The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....Member for Farnorth Queensland, not to mention...........

 

 

[Captain]

.... RAA Presidents."

 

 

 

"That's fine for you to say, Turdy" said a woman hysterically from the crowd "But I invested my entire life savings with you, I trusted you, yet you took advantage of my cashed up situation then you used me in that tryst in the back seat of your red 'Vette (and I have to say that that tryst was about as successful as the investments ... plus I can confirm that there is nothing special about your dictum, because Ecclesiastes leaves you for dead). I feel violated and filthy erky perky dirty. Oh, what am I to do?" she sobbed.

 

 

 

"Perhaps consider moving to the Ukraine" replied Turbo with his typical disdain that has at times been evident in this forum "Where I can ensure that you are fully cashed up enough to buy a loaf of bread. Or perhaps think about Coughs Harbour, or Mount Perrier, or maybe ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...even Gooooolwer, where Ed, wait a minute, it couldn't be Edgevny Herringsky could it? This might explain...................

 

 

[Captain]

......... why Turdy has been undercover since the years of the Petrov affair (Turdy was the cause of that "affair" which was consummated in the back seat of a Lada, so he has come a fair way to now be doing to same shameful stuff in the back of his red Vette), why his name is really Tupolev Plannerova, the famous grunting Russian tennis player from the 1950's, why he consults to Kamaz, why he always wears a head-scarf as a disguise and why Tupolev often ..............

 

 

[Captain]

..... invades the country next door, deposes a President or 2 (bye, bye Rod), can often be seen drinking Vodka and yelling "Yo Ho Ho" in a slow Cossack chant at the BangeHolme Pig & Whistle, where he also ......

 

 

[Bryon]

...is secretary of the Bang-it-home CWA Fairy Cake Sub-committee which......

 

 

[turboplanner]

....you might think makes great Fairy Cakes, but in a moment of weakness brought on the the mad hatters' tea parties in the threads relating to the leaking of the resignation of the invisible president, and why we should move the RAA head office to Grubbsville, even thought we might not have an Association to move, Turbo has become sufficiently distract to tell NES readers (and please don't pass this on) that the Fairy Cake Sub-committee is responsible to the Committee for the defence of Russian embassy staff which is responsible to the Upper Committee of the Chosen, of which Matty (who adopted the Africaaner technique of "y"ing his name to avoid any conclusions that he was a bastard, which which was ultimately responsible to the Ultimate Committee for the preservation of Farn Orth Queensland, whose president is none other than Madge himself, who needn't bother "y"ing becaise we all know he's a @#&* anyway.

 

Now readers will have noticed that Madge has been unusually quiet lately (thank goodness), after making veiled references to signing a secrecy agreement in order to keep his board lemonade priviledges, but Turbo can advise that Vladdy told him to stop playing around and get on with his preservation duties for CoFoNoQ. Faced with some real work, Madge has decided to become a priest (which probably is a good indicator of how desperate the catholics have become, and is hiding out in Atherton where......

 

 

[Captain]

..... there reside some real good looking young RAA members.

 

 

 

"Hold up there chaps and chapettes, and sorry to be a Butinski while you are all solving the problems of the world" said Ahlox of the Magnificentti Moderatti, but I am compelled to acknowledge that Turdy has just set the record, and won the award, for the longest sentence ever posted on Wreck Flying (see the 1st bit of his post #8732) .............. so congratulations Tink, and now back to the matters at hand, when Ratty was bemoaning the fact that nobody of any religious persuasion has ever tried to crack on to him.

 

 

 

"I need counselling" responded Ratpoo "As I was a good looking young lad and I feel neglected" Although El Rato was in fact made to feel much better when a clean cut middle aged chap with a Mitch Johnson type moustache tried to take him for a coffee in the days before the G & L Mardi Gras while Ratso was sitting in Martin Place waiting to meet with his lawyer.

 

 

 

"I feel much better now" he added "As while I am not gay, or even a bit happy, at least I know that I am not completely unattractive."

 

 

 

This made Turdy and Salty sit up and take notice, and even the 12 Incher showed .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

...why you should never start a sentence with a proposition, or.......................

 

 

[Captain]

........ a predisposition, a predilection, a predication, a prerequisite, a prerogative, a prejudice, a pregnancy, a prefabricated preface, a predecessor, a prediction or premeditation, or a .........

 

 

[Captain]

........ a predisposition, a predilection, a predication, a prerequisite, a prerogative, a prejudice, a pregnancy, a prefabricated preface, a predecessor, a prediction or premeditation, or as .........

...... Ahlox well knows, you should never have a predeliction to lick anything if you don't know precisely where it has been. This is the safety message that is preached at the Blue Oyster every night, even though it means that Ahlow himself will miss out on a bit of a ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......tongue lashing.

 

Turbo had become increasingly concerned about cars following him, and fat eastern Europeans following him up and down the aisles at Coles, so he bought one of those gutless $38,000 Chrysler 300's, a black one, fitted some dark tint and chrome bits, had his shoulder tattooed and was able to fit seamlessly into the gang of standover thugs which hang around his favourite coffee shop each morning waiting for their assignments. Only problem was that Turbo was given an assignment to look into some of the lucrative activities going on in the city of Two Waggas, not to mention it's Oyster Bar, so.............

 

 

[Captain]

........... Turbo prepared for his journey to Wagga Wagga via Gumly Gumly & Book Book.

 

 

 

He quickly added a neck tattoo which included a swastika that was tattooed upside down and backwards, the Victorian Coat of Arms, the insignia of the Carlton football club, a copy of Ron Walker's signature, a copy of the Kamaz logo and the directions of how to get from Bange-It-Holme to Holbrook printed backwards so that he could read them in the mirror of the Chrysler, however there was a snag when the bouncer at the BOB stepped into his path and hit him in the side of Turdy's knee with his truncheon.

 

 

 

"Ow" said the Turbster "You have a lovely truncheon."

 

 

 

"Sorry Tink" replied Bouncy "We don't let old pharts in here who have neck tattoos or who twirl Chrysler 300 keys in the sussy manner that you do, but we could ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"..........send you of to Ratso's Retreat where little gnomes hand out sweets, and there are bible readings..............................."

 

 

[Captain]

.......... where the Old Testament is the JabaRooter 3300 Engine Manual and the New Testament involves readings from the ECi Titan 340CC Manual, particularly the bits about 180 hp, the new magnesium accessory case that accepts a spin-on oil filter, the inclusion of a new thermostatic oil cooler bypass valve (vernatherm) as standard equipment in 2014 and the fact that these improvements reduce net engine weight by 1.5 pounds. Hallelujah brother Turdy.

 

We then continue the reading about how the carburettor on the 340CC engine gets a new fuel nozzle designed to improve vaporization and distribution of the fuel/air mixture to all cylinders ..... and we almost cream our jeans and cassocks (not Cossacks) when we read the psalm about the new nozzle employing a proprietary "perforation pattern" that promotes even circulation of the mixture, thereby increasing consistency of exhaust gas temperatures (EGT) and cylinder head temperatures (CHT) at cruise and higher power settings. By leveling EGT and CHT, the 340CC engine runs more efficiently, smoothly and produces increased power.

 

 

 

Wowee, raise your arms, shake your knees and sing after Brother Turdy "ECi be praised" .............. but then .............

 

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

....it became clear that GoldenRat was one of the unannointed. You cold give him a Snickers wrapper and he couldn't tell it from the RAA Constitution its very self. (We'll overlook the fact that a few thousand others are in the same boat for the purposes of this story.)

 

Turbo will tried to help the semi literate Rat by interpreting the ancient meanings:

 

"The magnesium accessory case dates back the the Amelai Earhardt case" he said "and it's built of a material that ensures thingys don't disappear, spin-on or otherwise."

 

There were many nods on the forum, and Turbo received seventeen agrees, thirty seven likes and two helpful ratings.

 

"The quote 'By levelling EGT and CHT, the 340 CC (unusually small, but practical) engine runs smoothly and produces more power' was known in Biblical days as a sign of hope" continued Turbo

 

"The photo depicts what appears to be a temple and the use of copper indicates a time era or circa 350 BC. It's mouths have no teeth indicating it has gnashed at some time, and .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

" Oh just a minute.... Hey Jesus, what do you make of this thing?"

 

"I don't know anything about that technical stuff" said Jesus, but it looks is if its legs are in the wrong spot, and there should be a third leg at the front to avoid ground loops; had that problem myself when I was growing up - here have a fish!"

 

Turbotticus nodded his head wisely and made a mental note to pass that information down through the generations until one day someone would find out what this stele really meant, but it was not to be..............................

 

 

[Captain]

...... as the RAOz crowd on Wreck Flying knew full well that these biblical references were being provided by Turdas Iscariot (or Yəhûḏāh as his mates down at the Pig & Chariot pub know him in Hebrew) in his effort to cleanse his guilty conscience after the purchase of his red 'Vette using the proceeds of the 30 pieces of silver that was originally given to him by Pilot (hence the name of the bloke that sits in the left hand seat).

 

 

 

Those 30 pieces if silver had been through 10 different currencies (including the Ukrainian debacle) as part of Turdas Iscariot Investment Co Inc, only to end up as ................

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

yet another line of red ink in the book that contained the P&L statement for Turdas Iscariot Investment Co Inc............But just at that moment monsieur Blank Page wandered into the the NES and said "Has anyone hear got some spare love they could share........That Don fella and that Kaz Lawyer lady seem to be hogging it all to themselves in the serious parts of Eeeen's forums.......Not that I ever got much loving there anyway..........seems the kind and gentle folk here are more atuned to going for the throat! than giving a gentle hug........must be an internet thing cause pilots are never self centered and thinking only of themselves..........

 

 

[Captain]

........must be an internet thing cause pilots are never self centered and thinking only of themselves..........

........... although Pontius Pilates was a flying member of RAOz and liked looking in the mirrors at the gym while he was keeping himself pretty fit. See images below of the workout that is typical of that to which Pontius gave his name:

 

 

 

 

 

 

"So" said Tink "Pontius Pilate the Pilates practitioner & Pilot, eh? You must be a ..................

 

 

[turboplanner]

".....going a little bit blind (as your mother warned you) Rattus as the chap in that photo has dongers, and we know..........."

 

 

[Captain]

".....going a little bit blind (as your mother warned you) Rattus as the chap in that photo has dongers, and we all know..........."

.... that dongas are those portable buildings that miners and construction companies, such as Turdas Iscariot Construction Co Inc, Bedlinen Constructions and El Ratpoo Scrounging & Mining Corp P/L, use to house their most valuable .........

 

 

[turboplanner]

...possessions such as Ferraris, Historic Fire Trucks, and poncy white Suzukis, which.......................

 

 

[Captain]

...possessions such as Ferraris, Historic Fire Trucks, and poncy white Suzukis, which.......................

...... all required those dongas to be locked up competently and securely. How, oh how, are we ever going to find someone who can handle such a task?

 

 

 

"Perhaps just try the yellow pages, as there must be someone down that way" suggested Andy.

 

 

 

"I can rock it up for yez if yez want" volunteered Nobu, who had been away on his annual holidays staying at a caravan park in Parkes.

 

 

 

"Well" said Turdy, "We can always ............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

get Mr AhGetsMyLocksOff to stop and try the reverse..........Bu Ahlo was blunt on the phone...."The reverse, is not possible....sometimes when stuff is taken out its very hard if not impossible to put back..>Why just look at the trouble at RosAus where stuff was put out in the great registration debacle as "communication"........but despite all attempts its been impossible to put it back....... All attempts at putting the Audit findings back in the CASA deep dark hole have failed once the Turdy who was supposed to be maximising investment earnings but was actually looking in dark smelly places.......

 

"Whats wrong with Dark Smelly places??" cried Turdy "Some of my best mates.........