The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

........she was infirm, which was quite often.

 

"The only good possum is a DEAD possum, mumbled Turbo, thinking of all the money those little skins bring in, especially since he'd coined the product name "Australian Mink", and ................

 

 

[Bandit12]

...wondering to himself whether he could start a similar industry using rat skins.

 

"I know what I could call it" he mused, "I could call it Australian.......

 

 

[Captain]

.... Four Skins, as each of El Ratto's was worth 4 possum skins.

 

 

 

With Mavis's departure (on a course of 245 & not above 2000 ft .... as that is all the Can and the Axe were capable of), Nanna moved the mixture of her broom to full rich, cracked the throttle open, threw her leg over the handle and ..........

 

 

[turboplanner]

....is it true that Een slicks his hair down with possum fat, and...................

 

 

[Captain]

...... the Harlot responded as he knows Eeeen well.

 

 

 

"No, that is definitely not true" said Lotti "But he does slick down his hair, & groom other parts of his body, with a fat possum, which he holds by the .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....nuts.

 

He picked this up from Turbo adopted it from his Mentor may years ago when he was having a problem making a sale.

 

"Grab 'em by the balls and their hearts will follow" said the wise old Menotr, who................

 

 

[Captain]

.....nuts.He picked this up from Turbo adopted it from his Mentor may years ago when he was having a problem making a sale.

 

"Grab 'em by the balls and their hearts will follow" said the wise old Menotr, who................

........ was a member of the AUF/RAA Board during the bad old days.

 

 

 

"That has always worked with the membership, who don't care what you do to 'em as long as they can just keep flying"

 

 

 

But at that very moment, there was a flash of light and ..............

 

 

[Captain]

........ Tubb accepted a contract from an unidentified Russian buyer (with the initials VP) to supply the first of a number of 40 ft containers of possum skins which are to be paid for in Bitcoins (even though Tubb's ammo supplier wants payment in the old fashioned $Au).

 

 

 

"While it is unfortunate for the possums around here and they will be crapping themselves (which devalues the skins a bit), this contract is vital to the Aussie, Victorian and Ye Olde Bange Holme economies and it has proven that I am a happening interweb savvy type guy who is getting with the program to move away from them crappy gold based currencies to Bitcoins, which are backed by that more valuable and important commodity, which is .........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

known to have slightly better chances of being able to be converted to a real currency than winning loto.....but Turdy was siting atop the good ship Mt Gox which was supposedly unsinkable and has a captain of impeccable training.....in driving a tractor.... but really what could go possibly go wrong? Turdy in an attempt at due diligence asked to see the captains passport and noticed immediately that the photo looked quite unlike the captain, but he countered that it was old and at a time in my life when I desperately wanted to look like a Tanzanian and the best way of achieving that was to live there....but im over that and quite comfortable now being a Bangit holmer......Seemeed Ok to Turdy and so he turned his inquiring mind to completing due diligence and started to focus on.....

 

 

[Captain]

known to have slightly better chances of being able to be converted to a real currency than winning loto.....but Turdy was siting atop the good ship Mt Gox which was supposedly unsinkable and has a captain of impeccable training.....in driving a tractor.... but really what could go possibly go wrong? Turdy in an attempt at due diligence asked to see the captains passport and noticed immediately that the photo looked quite unlike the captain, but he countered that it was old and at a time in my life when I desperately wanted to look like a Tanzanian and the best way of achieving that was to live there....but im over that and quite comfortable now being a Bangit holmer......Seemeed Ok to Turdy and so he turned his inquiring mind to completing due diligence and started to focus on.....

...... due dili-do.

 

 

 

"Now youze are speaking my lingo" cried Nanna, who also took Bitcoins and Amex, but added 2% for the latter (and had a meeting schedule this afternoon with her accountant to evaluate what will be the surcharge for those that pay with Bitcoins).

 

 

 

"How did you know that my holding company was Mt Gox Possum Skins Inc" asked Turdy who thought that his ownership of Mt Gox Possum Skins Inc was well hidden behind a veil that involved Turdy's Family Trust Inc, Bange it Holme IT Corporation Inc, Moorabbin Horse Racing Syndicate #37 and ............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

numerous other outlaw motorcycle clubs who, it was suggested in hushed tones, were in the process of starting a takeover of the motels and clubs within Wagga Wagga, "Youse'll all be compensated for you loss....those we like will be allowed to live...I mean how good is that!" said the Seargent at arms....that drag by the knuckles on the ground..

 

El-Rat was a bit nonplussed and wanted to suggest that it would be best if the club's focused more on somewhere else...in fact anywhere else would be good but was struggling to think of sentences expressing that concept using words of length not exceeding 4 letters...... Rat was good with 4 letter words, in fact one of the best, but the ones he knew didn't seem to perhaps be the best to use under the circumstances.......

 

 

[Captain]

............ "Poop & another 4-letter word" said Brine "I have shares in MHRS#37, and in BIHITCI and also in Turdy'sFTI, so it looks like my mate (and Financial Advisor) The Turdster's Financial and Marital Advice Pty Ltd, has stitched me up well and good."

 

 

 

"Double poop & another 8 letter word" interjected Ahlox "As I own 49% of The TF&MAP/L, which for tax purposes is located within my selfie-administered Superannualaviation Scheme & was recommended to me by .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

Turbo wishes to advise his investors that there are no worries with the money, he just can'remember where he put it.

 

That really doesn't matter anyway - it's only petty cash now; he shorted Bitcoins on the futures market two months ago and is currently looking through brochures of 40 passenger yachts, and...........

 

 

[Captain]

Turbo wishes to advise his investors that there are no worries with the money, he just can'remember where he put it.That really doesn't matter anyway - it's only petty cash now; he shorted Bitcoins on the futures market two months ago and is currently looking through brochures of 40 passenger yachts, and...........

...... a re-covered Drifter fitted with a reconditioned 40 cc McCulloch.

 

 

 

But there was an elephant in the room, as Turbo's skin is grey and wrinkly, he has big round flat feet, and Turdy had shorted his Bitcoins against a sweet deal offered to him by some bloke in the dunny of a restaurant in Lygon St, where Turbo had bought a job-lot of Qantas and Brown & Roote shares that were in a cardboard box which was a collector's item, having been personally autographed by all of the Morans, Eddie Obied, Christopher Skase, Alan Bond & Nathan Tinkler.

 

 

 

"They'll be OK" said Tubb "As the guy who sold them to me was a real nice bloke, Joycey is the right knome to bring Qantas back to life and Brown&Roote will make a comeback, so based on that advice I doubled down on the shorting and ask you to stick with me, boys and girls NTTIAWWT, until we .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

...feel we might tell you what we're up to. Joycey appointed Turbo to the board of Qantas in return for financing, and Turbo immediately introduced a code of confidentiality. "Tell the shareholders NOTHING!" he said with spit coming out of his mouth, as he had seen at...................

 

 

[Captain]

...... a meeting in Temora a few years ago.

 

 

 

Given recent developments as exposed in the NES, Turbo has today issued the following statement while standing on the steps of Qantas House, which was read to the crowd by his legal advisor.

 

 

 

"Turbo says that your money is in good hands, and based on Vlad's recent sabre rattling Turbo's currency experts had been able to convert the entire holding into Ukrainian Hryvnias as a rate of 9.14 to the Aussie (instead of the usual 8.43657 ..... so we have made a good quid already). "This offers our syndicate a remarkable opportunity to make a killing" said Turdy "Because if Russia invades, the Hryvnia is predicted to go to about 81 to the Aussie and we'll make a 900% windfall. While the entire investment has moved offshore, we further advise that Turdy has been asked to retain his seat on the Board here because of his prowess in the investment community".

 

 

 

At that point some pimply faced Porsche driver wearing a $5,000 Armani suit whispered into Turbo's shell-like and our super sensitive microphones heard Turbo say "...................

 

 

[turboplanner]

'''Get on to Vlad quick and tell him we need a photo shoot of him stripped to the waist and preferably wrestling a bear or a Russian blonde to put a scare into these Crimeans, bevause we know what happened there before when 600 horsemen rode in and all that was left of them after the Crimeans were finished was horse dung"

 

The Porsche driver sidled off in that effeminate way that all Porsche drivers seem to have and..........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

"other way round!!! ......Don't you be telling me about your bonking preferences here and now....Ive got an investment company to run.......and sofar it seems we're only trotting at best! ........I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Monsieur E Paulette who taught me everything I know about investing over a beer...a Pony as I recall cause it lasted less time to drink than it took to Pee it out later.... He's hard to understand when he's drinking and some of what he said went over my head, sounding like the moans that come out of the back of the kingswood panel van that the kids nextdoor seem to use...a lot! But it set me up for the success...on paper...that we have seen sofar........Even more successful than The Rozaus board were at solving the registration backlog by simply stopping the sending out of renewals......and that was a brilliant idea....I guess that means I could use the following superlatives to describe just how good I am...........

 

Blast!! beaten by the Tubs in posting again!

 

 

[Captain]

"I think that Vlad looks HOT on that horsie" said Ahlox "And do you realise that his norks are bigger than Nanna's?" he added, then said "I also think that The Turdster's investment strategy is HOT too, and do you realise that his ......................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Leather pants come from KMart in the Bronx"

 

"Nyet!!!!!" Interrupted Vlad, coming directly on to the internationally famous RF where it was said there were more spits than all of the Texas cattle belt.

 

Vlad had bypassed Just Landed and unlike some cowering officials had decided to defend himself.

 

He said on Russian: Nyet KMart crop! these mades on Rossia, bit hard on crotch but better quality; not good as Comrade Turbo's possum skins, but don't want to draw attention because........

 

 

[Captain]

..... it took 13 possum skins to make Tubb's g-string.

 

"Wow" said Ratty who is a simple soul "Isn't that triffic that the great Vladimir Putitin will come directly onto the NES to be part of the action, but if only........

 

 

[turboplanner]

...he had not set Edgevny to spy on Turbo in his natural habitat.

 

"I'm not a misty gorilla, to be studied at will" said Turbo, and one of my tracker devices went off and who should be looking up my credentials (with the deep cover part blanked out of course, but Edgevny *********.

 

Turbo decided to retaliate by looking up Vlad Putin on Google. "That'll show him" said T [bang bang], and

 

 

[Captain]

....... Turbo looked around to find 2 tranquilizer darts in his ding.

 

 

 

"I feel a bit queasy & light headed" he said "I had better not post too much on Rec Frying until my head clears, lest a few of the haters of Turbo have a field-day criticizing my words of wisdom."

 

 

 

Emmy piped up and said "Just head back into the mist, make a nest of leaves and ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

......" he continued with a dictum the size of Ecclesiasteses, only to be answered in a nanosecond by a 36 page discourse by Daffy Oilofulan which began "in the beginning...." and went on to link Emmy's statement to the early days of the AUF when certain chord lengths.......

 

 

[Captain]

....... were used to calculate where to cut the umbilical chord of those kiddies who were to be left in the bulrushes and subsequently sold into slavery at the AUF for training as Technical Managers, rewriters of the Ops Manual and in other consumable positions, such as .......

 

 

 

 

My Aunt wants to meet Turbo if he does, indeed, have a dictum the size of Ecclesiastes', as ma Tante remembers Ecclesiastes' dictum with great fondness (and fondle, fondue and fondant .... as those were the days when anything went and often did.) (NTTIAWWT).