

 

Turbo most respectfully finds it necessary to correct Ratface - Madge is only a little %$#@

............. first (right) hand experience, and even now in what could possibly be termed his "middle" years and partially blind, Turbo is still doing it via his red Vette, plus there was that time that he ...........

 

Ratty & his Aunt can't see why he has copped the flack from Tink over whether Madge is a BIG %$#@ or a little %$#@, as there are two obvious issues:

 

(1) Whether BIG or little, there appears to be 100% agreement, at least, that Madge is definitely a %$#@, and all that is being debated is the magnitude of his %$#@edness .

 

(2) Ratface is not to blame as it was Ahlow that said it. See post # 8446, where this very fact was reported by none other than our Fearless Leader, Eeeeeen (see photo below).

 

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

It's true, Madge was also a young %$#@ growing up and caused the local constabulary a lot of grief. "I'll be pleased when this %$#@ grow up" said the Sergeant, and we can get back to the quiet life of eating hamburgers and booking Turbo for speeding"

 

Just then, in through the doors of the Station....................

 

 

Turbo is not computer savvy and doesn't know how to get back out of the blue footnote comments, but ......