The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

...... trumpet his achievements around f'n Q, at the RA-Oz Board Meetings, the AUF secret meetings at Bogong, the other secret meetings of the Queen's lander RA-Qld who have aims to replace RA-Oz, the secrete meetings of RA-Townsville who have aims to takeover RA-Qld and the super secrete meeting of RA-South f'n Towns f'n Ville who have aspirations to take over from RA-Everything else and hold the national meetings at the Railway Hotel in south-f'n Towns f'n Ville, eh ............ but ..........

 

 

[Captain]

......... then the aspirations of those treacherous dogs at the Ant-Hill Plains Airport became known, where the RA-Ant-Eaters had plans to mount a drive-by at the T'ville Railway Pub and let loose with a couple of shotties and a 38 Luger that one of them had brought home from the 1st World War, (They were going to do it as a Fly-by shooting but shotties and Drifters don't play well together and someone also realised that they wouldn't get any fly-byes for a Fly-by ........ plus Madge Mallard doesn't like shotties) ....... but ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

...we interrupt the story with a news item about Ratso, who has been pretending to be a bikie of some note in the bikes thread, where everyone who has trashed at least six good bikes is posting.

 

Our friend the Rat posted that he was riding down to Phillip Island for the Races this weekend, and his unsaid implication was that it would be in a pack of tough hog riders.

 

Well Turbo had to spend a little time on the South Gippsland Highway this afternoon and who should be riding along, brown fur rippling in the breeze (except for the mangy part around his ears)...........at a steady 64.4 km/hr (which Turbo quickly calculated at 40 MPH, on an old HONDA BENLY which looked in a very sorry state. It had......

 

 

 

[Captain]

...we interrupt the story with a news item about Ratso, who has been pretending to be a bikie of some note in the bikes thread, where everyone who has trashed at least six good bikes is posting.Our friend the Rat posted that he was riding down to Phillip Island for the Races this weekend, and his unsaid implication was that it would be in a pack of tough hog riders.

 

Well Turbo had to spend a little time on the South Gippsland Highway this afternoon and who should be riding along, brown fur rippling in the breeze (except for the mangy part around his ears)...........at a steady 64.4 km/hr (which Turbo quickly calculated at 40 MPH, on an old HONDA BENLY which looked in a very sorry state. It had......

..... Seen better days, like Turdy's body and the Harlot's head.

 

Rathole had snuck past the border control post east of Wodonga and travelled down that well worn smuggler's route thru Whitfield, Mansfield, Matlock and Koo Wee Rup.

 

While traveling he had seen signs to Woori Yallock, Naa Naa Goon and Lang Lang (who Ratpoo thought was a penist). Geez these Mextorians are a ......

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

clever lot..........."I've always wanted to be a penist " said Rat....which had Andy and Turdy snickering in the corner........

 

"Join the bored....There have traditionally been lots of penist there....." suggested Andy

 

"Certainly explains the dexterity of their hands....nobody can move their fingers like that lot" suggested Turdy.......

 

"Certainly explains the motivations behind the Secrecy Act of RAAus 2005......" further suggested Andy

 

"Hmmm maybe I don't want to be a penist after all....maybe just a fine player of the flute!".....

 

 

[Captain]

clever lot..........."I've always wanted to be a penist " said Rat....which had Andy and Turdy snickering in the corner........

"Join the bored....There have traditionally been lots of penist there....." suggested Andy

 

"Certainly explains the dexterity of their hands....nobody can move their fingers like that lot" suggested Turdy.......

 

"Certainly explains the motivations behind the Secrecy Act of RAAus 2005......" further suggested Andy

 

"Hmmm maybe I don't want to be a penist after all....maybe just a fine player of the flute!".....

....... or a female organ-ist, or a locksmith who is a bit of a ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

...deadlock.

 

"We always get an organist" said Foxhunter, abstract as always, and............

 

 

[Captain]

....... DrMonkey added "But watch out if it is an organist from Bundaberg. As that is sure to be

 

.......

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

a hot topic......

 

"What does that mean?" asked Dr Monkey

 

"No ones really sure" said Turdy "after all Hots subjective...and too hot is a nebulous concept that might be between......"

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......a pipe organist which.............

 

 

[Captain]

.......a pipe organist which.............

............ thought that Andy's "nebulous concept" was where Superman was conceived, between the 279c nebula and the 472a nebula in the galaxy of Alpha-Bundabora.

 

 

 

"Whoa is us" said MaleNurseMenageries, "As they will all have engine trouble and the sky will fall in."

 

 

 

But no, dear reader, apart from Andy getting "concept" and "conceive" mixed up, resulting in our beloved Andy (until now) always wondered why his wife/partner/girlfriend/significant other (X-out those that do not apply {NTTIAWWT}) always gave him a knockback when he used his best foreplay arousal technique to ask "I suppose that a quick "concept" is out of the question", all is right with the world and the AUF aircraft continue to fly, until another fuel filter blockage will cause the BedpanAnimalEnclosures to exclaim that "It was caused by Jabiru, and even that Tiger Moth landing at Barwon was as a result of some issues with Jabiru engines ..........and they caused the Poms to lose at the cricket, and Collingwood's bad form last year, and my bald patch, and ..........

 

 

[Captain]

.... at that point Ratty jumped into the NES again to take up his usual position as the voice of reason.

 

 

 

"Listen chaps & chapettes" he said with feeling "We all need to be much more tolerant of each other, even if some on this Forum are real dickheads, plonkers, a total waste of space and oxygen, and are a blue-green algy outbreak in the aviation gene pool of life".

 

 

 

Then he added "Tolerance is bliss and before any of us criticise someone else we should always be sure to walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you actually do start to criticise them you will be a mile away and they will have to chase after you in their socks ............................... and that's ahl I have to say about thaaaaaat."

 

 

 

Turdy looked pensive, scratched his stubble laden and egg stained chin and said ".................

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

That sort of means that everyone who you have to walk a mile in their shoes have to be the same size or bigger than you, unless you like that bunched up foot look that was popular for a while in Cowla.....That sort of means that on average the person you'll be throwing insults at from a mile away will be bigger than you.....Is that of benefit to the aviation Gene pool, and more importantly to the gene pool of the slagger?

 

It was clear that Turdy had his thinking cap on this morning......which meant that the blinding reflections from his bald pate were easier on the eyes as well...

 

And then there's........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....the shoes. Were they made by Tony Abbott, or were they made by electricity bill and a committee.

 

It's important to note these things i n any discussion, otherwise it deprives the Little Window Licker of the ability to post snapshots from the murdoch press he so despises.

 

"What to do........."

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Especially now as it was clear that if a committee was involved, and that committee had the old CFMEU as in impotent member, where CFMEU was now correctly renamed CFMEOCU and much less impotent, where OC was organised Crime, which to this writer seems as likely as occurring, organised crime, as a refurbished virgin being found.....

 

If the committee has the CFMEOCU involved then there are very likely to be standover tactics involved and if that occurs you need to know instantly if your shoes are the steel capped, gonad crushing variety, or the namby pamby management loafers which can be shown to less offensive to gonads because the leather in them is mostly gonad sack leather, often a close likeness to the wearer.....

 

However if.....

 

 

[Bandit12]

....the real criminal was in fact the windblown Rat on his Benly (a manly bike if ever there was one.....) then there was a good chance that the crime was not only organised, but......

 

Note: the B12" would like to observe a moment of silence in respect of all those trashed bikes, who have gone to the great wrecking yard in the sky. Afterwards, he requests that the NESers all join hands and sing kumbaya.

 

 

[turboplanner]

However his request was denied by Fluorescent Turd who posted a photo of Bob Hawke, and....

 

 

[Bandit12]

....sculled a beer, stood on his head and sculled another beer, then punched B12 in the head and sculled another beer.

 

"Ow" exclaimed the Footlong, falling to the ground.

 

"Right, you're nicked" said the Rat, reaching for hs fluffy handcuffs and cuffing the belligerent Tubby. "Under the new one punch, three beers legislation, I have the power to sieze your......

 

 

[Captain]

....... Corvette and your 1st borne female child.

 

 

 

"Not that" replied Turdy in a panic "Not my little darling ........... not the Vette".

 

 

 

And on hearing this, Footlong sprang back to his feet "It'll take more than 1 punch to Queen-Hit me, as this head is as strong as a J3300 engine, or a ..............

 

 

[Captain]

......... Corvette owner's heart, or .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....the chain Turbo used to tie the Corvette to a shed post, knowing that the Rat was lurking in the vicinity, and was quite likely to rack some camera fines up on it just to let Turbvo know who watches the Minties in his foyer.

 

Meanwhile Turbo had noticed a disturbing trend in some threads to ignore flying, and sell communism, and screaming at anyone who dared to defend our Country's values, fought for in two world wars, and a variety of other conflicts including the NES.

 

Normally the NES sets the standard of behaviour of this site with it's gentle stories of history, and Loxy's bad habits, so we wouldn't lower ourselves to the alley cat standards of some notorious posters, but one caught they eye of several people in the past week, where our beloved Rat, that paragon of stability and decency (except for the day he bit the ear off Paulette).

 

The post started innocently enough with yet another poster claiming he'd been booted off the site, yet magically being able to post. He said it was for arguing the reliability of Jabiru engine though bolts, and after suggesting Turbo take a few year off, referred to our beloved Rat as a knobjockey!

 

Now perhaps some of us would agree with that description, perhaps many, but he described our beloved comrade friend as CAPTIAN!!!!!~!

 

Turbo thinks this is not right, and should have been moderated. Next, we'll have people referring to Magor, Bannedit, and perhaps even Eenie, or ..................

 

 

[Captain]

...... Lucky, or Brackish.

 

 

 

Your beloved Rat doesn't mind being called a knobjockey and has, in fact, been called a lot worse during his 35 years, and he also doesn't mind being called Capstan, Caption, Capsule, Capuchin, Captive or Captor, but to be referred to a CAPTIAN is an absolute disgrace and makes him sound like an Ian who has played in one or more tests.

 

 

 

"I agree" chipped in Andy "You are a knobjockey and ...................

 

 

 

 

My Aunt will be very disappointed if this thread gets10 or 15 "Agrees" down the bottom.

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

its obvious to one and all. there was a knob, you were immediately on his back, just like jockeys and male flight attendants......therefore clearly a knobjockey....long may it be so......In fact many know the CAPTIAN as the leader of the malcontents and difficult question askers who have been known to give the raaaus bored a slap around the heads for trying to do stuff, like treasuring, when clearly balancing a home chequebook was a bridge too far for some of those illuminati....

 

Turdy however was having none of it...."Its a forum....stuff is written.....good people occasionally through unintended moments of sheer haste write things that make them seem like a knob when its not the case...except when you look at the glaring post!....Why there was that time when I wrote about........"

 

 

[turboplanner]

"..........how to prevent leak down in your aeroplane, and Hatsoff gave me a "creative" and totally ignored me, albeit not suggesting I was a knobjockey like CAPTIAN"

 

"He didn't take the simple precaution I had recommended" continued Turbo, "which was to put a teaspoon of metho in the fuel each day. He decided to use epsom salts instead and the engine sh$t itself."

 

"What was the engine" asked some Jab Basher, but CAPTIAN immediately flared and the hackles (what were left of them) rose on his neck "Ei'll hev you kneau..........."

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

that not all of us take offense when the dreaded "creative" like is given......Tubs on the otherhand has clearly identified creative as the only available forum euphemism for "full of sh!t and a w&nker as well"

 

How mistaken is he? creative simply means to me that the person was thinking outside the box, and in some cases outside the room the box was in and possibly a question as to whether the person was in the same universe......as the room containing the box.....

 

Hatshat on the other hand pointed out that Tubs was often known to provide the answer of "put a teaspoon of metho in", no matter what the problem was, why there was that time that he was talking about his F'nQ journey to enlightenment only to find that Madge hadn't paid his electricity bill and there was the opposite of a light on but nobody home for madge was quite certain that if there was no lectrikery then the GPS that kept him safely circling that towsnville paddock wouldn't work.....so bottom line is Tubs was there, but there was little enlightenment to be had.....but I digress as NESers do, it was in Townsville That Tubs talked about F'nQ induced jock itch...and the metho "solution"....and then there was the time that Nana was talking about the emotional pain of her hysterectomy and Tubs suggested.....