The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

...Justin Beiber.

 

He had been making a substantial income, hundreds of thousands a year in fact (with which he eventually hoped to buy a Drifter) as a double for Justin, making public appearances, attending functions, and partying.

 

Turbo couldn't see that he'd done anything wrong but it seems the press cooked up a few incidents recently, and he was sent back to the possum farm.

 

 

[Captain]

.......... which is right next to Beginning-O's Bunny Farm.

 

 

 

But it turned out that Turdo got it wrong, just as Turdo is to Turbo, so Bieber is to Beaver.

 

 

 

That woke up Robin of Locksly with a start "Did someone mention beaver?" he aksed while scenting the air with his oil glands, but then Jackie Chan jumped into the Never Ending Stoly and said "What sorcely is this ........

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

....but nobody except FT knew what he was talking about.

 

Turbo had notice that Madge had withdrawn from public life, and assumed he was the victim of Endo who had put on a pair of the darkest ray bans and pronounced that if he ever spoke to a member again his free stubbie allowance would be withdrawn at future meetings.

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

and if he was to publish via Eeeens four...ummm that the free sandwiches and all the O2 you can breath at the bored room would be withdrawn.......MAdge was scared! he had seen the vast majority of bored members sleeping away drool running down there chin and assumed that Endo had restricted their individual O2 intake for some perceived infraction of the secret handshake and "mums the word" binding agreement....and by result reduced their individual output to heat and the occasional fart!...but what a team!! what collaboration what inspiring levels of...........

 

 

[Captain]

........... candor are in Andy's post # 8679.

 

 

 

"Candor? Candor?" asked a couple of the O2 wasters "What's candor?".

 

 

 

"Too right loyal sycophants. We need to enforce the code of silence again and ensure that no f'n Queenslander like Madge Jayco will ever blab to the membership" decreed NearTheStarto "I'll get a legal opinion, we'll arrange a postal vote, we'll get E Paul back to run the show, I'll jump back in as CEO and we'll ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

".....follow the policy of the three wise monkeys - see nothing, hear nothing and tell nothing"

 

And that was where Madge made his fatal mistake..................

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

For he thought the saying was Do nothing, touch nothing and admit nothing......which was only partially correct. Do nothing wasn't an option, you had to do lots to make sure that the admit nothing mission statement was adhered to.......CAPTIAN and his mob kept working on to ensure that they got to admit everything on his behalf and BeginingO was keen to remain that way and not become EndO'theline.......

 

It was well understood that if Admit nothing wasn't possible then the only way to deal with the issue was to say" We've made mistakes....We will fix them...They wont happen again....and.......

 

 

[Bandit12]

.....that was as likely as Tubby still fitting into his debutante ball dress.

 

"Tubby wore a dress to the ball?" questioned Andy.

 

"Yep, but after seeing how Madge now plays the game, you try to get Tubby to admit to it" replied Ratty.

 

"Seems like no one is prepared to admit to anything" interrupted the Footlong "including who owns that pile of bull......

 

 

[Captain]

...... ets below Tink's pink Glock."

 

 

 

"With regards to Tubby dressing up for the ball, as reported by the 12 incher, I know it for a fact that he has a tiny little deb dress on each one of them" answered Ratpoo, who for a laugh had been on the other side of the screen during Turdy's last confession.

 

 

 

"You should have heard what else he told me" volunteered Ratso with a gleam in his eye and a glint from his tooth (see various selfies below) "He even told me about his ...........

 

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

......time as a Boundary Rider on Nappamerie Station.

 

"It was late July" said Turbo, "and cold as a harlot's heart and the southerly wind was almost tearing the tent apart. I needed a crap, but was reluctant to face that freezing wind"

 

"How did you know the wind was southerly?" asked the flippant torque wrench, but everyone had him on 'ignore'

 

"Finally I had to go, and rushed out into the darkness, squatting near some bushes" continued Turbo "I'd just squatted down and there was a huge CLANG!!!!!. and a dingo trap had me by the knackers. That was the second worst pain I'd ever experienced"

 

"That's TERRIBLE!" said Ratso, "but what could possibly hurt more than that?"

 

"When I ran out of chain" replied Turbo who......

 

 

[Captain]

...... should be banned on a charge of excessive joke recycling.

 

"Oh ........... I see" said Ratus "Those aren't dresses on each one, those are dress-ings, which ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....cover the wounds from the steel capped toe of Paulette, who had................

 

 

[Captain]

....... been kicking down the doors at the AUF office at Bogong (see attached photo).

 

 

"I have been kicking vewy vewy hard" said E Paul "Like we used to in the early days of the AUF when I flew a Drifter across Bass Strait against the wind, always below 300 ft, we only had 30 members, none of this license test malarkey, I was a legend in my own lunchbox (and you should have seen the sheilas that I attracted in my skin tight flight suit) and I had bona fide leadership qualities (since missing in action), but now that I have been relegated to be the boring historian of RAOZ, I will reform and take over the AUF. That way I will only have to read those boring account thingamajigs each 5 years and we can ....................

 

 

[Captain]

...... all spend most nights at the BOB under assumed names. I'll use ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"...Quentin."

 

"That won't help" said Madge squirming. His jocks were starting to itch, and he realised introducing himself as Angelina may have been a slight mistake, since he............

 

 

[Captain]

........... looked like her and he was pretty Jolly.

 

 

 

"Te futueo et caballum tuum" responded Madge to Occy the speech policeman "You cupis homines, as you are a mundus excrementi."

 

 

 

"Jaberrooters eunt domus" said Madge and Motza in chorus.

 

 

 

"Well" responded Occy "I have never been so insulted", then he used a few big words that Ratpoo didn't understand, couldn't spell & is therefore unable to report accuratartively.

 

 

 

"Insulted? OK, well try this" they answered and the NES contributors were shocked to hear Madge the Magnificenti f'n Qti Boardo Representati say ".................

 

 

[turboplanner]

[in the interests of decency, and so as to not embarrass the men, Turbo is unable to report exactly what Madge said, however, after discussing it amongst ourselves while possum skinning, we suspect he's picked it up from mixing with his new friends]

 

"Golly!, that is ..............................ay"

 

 

[Captain]

And then although he is really the member's friend, Madge's 10 years of Latin, as learnt at Townsville middle school & practiced thereafter at a fundamentalist catholic house of ill repute, came to the fore and he said "Pass on by, there is nothing to see here, et vescere bracis mere because stercus accidis, and ...................

 

 

[Bryon]

'Bullus shittus' came the call from the back of the BOB

 

Everyone turned around and there was Elrattus, sitting right up the back, thumbs twiddling, whistling quietly to himself with a look of innocence on his face, trying to ignore Poxyloxy's advances and pink tutu

 

"Point of order, Madam Speaker Madge" he said, "we all know that we have been treated like mushroomus.."

 

This was an unusual outburst from Elrattus, who was known to be very quiet and placcid, who would not speak ill of anyone and generally did not make waves

 

"When will you tell us all the facts about the great.........

 

 

[Captain]

....... igbay ScarOay iticismcray."

 

 

 

"Don't worry about doing that" yelled the Rodent "Don't react and just stay cool like I always do, because criticism should be like water off a (Madge) Mallard's back .............. and I reckon that the MotzartPerve is more to blame than you are, anyway."

 

 

 

"I agree" responded Madge "As it was Motza that got Occy all wound up so that his undies started to chafe and .......................

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........he released a verbosity which had everyone holding their noses and racing for the exits.

 

Ever the even - handed, mild conciliator said "I'll try to explain what's happening by reading you a segment from the book 'Timaeus and Critias' written about 2500 years ago by Plato who was describing the fabled civilisation of Atlantis destroyed about 10,500 years ago:

 

"Critias returns to his story, professing only to repeat what Solon was told by the priests. The war of which he was about to speak had occurred 9000 years ago. One of the combatants was the city of Athens, the other was the great island of Atlantis. Critias proposes to speak of these rival powers first of all, giving to Athens the precedence; the various tribes of Greeks and barbarians who took part in the war will be dealt with as they successively appear on the scene.

 

"What about Middus Maxmus and my Serial No1" asked Ozymandias who was soon to have a statue erected so that all mankind would remember his endless bleating.

 

"That is well into the future" responded Critias " and no doubt will be carefully handled in forums of intelligent beings once flying machines have been invented"

 

"Well what about that %$&^ Emmy?" asked Magus Magus

 

"Fear not" said Critias who had the capability of peering into the future "your descendents will be many, strangely all looking the same and a British judge will send them to a place called Land of Queens where one of your descendents, Magus Minor will make it so hard for Emmy that he will spew words lifted directly from the crew that built the Tower of Babel, and we all know what happened to that lot!"

 

Ahlot was a bit slow to catch on as usual and said "........................................................"

 

 

[Captain]

............ that post # 8696 by Tinky Wink sounds a bit like some by Emmy. Could they perhaps be one and the same person (sic)?"

 

 

(And who are Timidarse & Clitoris anyway? queried Ratso)

 

 

"Erky Perky "responded Turbo.

 

 

 

"Chucky Wucky" answered Bafta.

 

 

 

"In that case, given those responses, I must have it wrong ..... for the first time this century." said Robin of Loxley "But if that is the case, why are ..............

 

 

[Bandit12]

....we sitting around squabbling about this? Why don't we all just kiss and........

 

 

[Captain]

....we sitting around squabbling about this? Why don't we all just kiss and........

..... make up while wearing our makeup, then have a bit of a fondle with the lights dimmed."

 

 

 

This was typical Rec Frying Moderatti speak by Loxley and reflects what they get up to in the exclusive Moderatti section of this website, which is locked well away from "normal" members and is cleaned twice weekly because of the mess on the floor.

 

 

 

"I like the 12 Incher's post # 8698" responded Brine, as I .............

 

 

[Bryon]

know Elratto and poxyloxie have lips that are waiting to be kissed at the BOB

 

"Erky perky" said Mavis, "I would rather kiss a dead possum's moom"

 

This immediately raised the hackles of all the Gumly Gumly RTLs (Right to Lifers)

 

"How dare you desecrate a dead possum" they squealed like a pack of marauding seagulls

 

"You never know where those lips have been"

 

This upset Mavis, who, being fully understanding of the fiddly fi do and possums moom, immediately rose up to her full height, and alighting her used beercan carriage swirled up into the firmament and was henceforth seen only when......