The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

Regular readers of the NES will surely know that this is a lie by Turbo, as they also surely know that with a hot chick like that on the premises, Rathole would not have wasted time taking a photo, but instead, Ratty would have planted a couple of "Likes" on Turbo's neck and immediately tried to crack-on, then suggested that they check out the back seat of Turbo's Corvette. 

 

"Bugger pictures when there is a good sort to be ravaged" Ratpoo would have said.

 

 

 

"Besides that, everyone knows that Turbo is a "Tea Leaf" not a "Green Leaf"" added Bandy.

 

......... he/she/it used to force the 12 Incher to perform acts upon him/her/it, of which (and as is usual with him) Randy Bandy is not proud in retrospect but which felt pretty good at the time, and which ...................

 

 

 

 

My Aunt reckons that "%$#@#$% %^&^%$ ^&&^%$ &^%%$#@" as mentioned above by Turdy, just looks like a very detailed description of Madge, ..... and he is a big one too.

 

If Ratpoo had planted a couple on Turbo's neck, Turbo would have supplied a sharp kneebone to the goolies, and Ratty would have sought other interests. He had always had soft features and knew he was attractive to men, or in this case male rats because of an incident which occurred long ago in his youth.

 

He used to volunteer to cut sandwiches in the CWA tent at the Maggott's Retreat Annual Show. He didn't do it for benevolence; it was a great way to pick up the new talent in town.

 

On this occasion he was working steadily up the bench towards the hips of a particularly attractive little blond when the CWA President said "Stop everyone, I want to draw your attention to our wonderful Volunteer, young Turbo here, who has just cut up 15 dozen sandwiches. What a WONDERful effort!" and with that threw her arms around him and gave him an enormous sloppy kiss. Just then Mrs McGillivray, who was a new arrival to the town from the more restrained atmosphere of Broken Hill, walked in and before she could stop herself blurted out "The President's a Dyke!"

 

It was than that Turbo knew something was wrong, and after a few weeks of trying to crack on to the little blonde, he came up with a strategy, and with a sad face he told her he was gay and would never know the joys of pure love. It worked perfectly and she immediately set about proving he was wrong. Although he managed to restrain himself very well at first his big mistake was to say to her "But what if I just lose total control" whereupon he received the most excruciating knee to the groin and she smilingly said "Well I'll just do that" and he realised she was ahead of him.

 

However he did persuade her to show him how it was done (the knee thing) in case someone like Young Rat tried it on.

 

As for Randy Bandy

 

..........caused him to develop warts on his fingers, and......

 

Madge is licking his wounds a bit, because big @#&* though he is, he was rounded up by a pair of demented academics who changed their argument 180 degreees every time he had them treed, and they used words which Miss Marples at his Primary School never taught him, even when she.............

 

 

[Captain]

Your adorable Ratty is a bit erky-perky about this chat about planting one on Turbs, but then when the Rodent looks back at the photo in post # 8471 and his beady eyes are drawn to those little bits of string between his bodice, the rodent again says "What the heck" and "In for a penny, then in for a pound", however now that Turdy has admitted to running the desperate pick-up line about "I'm gay, so how about trying to get me back over the fence" (NTTIAWWT), he/she/it is somewhat less attractive and Ratty would just prefer to revert to thinking of Turds as a senior trucking industry executive and speedway has-been.

 

 

 

"WOW" yelled Nanna "I'd like a crack at one of those, or even an elbow at one of them would be enough. What's his address and is his Super Fund pretty healthy, because .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

......I think I've worn Ratty out, or he's injured because after 20 second or so he starts to gaps and cry out, and from then on he's comatose, and..............

 

 

[Captain]

...... don't you all think too much about that young sheila in post # 8471" added Mavis, "As we all used to look like that, and in 30 years she will have 300 kgs of under-wire below that bodice, just like the rest of our CWA ladies have, plus her .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

....COG and reactive hypotenuse will be offset by 0.1 degrees which will give unfavourable running characteristics."

 

"You've been listening to the Turbotubbies academics, haven't you" said Turbo who knew Mavis could never stretch to a six letter word without constant tuition

 

As it happens, Turbo has been losing about 200 gms per day by just eating soup, is now a shadow of himself and in 30 years could be as skinny as a rake.

 

Madge was still sitting back shattered at the word bashing he'd received. Although Madge could be a right @#&* when he wanted, he was losing the word battle and for the last few house had been steadily drinking Bundy.........Ginger Beer that is, made from bargas, cow manure and castor oil, if you leave it out in the sun for a few days it will ferment to the point where it will run stationary engines, take your head off, or with the remaining castor oil send you into the sky on a tail of brown gas. Turbo had once been up to Bundaberg and entered the "Bundy Jump" which was held (for reasons which will become obvious if you ever attend) about ten kilometres out towards Gin Gin in a canefield. Turbo filled himself to bursting with the grew ran around to stir it up and said "Good one ay!" as his boilere began to work, but he never managed to achieve an actual takeoff or.............

 

 

[Captain]

...... even to get the tail wheel thing-a-me-jig off the ground.

 

 

 

"That is why the new 2014 RAA Regs have all RiteWings and Axe powered other brands registered as motor vehicles rather than as 24's or 19's." said Andy who was still feeling cruel and had accepted the fact that Madge is a medium sized @#&*.

 

 

 

"The new RAA Regs require a number-plate bracket on the front and at the rear of the so-called aircraft, so .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....that we can identify them, measure their speed and fine them heavily" Andy continued.

 

"But then they couldn't take off for sure!" said Madge, who was a smart @#&*.

 

"That's my point" said Andy, raising....................

 

 

[Captain]

...... his leg on a LEDWing that had just arrived in Coughs&Wheezes.

 

 

 

"What waypoints & frequencies did youze use on your trip to Coughs" Andy aksed.

 

 

 

"No waypoints or radio, although we did listen to Kerry O'Keefe broadcasting the test from the MCG" said the bloke in the left hand seat "We just came down the Pacific Highway and had a hell of a time getting the wing thingies through the pedestrian crossing in Kempsey. But when one of Turdy's trucks went past us we ..................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"........pulled the stick back, sniffed the diesel fumes, and here we are."

 

"But what about the........."

 

 

[Captain]

........ dual lane hill at Bulahdelah? How the heck did you have the power to get up that?" asked Andy who was being a bit of a Madge type smart@$&*.

 

 

 

"You are being a typical air-cooled 3300 owner smart@$&*, mate, and of course we .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........have the turbo boost option be bought from Turbo, who knows turbos from the time the turbo was invented, and doesn't talk that academic no dirt under the fingernails language", said the Lightwing pilot who asked not to be named because "that Madge can be a real @#&* if he thinks you're copying him, and ........"

 

 

[Captain]

....... not even if you listen to him on the radio."

 

 

 

"Copy that" added AhLow in an attempt at humour.

 

 

 

The Rodent noted Turbo's claims in his post # 8486 and he can now see why Turbo's responses to posts on this Forum are sometimes days behind the times.

 

 

 

"Why is that?" asked Brine.

 

 

 

"Turbo lag" answered Rathole "You have to wait for him to spool up before you get any action (or sense) out of him. Just ask the girls in the ye olde BangeItHolme CWA or retirement village."

 

 

 

(But you should see the size of his waste gate).

 

 

 

"Ah" said Salty reflectively "So that is why he ...................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....has those band aids on his tongue - it must be getting cut by the turbine blades"

 

"No..................it's........not..that" said Turbo spooling up, but then there was a screeching sound and 48 blades.......................

 

 

[Captain]

.... wove their evil magic.

 

 

 

"Perhaps Turbo is "Blade Runner"" observed Eeeeen, who had been tying to ban Turbo for years without success.

 

 

 

"Or he is just a swiss army knife (with a cracked side plate)" chipped in Brine.

 

 

 

"I have always thought of him as Edward Scissorhands" replied Andy "Or Bambi, or ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

".........Rudolph" said Ahlot trying to inject more of his humour.

 

Turbo was whistling.

 

"I'll tell you who I am......." he started but choked as he realised the terms ASIO had laid down for conversations which the Rat might see, following Turbo's horrific notes about Cookie after his visit to Cookietown (and even that's letting to much out), so he just said nothing, and...................

 

 

[Captain]

........... his contributions to this thread, and most others on this forum, remained unchanged and of similar weight.

 

 

 

"That's always the issue when you have been a long standing member of the intelligence community" added Turbo, whose under-cover activities had lead to the capture of Plasticine Finger, Dr PerhapsNot, The Perfumoes, UnSung Who's She, Donnie Osmand (the bloke who shot Kennedy and was subsequently killed by Jack Amethyst), and who had lead the extensive Aussie spying program during the vital oil concession negotiations about Fort Dennison & Shark Island, where his signature success was the ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

....newly white painted jetty and the sign and the sign "Welcolm to Sharke Ireand" (Turbo points out that his secretary made the spelling errors - she wasn't hired for her literary ability)

 

He went on "We have been very closely watching Ahlot since he bought the krautzenvagen"

 

"But the war's over!" said Salty (previously Herr Mangler)

 

"Is it?" replied Turbo "Why then are there.................."

 

 

[Captain]

....newly white painted jetty and the sign and the sign "Welcolm to Sharke Ireand" (Turbo points out that his secretary made the spelling errors - she wasn't hired for her literary ability)He went on "We have been very closely watching Ahlot since he bought the krautzenvagen"

 

"But the war's over!" said Salty (previously Herr Mangler)

 

"Is it?" replied Turbo "Why then are there.................."

......... signs over his hangar doors which say "Arbeit Macht Frei", and he has a ..........

 

 

[turboplanner]

Minivagen, and a Schn.......

 

 

[Captain]

Minivagen, and a Schn.......

.... auzer that has a Schnitzel in its mouth, cask of Schnapps around its neck, a Schnoodle on its back and a Schn...........

 

 

[turboplanner]

....ell Schnell! magnetic sign each side to impress the locals.

 

"But they only speak Arabic" said Ratso "and ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"

 

 

[Bandit12]

....would be illegal immigrants were it not for the Section 2.1.3 paragraph 2 of the RA-Aus Ops Manual (amended by the Ratty after a big night on the turps [not Turbs, turps!]), which stated......

 

 

[Captain]

........

 

 

 

"But fair suck of the sauce bottle there, Bandy old chap" interjected Nobu "As we are not irregal immiglants, we are officiarry still crassified as "plisoners", ...... but as Billy Shakespeare so eregantry put it "Four walls, 3 mess huts, 2 watchtowers & a couple of outside pit dunnys do not a plison make", so me and Acki are riving the Aussie dleam, paying off an LEDwing while financing a new EI Lotax, we both have 317 HSV's, we rove Claig Rounds, we think all Corvette dlivers are wankers, and we .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........but there was a pause, he was beginning to sound like an RF Forum Poster.

 

"Shut up" said Turbo, but that only made it worse when three posters explained that shut up really meant closing a shop, and two others felt that immigration was way beyond Australia's capacity, and another two started a conversation about aileron hinges.

 

"How could we have rost War when these people only have ten second comprehension?" asked Nobu.

 

"easy, because the Japanese comprehension was eight seconds" replied Turbo, "and they.........................."

 

 

[Captain]

....... had 8 second fuses on all bombs, 8 cylinders that worked in the Zeros (which were known as 8-o's to the pilots), 8 bullets in each machine gun, 8 Mhz set frequency in all radios, 8 litres of fuel in all kamikaze aircraft, 8 ............